Prodigal son's homecoming

I'm neither heroic nor pitiful. And I hope I don't appear to be either one here. Honestly, I'm just surviving and caring for my ex-wife (now that I'm no longer husband, but caregiver). Love didn't change with that. Just want to hit calm seas eventually.

I have been drawing dogs, almost near 50 so far, which is half way to finish. The line work is more fragile than before surgery. I can see the difference. This right eye has this big jelly-like floater directly in my focus. Still sad to me that I can't go back and undo this surgery. These eye problems: maybe this is the universe's way of telling me I have to look harder at what I see. Beethoven eventually was deaf, right?

Thanks HowToBe. Every little bit of encouragement helps me to be stronger.
 
News today is that the publishers of the O'Neill dog book have cancelled. I have all these designs and drawings done having trusted them. Wow! This is going to be a hard month.
 
Wow, indeed! :jawdrop:

It's tending towards the absurd how many consecutive blows you have to endure, NewOrleans. I'm at a loss for words to describe my confusion about this pinnacle of improbability. Would I've read this in a book, I would've hardly believed it! Once again, fact is stranger than fiction... :shock:

I really hope --as you do, I suppose-- that this sorry state of affairs may experience a change for the good sooner rather than later. Please keep us posted, and stay strong. :knitting:
 
NewOrleans said:
News today is that the publishers of the O'Neill dog book have cancelled. I have all these designs and drawings done having trusted them. Wow! This is going to be a hard month.
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I'm so sorry to hear that NewOrleans,
I know how hard it can be to work when sick, and jobs that was the only hope of getting through getting canceled last minute, and disaster after disaster happening until one wonders if one has unwittingly signed on to play the archetype of Job from the bible.
It's no fun at all.

Best thing I've done at one of those times is to use the extreme poverty (that was one of the multible disasters happening at that time) to go keto (it is easier not to give in to carb cravings when one can't buy anything)
The cheapest fattiest pigmeat is cheaper than other food, as one can survive on very small amounts, (and after a month or so, one stops being hungry all the time) and being in ketosis helps to get better physically after a while, it helps to balance the emotions after a while (calms the panic, and selfpity that naturally follows multiple disasters) and if one keeps being poor for long, it helps to need less of everything when in ketosis.

I know it's maybe not the funniest solution, but if everything is horrible anyways, one might as well use it for something...

I hope something good comes your way :hug2:
 
Palinurus said:
Wow, indeed! :jawdrop:

It's tending towards the absurd how many consecutive blows you have to endure, NewOrleans. I'm at a loss for words to describe my confusion about this pinnacle of improbability. Would I've read this in a book, I would've hardly believed it! Once again, fact is stranger than fiction... :shock:

I really hope --as you do, I suppose-- that this sorry state of affairs may experience a change for the good sooner rather than later. Please keep us posted, and stay strong. :knitting:
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Me too, sorry to hear this NewOrleans. Take care of yourself and know we're here for you if you need to network about it. :hug2:
 
I wish I could be talking about UFOs, spooks or Gurdjieff , something other than my troubles. But this is the stuff i'm working through and the principles of Work apply: Viewing it other than through my emotional center. Seeing that I don't identify as a victim. Self-observing.

If it was anyone else I'd say this is the fictional work of a drama queen, but it's my situation and it's true. My strategy is first-things-first: dental surgery for ex-wife. Paying for that: I'll just negotiate with the clinic to pay over time.

Then my eye issues. If I can get them to do a third surgery to repair the floaters I can live with the farsightedness, and wear these special glasses for nearsightedness. It's a compromise, but I have to be realistic about what is possible.

As for drawing, I'll just have to retrain my hand to follow what I don't quite see. It's been told to me here on the Forum not to think of being an artist as being special. Well, this has taken me down a notch or two. It's still my work and I have to adjust. Without the glasses it's all a blur.

Book deals gone bad: I'm basically a trusting person,(my background coming from a Norweigan-American family) but when someone dodges signing a contract or paying an advance fee, it's all over. I'm disappointed because this could have been a very decent consolation book for grieving dog owners. Contemplating doing it DIY online and break their ownership of any idea I labored with.

