Observable Progress

Hi, Nomad

" Now i'm frantically searching for true love. Honestly i don't know what will i say to my future girlfriend that i'm doing the Work."
>"if that doesn't bring up 'warning flags' in your mind, then perhaps it should?
You might find the following threads useful food for thought:
Frustration with wishful thinking
Partner's love in my life"

Having not thought through this aim of mine - i will elaborate on suggested threads, thank you, Nomad! - , for the moment i found the best answer: "What will i say to my future girlfriend that i'm doing the Work"? The last two words of Fulcanellis Le Mystére des Cathedrales seem to fit perfectly:

KEEP SILENT
 
okay. Now, if this is ok, I have a couple of further questions you might want to ask yourself while looking through those threads, especially in regard to how this relates to the Work:

Your answer seems to imply that finding this hypothetical future girlfriend is higher up your priority list than associating with those doing the Work (y'know, if you would have to 'keep silent'). This is fine, you choose your own priorities, but you might want to observe yourself and see if it is true. If you are 'frantically searching for true love', (as it would seem by these threads many are), is there anything wrong with this picture, and how does this fit your priorities for life?

Is it possible that the 'true love' you speak of will not actually be possible while you are in a state of 'frantically searching' for it - that narcissistic wants will interfere with this process? Also, that this state might cause you to seek out and settle for something else, some substitute or 'trophy relationship', that could undermine your potential in the Work and/or undermine the possibility of 'true' true love, perhaps kidding yourself about what you are doing in order to attempt to fulfill this perceived 'frantic' need? It is a good opportunity to look inside and try to see what your real priorities are.
 
GB said:
FireShadow,

I hope this helps:
QFG helped raise my awareness, to try be critical, i have learnt more from them since ~2004 than both from my parents since 1972. Used QFG info to improve my life and i could help them back. As a narcissist i had & have problems with sexuality, self-trust, self-worth. The recommended psychology books gave me invaluable help.
Dietary advices and hi-tech devices discussed on sott.nett made me healthy again. I still have a lot of incertitude in my actions and inability to accept criticism and my obscene spirit-attachments to overcome, these i have to fight myself, because they are my real enemy. I have lost approx. 85% of my sex appetite - years ago i couldn't concentrate, because i had all hundred percent. Now i'm frantically searching for true love. Honestly i don't know what will i say to my future girlfriend that i'm doing the Work.

You gave me an opportunity for feedback, i thank you sincerely.

Robert
Click to expand...

I'm glad that your brief time with QFS was helpful to you.
 
Hi Nomad,

"Your answer seems to imply that finding this hypothetical future girlfriend is higher up your priority list than associating with those doing the Work"
Those doing the Work are lowest on my priority list and i'm blind & emotionally out of control now seeking a girl, in a mentally deranged fervor! I think latent hysteria and inscience made me use the word "frantic", splashing through the English language like a pig through mud.

Merely reading about love and real emotions in the recommended psychology books - now i'm at Trapped in the Mirror p.124.- i realized that the easiest way to revive emotions would be to go into the forest with a biggish net. Capture a girlfriend, clutch her long hair and drag her into my cave and experiment on the broad! One rule game: try to be as normal, compassionate and naturally mellow toward her, as the ideal man from a normal family, who is capable of real affection and love.

How else can a narcissist re-learn emotions if not trying to behave normally, affectionately, lovingly toward a person who is intimate and nearest to him?

I directly asked my mother for this in the childhood years: She sitting on the carpet, squirming perceptively, clutching at the fabric with her toes, balling her fists, forcing out a whining sound from her lungs, answered: I CAN'T..!

The question was: "why can't you love me, hug me or at least touch me and cherish me as my godmother does with her same age boys?"



Robert
 
GB said:
Those doing the Work are lowest on my priority list
Click to expand...

Then, perhaps, this forum is not where you should be spending your time?

GB said:
and i'm blind & emotionally out of control now seeking a girl, in a mentally deranged fervor! I think latent hysteria and inscience made me use the word "frantic", splashing through the English language like a pig through mud.
Click to expand...

Have you considered seeing a mental health professional?

GB said:
Merely reading about love and real emotions in the recommended psychology books - now i'm at Trapped in the Mirror p.124.- i realized that the easiest way to revive emotions would be to go into the forest with a biggish net. Capture a girlfriend, clutch her long hair and drag her into my cave and experiment on the broad! One rule game: try to be as normal, compassionate and naturally mellow toward her, as the ideal man from a normal family, who is capable of real affection and love.
Click to expand...

It is difficult to tell if you are joking - hopefully you are. If you are not, then please explain this rather misogynistic and bizarre paragraph. Even if you are joking, do you consider this appropriate?

GB said:
How else can a narcissist re-learn emotions if not trying to behave normally, affectionately, lovingly toward a person who is intimate and nearest to him?

I directly asked my mother for this in the childhood years: She sitting on the carpet, squirming perceptively, clutching at the fabric with her toes, balling her fists, forcing out a whining sound from her lungs, answered: I CAN'T..!

The question was: "why can't you love me, hug me or at least touch me and cherish me as my godmother does with her same age boys?"

Robert
Click to expand...

Robert, at this point, I'm afraid that a public forum has a very limited capacity in addressing such issues. There is a frenetic quality to your posts that makes it rather difficult to continue the discussion.
 
