Other Women's Experiences

Rosie

A Disturbance in the Force
I would really appreciate some feedback on this issue.

On Thursday at 4pm, whilst I was sitting on my balcony, a man indecently exposed himself to me.
He reappeared the next day and tried to engage me in conversation.

After the shock had subsided I started to recall all the incidents that have happened in my life. In total there has been 11 incidences over the years.

I'm trying to push away the feelings of paranoia by comparing my experiences with those of other women's.
I'm aware that details of such events are a personal matter, so only ask if you would be willing to share the number.

Not to make light of these incidents, (I see them as a product of pathological reality) I'm wondering how to understand in terms of symbolic/theological reality.

Has anyone come to their own conclusions? I'd welcome any ideas no matter how obscure or blunt. :)
 
Rosie said:
Apologies. It might have been better to make the title Other People's Experiences. :-[

I don't know Rosie, I think you're quite right with your original title since in my experience it is quite rare for men to be exposed to - especially in such a threatening manner as you describe. For instance as a male, I can really only remember one occasion when I was 21 and driving along a US highway near Detroit. I was driving a van with one male and two female passengers, a car pulled alongside us with a 40ish male driver naked playing with himself and giggling at us. It was the strangest thing but fortunately as a group it wasn't distressing just really bizarre. Would imagine the single female drivers witnessing the same would feel terrorized and threatened by such sickoes.
 
Rosie said:
I would really appreciate some feedback on this issue.

On Thursday at 4pm, whilst I was sitting on my balcony, a man indecently exposed himself to me.
He reappeared the next day and tried to engage me in conversation.

:huh: Is this person someone you know?

r said:
After the shock had subsided I started to recall all the incidents that have happened in my life. In total there has been 11 incidences over the years.

I'm trying to push away the feelings of paranoia by comparing my experiences with those of other women's.
I'm aware that details of such events are a personal matter, so only ask if you would be willing to share the number.

Not to make light of these incidents, (I see them as a product of pathological reality) I'm wondering how to understand in terms of symbolic/theological reality.

Has anyone come to their own conclusions? I'd welcome any ideas no matter how obscure or blunt. :)

I have no symbolic interpretations personally, some people are just nuts, they get a kick or feel some kind of power by exposing themselves.

My number is one, however, most of the women I know have had this experience at least once, and those who were very young at the time were traumatized and/or shocked unfortunately. I was in my twenties, and when it happened in the bus I stood up and said very loudly what was happening and everyone turned around and saw him, and the bus driver stopped the bus and kicked him out. I think they get a kick from scaring/shocking people, and making fun of them or just showing that you are not afraid but call them out on it, makes them go away I think and might not return to the same spot/person.
 
Sure, has happened to me. I laughed hysterically. Nowadays, if it happened, I'd whip out my camera and take a photo and give it to the police.
 
One time for me too, I was 12 or so and it was at school, the guy was behind an hedge. As the others said, fortunalety I wasn't alone, I think it helps to have someone else to shout together "what is this f**** perverse ?"
 
Twenty some odd years ago I worked in a men's department of a clothing store. Two men came to the counter, one had big ripped, torn jeans on. He managed to maneuver the "item" out of one of the holes so that it laid on the counter. I called for security who came and held him until the Police arrived to haul his happy aZZ off to jail.
I have no clue what those types of men must be thinking, to me they are psychopaths.
 
Forrestdeva
I have no clue what those types of men must be thinking, to me they are psychopaths.
A dear friend of mine's exhusband had this problem--after years of suffering and exploring explanations, knowledge, and options
it appears they found that this is a form of sexual addiction, and like most/all(?) sex addiction the goal is gaining power over others and not
achieving any actual sexual "pleasure." The reaction people have to seeing their penis exposed inappropriately gives them the chemical fix
they are looking for and reinforces a feeling in their minds that they are powerful--("Look how much reaction I can get from doing this simple thing!").
Apparently, exposing oneself, like most forms of sexual addiction, is nearly impossible to cure or control. Undoubtedly, like in all groups of
humans, some sex addicts are psychopaths and many are not, but both groups are harmful, if "only" mentally and emotionally, and are best
avoided and/or reported to the police. Patrick Carnes PhD. has published some enlightening work in this area that is geared towards laymen readers.

