Session 28 June 2025

She might be anxiously attached. This particuliar behaviour is done out of fear of abandonment according to me. Narcissists can act out of the same fear.
In another thread, a work (video clips on YouTube) by Doctor Ramani was offered.
It deals with the intimate/emotional relationship of a person with a narcissistic partner/family member (parent).
It is truly AMAZING!
The description from @pinkfreud, her friend, in some parts seems to be taken from those videos.
That's why I got the impression of a narcissistic person and I repeat, I am not giving a diagnosis.
 
She might not be malicious consciously, but she does seem like a spoiled type of a woman that no self respecting strong man would entertain.
To paraphrase:
He may not be consciously malicious, but he comes across as a spoiled man that no self-aware, self-respecting woman would accept.

Many have tried to draw your attention to, and I will try to summarize:

There are men, women, and sick people (male and female).
 
To paraphrase:
He may not be consciously malicious, but he comes across as a spoiled man that no self-aware, self-respecting woman would accept.

Many have tried to draw your attention to, and I will try to summarize:

There are men, women, and sick people (male and female).
We know it's a sick society (in general) that consists of sick, weak and good values deprived individuals (male and female alike).
I see it as responsibility of men to lead the women by example. I don't blame neither men nor women, but the anti life brainwashing ideologies that are the main spreaders of this sickness in the west.
 
To paraphrase:
He may not be consciously malicious, but he comes across as a spoiled man that no self-aware, self-respecting woman would accept.

Many have tried to draw your attention to, and I will try to summarize:

There are men, women, and sick people (male and female).

Kika, thanks for bringing this up. Here is my perspective. About my friend - maybe. I don’t know if she is a narcissist. It is very hard to pin point, because if I am honest, I can say that aspects of the dark triad of personalities sound very familiar to myself at certain times in life. The only thing that assures me is that I have a happy life, and my family is also happy, so it seems at this point I am not dysfunctional in a clinical sense.
My friend struggles with connection with men. Her ex husband bears her no ill will, and her children seem happy enough. She has the sense to co-parent with her ex in a way that does not try to hurt him or twist his arm.

I have known other women (my dad’s first wife, my cousin’s ex wife, my brother’s two ex wives and and brother-in-law’s ex wife, and my sister) who didn’t have the grace to do that.

In some cases these women have been without a doubt at fault for the relationship problems. Were the men perfect? Probably not. Nonetheless, the men are the ones who had to pay alimony, child-support etc. The men are the ones who were on the edge of suicide afterward (in some cases, it was attempted. I’m lucky I was born!)

And the women, in these cases, are the ones who made sure they had custody of the children, and they then taught the children that their fathers don’t love them, that their fathers could hurt them, and that their fathers treated their mothers without love and respect.

Those women, I would be more inclined to think, have detectable personality disorders.

My sister married a man from out of state and never lived with him, so that she could have a child before she passed the age of 35. Then she divorced him when my nephew was born and drags his name through the mud whenever possible. She also paid very good money to make sure that her ex cannot have custody of him even for a weekend or a holiday.

Do I care about her ex? Not especially. Do her actions disturb me to my core? Yes.

I think if we are to discuss the problem honestly, then we have to stop saying things like “not all women,” and “men and women do this,” and “maybe there is a personality disorder responsible.”

I am mostly curious about everyone’s raw experiences with women and being women, without caveats.
 
From my own experience, I do argue periodically with my partner where it is hard / impossible to not come across as the problem. The "arguments" I'd consider to be normal, and so I rarely blow them out of proportion. I take a different route though, in that I rarely shout but instead just embrace silence.

In one shape or another, the arguments usually revolve around perceived oppression and the suffering she experiences from this - again, this is normal. Usually life, work, me or whatever has done something that is oppressive - I have not done the dishes for example, or work is stressful, or the weather is always grey etc. All normal stuff - there is the eternal fight to be free from oppression, an aspiration if you will.

The one fundamental difference I have with my partner with respect to how we see the world is that I believe we must suffer, there is no escape. If the world out there isn't making you suffer in some way, your own mind will make you suffer. I believe that the key power we have as individuals is the ability to influence our suffering, to choose what we suffer rather than to escape suffering all together.

So my partner suffers because she can't escape suffering, but she see's an image in front of her regarding how she can escape, and the trick is to do certain things to make that image a reality, whilst from my point of view, I'm actually okay because I am at the stage where I have worked to experience the suffering that works for me. Of course there are always things that come unexpectedly to make you suffer, but in the main, I'm content with my lot of suffering. In fact, I embrace it because it works for me.

My partner fundamentally does think an individual can escape suffering and this is where we see things different, and can't have common ground.

I don't want it to come across like I know something my partner does not, or she's unnecessarily argumentative. She's actually not argumentative. In my view, she is in a reality trap she doesn't quite fathom the depths of, that we humans must suffer because a) it's the main way we evolve our spirit and b) we are not at the apex, in fact, something feeds on us.

Despite this divide in view, I'd say the thing that holds a relationship together is the deep realisation that you do have a partnership. If you will, that's the sun in the center of your solar system that you both orbit.

Looking into the mirror, is some of the stuff she gets annoyed about genuinely true... Yup, 100%. But is it the end of the world bad? Nope ! 🫣

Anyways, it's all interesting this male v female stuff. One thing I learnt from my crazy boss, a man I chose to suffer, is that you know what, you don't need perfect harmony in everything, in fact, you can make peace with a bit of discomfort and tension, assuming it's not out of control and pathological. I'm not saying this regarding my relationship to my partner, I'm saying it with regard my relationship to life.