GB said:
Those doing the Work are lowest on my priority list and i'm blind & emotionally out of control now seeking a girl, in a mentally deranged fervor! I think latent hysteria and inscience made me use the word "frantic", splashing through the English language like a pig through mud.

Merely reading about love and real emotions in the recommended psychology books - now i'm at Trapped in the Mirror p.124.- i realized that the easiest way to revive emotions would be to go into the forest with a biggish net. Capture a girlfriend, clutch her long hair and drag her into my cave and experiment on the broad!
Click to expand...
surely you must realise the disturbing picture that conjures up?

One rule game: try to be as normal, compassionate and naturally mellow toward her, as the ideal man from a normal family, who is capable of real affection and love.

How else can a narcissist re-learn emotions if not trying to behave normally, affectionately, lovingly toward a person who is intimate and nearest to him?
Click to expand...
Does that not contrast rather sharply with what you just wrote? Would you really consider what you described above as 'normal', and do you really think such a situation would constitute 'intimacy'!? :huh:
 
Hi GW,

Much of what you've written seems to fall in line with 'love addiction'. The term seems off as it's not really love but egotism, but the study of it may be helpful.

LOVE ADDICTION... WHAT IS IT? WHO GETS IT? And WHY?
by Brenda Schaefer[/quote]
What is love addiction?
Love addiction is any unhealthy attachment to people, euphoria, romance or sex in an attempt to get needs met. Psychologically, love addiction is a reliance on someone external to the self in an attempt to heal past trauma, get unmet needs fulfilled, avoid fear or emotional pain, solve problems, fill our loneliness and maintain balance. The paradox is that love addiction is an attempt to gain control of our lives, and in so doing; we go out of control by giving personal power to someone outside ourselves. Addictive love is an attempt to satisfy our developmental hunger for security, sensation, power, belonging, and meaning. Love addiction is very often associated with feelings of “never having enough” or “not being enough.” None of us got everything we needed in just the way we needed it in our developmental history. We literally walk around with holes in our psyche and look for others to fill those holes.

No matter how it plays out, we unconsciously look to others to “fix” our fear, pain, and discomfort and tolerate or inflict abusive behaviors in the process. We use and abuse. This other can be any important person in our life that we unconsciously hook up with: a child, a parent, a friend, a boss, a spouse, and a lover. Or, as in romance or sexual compulsion, it can be someone we don’t even know personally. In sex addiction it can be a pornographic image. It can be as mild as a codependent relationship or as lethal as a fatal attraction.
Click to expand...
 
Hi all,

Thanks for starting this thread ... have been around for a little while and have been musing about "progress" as well.

Some days I feel I have made slight progress, and then the next day I catch myself "sleeping" - or "thinking I am waking up, but still asleep" (as manitoban said). I have acquired a lot of Knowledge in my time here - but Understanding? As Buddy mentionned, I am able to stay in the present more often - but by now way constantly, so I guess that is a start ...

And I had a funny experience the other day looking at myself in a physical mirror: I realized, that I was avoiding my own gaze and when I forced myself to look into my own eyes I saw different faces flick by - my other little "I"s? I can tell you this raised all my hairs on my back.

Another "littel victory" over my Personality was ... I wrote an email that was not very thoughtfull. But once you hit that SEND button, you can't get it back. I felt it was the first time I could tell myself that it was a stupid thing to do - but then let it go ... and look into the "mirror" ... what exactly happened here? Normally I get upset about myself and withdraw, shut it off and go back to sleep - this time I was able to just keep going.

You may think that this is not much - well, it was for me. And in this way, I'll continue to trod on ...

My heartfelt thanks to all of you contributing to this forum.
 
I wasn't going to reply to this thread since my observable progress is that I no longer feel the need to answer such questions to show off how very 'clever' I am.

Difficult to communicate that sort of thing without ironically shooting oneself in the foot. :-[

But then I was thinking the other day that it's perhaps less about my actual progress than it is about recognising that this is such a terrible place for 'feeding'. We'll see...
 
I used to have a self-stifling attitude of "negatively slanted indifference" towards existence, simultaneously held and internally "competing" with all else.

No doubt influenced by long-held similar attitudes and ideas of ultimate meaninglessness from years ago, I've been long-arrived at and from time to time reinforcing (with new thinking from new perspectives - the last time incorporating the cosmology discussed in the materials 'round here) the obvious conclusion that everything is ultimately, in the very end meaningless - and stopped there, and proceeded to attribute this meaninglessness to things at a smaller level, too.

Yes, from the very outmost level, everything proceeds arbitrarily and objectively speaking meaninglessly. However, keeping in mind the idea of many levels, and their relations to each other, and how in relation to us, the cosmos is objective - it follows that likewise, in relation to us, meanings belonging to the same level as does the cosmos should be objective, too - and such are the meanings, or "goals", of STO and STS. And trying to exceed this level-boundary with one's thinking and using this as a basis for an evaluation of the meaning of existence amounts to (mentally) attempting to put oneself on a level with the All, which is quite counter-productive and STS-y.

Also, constricting one's experience of existence in such a way (emotionally stifling it) amounts to contracting one's Being and one's experience of what is - quite incompatible with the STO ideal of an expansive existence and joy in the same. A perfectly STS attitude, as a matter of fact.


Correcting this long-seated attitude of mine has not been enough to wake up my emotional center, which is still deep-asleep. But the subtle but previously oft-present bitterness towards it All is gone.
 
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