Observable Progress

[FireShadow]

I am noticing observable progress in my development since finding this forum. I thought a thread where we can post our progress might be helpful. If not, please ignore this.

I just thought that it can be a good thing to review and look at how far we have come - it helps keep me encouraged when the work gets hard and I want to give up. It shows me that the techniques learned here are working. Perhaps, others will find it useful as well.

I'll start with:

I have begun to have a life again.

I am now gardening and getting exercise and fresh air. I have wanted and needed to do this for quite some time, I just could not muster the motivation. There seemed "no point" to much of anything. Nowadays it is not so monumental a task, I find myself excited to get out in the garden and "play in the dirt".

I am playing video games a LOT less. Where I used to play several times a week for hours at a stretch, I am now playing maybe once a month and only for about an hour or so. I have not even tried to "limit" myself, I just got so excited and involved in learning that video games just don't hold much allure for me anymore.

I do not get "freaked out" as often by perceived threats in my world (i.e. financial setbacks, etc) nor do the "freak-outs" I do have last as long as previously. My hubbie has noticed this as well.

I am gaining a small measure of mastery over my "knee-jerk" reactions to Christians who try to convince me to Believe.

I am more able to "let go" more often.

I am not saying that I have achieved anything close to mastery and success, but I can actually see some progress. It is encouraging.

Have others experienced observable progress that they would like to share?

 

[Buddy]

Have others experienced observable progress that they would like to share?

I left home today and went to three different locations, covering the perimeter of my town, to pick up some documents and return home. I didn't disassociate or get 'lost in thought' even once. I was able to complete my errands, return home and remember almost every detail of the experience.
As I drove around town, paying attention to everything, including who was behind me, in front of me, etc, I noticed a comparison between the layout of the city and the importance of cleaning my machine. I feel like, if I achieve this cleaning, it will be like having a mind that will be able to consciously navigate a clean, orderly, well connected layout of knowledge (the streets and buildings) while always knowing where I just came from, where I am and where I'm wanting to go - mentally or physically.

The only time I came close to disassociating (as I understand it) or 'lost in thought', I perceived it immediately and chose full focus on the environment instead. The conscious effort to stay focused on my environment seemed to cause the thoughts to fall into the background, but still continue in a coherent manner. I had the experience of two things at once, it seems - the thought process and yet, aware, focused attention on everything around me.

Before this event, my usual pattern is either one or the other, but not both. In other words, either full attention on what's going on around me, or most of my attention disassociated, or lost in thought, preoccupied, or whatever you want to call it.

Anyway, I feel like this was an achievement for me.

 

[Gimpy]

Have others experienced observable progress that they would like to share?

I learned today that its becoming more than a possibility that my hubby will lose his job. This could happen anytime from today to the beginning or end of June.

In the past, this would cause everything from panic attacks to sleeplessness, to obsessiveness in finding employment etc.

Now? Its just an event that, when looking at the signs in the economy, we knew was likely to happen and now appears to be an opportunity to learn new skills and just roll with the events, and get on with living. I'm not panicky, worried, or even relieved that 'the other shoe dropped'.

We'll just do as we do and get on with things. :) This is, for me, a big improvement. I'm not sure I'd call it 'progress'.

 

[Smallwood]

Though for the most part I feel fury at my own slothfulness, I'll report on the positive changes I've noticed.

I rarely engage in feeding the way I used to anymore and I can usually spot it coming a mile away and can take corrective action. I also feel disgusted whenever I find I've "fallen into confluence" (like doing something just because it feels good, even though I should know better), I think that it can work as a fuel to change.

Though it has been hard, I've managed to cut most of my gaming too. The only brainrot I'll embrace are those small Flash games you can't play more than 5-10 minutes once a week without getting bored of them.

I've been meditating a bit and it has produced some positive change, though I should devote way more time to it. I think I dissociate a little bit less frequently because of that.

I also started to keep a journal, as suggested. I've made an observation that what seems to be a matter of high mental anquish one day, tends to look minimal two days later. It is natural I suppose.

Also, I've noticed that quality of my Sleep has changed somewhat, I don't go into such a heavy Sleep that I still used to during the latter half of 2008. I still do it of course, but it is not so deep as it used to be. On the other hand, I experience those higher moments of Awareness less frequently too. I tend to think that if I'm concentrating on one thing (like meditation) in order to be "done with it", so to say, that I'm missing out on the Big Picture.

Those are the changes I've noticed in the last three months. Somewhat less than what I had hoped. I just feel like a rabbit in the headlights whenever I read about the world events. Though I think it is imporant to be up-to-date, I wonder if it would be helpful to refrain from some Sott-reading, or channel more of time I spend doing to other Work-type activity.

