Please Help! Hives Breakout? Mind/Body Connection?

Laura

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Administrator
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FOTCM Member
Maybe you are changing too much too fast? You have to remember that you have been living and eating and so forth a certain way for a certain time and there may be things in your body that can't be rushed because the body needs some time to adjust, level by level?

I mean, I started at the beginning of August in 2008 and now, after 4 years, I'm really beginning to feel like a new person but it took time and stages. You are younger, of course, and won't need as long, but still, the principle applies. The main things are to eliminate gluten and dairy but go ahead and continue with your veggies for awhile. You may need that fiber irritation to keep things moving until some detoxing has taken place. You may also need some supplements for awhile to get re-nourished. In particular, you might want to look into GABA (in particular) 5 htp and L-glutamine, taurine, zinc, fish oil A, C, E, and B vitamins as well as copper, magnesium, selenium. Magnesium, in particular, is very important. Also, living where you do, potassium iodide can help with detoxing nuclear stuff. Don't overdo the supplements, but use each term to search the forum here and you may find others discussing them, what they tried and how it worked. Keep in mind that supplements are just temporary to get you up-nourished while the detoxing is going on and then, when you are adapted to meat and fat, the liver generally does pretty well on its own with only occasional boosts.
 

blueberry

The Force is Strong With This One
Psyche said:
I value your courage and willingness to open up throughout this stage of your life :hug2:. If it helps, I've hardly met a girl who didn't had food issues. It is a very sick society after all. When I was in high school, I fainted from starvation. Even my mother was concerned and she is a hard one!

As regards to the diet and rashes, I'm very familiarized and have some too during the transition phase. Ketosis can do it, but another thing to watch right now as well is spices in meats. Like deli meats, bacon, etc. Even if it is only pepper, it triggers the histamine release cycle. I lost count of how many times I was doing fine and then slip that delicious meat with some spices on it and bam, itching all over again.

Just last weekend, the butcher gave me a home made sausage as a gift that I was too tempted and couldn't refuse. It was delicious but a couple of hives appeared and I got inflamed. I'm just recovering.

Try for a period of time to use only salt as a spice and see if it gets better. You have your hands full with your reading list and Primal Body, Primal Mind is a great one. Many of us had rashes and other problems and had discussed it over the Life Without Bread thread. Here is the discussion regarding histamine:

Thank you Psyche for the encouragement and what you shared about "most girls you have met have food issues," as sadly this has been my experience as well. I realize that as I gain more knowledge around diet, in time and with patience I will release some of the psychological issues I have around food (this has already been my experience).

Already having incorporated meat and fat in my diet I feel I can concentrate better, I don't feel as preoccupied with food (I don't feel hungry all the time anymore), and generally have more energy.

from http://cassiopaea.org/forum/index.php/topic,22916.2025.html
I thought of something else today regarding histamine sensitivity and skin rashes on a low carb diet. It seems to me that it can be a physiological adaptation.

Histamine is produced in certain cells (mast cells in tissues) but also in certain glands of the stomach (oxyntic glands) which happens to be the same place where gastric acid is produced and secreted in response to the right stimulation (i.e. high protein diet).

In addition to that, histamine can increase the secretion of pepsin, which is crucial for protein digestion.

Then we have gastrin, which is a hormone that stimulates secretion of gastric acid (HCl) in the stomach. It also increases the release of histamine.

So more meat on the diet means more secretion of stomach acids and histamine in order to digest it.

A low carb diet tends to deal with food allergies quite effectively since most of them come from the plant kingdom. But if a person is histamine sensitive and doesn't remove potential triggers like spices in meats, there could be allergies. Or if the diet is a zero carb or close to it, there can be rashes as well in certain people, especially at the beginning when the digestive system is adapting to digest meat better.
This makes a lot of sense to me and could be contributing to the "Hives." As I am definitely in the first stages of the adjustment period. I do like the taste of spicy food and tend to put a lot of spice in what I eat. I am now trying, since reading this post, just salt!

Laura said:
I think you are overwhelmed right now. I'm going to think about this overnight and write something coherent in the morning. For now, just take your antihistamine when you go to bed so it will be worn off when you wake up and hopefully, you won't have any more episodes.

RELAX. You are doing fine!
Yes I am overwhelmed! I noticed from what you 'snipped' Laura there was more the psychological and spiritual struggles I am having rather than the physiological. Getting my experience and thoughts out on the forum has helped me to relax. So thank you and everyone on this thread for listening and sharing your insights.

from http://cassiopaea.org/forum/index.php/topic,9623.msg82182.html#msg82182
anart said:
Hi SeekingtheTruth,

One thing we know for sure is that 'time pressure' - stressing out about not having enough time - is not only useless, it is damaging, I'd even say entropic. We can have no impact on time (it doesn't even exist) - we cannot change others and we cannot stop what is coming. However, it is my deep understanding that continuing, in the midst of this increasing madness, to objectively awaken and help others who are asking to do the same - to live as if there is nothing more important than THIS - every day, in everything, standing up for the Truth and becoming objectively Real is sending a signal out to the Universe that will be noted in the grand scheme of things.

If you consider that every step you take toward awakening sends out a signal - that every program you remove, every effort you make to be a representative of Truth and Creativity in this world sends out a signal, then the 'time issue' fades away. If you act as if everything you do affects the future, then there is an amazing amount of time in a single day to make a difference.

Perhaps it is about approaching it differently than as if it is a checklist of books to read or concepts to grasp. Perhaps it is simply a matter of doing what you love - being good to yourself - learning what is burning within YOU to learn and doing so with some level of joy that you have this opportunity, in this amazing time to do so.

We will do what we will do - and all there is is lessons. Pushing oneself to overcome interior barriers is vitally important, but stressing over not having enough time takes energy away from remembering oneself, doesn't it? Perhaps this is where faith comes into play. The Universe knows what it is doing and we have a certain amount of 'time' left to contribute in this venue - to send out that signal and do what is before us to do - what else could matter more than that? And, ultimately, what more could one hope for a lifetime?

The following was my signature quote for quite a while - perhaps you'll understand why...