Health book on childhood obesity: I contacted the head pediatrician at the hospital again and proposed he find a NEW sponsor and I'd cut my fee. The work is done and just sitting here. I'd rather sell it for a fraction of the cost than not at all.

My prayers go out to the people of Louisiana still suffering with the standing floodwater and disaster. These things take a long time to get back to square one. Took me well over over ten years to recover. I feel for their loss.
 
NewOrleans said:
As for drawing, I'll just have to retrain my hand to follow what I don't quite see. It's been told to me here on the Forum not to think of being an artist as being special. Well, this has taken me down a notch or two. It's still my work and I have to adjust. Without the glasses it's all a blur.
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I'm sure others will correct me if I'm wrong about this, but as I see it: drawing for a living is not making one special (or mean that one is an artist in the definition by G of art), but that don't mean that drawing for a living is bad (except maybe for the hands, and the back, and the eyes when working too much overtime, but so are many other jobs)

I think it is good to do what one is good at when making a living (one does best what one is good at, and doing something right has value, no matter if it is being very good at making coffee), but the problem just comes when one thinks it makes one special, or more important than others who are good at something different.

And as I see it, it is no better or worse than cleaning public toilets (though sometimes it is paid a lot more, but then one also has to take into account the huge amounts of overtime, the not having sick leave, the cancelled jobs, the lack of security, the times of unemployment, no pension plan and such, it is often not so much more, and sometimes a lot less)
It is just that it can be a trap for selfimportance, because when people ask "what do you do for a living" and you answer "I clean public toilets" they go "hmm" and don't say any more, and if you answer "I'm an artist" they go "wow, that's really interesting, tell me more" and seem to think you are special because of it.

A camera and a vacuum cleaner are both machines, one is not better or worse than the other, they are just for different uses (it depends on the situation which is more useful) so it just becomes a problem if the camera starts to think it is an artist and not a machine, just like the vacuum cleaner.

But that don't mean that one shouldn't love what one is good at, as when one loves what one does, one does it better, and this world need people who do their job with love (no matter what job it is)

OSIT...

added: and of cause it is a problem for a camera to have a broken lens, I hope yours heal well enough to keep using it
 
Of course you're right, Miss K. One occupation is not necessarily more "special" than another. The stress I have is that my tools - my eyes - are not fully functional as they should be. The surgeon is supposed to be consulting with my eye doctor today and it hangs in the balance what they will allow and what they'll refuse. It's causing anxiety that it will affect HOW I work. Money issues hang in the balance as clients fall away.
 
PS. I need to do more than just complain about my misfortunes. So please pardon me as I step away from commenting to every post and get back to looking for work and solutions. i appreciate all the insights, I really do. But I need to end "blogging about my woes". It's not helpful to describe every bump in the road.
Thank you all.
 
NewOrleans said:
PS. I need to do more than just complain about my misfortunes. So please pardon me as I step away from commenting to every post and get back to looking for work and solutions. i appreciate all the insights, I really do. But I need to end "blogging about my woes". It's not helpful to describe every bump in the road.
Thank you all.
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It's not the reporting of your woes that's the problem, but more that you keep having the woes and that these misfortunes keep happening to you. You might want to read the Joe Dispenza book, "Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself" to get some techniques for changing your state of mind and being so that better things happen to you. If you keep doing the same things and being the same way, nothing will change.
 
Thank you for the book recommendation, Mr. Premise. EXACTLY what I need to read right now. I've purchased it on my Kindle and started reading this morning.
 
You mentioned that you would like to be talking about UFO's, Gurdjieff, etc. but basically that what you have in front of you is pressing and is doing the Work. I'd suggest that yes, dealing with our personal issues does involve this, but being consumed by them can cause energy to be turned inward and lead to repeating cycles. Something that can help is to focus energy into networking about things other than the problems you face. It's easy to get caught up in the wetiko virus. If you're unfamiliar with that term, there's a Sott radio show on the topic here. There are many people who pop in and out only when they have a problem that needs fixing. It's understandable to see the need for networking at critical times, but engaging the network beyond this is also really helpful!
 
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