Sharing personal experiences

[Soul]

Can"t well title this post.
Hello people! Its been very long I last communicated anything, like a year ago. I have once in a while visted the forum and read a few posts, which the whole scenarial hasn't been good. In short I have always felt so much detatched and vulnerable.

There is a digraceful here.

 

[Nachtweide]

Hello Soul, we're glad you found your way back to the forum. Perhaps you'd like to tell us what's on your mind. We'll listen to you and, if possible, provide answers. So don't be afraid.

 

[Soul]

Here is the disgrace that I must speak out.

I fell like I can't keep it to my. My story is along one but I will summarise it possibly. I feel like others can learn one or two things from it and its a step towards my own recovery.

I understand that many couples go through a lot of hustles too, and mine is not exceptional.
On my side, I can say for 20 yrs in marriage I have rarely been happy. I feel my marriage has been deeply energy draining (emotionally). I have throught thought one day I will meet a right person for me. Thats not to say I am too perfect for the woman I have. I have my own weaknesses too of course.

It happened that at some time in July last yr I travelled to a town accompanied by a lady who was a good friend of my wife. Along the journey, she narrated her own mariage story; how irresponsible the husband over his five children he was, how abbusive he was to her, and he had just resigned from his job on account that the job was too hard for him and that she was planning to divorce her husband.

I had known this lady for some years. Her family is very close to ours. At this time, we were on our way to another town for a business, the journey organised by my wife. We arrived midnight and booked a single room at the hotel. This was the beginning of all the emotional attachment although we did not have any sexual relationship for two nights in that hotel.

What attracted us towards each other was the like-mindedness. We also felt what is commonly called love after a long period without any. We came back home. She continued processing her divorce. However, I was against her idea to divorce the husband. I organised for meeting on two occasions just to encourage them to stay together but she went on and divorced. For sure I feared that the husband would think I caused his wife to divorce him.

This relationship has continued upto now. And exactly as I thought, the former husband says she divorced him after she travellled with me, meaning, she found a better person (myself). My wife also suspects everything and I am too not happy to put her in this situation. Of late I discussed with the lady to find ways on how we can end the relationship, it seems impossible. Recently, dispite my very strong affection for her, I informed her the relationship has ended. She became depressed and sick until the following day I just reversed my words.

On the other hand I always feel strong and "with a real friend" when am with her. Nevertheless, I am afraid should everthing come to light

My mind tells me am acting selfishly to my wife dispite all I have gone through with her. This is what is killing me. I never planned of breaking her heart. I have always wanted her to live at peace. This is hard stuff.

My situation makes me think I cannot be close to the members of this forum but I can't go anywhere. Better I say all this openly. I need to be saved. I am seeking sto life.

Please, to whoever can learn one thing from my experience, I can only say safeguard yourselves during whatever marrital conflicts you may have. Make no mistake puting yourself in line of fire.
It remains my own responsibility to work out the mess. Those who can advise are welcome.

 

[Soul]

Hello Soul, we're glad you found your way back to the forum. Perhaps you'd like to tell us what's on your mind. We'll listen to you and, if possible, provide answers. So don't be afraid.

Happy and glad I have organised some strength to speak to you all again. Thank you for the welcome

 

[iamthatis]

Here is the disgrace that I must speak out.

I fell like I can't keep it to my. My story is along one but I will summarise it possibly. I feel like others can learn one or two things from it and its a step towards my own recovery.

I understand that many couples go through a lot of hustles too, and mine is not exceptional.
On my side, I can say for 20 yrs in marriage I have rarely been happy. I feel my marriage has been deeply energy draining (emotionally). I have throught thought one day I will meet a right person for me. Thats not to say I am too perfect for the woman I have. I have my own weaknesses too of course.

It happened that at some time in July last yr I travelled to a town accompanied by a lady who was a good friend of my wife. Along the journey, she narrated her own mariage story; how irresponsible the husband over his five children he was, how abbusive he was to her, and he had just resigned from his job on account that the job was too hard for him and that she was planning to divorce her husband.

I had known this lady for some years. Her family is very close to ours. At this time, we were on our way to another town for a business, the journey organised by my wife. We arrived midnight and booked a single room at the hotel. This was the beginning of all the emotional attachment although we did not have any sexual relationship for two nights in that hotel.

What attracted us towards each other was the like-mindedness. We also felt what is commonly called love after a long period without any. We came back home. She continued processing her divorce. However, I was against her idea to divorce the husband. I organised for meeting on two occasions just to encourage them to stay together but she went on and divorced. For sure I feared that the husband would think I caused his wife to divorce him.