Ark said:
FORGET "I should", forget it all. Replace it by "I LOVE TO DO ...." and skip completely the TIME issue. If you need five lives to accomplish what you WANT, let this be the first of those five. And then, without any "time obligation" or "should stressing" - start it. First step first. And ENJOY it. And LOVE yourself - take care of yourself.

This is the only thing that the Universe (God?) wants from you, I think. Arkadiusz Jadczyk
So - relax - have a little faith - and simply focus on doing what is in you to do - and enjoy it! :)
It's funny Anart that you suggested this thread. I came across what you say here awhile back and quoted you with a picture on Facebook. Thank you for bringing it to my attention again as it is very powerful for me and I relate to it and needed the reminder.

It is a question of faith for me, trusting the process, being aware of what gives me energy, and being conscious of what drains my energy. As I become more aware I learn how to be good to myself. I seem to be letting go of the people that drain me, my own programs that drain me as well as the unrealistic expectations I have of myself. As I have been letting go of the past, removing programs, I feel I am freeing up a renewed energy. Because of this sense of renewal I am getting closer to knowing what I love and what I am drawn to. I am continuously practicing humility and trusting that I am sending out signals and the Universe will respond.

Also reminding myself that all there are are lesson's!

from http://cassiopaea.org/forum/index.php/topic,9623.msg69807.html#msg69807
foofighter said:
EVERY single action I did during a day, alone or with someone else, was a "test", which I could use to Work. I was no longer afraid of making mistakes either, really, because my attitude was that it was ok to make mistakes, as long as I didn't repeat them. Whenever I did something wrong, or which had a bad outcome, I would just look at what happened, why it happened, and make sure it never occurred again, at least not in the exact same way. Once you view EVERY single action during a day as an opportunity for change, it is amazing what you can do in a week...
This reflection of Anart's posts helps me to stop and understand "the work" can be applied in every situation and every situation and everyday is an opportunity for growth. I feel less pressure after reading this reflection, Thanks Foofighter.

Well, just take a deep breath and try to focus on one step at a time :flowers:

My personal take on where to start would be with the diet--at least reading Primal Body, Primal Mind and the "Life Without Bread" and "Ketogenic Diet" threads. Getting one's diet fixed can fix a lot of things by itself and, I think, make things easier down the line. Plus you're healing your body at the same time as you go along gaining knowledge. Since we're in a school here, I personally think of it that way--we have the "first level" courses (I think of this as diet, some of the psychology books, The Wave, and SOTT, mainly), then more advanced courses (like ISOTM, Secret History, Political Ponerology, maybe more advanced psychology books, etc), and then the esoteric courses (Gnosis, Beelzebub's tales, etc)--all blend together, though, without distinct lines in my mind. That's just my subjective take and, of course, like any school, such an order as the one I imagine makes sense certainly doesn't work for everyone :)

In that regard, maybe what would work best for you would be to start where you find yourself drawn to the most--where you have the most interest.

Take care of yourself, breathe (and/or EE), and relax, and hopefully you'll be able to clear up the hives soon :flowers:
I have seen in myself that the feelings of overwhelm also come from excitement. As I have been moving along I have become clearer of where I am drawn to, in terms of which books I read first. Over time I have discovered what I am most drawn to is Cognitive Science and psychology along with continuously doing the EE program. This feels like a good balance for me and slowly I will introduce other topics. I am also reading Gurdjieff (ISOTM) and the other books I have read seem to help me in applying and understanding Gurdjieff's work.

anart said:
bb said:
To be clear, I had 5 binging and purging episodes within the past year. I have a lot of self hate, guilt and embarrassment around this issue and feel very scared and vulnerable bringing this up on the forum. :shock:
I just wanted to add that we know very well how hard it is to be honest about things we most want to keep hidden and for you not to worry, you're not the first person here with this issue nor will you be the last. Being human on this planet is not an easy gig and most of use learn how to destroy ourselves in one way or another very early on. We have the scars to prove it. What matters is what we do with today and tomorrow and how we learn to finally give ourselves the nurturing and care we need to be who we came here to be.
Thank you Anart for your words here. There are many things I am in the process of unlearning. :)

Laura said:
Maybe you are changing too much too fast? You have to remember that you have been living and eating and so forth a certain way for a certain time and there may be things in your body that can't be rushed because the body needs some time to adjust, level by level?

I mean, I started at the beginning of August in 2008 and now, after 4 years, I'm really beginning to feel like a new person but it took time and stages. You are younger, of course, and won't need as long, but still, the principle applies. The main things are to eliminate gluten and dairy but go ahead and continue with your veggies for awhile. You may need that fiber irritation to keep things moving until some detoxing has taken place. You may also need some supplements for awhile to get re-nourished. In particular, you might want to look into GABA (in particular) 5 htp and L-glutamine, taurine, zinc, fish oil A, C, E, and B vitamins as well as copper, magnesium, selenium. Magnesium, in particular, is very important. Also, living where you do, potassium iodide can help with detoxing nuclear stuff. Don't overdo the supplements, but use each term to search the forum here and you may find others discussing them, what they tried and how it worked. Keep in mind that supplements are just temporary to get you up-nourished while the detoxing is going on and then, when you are adapted to meat and fat, the liver generally does pretty well on its own with only occasional boosts.
I have started taking Benaydryl at night as well as magnesium and this has helped, thank you for the advice :). I take Vit C and have 5-htp sitting on the counter in the house. I have upped my intake of Vit C and will read up on your other recommendations. After looking over this thread and contemplating it over the past couple days I'm able to see myself more clearly. I do feel like I am changing very fast in all aspects physically, pyschologically and spiritually as they are not separate. I have seen many programs and patterns in myself that I am in the process of changing. My body cannot always keep up with my mind and I think it will be very helpful for me to slow down. I do tend to be impatient with myself at times and can see that I often set unattainable goals because of fear and impatience. I feel this is why the EE program is so important and has helped me so much. It gets me into my body, heightening my awareness where I am able to feel and experience the subtleties internally and externally almost as if I am able to see things more objectively. I often feel after a session I have hit the reset button and have a fresh perspective.