 

[gwb1995]

This new thread interests me for two reasons. At first, I was initially drawn into the thought of sharing my own positive results since beginning the work. Then it occurred to me that this might be a trap! I thought that if I start focusing on what I think are 'accomplishments' in the work, though pulled from my memory as thoughts of successes, I would be setting myself up for a feeding opportunity.

This made me think of whether I am doing this work for the right reasons, or if I am doing it to make myself feel good about myself, and yet again allow myself to 'think' I am doing something important. The 'self importance' issue involved with this thread, as I am seeing it, is a real threat to my focus on doing the work I need to do on myself. It has brought back memories of how I used to wait for opportunities to tell everyone who would listen, how great I am and what wonderful things I have accomplished. All are programs related to low self esteem, and are totally fear based, IMO.

As I understand it at this time, I am here to work on learning the lessons that I need to learn in this life, and do all I can to learn those lessons and try to move forward in the process of working on my 'self' and all my little 'I's'. Yes, learning is fun, when I keep myself focused on the purpose of doing the work.

I just see this thread as one that could lead 'me' astray from my focus on the work.

I may be totally missing the point of this thread, and off target 100%.

FWIW,

gwb

 

[ana]

I just see this thread as one that could lead 'me' astray from my focus on the work.

I may be totally missing the point of this thread, and off target 100%.

Hi Gwb,

It seems to me that, to be aware, is also the ability to see our own evolution, otherwise we would not be able to see what really hinders us.
This is also an opportunity for you, as you expose yourself to the possibility that someone do not see what you did as progress or whatever, and from your mutual experiences may arise the truth.

Our ability to seize every moment of our life to learn, is a treasure, and share this treasure is honorable

 

[spyraal]

This made me think of whether I am doing this work for the right reasons, or if I am doing it to make myself feel good about myself, and yet again allow myself to 'think' I am doing something important. The 'self importance' issue involved with this thread, as I am seeing it, is a real threat to my focus on doing the work I need to do on myself. It has brought back memories of how I used to wait for opportunities to tell everyone who would listen, how great I am and what wonderful things I have accomplished. All are programs related to low self esteem, and are totally fear based, IMO.

I just see this thread as one that could lead 'me' astray from my focus on the work.

Hello everyone, GWB,

If nothing else, -and more so since you feel that way!- this thread is IMO a very interesting opportunity to consider. ;) I agree that there are few things that can be as "uncomfortable" for a person trying to do the Work as speaking about his own "progress" and "achievements"! But this challenge can also be a very good opportunity to self-observe and allow others to mirror us on how we deal with this "delicate" task.

And speaking of our personal progress, we should not forget here what G said in the Ouspensky's ISOTM:

"Your principal mistake consists in thinking that you always have consciousness,
and in general, either that consciousness is always present or that it is never present. In
reality consciousness is a property which is continually changing. Now it is present,
now it is not present. And there are different degrees and different levels of consciousness".

and

"If you ask a man whether he can remember himself,
he will of course answer that he can. If you tell him that he cannot remember himself,
he will either be angry with you, or he will think you an utter fool. The whole of life
is based on this, the whole of human existence, the whole of human blindness. If a
man really knows that he cannot remember himself, he is already near to the
understanding of his being."

So in that context, i think that maybe the most important thing is practicing self-observing together with self-remembering, which is much needed for some increased consciousness level to become as permanent and crystallized as possible.
If someone has achieved at least that level of crystallization and permanent consciousens, then maybe that can become some "solid ground" to base our first potentially positive and objective remarks on our progress...
This is a slippery path when we start the Work, as we can easily confuse "flashes" of increased consciousness as something we have achieved for good. It is in these -seldom- times of increased consciousness that one can tell more objectively if his "ordinary" round-the-day "consciousness" is real or not. Then it all comes back to self-remembering again... That is quite a vicious circle to break, but i guess that once it is broken, our progress can become more accumulative and thus more rapid.

All in all, whatever progress we make is only as good as it lasts... So, i think that the idea of any objective and true inner progress has to do with the formation of some permanent internal feature in us. Just my 2cc...

Thank you
:)

 

[manitoban]

Hmm, observable progress? Well, I gotta say that the vast majority of the time when I think that I am making progress, I usually end up getting a shock of one kind or another and abruptly realise that I've actually been asleep and dreaming that I am awake. In other words, the progress is in the realisation that I am not progressing even though I thought I was!

Having said that, yes there are some observable changes. I am much less troubled by many things then I used to be, and don't get angry/anxious etc as easily as I used to. I am able to stand up for myself whereas in the past I wouldn't have had the guts to do so.

The other thing is getting used to depression at times and just taking it in stride instead of panicking. I know now that depression is just a part of the process and suffering is a necessary prelude to growth. So when I am experiencing that, although it hurts just as much as it ever did, there is a small part of me that is now able to observe and so there is not so much a feeling of "make it stop", as "here is an opportunity to grow and learn."

