Thanks for the book recommendation Shijing and for all who posted their reviews and personal experiences. The summary posted by Psalehesost was very clear. In my reading of this book, just finished it yesterday, I identified a few things which stood out:
The core idea behind Scattered is the under-development of brain structures during childhood. This happens in conditions where children are immersed in environments that disrupt their natural brain development. Parents should provide proper attunement and attachment to the child, without this, the child inevitably is plagued -- imprinted -- by feelings of shame and rejection. This can happen even in the best intentions of parents, and children with characteristics of sensitivity are particularly vulnerable. Thus, the child feels forced to work for the attention that she so desperately craves so as to avoid feeling that they are worthless and shameful beings. This need can become a compulsion as the child enters adulthood, and is commonly manifest as people-pleasing, workaholism, substance addictions, dysfunctional relationships that all feed into this need. The need ultimately does not end up being satisfied.
Personally, in many situations, this Scattered-ness presents itself as compulsive over thinking -- which seems to be harried mental activity fueled by anxiety that is triggered by the people around me. The needs of the other take center stage. Then comes the pressure to perform tasks at work -- the difficulties in gauging time, how long I would need to perform an assignment. I would also have difficulties to perform an assignment in an organized manner, instead working in a frenzy fueled by the anxiety to perform and meet deadlines. Clear-headed prioritising of tasks was also almost impossible.
Then there is also the counterwill, which is frustrating! When there is work to be done, counterwill asserts itself by avoidance of doing said work. I can actually dissuade and hoodwink myself into not doing work, using trivial reasons and so-called game-playing where it becomes a personal issue with colleagues and bosses rather than just what it is, work.
Other ideas that struck me was the problem of "identification" with the feelings and behaviours of others instead having a well-developing empathic function -- reminds me of the character of the "empath" mentioned in earlier threads (Highly Sensitive Person, Podcast with the SRT guy). In situations where people are victimised / abused, ADD-category people tend to become that person, which as Gabor Mate notes is an ineffective response in any situation. Overwhelmed by the victim feelings probably originating from "implicit memory" (emotional memory stored from childhood, mostly nonverbal and has roots in shame and rejection), the person loses any capability of responding to the situation in the now.
Sense of self is but the manifestation of electrical and chemical activity, according to Mate there is no abstract "self" per se -- in ADD patients, since the mind is so scattered from underdeveloped self-regulation, this sense of self is discontinuous, inconsistent. This impressed me as it tied into Gurdjieff's many "I's". In fact I think an ADD person is a bit worse off than the sleeping man of Gurdjieff -- there is not solid "I" to be felt, most of the time. If any, the default "I" would be one that is hungry for whatever object that strikes my fancy at the moment.
With constant application of will and affirmation of intent, coupled with a growing sense of self -- I seem to be digging myself out of this whirlwind of chaos which used to characterise my life. Daily activities that form a routine and structured lifestyle, including exercise (swimming), cooking ketogenic meals ahead of time, reading, breathing exercises all feed in to the healing process. I have also picked up a book on
accupressure which helps a little in calming nervousness and sometimes also helps with my insomnia.
Other than that, an item of curiosity: Ritalin (Methylphenidate) is a medication commonly prescribed to treat ADD. Ritalin is supposed to function as a dopamine reuptake inhibitor. But on the side, it is also prescribed for postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome (POTS), symptoms of which I also commonly experience. POTS presents itself as dizziness upon standing from a sitting posture. In my case I find it is caused by deficient circulation. I presume that they may be connected in some way, but it's not really clear how.