I will watch and see what unfolds and use this thread as a reference for trying different things in attempt to get rid of the Hives. The support and advice has been very much appreciated and opened me up to a deeper process.

Thank you all :D
 

Rabelais

Dagobah Resident
FOTCM Member
I have not had hives in a long time, but back in the 70s I had them a few times. The first time I went to the MD who gave me a big shot of steroids and they went away in a few hours. About a year later they popped up again and my chiropractor said that they were often the result of a spinal subluxation, for this reason they favor one side or the other of the body. They were on the right side of my chest, right shoulder and running parallel to and on the right of my spine. The chiropractic upper cervical adjustment cleared them as quickly as the earlier steroid shot had. When they came back a third time, a couple of years later, I went back to the chiropractor and they went away again the same day, never to return. In looking back I realize that that period of time when I had the hives events was a high stress time of my life, both physically and emotionally.
 

blueberry

The Force is Strong With This One
Since I received insight and advice on this thread I have been trying different things to deal with and end the Hive breakouts. I have observed in myself that I have been unconsciously putting pressure on myself to make too many dramatic changes too fast (as Laura mentioned). This includes pressure to change my diet, lifestyle and many programs I have become aware and continue to discover. Lately I have not been so strict with my diet and been allowing myself to eat vegetables and some berries, eating less fat and protein and introducing things more slowly. I have also order Ox-bile which should arrive any day now.

In retrospect I had become to forceful with myself in switching over to the Paleo/kenogetic diet. There has been a lesson here for me, that I need to do more research and take responsibility for gaining knowledge about something like a major diet shift before attempting to shift things that I don't have a full understanding of and being patient in the transition process. This reflects for me in other areas that I get ahead of myself because of the fear that I am not doing enough or good enough in the present. Hence feeling overwhelmed. I am no longer working which has helped me as I was in a very unhealthy and stressful job. I have been able to take the time to really take care of myself and have more balance in my day. But with that has come a feeling of guilt for not working. I'm at battle with myself.

That being said, positive things are and have been happening. I am engaging here on the forum more, reading the many informative and insightful threads. I have been speaking out about the injustices occurring in Gaza and spreading awareness around this topic to friends etc. I have been also reading and writing and doing some artwork. When observing myself and how I am spending my time I see many positive changes I have made and introduced into my life. When looking at my life presently things are going well and I am very grateful. This tells me there may be an uncoiling going on on an unconscious that is causing the Hives that may be from the past? I am still struggling to stay focused on one thing and working through not anticipating the next step all the time. I relate to this excerpt from the C's;

A: Completely pure intent, i.e. open.
Q: (L) Completely open?
A: Nonanticipatory.
Q: (L) Our anticipation constricts the channel when we ask for that kind of information?
A: Yes.
Q: (L) We have to be completely uncaring whether we get it or not, so to speak?
A: Happy-go-lucky attitude helps. As you were before.
Q: (L) So, as long as we are worried, tense, anticipatory, and attached to the idea, we constrict the flow?
A: Yes.

Especially this line; So, as long as we are worried, tense, anticipatory, and attached to the idea, we constrict the flow?
I am draining my energy by anticipating all the ideas I have and the future.

Some of the things that have been helping me are 5-HTP, Vitamin C and probiotics in the morning. At night I have been taking Melatonin, which I researched is good in combination with the 5-HTP. I have been taking Benadryl every night as well at approx. 9-10:30pm. I have had 3 Hive breakout in the last couple weeks. The Hives are improving yes, but I feel I have just put a bandaid on the problem. I now feel dependent on the Benadryl and the nights I haven't taken it I end up feeling anxious in 'anticipation' I may have a breakout. This is a vicious cycle as then the anxiety causes the breakout to come and I end up taking the Benadryl anyways. I don't want to be dependent on something external to rid myself of the hives but I also don't want to lose sleep because then my whole system gets thrown off. I'm confused on what else to do. I have been doing the EE breathwork program regularly and staying active (swimming, working out and going for hikes) which clears negative energy and relaxes me. I feel something inside of me an unconscious thought pattern is contracting my energy flow as I am still experiencing angst???

I have been feeling the Hives could be an underlying control issue? When the breakouts happen I feel so out of control, I feel frustration, rage, helplessness and sadness. I feel I am being attacked and there is nothing I can do. A part of me thinks to just stop taking the Benadryl and when a breakouts happen going and laying down on the living room floor, do pipe breathing and consciously suffering and see what comes up. What underlying issue is underneath the Hives? I now truly feel the 'hive attacks' are a signal that something needs to be processed from my unconscious but I don't know what it is?

I have discovered through talking things out with my partner, SpiralOut, that there could be a connection between the Hives and my mother. My control issues and busy body/can't sit still and need to always be doing something, accomplishing something is related to my perception of my mother. I see her as lethargic, unmotivated, unhealthy, inactive, and asleep. She is shut down and I feel I can rarely engage in a meaningful or deep conversation as she is not receptive. I have the fear of taking on these qualities myself. Therefore, I overcompensate by "truth telling," by always running around and doing things, by being at times overly physically active, and have trouble relaxing as "I don't want to become lazy," like my mother.

My mother was diagnosed with colon cancer when I was 14. She survived after a long journey fighting the cancer and has been cancer free for over 10 years. But she is addicted to pain medication and lives as if she still has cancer. She has every excuse of why she cannot do this or that. She is unhealthy and inactive and shut down. I have worked through a lot in regards to my relationship with her and have learned the importance of being externally considerate and meeting her where she is at. This is very difficult for me because I feel unseen by her and feel I have to become someone else to not trigger her, scare her, intimidate her, or confuse her. In the past when I am myself she distances herself from me. Now when I interact with her I have to imagine her as a child in order to not overwhelm her etc. This also helps put me at ease but also brings up sadness as the little girl in me feels very alone in those interactions. She is asleep but would never see herself that way as she has built layer upon layer to hide from herself and others.