 

[FireShadow]

I am glad to be reminded of the danger of self-importance getting involved. I did not even think of that when starting this thread!

I was thinking that it is important to test and evaluate techniques and knowledge being used. To evaluate is to look at the results. How else do we know if a technique works or not? And, I think (IMHO) that we need to look at successes as well as failures. To view only one side of the equation does not seem very objective to me.

If the results are not in line with the aim, then we need to evaluate our own performance of those techniques - make sure we were "doing it properly" before abandoning the techniques. (networking helps here)

And if we are getting results in line with our aim, we know we are "on the right path" (in terms of our aim). Without seeing "successes", I am left with "faith" that the techniques work...that just does not work well for me. I am not so good with faith.

The trick is to not get caught up in "patting ourselves on the back" for a job well done (is the job ever done?). To get caught up in self-aggrandizement is to fall back asleep - and therefore no longer being on the path...a failure (as it were).

In posting "observable" progress, I was also trying to stay in the objective mode versus subjective (where I imagine I "got it now" because of some intellectual understanding). For me at least, it is so easy to come to an intellectual understanding and then think I have it "figured out". Observable behaviors are my test for that. For example if I imagine that I have it all figured out, but my life and behavior remains the same as always, what have I really learned?

On a final note, it seems that success in any endeavor is dependent on two things:

1. Having good information and reliable techniques to work with. (Discernment needed here - hence the evaluative process).

2. And, an ability/willingness to apply the knowledge/techniques.

 

[PepperFritz]

Fireshadow:

For what it's worth, I don't see any problem with your having initiated this thread. This forum is here for the purpose of networking and feedback, and how are you to get that if you do not talk about what you are doing, thinking, and feeling regarding the Work? It seemed clear to me that you were talking about (and encouraging others to talk about), ways in which you thought you could see measurable change in yourself, and inviting feedback about that from other members.

I think that gwb's caution about self-importance and over-estimating oneself is also valid, as it is something to bear in mind whenever you think you might be winning the battle against "IT". I don't think he was implying that there was any problem with this thread and/or the idea of monitoring one's "progress" (and regressions, of course!); only that it represented a temptation towards self-importance and self-delusion for himself. If that is not the case, then it could be argued that projecting one's own issues/motivations onto others is pretty subjective in nature, and that holding up one's own avoidance of self-importance as an example, would be a rather, well, self-important thing to do....

For myself, I know that being able to see some "progress" in my efforts in the Work helps to keep me engaged with it, not matter how tempting it might be to throw up my hands in horror at my own behaviour, and simply give up. They may be only teeny-tiny baby steps, and seem quite insignificant when faced with the enormity of the Work to be done, but I think it's important to acknowledge those small movements forward. It also gives me great comfort to know that as long as I talk honestly and openly with the group about the Work, they will always be there to point out my subjectivity, self-importance, self-delusion, etc. when "IT" raises its ugly head....

 

[theos]

...... when "IT" raises its ugly head....

Speaking of "IT"...I've taken to referring to myself as "IT" during times of stress and negative emotions (when I can remember of course). For example, I've said things to myself such as "IT is feeling insecure and stupid right now so IT's trying to avoid attending this meeting" or "IT is feeling sorry for itself because IT has nothing to do on a Friday night." I then think back on times when I've felt that way before and why I felt that way. Referring to myself as IT has helped with non-identification and recognizing when programs are kicking into gear. This practice has usually been sucessful in stopping a program before it gets away from me. As time goes by, I'm getting better at seeing my programs.

 

[gwb1995]

Hello All,

I just want to make sure everyone understands my last post to this thread. I was voicing my thoughts about how this thread was affecting me personally. I was not trying to attack this concept in any way, but wanted to share how it had affected me in my thinking and what that entailed for myself.

My choice of words may not have been as clear as I thought they were. I do think that the possibility of getting lost in allowing myself to 'pat myself on the back' as it were, would be a mistake for me at this point. I am not discounting anything for anyone else, just being honest with myself.

gwb

 

[FireShadow]

Hello All,

I just want to make sure everyone understands my last post to this thread. I was voicing my thoughts about how this thread was affecting me personally. I was not trying to attack this concept in any way, but wanted to share how it had affected me in my thinking and what that entailed for myself.

My choice of words may not have been as clear as I thought they were. I do think that the possibility of getting lost in allowing myself to 'pat myself on the back' as it were, would be a mistake for me at this point. I am not discounting anything for anyone else, just being honest with myself.

gwb

Hi gwb,
I did not myself think that you were attacking this thread or criticizing it. I realize you were talking of your own personal situation.

And, I am glad you posted as it reminded me of the need for caution in my evaluative process. Even when I do not intend self-aggrandizement, it seeps in.

Even though you were only posting as regards yourself, it served as a reminder to me that even though I see value in the evaluation of results (including successes), I need to remember not to slide over into using it for self-aggrandizement.

