Observable progress?
When I saw this thread, I wondered if I could come up with a list of things that are at least different in me that are likely a direct result of studying and applying the Cassiopaean material about a year ago.
Some of these things might be just personal changes and development. Or are these maybe necessary steps for some newbies like me in order to have a chance to start esoteric work on themselves?
Does this spark some thoughts, comments, warnings from others? Maybe someone can identify with some of these experiences I have had?
Breton's top 10 Things Changed since finding Cassiopaean/QFG material to study about 1 year ago:
1. Detachment:
I am identifying less and less with my roles and with my thoughts and ideas. So far, I conclude that any role in this life is better understood as a character that one plays in this matrix "game". Sometimes the engineer, husband, or father does good, and sometimes it screws up. I am neither elated for the former, nor anguishing any more at the latter. None of these roles are my real "I", whatever that is. I just observe them. I try to learn from the outcomes. Life is one big school. When I inevitably slip up, for example, when I get angry at my wife or kids, then I suppose that the identification has happened again. I am only elated nowadays, when I observe myself enough to stop the identification, and there is not any need for the negative emotions to be displayed.
2. I am more "in the present" than before:
I still dissociate when driving and doing mundane tasks, but maybe half the time or more I am remembering to be conscious of even the smallest details.
3. Sacred cows:
During 2008 I added religious and spiritual preconceptions to my list of things to let go of. In the years preceding 2008 I was studying the world and found myself trashing one preconception after another. However these preconceptions were were political, economic, medical, nutritional, educational, and historical (etcetera) preconceptions. None of these were in the spiritual realm of souls, and I think I was king of hoping my search for Truth would not lead me to question my spiritual beliefs that I carried from childhood. (Christian related beliefs). I am on guard about the danger of replacing one belief system with another, because after all, I was conditioned for years to "just believe in something" like a little child. Nevertheless I discovered my desire is to let go of any rock of belief, and instead have the faith to be able to swim down the river! Instead of believing things I am told, I will now let all things be a hypotheses that should be modified when good new data is encountered.
4. Trying to identify my I's:
I have tried practise identifying different false I's of the personality, and observe them when they act. I have even given names to a couple of stronger and recurring I's. It seems more recapitulation here could be useful. Some people call them IT's on this forum.
5. Less need for entertainment, or escape:
I actually WANT to be in the real world more and more! I probably spent a lot of time in escape, but now I indulge very little in fantasizing, or doing something for purely escapism, or entertainment. Dumping escapism was never a goal, it was just a side effect I noticed from the new way in which my thoughts have gone this past year. However, when I look at something or read something for entertainment, I do it with a far different eye. I am looking now for relations in the entertainment to the real world of STS/STO, feeding, psychopathy and such, rather than escapism and dissociation. Sometimes I try if see if I can detect messages that even the artists are not necessarily aware of, that might be influenced from higher density STS or STO beings. Things I detect might turn out to be entirely my imagination, but I like the way it pushes my brain in new ways though.
6. External consideration:
The instinct for everyone is to share new experiences and knowledge but I soon found that most people are not asking for this information, at least not with genuine interest and an open mind, and it is absolutely imperative I be careful in what I say or else there is quite a bit of conflict and waste of energy. It would only be for fuelling my self-importance (internal consideration) to force my ideas on anyone, as many others have commented in this forum.
Furthermore, you can say that upon this "beginning waking up" I discovered that I was in a marriage, a career, and a religion, all of which if I had this knowledge years ago, I doubt I would be in any of them. However, this is where I find myself now, the place where I am "waking up" and commitments and responsibilities demand that I practise external consideration constantly. I am where I am, and this is where I can do the Work. At least for now, unless something changes and so I must then conclude that a big change needs to be consciously made in my life. However, for now, if I left these situations, where would I really go in this world to do the Work? No matter where one goes, one is still in prison! No matter what one does, one is still part of an STS system and one is pretending to be a good participant! Thus one must learn all one can in the current circumstances, because one is there for a reason, and probably there are unlearned lessons awaiting. This is all one big school.
7. Commitment to work on the self:
It seems the veil of illusions and lies has been pushed aside a little by my own studies up to one year ago, and then (exponentially?) greater amount after reading quite a bit of Laura's and the QFG's work. However this goal of mine, to push aside the veil of illusions, has led me to believe that I cannot expect much progress without working on myself. This is probably crucial to understand the lessons of this life, that I must observe and see the lies that I tell myself. I am supposing that this is the esoteric work to create the magnetic center. I just read ISOTM (In Search Of The Miraculous) and I have some clue now just what a HUGE job one has ahead of himself to learn his machine, (Gurdjieff was brutal) and so I feel daunted - I may never learn it the way I would like to in this lifetime! For now I am not letting it bother me, instead I am being satisfied with whatever baby steps I can take at my own pace, and revelling in every little tiny freedom from illusions and lies I can get in the time I have left!
8. More accepting attitude towards people and myself:
When I look at people acting around me, I often think "well that is his/her program running in their reaction machine". I notice when I think that way, I cannot really get annoyed with them or judge them because they are naturally acting from automatic processes set up during their life and they have not developed true will. Further, if I detect that it is an attack kind of program that is running, I take measures to protect myself without wasting anger on the person who is merely the conduit of the attack. I try to remind myself that the same thing applies to me, and I must improve my self-remembering skills to try identify the programs, and hopefully identify what kind of influences were responsible for them (for example esoteric work talks about A and B influences, which I do not yet quite grasp.)
9. Attempting to see STS & STO:
I am trying to identify signs of STS interactions (feeding, manipulating) and STO interactions. This is quite hard. However I thought that at least with interactions with close ones I think I might like to try to encourage interactions that seem more like STO (asking without expectation), and try to minimize those interactions that seem to be STS (that involves manipulation somehow). However, maybe I should not to be too ambitious: one probably has to be satisfied with mere observations for a long time before making any attempts to change anything.
10. I feel like living again:
Ok it is not quite as dramatic as it sounds, I mean, reading this material did not bring me back from the brink! However, before 2007 I pretty much longed for death. I did not ever imagine suicide, I just wished God would take me away. I believe the main reason was that I was trapped with a mental abuser as a partner and did not yet know a way out. Maybe it is important to mention the subconscious life attitude I had because of the religious belief system from my childhood because it taught that I was saved from eternal damnation as long as I held the faith in Jesus' redemption work. Therefore, in essence, life was really not much more than just a "danger of falling" out of a blessed condition! (what a mind bender that is!)
When I realized I had the power to stop the mental abuse, I found a reason to like life again, it was really something. However, in 2008, when I started to read this material, and I really considered that in all likelihood the "purpose of life is lessons", lessons for the soul you could say, and likely not about "being saved", then suddenly it meant that every breath I take in this physical realm is a gift of a potential lesson! I am humbled and privileged to have gained even this little bit of understanding of my existence in the past year. Every task, every challenge, every relationship, is an opportunity for growth now!
Additional comment on the wave:
Let me add one comment about anticipation of the Wave. I am quite thankful the C's revealed something about its coming. I look forward to the possibility of a new adventure in 4th Density, if not when the Wave crests, then hopefully sometime after the lessons of 3D are finished after some future incarnation. However, I hope that I have enough awareness by the time the Wave comes to be able to recognize SOMETHING about this truly momentous event! Although the C's would not reveal all the mysteries surrounding the wave, it seems that the people that are very firmly rooted in their illusions, might miss out on it completely. Or so it seems!
Disclaimer to new readers of this forum: as I said I am quite new, so I what I wrote is my personal experiences so far, and will not likely reflect the depth of understanding the more experienced members would have about these areas.
_Breton_