All these years I thought that she was lying to me all the time and I felt resentment and anger towards her. Since reading "Myth of Sanity" I realize she has actually been dissociating all this time. There was one time when I was 24 that she laid in bed with me. I was depressed and traumatized as I was mourning the death of a close friend who was murdered a few weeks prior. My mother was triggered by my pain and started to cry histaricly she started to say to me there is something she has to tell me, I said, "yes mom, what is it you can tell me." She said, " I can't, I just can't tell you your not ready, I'm sorry I just can't tell you, all while crying and moaning. In that moment I tried to comfort her but was very confused. I let it go but then brought the situation up to her a couple months later, she acted shocked and said I don't remember that, that never happened, what are you talking about? I was very confused and upset by this but now see that she was dissacoiated at that time. I now have a lot of empathy for her but also feel sadness and disconect around our relationship.

I feel she may have got cancer because she suppressed her true self. As Dr. Gabor Mate says in his video on addiction; that cancer can manifest itself in someone who suppresses their true self. I am pretty certain from the stories my mom has hold me that her needs were not met as a child and that she was not loved for who she was by her family and was neglected by her narsacisstic mother. Therefore she has a need to get love and attention from the outside. This has created in her a "be nice" program because of her deep need to be loved and accepted. She is overly nice and often acts overly excited and fake to others. I feel she learned to suppress her true self and her true feelings along time ago and as Dr. Gabor Mate says, in turn suppressed her immune system which may have manifested the cancer. She would not ever understand this or even look at this and I would not bring this to her as I am afraid it could make her more sick and more shut down.

The reason I lay all of this out is I feel I have a similar program as my mother, a "be nice" program. Over the past few years I have become more comfortable being assertive, releasing my anger, speaking my truth and also working on my self to self relationship. I want to break this cycle in my family that has been going on for generations. What I say about how my mother needs not being met and not loved for who she, is the way my mother was with me and how I grew up. My needs were not met and I did not experience a healthy attachment to either of them as a child especially my mother who I see in retrospect was and has been depressed most of her life. I was neglected and later alienated by my family when I uncovered some dark family secrets.

I feel because she did not do the work and look at herself rather focusing on receiving love from the external she became unavailable as a mother as she has told me her mother was to her. My mother masks her pain with pharmaceutical drugs, televison, food etc, whatever it takes. There is no reaching her only letting go which I am working through. The reason I see the correlation between my mother and her illness to the hive breakouts is I feel it has something to do with my fear of not being able to work through some unconscious childhood trauma and early childhood conditioning and taking on my mothers conditioning and getting cancer myself. It feels like the hives are telling me to look and work through something but I don t know what it is or what to do?

As I sit here writing out this post I question myself. Is this really that important to sit here and spend time writing about myself when I look at what is happening in Gaza? I am struggling with finding a balance between doing the work within and without. On some level I feel I have been activated and sadness is coming up for me around my process as I am devastated, disgusted, and enraged with the sickness of the world. I have had trouble talking about Gaza with others as I become very emotional and choked and have to hold back my tears.
 

anart

The Living Force
blueberry said:
Since I received insight and advice on this thread I have been trying different things to deal with and end the Hive breakouts. I have observed in myself that I have been unconsciously putting pressure on myself to make too many dramatic changes too fast (as Laura mentioned). This includes pressure to change my diet, lifestyle and many programs I have become aware and continue to discover. Lately I have not been so strict with my diet and been allowing myself to eat vegetables and some berries, eating less fat and protein and introducing things more slowly. I have also order Ox-bile which should arrive any day now.
If the ox bile doesn't seem to help of if it causes other digestive issues, try Betaine HCL.


bb said:
. I'm at battle with myself.
It sounds like you're hypervigilant and can't relax and expect to be able to control and manage all and everything just because you're you. Waking up from that one is usually a doozy.

bb said:
I have been feeling the Hives could be an underlying control issue? [...] My control issues and busy body/can't sit still and need to always be doing something, accomplishing something is related to my perception of my mother. I see her as lethargic, unmotivated, unhealthy, inactive, and asleep. She is shut down and I feel I can rarely engage in a meaningful or deep conversation as she is not receptive. I have the fear of taking on these qualities myself.My needs were not met and I did not experience a healthy attachment to either of them as a child especially my mother who I see in retrospect was and has been depressed most of her life. I was neglected and later alienated by my family when I uncovered some dark family secrets.

I feel because she did not do the work and look at herself rather focusing on receiving love from the external she became unavailable as a mother as she has told me her mother was to her. My mother masks her pain with pharmaceutical drugs, televison, food etc, whatever it takes.
Not to overburden your reading pile, but I think 'The Narcissistic Family' by the Pressmans is a must for you. It was for me. I think you've hit on the core issue here - your mother. Welcome to the club - it's a common one. Many of us grew up in situations that were basically "mother-less" due to the issues our mothers have. This is a really hard one because all mothers have secret back doors to our psyches and hearts simply because they are our mothers - and these back doors can mess us up in all sorts of ways when our mothers are not mothers in any real, nurturing, care-giving way.

I don't presume to know the absolute answer in your case, but in my case, I had to fully accept that I grew up without a mother (of any real sort) and that there was a lot of damage done due to this and the only way to manage it was to start to learn how to "raise myself" as it were - to basically use the present to repair the past. The first step for me was really understanding the dynamics involved and what resulted (which is why 'The Narcissistic Family' was so important) and then I had to learn (with the help of this network) how to take care of myself in a way that grew the positive, real parts of me and let the parts that were hurting me die. Early on, I also had to distance myself from my mother until I could heal myself up well enough to be able to interact with her without "taking a hit" - because - again - there is no lock for that secret back door mothers have, but there is a way to learn how to manage what comes through it.

bb said:
As I sit here writing out this post I question myself. Is this really that important to sit here and spend time writing about myself when I look at what is happening in Gaza?
Of course it is - we can't lift one finger to help other people in any real way until we heal ourselves first.
 