I think Pepperfritz said it quite well:

(bolded mine)

I think that gwb's caution about self-importance and over-estimating oneself is also valid, as it is something to bear in mind whenever you think you might be winning the battle against "IT". I don't think he was implying that there was any problem with this thread and/or the idea of monitoring one's "progress" (and regressions, of course!); only that it represented a temptation towards self-importance and self-delusion for himself. If that is not the case, then it could be argued that projecting one's own issues/motivations onto others is pretty subjective in nature, and that holding up one's own avoidance of self-importance as an example, would be a rather, well, self-important thing to do....

For myself, I know that being able to see some "progress" in my efforts in the Work helps to keep me engaged with it, not matter how tempting it might be to throw up my hands in horror at my own behaviour, and simply give up. They may be only teeny-tiny baby steps, and seem quite insignificant when faced with the enormity of the Work to be done, but I think it's important to acknowledge those small movements forward. It also gives me great comfort to know that as long as I talk honestly and openly with the group about the Work, they will always be there to point out my subjectivity, self-importance, self-delusion, etc. when "IT" raises its ugly head....

For me, acknowledging my successes does not mean I am "winning the war", only that I am making some (however small) progress. For me, it is more a validation of the knowledge/techniques I am using. Many years ago, I was working hard on myself, but could not see "observable progress" and so "gave up completely" in a fit of rage. I despaired of ever being able to overcome my programs/issues. To be able to renew a path of self-development and to be able to actually see "observable progress" is for me a great thing. It is a cause for hope.

 

[Al Today]

With what I am about to "say", i dunno if it can be called "progress", but at the least this is a helluva coincidence. Before 2002 I didn't know the meaning of the word esoteric. I have ALWAYS known that there is something really going on this BBM that I did not understand. I did know that what I have been "taught" all my life was trash. I have "searched" for clues all my life without any meaningful direction. Bits and pieces everywhere, but nothing substantial. I do understand why & how many, many people on this BBM are confused, even ignorant, if I may. It must have been in the plan to confuse, control, divide and conquer. The Evil Magician story just blew me away. In 2002 I finally had the opportunity to come across Laura's work and have been getting closer, I think. At least I think the path is becoming more clear. Now for the meter of progress since 2002. My mother has died. My father (now) is practically an invalid. My sister is a mental & physical wreck. My body is falling apart. Massive quantities of disks (spine & neck) herniating/degenerating/disintegrating, enough arthritis in my hip to warrant a hip replacement, had a practically "dead" gall bladder removed, and more... And I'm only 52 years young. All this downhill activity has PROGRESSED since I start researching information based on principles I've learnt here. I'm never going to be the same. I am NOT the person I was prior to 2002. And will "see" what happens. So is this all progress, coincidence or attacks against my Celtic blood? Like I said before I just dunno... Thank you all for bearing with me...

 

[gwb1995]

With what I am about to "say", i dunno if it can be called "progress", but at the least this is a helluva coincidence. Before 2002 I didn't know the meaning of the word esoteric. I have ALWAYS known that there is something really going on this BBM that I did not understand. I did know that what I have been "taught" all my life was trash. I have "searched" for clues all my life without any meaningful direction. Bits and pieces everywhere, but nothing substantial. I do understand why & how many, many people on this BBM are confused, even ignorant, if I may. It must have been in the plan to confuse, control, divide and conquer. The Evil Magician story just blew me away. In 2002 I finally had the opportunity to come across Laura's work and have been getting closer, I think. At least I think the path is becoming more clear.

Al Today,

I came across the material about one year after you did and I didn't no what esoteric was either at that time. I didn't know a lot of anything then, especially when it pertains to knowledge of the 'self', and the PTB. I could never accept the lies or status qou stories that we have all been constantly feed over time, but just couldn't put it together. It is a masterfully successfully plan that has been in place for all of us to be consumed.

Now for the meter of progress since 2002. My mother has died. My father (now) is practically an invalid. My sister is a mental & physical wreck. My body is falling apart. Massive quantities of disks (spine & neck) herniating/degenerating/disintegrating, enough arthritis in my hip to warrant a hip replacement, had a practically "dead" gall bladder removed, and more... And I'm only 52 years young. All this downhill activity has PROGRESSED since I start researching information based on principles I've learnt here. I'm never going to be the same. I am NOT the person I was prior to 2002. And will "see" what happens. So is this all progress, coincidence or attacks against my Celtic blood? Like I said before I just dunno... Thank you all for bearing with me...

I am not sure at all how to answer your questions/observations. I think that you are being totally subjective in your comments. It is as if you are wanting to place blame on what has happened in your life on the Cass material and information. Am I correct in my thoughts here? Maybe I am miss reading your post, but that is what I am getting from you post.

FWIW,

gwb