Overdue apology

[TetrahedronJourneys]

Fluffy, I'm new the the forum and interested in your expression. I'm not sure what it is you are apologizing. From what I read your said that you want to apologize to the forum for taking advantage of it. In what ways did this occur?. What did you say/do that makes you think you needed to provided an apology? How did this help you ? If you can take some time to think about this request, I think it will help you discover new pieces of your true essence. And if you would like to share that with us I'm sure lots of us will be opened to listening !


Food for thought : don't overload.

 

[petite femme]

Genero81 is right, you do need to relax. One of the main causes of addiction is the inability to accept life on life's terms. This is the reason behind the need to disassociate.
I am also a recovering pot addict and can tell you that it does take time to heal. It will not happen overnight and anticipation and expectations on how it's "gonna go" will only make you crazy. One day at a time, they say that in NA and it really does help to look at the situation this way.
Some things that helped me: Staying busy, research, research and more research. Pot is said to be psychologically addictive, but it also effects how the body functions physically. Learning about it helped me know what to expect.
Also, asking myself the hard question: why? What is the root cause to your drug use? Why do you use, and why do you want to stop. It appears as though you have clear aims which is something you will need to get through this.
Also, Aiming has a wonderful point, the act of recovery will continue to build your will. Think of will as a muscle, it will become stronger as you exercise it.
The diet changes, the EE program, the supplements all of these things helped me. I had to relearn how to "be" sober. How to be tired, how to be hungry, how to relax how to deal with stress, all of life's day to day. Work in progress!! So take it easy on yourself and be patient, good luck!

 

[lainey]

Hello Fluffy. I'm sorry to hear that you have been struggling with things ATM. I was thinking about what you wrote about craving "bad" foods while transitioning back to keto. I recently listened to the Health and Wellness Shows episode on the ketogenic diet and thought I would share part with you (although it's worth listening to the whole show!)

https://www.sott.net/article/314327-The-Health-Wellness-Show-Weekly-Broadcast-23-February-2015

With regards to cravings during transition, a lot of times when you are craving things like chocolate cake or bread or something like that I think that part of it is probably the addictive qualities of wheat; we have covered that in our show that was on wheat. It might also be that you haven’t transitioned completely and your body is just craving energy. One solution to this is to take in something like MCT oil or coconut oil; MCT stands for medium chain triglycerides and they are fats that go directly into the mitochondria so it’s a quick hit of energy. They don’t require the same amount of breakdown or any breakdown really that longer chain fats do. If you are having a craving or something like that, a spoonful of coconut oil or a spoonful of MCT oil will often curb the craving. To some degree during transition it also requires some willpower, just keep your goals in mind and keep on track.

Whilst I know that you can't tolerate coconut, you may be ok with MCT oil as it contains little to no lauric acid:

http://healthimpactnews.com/2014/mct-oil-vs-coconut-oil-the-truth-exposed/

Plus there are also other ways around not being able to tolerate most other forms of fat sources:

The fat I eat is tallow (cow fat). I am allergic to dairy and can't even eat ghee. I also can't eat anything coconut; and pretty much most veggies. So to get enough fat, I eat small pieces of tallow with each bite of my meat. I think of it as a pat of butter and have no problem with it. It's a very simple thing to do.

fwiw

I've done that as well. Sometimes I take a couple of spoonfuls of lard or goose fat in the morning then have a cup of tea. That normally does me till lunchtime. I'm trying cutting out butter to see what happens so just taking the fat straight instead of having a butter tea is what I have been experimenting with.
Having a lard chai tea is tolerable but it tastes a little odd to me.
So it's an option to try small pieces as Nienna does for people who don't tolerate any dairy.

Good luck

 

[lwande]

Hi Fluffy. I wonder if you have taken into account the intense cosmic forces coming out way at this time. I hear you saying that it feels different trying to stay disciplined this time and I am thinking this global and cosmic energy flow aspect may factor in somehow. I will admit that even with the best efforts every day still feels like an uphill climb. I hope you can find solace in that and not fixate so much on what you are doing wrong to be causing you to feel so crappy. Fixating on our weaknesses can keep us going in circles, never finding a solution or a way out. Know that it can and will get better.
Take care

 

[Fluffy]

please be patient, I just spent an hour replying and then deleted it all :(
Ive ran out of time now but I'll start again later if I'm not too tired after my brother's birthday dinner.
I might reply one by one when I have a few spare minute through the day.... good news is that i don't want to frisbie my lap top off the balcony and I didn't swear or feel any stress about it... I'm enjoying the irony of it all- such little time, spent a day contemplating replies while doing other things then i get a moment, type very slowly then delete it all... it's kinda funnyand I'm pleased with my zen about it :)

 

[mkrnhr]

Hi Fluffy,
In case you don't have time to finish a post, you have a possibility to save it as a draft so you can finish it and post it later. You could also save it in a word processor file so you don't have to rewrite everything.
Hope it helps.