Beau

Administrator
Administrator
Moderator
FOTCM Member
blueberry said:
The reason I see the correlation between my mother and her illness to the hive breakouts is I feel it has something to do with my fear of not being able to work through some unconscious childhood trauma and early childhood conditioning and taking on my mothers conditioning and getting cancer myself. It feels like the hives are telling me to look and work through something but I don t know what it is or what to do?
You might want to try the writing exercises described by Pennebaker:

Writing about emotional upheavals in our lives can improve physical and mental health. Although the scientific research surrounding the value of expressive writing is still in the early phases, there are some approaches to writing that have been found to be helpful. Keep in mind that there are probably a thousand ways to write that may be beneficial to you. Think of these as rough guidelines rather than Truth. Indeed, in your own writing, experiment on your own and see what works best.

Getting Ready to Write

Find a time and place where you won’t be disturbed. Ideally, pick a time at the end of your workday or before you go to bed.

Promise yourself that you will write for a minimum of 15 minutes a day for at least 3 or 4 consecutive days.

Once you begin writing, write continuously. Don’t worry about spelling or grammar. If you run out of things to write about, just repeat what you have already written.

You can write longhand or you can type on a computer. If you are unable to write, you can also talk into a tape recorder.

You can write about the same thing on all 3-4 days of writing or you can write about something different each day. It is entirely up to you.

What to Write About
Something that you are thinking or worrying about too much
Something that you are dreaming about
Something that you feel is affecting your life in an unhealthy way
Something that you have been avoiding for days, weeks, or years

In our research, we generally give people the following instructions for writing:
Over the next four days, I want you to write about your deepest emotions and thoughts about the most upsetting experience in your life. Really let go and explore your feelings and thoughts about it. In your writing, you might tie this experience to your childhood, your relationship with your parents, people you have loved or love now, or even your career. How is this experience related to who you would like to become, who you have been in the past, or who you are now?

Many people have not had a single traumatic experience but all of us have had major conflicts or stressors in our lives and you can write about them as well. You can write about the same issue every day or a series of different issues. Whatever you choose to write about, however, it is critical that you really let go and explore your very deepest emotions and thoughts.

Warning: Many people report that after writing, they sometimes feel somewhat sad or depressed. Like seeing a sad movie, this typically goes away in a couple of hours. If you find that you are getting extremely upset about a writing topic, simply stop writing or change topics.


What to do with your Writing Samples

The writing is for you and for you only. Their purpose is for you to be completely honest with yourself. When writing, secretly plan to throw away your writing when you are finished. Whether you keep it or save it is really up to you.

Some people keep their samples and edit them. That is, they gradually change their writing from day to day. Others simply keep them and return to them over and over again to see how they have changed.

Here are some other options:
Burn them. Erase them. Shred them. Flush them. Tear them into little pieces and toss them into the ocean or let the wind take them away. Eat them (not recommended).
There is another one as well that may interest you. It's called The Best Possible Selves Exercise, described in the book Redirect: The Surprising New Science of Psychological Change:

If you would rather not dredge up upsetting events from the past, and prefer to focus on the positive, try this exercise. Again, find a quiet, private place and follow these instructions on consecutive nights: "Think about your life in the future. Imagine that everything has gone as well as it possibly could. You have worked hard and succeeded at accomplishing all your life goals. Think of this as the realization of all your life dreams. Now, write about what you imagined."

Dont' just think about what you have achieved, like getting your dream job, but be sure to write about how you got there. By so doing you might become more optimistic about your future and cope better with any obstacles you encounter.
 

Foxx

The Living Force
FOTCM Member
Hi Blueberry :)

blueberry said:
I have observed in myself that I have been unconsciously putting pressure on myself to make too many dramatic changes too fast (as Laura mentioned). This includes pressure to change my diet, lifestyle and many programs I have become aware and continue to discover.
...
I am draining my energy by anticipating all the ideas I have and the future.
I think I can relate to this experience you're having as I'm the worrying type (apparently I love to worry as it's one of the harder things for me to get rid of despite having absolutely no productive value, but I'm working on it), but I think that any worrying, especially about having enough "time" (since time doesn't exist) can be helped by reading the short "Time Pressure" thread:

http://cassiopaea.org/forum/index.php/topic,9623.msg69807.html#msg69807

I think it's also important to try to remember that you're trying to make really huge changes to your life and to your body through the diet and healing trauma, so it won't happen overnight, and that it's a very intense and challenging task that will require patience and compassion with yourself to get through. Try to relate to yourself while going through these things as you would relate to your best friend going through these things--they're tough to get through and you're not deficient in some way for having these challenges or for not being able to work through them instantaneously. Be patient with yourself :)

blueberry said:
Some of the things that have been helping me are 5-HTP, Vitamin C and probiotics in the morning. At night I have been taking Melatonin, which I researched is good in combination with the 5-HTP. I have been taking Benadryl every night as well at approx. 9-10:30pm. I have had 3 Hive breakout in the last couple weeks. The Hives are improving yes, but I feel I have just put a bandaid on the problem. I now feel dependent on the Benadryl and the nights I haven't taken it I end up feeling anxious in 'anticipation' I may have a breakout. This is a vicious cycle as then the anxiety causes the breakout to come and I end up taking the Benadryl anyways. I don't want to be dependent on something external to rid myself of the hives but I also don't want to lose sleep because then my whole system gets thrown off. I'm confused on what else to do. I have been doing the EE breathwork program regularly and staying active (swimming, working out and going for hikes) which clears negative energy and relaxes me. I feel something inside of me an unconscious thought pattern is contracting my energy flow as I am still experiencing angst???
I've heard that some people take Benadryl as a sleep aid and find that it becomes addictive for that purpose--I know it pretty much knocked me out the last time I took it (a few years now), so it might be worth considering whether it's past its usefulness for you now or not (and I really don't know, just thinking out loud on this one). One thing, though, that might be helpful, if you're experiencing a histamine response or some kind of internal toxic load, might be to try the liposomal Vitamin C that seems to be super potent:

http://cassiopaea.org/forum/index.php/topic,29223.0.html

blueberry said:
I have been feeling the Hives could be an underlying control issue? When the breakouts happen I feel so out of control, I feel frustration, rage, helplessness and sadness. I feel I am being attacked and there is nothing I can do. A part of me thinks to just stop taking the Benadryl and when a breakouts happen going and laying down on the living room floor, do pipe breathing and consciously suffering and see what comes up. What underlying issue is underneath the Hives? I now truly feel the 'hive attacks' are a signal that something needs to be processed from my unconscious but I don't know what it is?
This might be a hard one to remember and/or do at the time of the breakouts, but if there's nothing you can do (and it doesn't sound like there is), I think worrying about it and getting angry at it and at yourself probably won't help and will probably only make it worse.

