Psychiatric Hotline

[ScioAgapeOmnis]

Recording - "Hello, Welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline."


If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2.

If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5 and 6.

If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want.
Just stay on the line until we can trace the call.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell
you which number to press.

If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press.
No one will answer.

 

[Zadius Sky]

Awww...this is so damn cute....I mean, funny.

 

[Laura]

What about psychopaths and narcissists and borderline and passive aggressive and avoidant and schizoidal and schizotypal???

 

[ScioAgapeOmnis]

What about psychopaths and narcissists and borderline and passive aggressive and avoidant and schizoidal and schizotypal???

If you are a psychopath, please hang up as we are no longer accepting resumes.

If you are a narcissist, then you're not a narcissist, hence you're calling this number. You probably were hanging out with the psychopath. Stop it.

If you are passive aggressive, please ask your mother, who dialed this number for you after being unable to get you out of the house for 42 years and counting, to press 8.

If you are schizoidal, please hang up and read our website instead, as we're about to connect you with a live person which will no doubt trigger in you the first 4 stages of grief.

If you are schizotypal, please record your message after the beep. Your call will be monitored and recorded for the purposes of training, and you can find the recording in the "Baked Noodles" section of the SOTT discussion forum.

:P