Rosie
I'm aware that details of such events are a personal matter,
Actually making them a public matter is important. Victims of a crime should not be ashamed to reveal they are victims--they (and you Rosie) are not at fault.
Perpetuating silence only makes perpetuating the crimes easier. I would definitely record the time and place of the incident and report it to the police.
Good Luck,
shellycheval
 
Sometimes. The other day I was remembering this one: when I was living in Montreal, around the eighties there was a strike of metro and buses one day so while I was waiting thinking what to do (if going to work or not) one man, at the metro station, offered to go with him with his car to the center of Montreal. I was stupid at that time, I said yes. So during the trajectory in the middle of the highway he started playing with himself. Ok, I was shocked. But what can I do? Impossible to open the door. So I reacted as nothing was happening. I remember how difficult it was to do this but I had no alternative. I remember also my fear and how stupid I felt. Then we arrived at the center of the city, I went outside the car and that was finished, this terrible experience. I was remembering this and asking myself: How can you be so ingenue? How can you have accepted to follow a man in his car not knowing him? Why?

I should have take his matriculation number and called the police. I did not do that.

Other times I reacted differently: one day a man show himself in a shopping center. I went to see security. Few years ago I was walking in a very solitary park in Portugal. I was with my dogs and suddenly I saw two men masturbating. I left very quietly and when I saw a police I told them.

The feeling is always of a big nausea and chock.
 
Before answering your post, I was a bit shocked when writing down all the sexual incidents I´ve been exposed to between 5-14 years approx.. It makes a total of ten sexual harassments as far as I remember, two of them possibly life threatening, and half of them belonged ironically to my parents friends circle.

What is interesting to me now is I never dare to tell anything to my parents because I somehow knew they would not have taken it seriously and that my "lies"would only have made them a bit uncomfortable, which in turn would give raise to their ordinary harsh debates, mainly accusing each other for being unable to raise a daughter at first, which would then further lead to other unsolved subjects of discussion that weren´t about me anymore. Therefore, I learned very early how to pass as inadvertently as possible when things get fired up as a kind of self protection, inhibiting myself in short.

What I want to say is how deeply I was able to relegate all these events to oblivion, because like you said Rosie, it feels like coming too close to some pathologic sphere, and our own shame, helplessness and most importantly the SECRECY about it all could then shape a quite poor behaviour pattern and understanding of ourselves later on. It seems to me that our very susceptibility to psychopathic behaviours attracts them for they are smelling perfect preys, which you can also see as a sign we are not psychopathic individuals by the way, contrary to what my senses and thoughts have been trying to whisper in my ears once in a while. At keeping watching the half full bottle, I think we did get an early awareness of this dramatic "puppet" show that is splitting the world we are living in, with an evident twofolds outcome risk implied in it of course, but that it could as well be our lifebelt that the universe or our being is sending to us because it is expected from us we do have the innate ability or possibility to struggle and clear up why we find ourselves in such unwanted stormy situations and how to deal with it. It wouldn´t make much sense to me if higher realms would choose unaffordable task to be fulfilled, regardless of the specific level of being of the individual. Of course, I know that things like for example Karma, Law of Accidents, genetic profile, the end of a cycle which requires global cleansing and all kind of repressed stressors in former and actual lifes may play a major part behind my circumstances, but these are things I cannot deal with directly.

Coming back to your question about symbolic/theological meaning of this reality, one reading could be the suppression of the feminine force of life at work through sexual attacks, that has been overly and so overtly active through our actual cycle. I can testify how easy it worked through my own psychologic makeup, as I nearly ended completely entangled in the Stockholm syndrome. Though I didn´t go as far as to defend my aggressors, I nonetheless still ended up falling in the trap in that I slowly started believing showing any feminine trait was a weakness, that should be hidden specially in male presence, to mention only one of the coping mechanisms that led me to masculine vs feminine conflicts. If you haven´t read the whole Wave serie, I remind interesting references on this subject there but I can´t find it right now. Maybe someone recalls it.
 