blueberry said:
I have discovered through talking things out with my partner, SpiralOut, that there could be a connection between the Hives and my mother. My control issues and busy body/can't sit still and need to always be doing something, accomplishing something is related to my perception of my mother. I see her as lethargic, unmotivated, unhealthy, inactive, and asleep. She is shut down and I feel I can rarely engage in a meaningful or deep conversation as she is not receptive. I have the fear of taking on these qualities myself. Therefore, I overcompensate by "truth telling," by always running around and doing things, by being at times overly physically active, and have trouble relaxing as "I don't want to become lazy," like my mother.
<snip>
What I say about how my mother needs not being met and not loved for who she, is the way my mother was with me and how I grew up. My needs were not met and I did not experience a healthy attachment to either of them as a child especially my mother who I see in retrospect was and has been depressed most of her life. I was neglected and later alienated by my family when I uncovered some dark family secrets.

I feel because she did not do the work and look at herself rather focusing on receiving love from the external she became unavailable as a mother as she has told me her mother was to her.
Your mother sounds a lot like my mother--permanently not there, never an emotionally connected moment or meaningful conversation. One thing that helped me work through (at least some of) my issues with my mom was the book "The Emotional Incest Syndrome", though based on your description I'm not sure if emotional incest was a factor in your relationship with her.

What I've observed with my mom for a long time is that she really isn't actually capable of genuinely loving (as in knowing) at least me, and probably anyone else. Loving me would mean knowing me, which would mean knowing far more about herself and the world than she would like to know, because that's what my life is. I don't seek her love because I know she can't give it, but I also know that it doesn't reflect on me or make me unloved or unlove-able--it's simply something that she cannot do. I think it's hard to get to a place where one is at least mostly engaging in genuine self love, but I think trying to heal, practicing self-patience and self-compassion (not self-placating--a very fine line, I think), trying to Know Thyself, and seeing that people who are unable to love others for whatever reason, even if they're "supposed" to be able to love us, as being a deficiency in them rather than a deficiency in oneself, can go a long way towards achieving that.

blueberry said:
As I sit here writing out this post I question myself. Is this really that important to sit here and spend time writing about myself when I look at what is happening in Gaza? I am struggling with finding a balance between doing the work within and without. On some level I feel I have been activated and sadness is coming up for me around my process as I am devastated, disgusted, and enraged with the sickness of the world. I have had trouble talking about Gaza with others as I become very emotional and choked and have to hold back my tears.
I think both are important. It's hard (if not impossible) to be able to help others if you don't heal yourself first (if your leg is broken and someone with both their legs broken asks you to carry them somewhere, it's probably best for you and them if you fix your leg first, lest you end up hurting yourself and/or them while trying to help). In that sense, I think that asking for help is a prerequisite to being able to help others, so you shouldn't feel guilty or selfish for doing so.

Take care of yourself :flowers:
 

Scottie

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blueberry said:
In retrospect I had become to forceful with myself in switching over to the Paleo/kenogetic diet.
Maybe it's a question of which part of yourself you are forceful with?

When it comes to programs we have that hurt others, and/or seeing ourselves as we are, then yes, we must be ruthless with ourselves. Or, more accurately, we must be ruthless with the programs themselves.

But then, there is the healing aspect. Here, it does no good to be ruthless, forceful, or firm, because then we just end up abusing ourselves in place of those people/events that previously caused us damage.

So, it's kind of a fine line to walk sometimes.

It's kind of like the difference between:

"Relaaaaaaax your body... Relaaaaaaax completely."

And:

"Relaaaaaaax your body... Relaaaaaaax completely. Are you relaaaaaxed? NO? Why not?? I said RELAX, dammit!"

From personal experience, I'm fairly certain that the second method is far less effective.

blueberry said:
I feel because she did not do the work and look at herself rather focusing on receiving love from the external she became unavailable as a mother as she has told me her mother was to her. My mother masks her pain with pharmaceutical drugs, televison, food etc, whatever it takes. There is no reaching her only letting go which I am working through. The reason I see the correlation between my mother and her illness to the hive breakouts is I feel it has something to do with my fear of not being able to work through some unconscious childhood trauma and early childhood conditioning and taking on my mothers conditioning and getting cancer myself. It feels like the hives are telling me to look and work through something but I don t know what it is or what to do?
Your mother apparently did not work through her stuff. But you are working through your "stuff" right now. You don't have to "get there" in order to "get it". It's a process, and usually it is necessarily slow. The more we try to rush things, the slower they can go.

blueberry said:
As I sit here writing out this post I question myself. Is this really that important to sit here and spend time writing about myself when I look at what is happening in Gaza? I am struggling with finding a balance between doing the work within and without. On some level I feel I have been activated and sadness is coming up for me around my process as I am devastated, disgusted, and enraged with the sickness of the world. I have had trouble talking about Gaza with others as I become very emotional and choked and have to hold back my tears.
I would say that the world's collective suffering is certainly greater than any of our individual suffering, but that fact doesn't negate an individual's trials and tribulations. I mean, by the very definition of "collective suffering", your suffering is part of it. As anart said, the greatest thing you could do is heal yourself so that you can better help others. Sometimes, the two are intertwined.

I suppose this is the part where I should recommend another book for you to read. But since you are already feeling overwhelmed, I would say you might try a different approach. Sure, if a certain book catches your eye, by all means read it! Intuition is a handy thing... I recently bought a movie that I didn't even watch, but the act of buying it triggered realizations about all kinds of stuff. Go figure!

