I liked your post @Neil
because it was imo honest and I see your points.
I would say:
I'm an only child and was never particularly close to my cousins, so sibling interaction is nonexistent. I've had close friends, but nothing I would categorize as "love," per se. Parental love I experience as a sense of duty, i.e. I should be there for someone who was there for me.
Have you tried i.e. Julia Quinn or Elisa Braden series? Those are series about loving families. With those you might get the vision of loving family and relationships..?
I'm not willing to put a woman up on a pedestal and build my life around her, but that's not the impression I got from the books. The main thing I got out of it is that you have to talk about everything, even if it hurts or scares the crap out of you.
Well, not quite; if you can see, both heroes and heroines are perfectly aware of all good and bad aspects of their loved ones.
Nevertheless each of them puts the other one on the pedestal -they love each other good and bad aspects. There are several books where the heroine was in love and then he turned out to be not quite the man portraited. She still loved him. I wouldn't say that only men worship their wives - it goes both ways - they both love each other as they are and not as some distant god/goddess on a pedestal.
what I get from perusing various swamp threads and stories here and there about people's relationships is that they are primairily a negative experience.
A lot of mods and admins strike me as "hopelessly single;"
I read books because I expect to go out and actually do something with the knowledge gained therein. This is why I became interested in esoteric books, I figured with the Wave and the closing of the Grand Cycle and the transition to 4D, some of that stuff would be useful to know one day.
I don´t know relationship status of the moderators or most of the people on this forum for that matter, but I don´t think that many of them refuse or don´t want relationship.
I think that they are aware of the feeding mechanisms and all of the things discussed here in the forum in general, so when you know such things, it is not likely that the people would simply go in and out of relationships and experimentations. That doesn´t mean that people don´t want to have a partner. BUT it is also difficult to find one if one don´t talk to the people and/or dismiss the idea completely.
Here I would attach Ch28 of the Wav
e where this particular dynamic is described.
As Laura says in the chapter
When Ark entered my life, it was at a point that I no longer felt the need for a partner. That had been burned out of me by suffering. I was content to be alone in truth rather than with anyone where there was the slightest compromise of truth on either side. I didn’t want to be with anyone who had to make any “adjustments” to “get along” with me, and I didn’t want to make any adjustments to get along with anyone else. I just simply wanted to be me, as I was, in full Truth. And since, at that point, I had concluded that there was no possibility of such a perfect union in this reality, I decided that I must be this alone. And then, the Ark appeared.
Similar thing happened to me over 20 years ago; ever since I knew myself and have grown big enough to "know" about love, I always wanted somebody to love.
My all friends were in relationships and in love; I wanted the same. Always the same. To give my love to somebody, to have him and hold him until happily ever after.
After a while, I realized that won´t come. I din´t know about the C´s or anything at this point. So I planned my future, my college and started to think about what to do with my life and decided I won´t look for love anymore and to concentrate on my career. Love was a closed topic. I realized I won´t find what I´m looking for and that was that.
After a few months, a man came into my world.
We are now 20 years together. We had 10 good years and now we are having 10 really
bad years. Currently I´m in the process of figuring out if he is an agent or soul in struggle because, with him, I can´t tell the difference any more.
People change, but not that much. The true nature is there so I have to see if I failed to see it from the start or is his true nature masked behind years of hurting each other.
He is also very ill and barely moves properly which adds to his behavior. So there is a whole bouquet of reasons why I´m still in this relationship.
I believe I'm a capable person, nevermind what anybody calls me; I can and I do provide for my family on my own and I´ve proved that. So I don´t need a man in my life. Or do I....?
If I would be left single again, I also wouldn´t seek another relationship. But that doesn't mean that I wouldn´t like to have one.
I also don´t think that the descriptions of the sexual act are exaggerated that much (most of the time). If one is willing and able to give and receive love - that's pretty much what happens and much more. That's why I don´t find sexual scenes disturbing or uncomfortable - to me, they are more longing for the past times...
Nevertheless, my post only confirms your statement that most relationships here are bad or struggling.
And that´s true. Even in romance novels, they all struggle. Compromise. It's even more difficult when one is aware of the dynamics and the other is not.
This is so beautifully put by @iamthatis
so I´ll just quote him/her for the end.
So even in the context of a romantic relationship, the healing takes time and patience. It's not a case of instant miracles, it's a struggle. But a brave and beautiful one. So now, the masks I've worn, and the walls I've lived in - that's okay. Those were the props and set of my lessons at that time. There's an acceptance of that. And a forgiveness of myself for being a scared kid and not knowing what to do in a world gone mad. So I know a little more about myself now. And because of that, I can love myself a little more, too.
So, all the books in the world won´t give one the experience and the lesson - whatever the lesson might be.
I don´t know... Maybe I said too much and discouraged people... Those were my thoughts when reading the last couple of pages of the thread...