Rosie, unfortunately that happens all to often in a world saturated with the idea of sex. The first time I had experienced it was when I was about 17 and was walking back from the store with my ex sister in law. A man ran from behind a strip mall in a full trench coat and flashed us from about 10 feet away in broad daylight. When we started laughing he ran off but we talked about that incident for years, not understanding the importance of it at that young age.

The second, again when I was 17 but it was late at night and wasn't an exposing but a man walking in the opposite direction from me, whirled around after he just past me on the side walk and stuck a knife to my side then demanded I walk to a secluded spot off the main road, between two box trucks. He directed me to place my hands between the mirror braces and because I didn't have any money on me nor did he even check or ask, I knew that this would turn bad. He was carrying electrical tape and placed it over my eyes but I could still see him if I looked down. When he squatted down (for what I don't know) I kicked him in the groin and took off running. Buy the time I found a policeman, he was long gone of course.

The next incident was when I was about 22 or so and working in a bar. We were closing up shop for the night and everyone was supposed to be gone. I was cleaning the men's restroom when one of the patrons we knew well came in holding his business in his hands while making wild gestures to me with his tongue. When I started shouting at him and waving the plunger at him he quickly left... but as luck would have it... about 4 years or so later when taking my 3rd algebra class the same man appeared for the same class. During break he started to talk to me and when I called him out about the incident, he stated he didn't remember what had happened, but he didn't return for any other classes. This man was the owner of a local arcade where lots of young girls hung around and to this day, that makes me shiver just thinking about it.

As I was talking with the old manager from the bar last year about this incident, she revealed that she had actually gone out on a date with this man and had no clue about his proclivities. She was shocked because she saw a whole different side to him as he was very charming and was interested in art and other refined things.

hesperides said:
Coming back to your question about symbolic/theological meaning of this reality, one reading could be the suppression of the feminine force of life at work through sexual attacks, that has been overly and so overtly active through our actual cycle. I can testify how easy it worked through my own psychologic makeup, as I nearly ended completely entangled in the Stockholm syndrome. Though I didn´t go as far as to defend my aggressors, I nonetheless still ended up falling in the trap in that I slowly started believing showing any feminine trait was a weakness, that should be hidden specially in male presence, to mention only one of the coping mechanisms that led me to masculine vs feminine conflicts. If you haven´t read the whole Wave serie, I remind interesting references on this subject there but I can´t find it right now. Maybe someone recalls it.

Hesperides, I came to the same conclusions (in bold) but for different reasons and your thoughts have given a new perspective to think about.

Edit: added a little more information.
 
The activity or syndrome that comes from various different places in the male psyche had been a recurring theme more or less for many years

When very young, about 5 or 6 I would know when someone was going to or 'thinking of' doing some type of sexual exposure action. The fear, nausea, and need to act came so instinctively quick, that I would distract the person. One uncle whose lap I sat on got "funny", and I would pretend to drop something, and run away. I knew no parent would understand and make a case of it where i would be only the child subject to making some adult feel bad ultimately, and paying for it. I couldn't imagine that any adult would punish the bad man. I listened to them and saw their behavior and knew to risk it would mean I would be rejected in one way or another. I saw it happen others. Anything to do with sexual parts was unheard of and shameful. I however did not feel this way towards myself or others, but kept all these very adult things to myself. Ironic from a 5 yr. old. There was the other good-looking uncle(probably child molester) who cornered me in a doorway and told me to pose for him in my dress when I was 13, and I knew he was going to go for it, and before that happened I stormed out of there, past him, since he was fixing something in my house. My mother would of believed me maybe, but I was fearful of the family breaking up. My trust issues were already severely compromised.

When an outside on a train did it to me and my girlfriend in NYC, we just yelled and cursed him. I ignored him mostly cause i knew he wanted a reaction. I had no problem berating him and making fun of him, since I had reference points. At 15 I knew what a dominatrix was, and I knew most of these men were submissive, and wanted that kind of reaction. I studied sex habits of the depraved and of what people did for so-called pleasure and became quite adept at pinpointing why a person did things, what the desired result was, and what motivated them. Not for the faint of heart or those that give up a search easily. That's what got me so interested in phycopathy at an early age. I didn't call it that, and not much was written on them. Not only dysfunction of sexual natures, although there is usually some component, but of the conditions surrounding these events. Can be elusive, but I was a detective. I could remotely view at times also, more than I wanted. Which led me to rebirthing, past-lives, all of it.