But don't feel like you MUST read 75 different books, or you MUST help everyone, or you MUST hurry up and "get it", whatever "it" is. The only thing you MUST do is to be you, as you are, right now. And then tomorrow will come, and you will be you tomorrow. Maybe you will be a better you, or maybe not. Each day, you Do 1 thing to try to learn and grow. One day at a time.

Since it seems hardly anybody was actually gentle with you during your formative years, you probably internalized their harshness, which you now use to beat yourself over the head. Thus, a logical first step would be to figure out what it means to give yourself the one thing you never had. When doing EE, you could meditate on the idea: Be gentle with yourself.

Well, that's what I think, anyway.
 

Improvise

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I still have hive breakouts from time to time and I think I found their cause, for my case at least.

When I'm excited or anxious about something and then think about it,almost obsessively, and without paying attention and being fully conscious of my thought process, then the thoughts get in a loop and become intertwined/linked to my feeling of anxiety and so the feedback loop is formed. Anxious/uncontrolled thoughts feed the anxiety and anxiety feeds the the thoughts. Because I didn't pay full attention to my thoughts and would let them just happen in a feedback loop, I think they would imprint on system 1 somehow and become part of it's process, and it happens because system 2 wasn't engaged to do it's work.

So, when the thoughts and feelings of anxiety become unconscious process, it's very hard to get rid of them, I think.
They want to get out but can't get processed because we're not aware of them, and that could be why the hives manifest on the skin.

Maybe in your case it doesn't happen like in mine, maybe the cause is different and not the feedback loop and system 1 imprinting that I described, and also much of what I wrote might be wrong, but I'm sure someone will point it out if that's the case.
 

blueberry

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You might want to try the writing exercises described by Pennebaker:

Writing about emotional upheavals in our lives can improve physical and mental health. Although the scientific research surrounding the value of expressive writing is still in the early phases, there are some approaches to writing that have been found to be helpful. Keep in mind that there are probably a thousand ways to write that may be beneficial to you. Think of these as rough guidelines rather than Truth. Indeed, in your own writing, experiment on your own and see what works best.

Getting Ready to Write

Find a time and place where you won’t be disturbed. Ideally, pick a time at the end of your workday or before you go to bed.

Promise yourself that you will write for a minimum of 15 minutes a day for at least 3 or 4 consecutive days.

Once you begin writing, write continuously. Don’t worry about spelling or grammar. If you run out of things to write about, just repeat what you have already written.

You can write longhand or you can type on a computer. If you are unable to write, you can also talk into a tape recorder.

You can write about the same thing on all 3-4 days of writing or you can write about something different each day. It is entirely up to you.

What to Write About
Something that you are thinking or worrying about too much
Something that you are dreaming about
Something that you feel is affecting your life in an unhealthy way
Something that you have been avoiding for days, weeks, or years

In our research, we generally give people the following instructions for writing:
Over the next four days, I want you to write about your deepest emotions and thoughts about the most upsetting experience in your life. Really let go and explore your feelings and thoughts about it. In your writing, you might tie this experience to your childhood, your relationship with your parents, people you have loved or love now, or even your career. How is this experience related to who you would like to become, who you have been in the past, or who you are now?

Many people have not had a single traumatic experience but all of us have had major conflicts or stressors in our lives and you can write about them as well. You can write about the same issue every day or a series of different issues. Whatever you choose to write about, however, it is critical that you really let go and explore your very deepest emotions and thoughts.

Warning: Many people report that after writing, they sometimes feel somewhat sad or depressed. Like seeing a sad movie, this typically goes away in a couple of hours. If you find that you are getting extremely upset about a writing topic, simply stop writing or change topics.


What to do with your Writing Samples

The writing is for you and for you only. Their purpose is for you to be completely honest with yourself. When writing, secretly plan to throw away your writing when you are finished. Whether you keep it or save it is really up to you.

Some people keep their samples and edit them. That is, they gradually change their writing from day to day. Others simply keep them and return to them over and over again to see how they have changed.

Here are some other options:
Burn them. Erase them. Shred them. Flush them. Tear them into little pieces and toss them into the ocean or let the wind take them away. Eat them (not recommended).
There is another one as well that may interest you. It's called The Best Possible Selves Exercise, described in the book Redirect: The Surprising New Science of Psychological Change:

If you would rather not dredge up upsetting events from the past, and prefer to focus on the positive, try this exercise. Again, find a quiet, private place and follow these instructions on consecutive nights: "Think about your life in the future. Imagine that everything has gone as well as it possibly could. You have worked hard and succeeded at accomplishing all your life goals. Think of this as the realization of all your life dreams. Now, write about what you imagined."

Dont' just think about what you have achieved, like getting your dream job, but be sure to write about how you got there. By so doing you might become more optimistic about your future and cope better with any obstacles you encounter.
Thank you for suggesting these writing exercises Heimdallr :) I have been writing but not in the way Pennebaker describes. I think it will be helpful for me to have an outline to refer to. Have you used this outline yourself? I'm wondering about writing about my most traumatic event as I don't want to re traumatize myself. Do you have any suggestions? I think I will start with the realization of your lives dreams and go from there.
 

Beau

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blueberry said:
Thank you for suggesting these writing exercises Heimdallr :) I have been writing but not in the way Pennebaker describes. I think it will be helpful for me to have an outline to refer to. Have you used this outline yourself? I'm wondering about writing about my most traumatic event as I don't want to re traumatize myself. Do you have any suggestions? I think I will start with the realization of your lives dreams and go from there.
That's a good start. I asked questions before bed of things that were bothering me regarding my behavior or actions, and I asked about events in my childhood. Personally, I have little to no memory of my childhood so I was asking why that was and what happened to make me essentially "black out" my life before 12-13 years old. If I had any intense dreams that woke me up I would write them down immediately so I didn't forget. If you're concerned about re-traumatizing yourself, then starting with the realization of your dreams is a good place to begin. There is also these examples from above:

Something that you are thinking or worrying about too much
Something that you are dreaming about
Something that you feel is affecting your life in an unhealthy way
Something that you have been avoiding for days, weeks, or years
That you can also try. Really, anything that is on your mind or you feel affects you in one way or the other, write about it, preferably at night before bed, and see what happens. Trust that your subconscious self won't release things in a traumatizing way, it may give you dreams that are just symbolic of the situation instead of something completely literal so as to be gentle with your conscious self. Whatever you are "given" through these exercises, you can then write down those insights in your notebook as well. From what I've experienced, you can really be given excellent feedback from yourself with these writing exercises, so I'm happy to hear you are considering them, as I think all of us in the Work can benefit from "communicating" with ourselves this way. Best wishes on your journey blueberry.
 

