From my own experience, I do argue periodically with my partner where it is hard / impossible to not come across as the problem. The "arguments" I'd consider to be normal, and so I rarely blow them out of proportion. I take a different route though, in that I rarely shout but instead just embrace silence.
In one shape or another, the arguments usually revolve around perceived oppression and the suffering she experiences from this - again, this is normal. Usually life, work, me or whatever has done something that is oppressive - I have not done the dishes for example, or work is stressful, or the weather is always grey etc. All normal stuff - there is the eternal fight to be free from oppression, an aspiration if you will.
The one fundamental difference I have with my partner with respect to how we see the world is that I believe we must suffer, there is no escape. If the world out there isn't making you suffer in some way, your own mind will make you suffer. I believe that the key power we have as individuals is the ability to influence our suffering, to choose what we suffer rather than to escape suffering all together.
So my partner suffers because she can't escape suffering, but she see's an image in front of her regarding how she can escape, and the trick is to do certain things to make that image a reality, whilst from my point of view, I'm actually okay because I am at the stage where I have worked to experience the suffering that works for me. Of course there are always things that come unexpectedly to make you suffer, but in the main, I'm content with my lot of suffering. In fact, I embrace it because it works for me.
My partner fundamentally does think an individual can escape suffering and this is where we see things different, and can't have common ground.
I don't want it to come across like I know something my partner does not, or she's unnecessarily argumentative. She's actually not argumentative. In my view, she is in a reality trap she doesn't quite fathom the depths of, that we humans must suffer because
a) it's the main way we evolve our spirit and
b) we are not at the apex, in fact, something feeds on us.
Despite this divide in view, I'd say the thing that holds a relationship together is the deep realisation that you do have a partnership. If you will, that's the sun in the center of your solar system that you both orbit.
Looking into the mirror, is some of the stuff she gets annoyed about genuinely true... Yup, 100%. But is it the end of the world bad? Nope !
Anyways, it's all interesting this male v female stuff. One thing I learnt from my crazy boss, a man I chose to suffer, is that you know what, you don't need perfect harmony in everything, in fact, you can make peace with a bit of discomfort and tension, assuming it's not out of control and pathological. I'm not saying this regarding my relationship to my partner, I'm saying it with regard my relationship to life.