SOTTREADER, thank you for your insight.

I confess that as a younger adult, I often fell back on silence. In fact, by the time I was with my husband it was a well-oiled weapon in my arsenal 😆

I am not proud of that, but I think it is a common misuse of silence. I’m pretty sure I picked it up as a weapon from my mother, looking back. She has used it in me as often ad she has on my father (they are still happily married, thankfully.)

I probably overstated the number of times my husband and I had screaming matches. We have always gotten along very well, aside from the “troubled era.” That is why the rough times are so prominent in memory.

Now that I have gotten past my own blockages, I go to silence in a more positive way as well. Usually when I fall back on it it is with other people in my life, when I don’t want to impede free will by getting preachy and the like. It is a good thing to let people hear themselves, I think, and also to just feel heard.
 
You may not like contending with the content @Serendipity has provided but you might find that there is a pot of gold waiting on the other side. I don’t think he’s in need of any sensitivity training.
I don't know how you take her recommendation as sensitivity training, or how you infer that Maya doesn't like the content he gave. You're making assumptions. That's not what reading those book is about.
 
So, according to you, there are no men or women, only sick people.
So who will heal then?
"The blind lead the blind."
In general. It's a spectrum haha.There are healthy healed people too but in west there are in low minority.

Make men strong first. Even Jordan Peterson acknowledged that men being weakened/disempowered in the western societies while women being more empowered than ever in recorded history is worrying. And he also sees a need to make men stronger, give them more power (which in highest sense is imo, knowledge and self love/respect). Peace.
 
I don't know how you take her recommendation as sensitivity training, or how you infer that Maya doesn't like the content he gave. You're making assumptions. That's not what reading those book is about.

This is interesting, and it’s kind of what inspired me to get in on the conversation.

I don’t know if it is more common for men to come off as aggressive or gruff in their expressions than it is for women. But, I have noticed that some react to serendipity as though the problem is in him without addressing the problem he is pointing to.

That is similar to my failings with men in the past. If they were upset, and I took their expressions as having the wrong tone or using the wrong words, that is exactly what enabled my blocks to come in full force. That is where the discussion ended. If I was feeling especially brave I might say something like “work on your anger issues.”

What I have since learned is that sometimes these unflattering outbursts on the part of men are cries for help. Not to be personally counseled, but to work through the knots of humanity.

It is fine to offer personal advice, but if the topic itself goes unmentioned, that could be taken as passive-aggressive too, right?

Just my two cents tho, I’m not down on encouraging personal reflection in any situation.
 
I think if we are to discuss the problem honestly, then we have to stop saying things like “not all women,” and “men and women do this,” and “maybe there is a personality disorder responsible.”

I am mostly curious about everyone’s raw experiences with women and being women, without caveats.
But.... Why?
So many selfish women around you, and you didn't let go of the flow/elements......Why?
Despite obvious examples/behavior/heritage you managed to see, really see, your partner.... Why?
You managed to see yourself, really see yourself.... Why?
When you changed your behavior/energy/communication, your partner changed too... Why?
Aren't you personally proof that; "not all women", there is a choice, choice really brings change. .... Why?
Can you imagine that there is a man in this world, who is surrounded by an equal amount of selfish men, who should be his role models, but he still chooses differently... Why?
And so on, and so on...
Isn't every experience an interaction... with at least two sides... to which everyone brings their personalities ?
 
But.... Why?
So many selfish women around you, and you didn't let go of the flow/elements......Why?
Despite obvious examples/behavior/heritage you managed to see, really see, your partner.... Why?
You managed to see yourself, really see yourself.... Why?
When you changed your behavior/energy/communication, your partner changed too... Why?
Aren't you personally proof that; "not all women", there is a choice, choice really brings change. .... Why?
Can you imagine that there is a man in this world, who is surrounded by an equal amount of selfish men, who should be his role models, but he still chooses differently... Why?
And so on, and so on...
Isn't every experience an interaction... with at least two sides... to which everyone brings their personalities ?

Yes, of course.

I’m not sure I understand what you are asking exactly, but I would like to.

Why was I able to transform my personal experience? Because I cared to.

Why was my husband able to take part in my transformation? Because he cared to.

Why is this a testament to “not all women?”
Because I questioned “what if it IS all women?”

Does that help?
 
And he also sees a need to make men stronger, give them more power (which in highest sense is imo, knowledge and self love/respect). Peace.
And who is the one who should give them that?
Aren't these qualities that each of us (whether male or female) needs to find, build and use, or in other words, work on ourselves?
And who is the one who forbids/doesn't allow us to do that?
God?
4D STS?
World government?
Parents?
Partners (male/female)? .....
 
Make men strong first. Even Jordan Peterson acknowledged that men being weakened/disempowered in the western societies while women being more empowered than ever in recorded history is worrying. And he also sees a need to make men stronger, give them more power (which in highest sense is imo, knowledge and self love/respect).
Then man up a little.
When you'll be more protecting, leading, strong, responsible but kind and loving you'll get your power back.
Make extra effort to become best verision of yourself.
It' not even matter of you at this point, but for all of us here, males and females.
We all have the same goal.
Sorry, I mentioned romance novels like very inspirative reading since you mention men power all the time.

Those stories about healing transformation through opening up, accepting your responsibilities and improving
yourself daily.
How to act with confidence and honor.
It's perfect workbook for both genders :flowers:
 
Back
Top Bottom