Foxx

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Hi Blueberry :)

I thought of you hives problem after testing positive for the Alpha Gal "tick meat" allergy, so I thought you might want to look into it and possibly get tested. I wrote up a bit of info about it on this thread:

http://cassiopaea.org/forum/index.php/topic,30223.new.html

I hope you're feeling better!
 

buchsan

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OUCH! In my clinic experience, the clients who had hives benefited from several remedies...besides having an antihistamine on hand.

One thing that came up on many clients who had hives, was (acites) parasites. In fact, so many of them that the paracleanses might last 2-9months, with one of them alternating btw paracleanse one month to a colon cleanse/liver cleanse/support one month. This seemed to help.

Many of the clients who come in with hives have had some remarked improvements with a pungent oil called ImmuneCleanse and the lectrochi ion cleanse. I have about 30 people recently who say that has helped a lot.

Another thing that seems to help a lot is a dessicated liver support with an essential fatty acid supplement or plan with some raw adrenal tissue. This seems to help when the hives are histaminic reaction and not parasitic.

Not sure this helps, but working with so many skin clients over the years, this common ailment has been helped a lot with either part or all of this combination....(plus if it is histaminic reaction, there is possibly underlying emotions and a virus activity) At least it is Possible.

Hope you feel better! I had shingles last February and that is not fun either!! I learned a whole lot from that escapade!!
 

Renaissance

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I've had chronic hives for the past three months or so, which match blueberry's description. I get them every morning when I wake up and they'd come at night when I go to bed if I don't take an antihistamine. I've tried new detergent, tightening up my diet, fasting, intermittent fasting, the sauna blanket everyday (sometimes twice a day) for several weeks, high does vitamin C, high dose vitamin D, iodine, and probably a few other things. Getting good sleep seems to help quite a bit. Some of these measures helped to some degree but nothing was able to completely reduce or get rid of them.

I've gone to a general practitioner twice who gave me steroid shots. The shots were effective for several days but the hives would come back. I went to an allergist and he diagnosed the hives as chronic idiopathic urticaria. He doesn't see it as an allergic reaction and he disagreed that it is an autoimmune disorder when I asked him about it. He described it as a physiological stress response and for whatever reason some people's skin cells are super reactive to various stressors (some may react to changes in temperature, anxiety, etc.). He said some cases don't respond to anti-histamine treatments or even steroids, which he said has detrimental health effects for long term treatment. But he did say there is a treatment used for asthma that has recently been used to treat these cases. It's a drug called omalizumab, but the thing is a single high does shot costs about $3,000, and a person may need two or possibly three shots. Some insurance plans cover this others don't. I'm uninsured and he said I can apply to get it for free but I doubt I will with my income. The alternative would be to find an insurance plan that would cover the shots, but since I'd be self insured, I'd have to find something that is reasonably affordable.

So for the past couple of days I've been doing cold baths twice a day, and today I woke up with no new hives just a few subtle traces. So, I'll continue with this course along with an anti-histamine (which does help some) as well as Allegra, which the allergist thought would be more effective than the anti-histamine. So, I'm hopeful and I think I see some light at the end of the tunnel.
 

Pashalis

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Renaissance said:
I've had chronic hives for the past three months or so, which match blueberry's description. I get them every morning when I wake up and they'd come at night when I go to bed if I don't take an antihistamine. I've tried new detergent, tightening up my diet, fasting, intermittent fasting, the sauna blanket everyday (sometimes twice a day) for several weeks, high does vitamin C, high dose vitamin D, iodine, and probably a few other things. Getting good sleep seems to help quite a bit. Some of these measures helped to some degree but nothing was able to completely reduce or get rid of them.

I've gone to a general practitioner twice who gave me steroid shots. The shots were effective for several days but the hives would come back. I went to an allergist and he diagnosed the hives as chronic idiopathic urticaria. He doesn't see it as an allergic reaction and he disagreed that it is an autoimmune disorder when I asked him about it. He described it as a physiological stress response and for whatever reason some people's skin cells are super reactive to various stressors (some may react to changes in temperature, anxiety, etc.). He said some cases don't respond to anti-histamine treatments or even steroids, which he said has detrimental health effects for long term treatment. But he did say there is a treatment used for asthma that has recently been used to treat these cases. It's a drug called omalizumab, but the thing is a single high does shot costs about $3,000, and a person may need two or possibly three shots. Some insurance plans cover this others don't. I'm uninsured and he said I can apply to get it for free but I doubt I will with my income. The alternative would be to find an insurance plan that would cover the shots, but since I'd be self insured, I'd have to find something that is reasonably affordable.

So for the past couple of days I've been doing cold baths twice a day, and today I woke up with no new hives just a few subtle traces. So, I'll continue with this course along with an anti-histamine (which does help some) as well as Allegra, which the allergist thought would be more effective than the anti-histamine. So, I'm hopeful and I think I see some light at the end of the tunnel.
Does it go away with the steroid shots or is only the discomfort reduced due to the shots? If it reduces it, it might be interesting to look deeper into what steroids do, in order to find out what might be the problem and how to treat it with less drastic remedies. It is interesting that the cold therapy seems to help the most so far. Another thing that could give some clues on what is going on. Some times, especially in the winter, I can get rashes all over the body as well, although it is likely something else then idiopathic urticaria or chronic hives. Although I'm not sure yet. Haven't quite figured out what causes it. What I do notice though, is that it is much worse in winter times. Have you found some patterns as well, like it becoming more extreme in certain times of the year or in specific circumstances?
 
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