In fact these exposures have not stopped happening as far as the thoughts and feelings of others to this day that prompt the desire for this. Its not acted on,because the severity of the dysfunction is very different in individuals Mild, you might say. But the exposing is rampant from those I hear it from. It fact it was big breaking news a few weeks ago of a motorist hanging out the window, exposing himself. No one could fathom how he did it. So it was great fun for all to watch, TV, so to speak.

I have always, as far back as I can remember, felt and experienced these desires in men. In myself none of these sexual energies are personally activated. You might think so for all I've studied it. The only positive, progressive growth have come from women able to share their secret and destructive abuses that come out when in depth conversations arise. I also do not despise men for what others do. That is a gift, is all I can say, since I experienced allot. I can detach from personal experience, Thank The Universal Cosmic Mind. I don't think one can live fully unless you can,but speak for self only. Who knows what a person can function with and why? Well the C's do I bet. I don't know who else for sure. Or anything for sure.

I have experienced abuses of this nature up until I was in my early twenties. They have paved the way for a life that has become dimensional and expansive because of it, not despite it. I probably chose it, seems like it, remember a lot from somewhere. I wouldn't say it was hard, rather life and death to come to terms with why people do what they do and the affect it has had on me personally, professionally, creatively, humanly, and cosmically. You get the chance to experience these states by faith and hard work of putting one foot in front of the other, reading, writing, speaking, and living. Surviving is for peoplewith the veil intact, and rightfully so. I think we get to live our most horrific nightmares only when we have grown enough to be led to the tools we may choose to lighten our way. Every horror is an opportunity to dig deeper through the muck and mire that has been so thoughtfully placed there so long ago, with the intentions of control. This is the freewill planet for better or worse, depending who you are. And what you choose. When it gets painful enough fear , the option we take when we forget who we are, is not an option.
 
Rosie, you happen to have this kind of incidents for 11 times?! That's is a lot, I am sorry that they happened to you.

I do not remember how many times it happened to me. (usually I immidiately turn my eyes away and escape from this kind of situation) Your story just remined me of one incident; when I was in a subway, I was sitting in a seat reading a book. A man was standing facing towards right next to me. Then, he exposed himself right to my face. I was so freaked out and screamed in my head (but not in public), I closed my book and walked/ran away...

After couple of days of this incident I was so shocked and very uncomfortable being on a train. It is sad that some men do not understand that a little teasing can cause women in a complete traumatized state...
 
Rosie, since you haven't detailled all your experiences, I thought that maybe it was more saying of your environnement that of something that comes from you like you seemed to implied. A big city for example or if you must go out a lot, sure you're more risky than someone who's staying at home all day. Those sorts of thing.
 
Thank you for your responses everyone, it's much appreciated.
I had planned to reply today with some calm, well-thought out answers. However, this morning my partner and I took a stroll to the local shop and who should I see but the very same man I mentioned in the first post.

This is bizarre, I do not go out often, and this was my first outing since the incident on Thursday. Thankfully, I remembered your post Laura,
Laura said:
Nowadays, if it happened, I'd whip out my camera and take a photo and give it to the police.
and put my phone in my pocket before I left the flat.
My partner and I followed him (at a distance) into the shop. I made sure to get a good few shots of him on my phone.
Hopefully the police will have some good CCTV images of him from the cameras in the shop. Plus also the images I have. I'm pretty damn sure it's the same guy, this is the third time I've seen him now, it's the same face and his clothes matched the description I'd already given to the police.
Needless to say my partner and I are both freaked out by this.

Normally I would hide under my duvet, eat rubbish and feel sad, I'm not going to do that today.
Once again your replies are truly appreciated and I'd like to reply with the same consideration they were given. :)
 
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