Reversed emotions

[anart]

It's usually the case that people get upset at hearing a crying child because the sound of a crying child is the most disrupting/annoying/alarming noise that exists for most human beings. So, the reaction most people have is less about "not being able to express their own anger" as it is that the sound itself is alarming/distressing to the extreme.

I thought de-tached meant that people not so much get upset at hearing the sound of a crying child, but rather get mad and direct anger at the crying child herself. Sure, the noise is disrupting and alarming, but the more situationally appropriate resolution of this anxiety would be to comfort the child, or solve the problem in the environment that makes the child upset. Instead, you see things like, child falling, scraping her knee and crying, and getting yelled at by her parent for making a ruckus or for being a cry-babyI have observed it many times, and unfortunately have done this in times of stress and lesser awareness, with these exact motivations.

So, you've scolded a child that had a scraped knee (or a similar situation) because you were resentful that you could not express your own anger? Or, am I misunderstanding you?

 

[Hildegarda]

So, you've scolded a child that had a scraped knee (or a similar situation) because you were resentful that you could not express your own anger? Or, am I misunderstanding you?

Rather, resentful of my own weakness and feeling of helplessness. Having been reprimanded for the same things when young, I have learned that one has to stoically bear physical discomfort and emotional hurt. Then, seeing someone not doing that triggers projection, and anger at self for failing gets misplaced onto another person. It took a while to work this one out and stop doing it.

In my particular culture, there other factors as well. It is common to "criticize those you love". I think comes from repressed emotion of shame and fear of community disapproval, which comes from the remnants of the traditional peasant way of life. The reasoning then goes something along the lines of, let me jump in and reprimand my child to spare both him and me a harsher reprimand from strangers. This one, I don't see much in the West, but at home, it happens all the time, and is hard to behold.

 

[anart]

So, you've scolded a child that had a scraped knee (or a similar situation) because you were resentful that you could not express your own anger? Or, am I misunderstanding you?

Rather, resentful of my own weakness and feeling of helplessness.

I think that's a little different, though the dysfunctional projection is similar.

Having been reprimanded for the same things when young, I have learned that one has to stoically bear physical discomfort and emotional hurt. Then, seeing someone not doing that triggers projection, and anger at self for failing gets misplaced onto another person. It took a while to work this one out and stop doing it.

That sounds horrible, for all involved.

In my particular culture, there other factors as well. It is common to "criticize those you love". I think comes from repressed emotion of shame and fear of community disapproval, which comes from the remnants of the traditional peasant way of life. The reasoning then goes something along the lines of, let me jump in and reprimand my child to spare both him and me a harsher reprimand from strangers. This one, I don't see much in the West, but at home, it happens all the time, and is hard to behold.

Definitely a good example of mechanical suffering based on societal illusions/lies that gets passed down to each generation.

 

[truth seeker]

In my particular culture, there other factors as well. It is common to "criticize those you love". I think comes from repressed emotion of shame and fear of community disapproval, which comes from the remnants of the traditional peasant way of life.

I think the "criticizing those you love" happens in many cultures or at least it happened in my own family.

The reasoning then goes something along the lines of, let me jump in and reprimand my child to spare both him and me a harsher reprimand from strangers. This one, I don't see much in the West, but at home, it happens all the time, and is hard to behold.

I'd say that many African Americans slaves in the past may have had similar reasons for punishing their children as you mentioned. If they didn't, the child might not learn how to stay 'in line' or receive worse punishment (read beating, whipping or even hanging) from strangers. A truly twisted method of 'protection'.