 

[Fluffy]

Again sorry it's taken so long to reply. I have started my fast impromptu as my partner found out he has two weeks between jobs and although I'm not prepared well I decided to bite the bullet, struggle though any hiccups of early days of a long fast and do the hard days while he is home. Right now I'm good on day 3, slight headache, pressure in my recently sick ears, and strong keto symptoms. Nothing I can't handle. I'm rather accustomed to feeling horrible so this is nothing new.

Here is some saved drafts from last week. I'll reply more when I have time again.

Thanks for your patience. I have a lot to say but so little time between my family and slow ability to type that I just can't get it out all at once.

Genero81 is right, you do need to relax. One of the main causes of addiction is the inability to accept life on life's terms. This is the reason behind the need to disassociate.

I am also a recovering pot addict and can tell you that it does take time to heal. It will not happen overnight and anticipation and expectations on how it's "gonna go" will only make you crazy. One day at a time, they say that in NA and it really does help to look at the situation this way.

Also, asking myself the hard question: why? What is the root cause to your drug use? Why do you use, and why do you want to stop. It appears as though you have clear aims which is something you will need to get through this.
Also, Aiming has a wonderful point, the act of recovery will continue to build your will. Think of will as a muscle, it will become stronger as you exercise it.

The thing about this time 'round and will power really interest me. I've quit pot before, many times, and have been able to immediately dive back into some kind of normal existence without to many struggles- not this time though, I'm getting a flogging from every angle but I'm also no skating on the surface like I've done before, im looking for the reasons of why I've been an addict to things and always had the need to dissociate from life since long before I started weed, I was a kid when I first used dissociation as a colony method. I was still a kid when I stated smoking weed, the very first time I smoked it the word marijuana rang a bell so loud within my psyche, it was unreal to me, and if I knew then that it was stirring up an old wound from a past life that might not even be mine then I probably still would have smoked it anyhow. I've long been certain that 'I', Emma, isn't the pot smoker but I have/had an attachment that is. I'm supposing that a lot of what I'm going through is also the loss of that attachment whom I have conversed with and even comforted in some weird way, we were definitely friends, not all of our friends are good for us but we found solice in the bong together. I could feel that as time went the on that there was a dependency being created between us and it was not really about smoking weed but a need to have a physical body to be in and my need to have someone to be with. Does that sound crazy?? Feels crazy... I never found out the name of my discarnate pot friend. But I always felt them merge with me in the past 3 years. They're still around because it doesn't believe me that I've quit... Not attached but waiting for me to change my mind. I used to openly invite when I was about to get stoned but I realised just the idea of wanting to get stoned IS an invite, so anytime I think about it I can feel the influence of that someone saying 'yeah, c'mon, I miss you' . I know it's not all me because my logical mind knows so much better and wants something different, that voice is a combination of years worth of being manipulated but a force other than my own. So this all makes 'will power' something else for me right now.

Thanks jenero81 for your sharing, encouragement and reminder. I am hard on myself or very loose on myself, it's either one or the other, no middle ground which I'm trying to work on, since I first joined the forum I've been reminded 'baby steps' but always want to jump the gun, don't know who I'm trying to beat to the finish line though. Moderation was never one of my strong points. Relax and let things flow isn't a style of mine either, i try hard to control everything all at once and always set myself up for failure because I'm no Gurdjeff and can't remember everything I know all at once. I can barely remember small things about myself because I get distracted too easily and I'm tired a lot.

I'll be back when time allows me.

 

[genero81]

Castaneda describes discipline as "facing with serenity odds not within our expectations." And discipline was needed to make the "foreign installation flee." My experience has been that real will did not begin to develop until I was able to become sufficiently aware of the predators mind to be able to act in accordance with my aim ie -my ideations resulting from my conscious efforts- in place of my usual reactionary habits. And this is a process which continues. In other words; developing will was different from what I imagined it would be.