Ominous said:
I don't know if this is too personal a topic for the forum, but I have no one else to speak to about this. I am literally on the cusp of ending an 8 year relationship/family unit...and my heart is breaking.
Hi Omnius,
the most important thing to know is that you're not alone. As proved before, people in this forum
are great in support and advices. If nothing else, being aware how there's someone out there
willing to listen carefully - means a world of difference, when it comes to times like this.
I had my share in going through a painful separation, when my baby was only 4 months old.
And no matter what I've experienced before in my life, and all the painful experiences
which followed after - I still find that period as the hardest of it all. And what made it so
painful was the fact how it was not just about me, but about my child's future at stake.
It's impossible and it would be very dangerous to advise you to go a certain way about this,
cause, as said before, none of us here have all the informations needed for such conclusions.
And even if we did have those, still, it's up to you to decide how you want to live your life.
I know it's difficult to confront yourself with dying of many dreams one had, about how your life
and life of your kids, your whole family - will be. Facing the opposite and having to choose
between paths you never wished for, for any of you... It is hard and painfull and may seem like a mission impossible.
I know I was devastated and completely lost within my effort to predict what's the best way to go, for my kid, for my husband and for me.
It was killing me and tearing me apart, just like it breaks your heart. You're not alone in that, many of us experienced that
and have a pretty good guess of what you're going through now. Try and take some comfort in that.
Also try to understand how most of the pain comes from letting go of illusions.
I have one suggestion and would really like you to think about it seriously: find some good therapist, which can help you in dealing with all this.
I came to the very bottom before realized how I won't be able to solve the whole thing on my own.
And, I'm not saying you're not able to deal with it, but stating how you have no one to talk to,
and being overwhelmed with emotions - talking to somebody qualified to help you with all this,
if nothing else, to explore and resolve the chaos of your emotions - it could help you a lot.
I'll never forget what my therapist said to me back then: ' I won't tell you what to do,
I'm not gonna influence your decisions of leaving or staying in this marriage. It is not my job to do that.
But I will help you to get better and to stand on your own two feet, so that you can decide then,
what it is that You want to do about it all. '
And it was exactly like that. When I regained my strength and a clear head - the decision was natural and easy.
Cause I could think straight, about it all.
So, take care of yourself and ... whatever you decide, remember - you're not alone ;)
Ivana