This relationship has continued upto now. And exactly as I thought, the former husband says she divorced him after she travellled with me, meaning, she found a better person (myself). My wife also suspects everything and I am too not happy to put her in this situation. Of late I discussed with the lady to find ways on how we can end the relationship, it seems impossible. Recently, dispite my very strong affection for her, I informed her the relationship has ended. She became depressed and sick until the following day I just reversed my words.

On the other hand I always feel strong and "with a real friend" when am with her. Nevertheless, I am afraid should everthing come to light

My mind tells me am acting selfishly to my wife dispite all I have gone through with her. This is what is killing me. I never planned of breaking her heart. I have always wanted her to live at peace. This is hard stuff.

My situation makes me think I cannot be close to the members of this forum but I can't go anywhere. Better I say all this openly. I need to be saved. I am seeking sto life.

Please, to whoever can learn one thing from my experience, I can only say safeguard yourselves during whatever marrital conflicts you may have. Make no mistake puting yourself in line of fire.
It remains my own responsibility to work out the mess. Those who can advise are welcome.

Without knowing details, it's hard to give advice. Have you and your wife considered marriage counselling, or anything like that? Have you read the psychology books in the recommended reading list? What efforts have you made so far? I ask because although it sounds nice, we will not be 'saved' - we can only save ourselves through growing in Knowledge and Being and changing our thinking. And networking - which you're doing! So it's a good first step.

 

[Beau]

I had known this lady for some years. Her family is very close to ours. At this time, we were on our way to another town for a business, the journey organised by my wife. We arrived midnight and booked a single room at the hotel. This was the beginning of all the emotional attachment although we did not have any sexual relationship for two nights in that hotel.

This was not appropriate for two married people. It is essentially emotional cheating on each of your partners. Not sure why you thought it okay to stay together in the same bed/hotel room.

My situation makes me think I cannot be close to the members of this forum but I can't go anywhere. Better I say all this openly. I need to be saved. I am seeking sto life.

It is up to you to save yourself and live a life according to service to others. No one can do it for you.

 

[Soul]

Without knowing details, it's hard to give advice. Have you and your wife considered marriage counselling, or anything like that? Have you read the psychology books in the recommended reading list? What efforts have you made so far? I ask because although it sounds nice, we will not be 'saved' - we can only save ourselves through growing in Knowledge and Being and changing our thinking. And networking - which you're doing! So it's a good first step.

Thanks for your concern and sugestions. I can say I am coming from a background where I had bad reading culture. I have not read these books but am sure I will do as I am still reading. Yes we involved a number of counsellors until at some point (close to 5yrs ago) thought of divorce through the court but changed my mind to live with the pressures. I must make mention the fact that of late we have minimal challenges dispite scars from past hustles.

 

[Soul]

This was not appropriate for two married people. It is essentially emotional cheating on each of your partners. Not sure why you thought it okay to stay together in the same bed/hotel room.


It is up to you to save yourself and live a life according to service to others. No one can do it for you.

I agree. This was emotional cheating. As things happened we both fell victim of our own situations. Its a hard learning experience

 

[palestine]

Hello,

I am sorry for what you are going through. I just wanted to post you a message of encouragement!

Reading your post shows some heavy feeling. I am not sure about that. What I can do is encourage you, and tell you to think rationally. I know it's about love so it's difficult. But at least, try not to get "sucked" into the "hole"... It distorts thought, etc. I felt that you maybe have some of this "active" right now, when reading your post:

My situation makes me think I cannot be close to the members of this forum but I can't go anywhere.

I need to be saved.

I am sincerely sorry. It appears to me that you would need first to alleviate a bit the "sucking" effect? That's to be able to think and function optimally. First things first: standing on two feet. Get the brain running. Tomorrow is another day and in six months you will have a whole different perspective than today. That's the sucking effect. It monopolizes the thoughts and paralyzes a bit the open mind. You may feel: "one road only", etc.

You can be close to the members of the forum! - they won't judge you. Some will tell you "hey why did you do that - it's bad" - But - such sincerity includes, too, not running away from you, and, on the opposite that what you may think, they would remain at your side...

So:

- I see you kind of despaired, and not able to get out of the momentum, or thinking clearly. That's understandable!
- People won't neglect you or not help you, here. You can be "close" to the members of the forum.

STO may be asking for a couple of things ... but I think that what they want is to see us proud of ourselves, standing on two feet, so that we can learn (and possibly, one day, learn a couple of 4D lessons, for example). It seems that it's more a long run project. I would say: don't be afraid of a "door closure". That's not how they function, that's not how the Universe works. They got "redemption" in their "bag". They can accept that somebody "fails" or does a mistake. Your thought includes an eliminatory statement, it seems. Let me tell you that I don't think that it is eliminatory, what happened to you. But they would tell you "ho-ho-ho what's this?!".

And then, on the matter itself, well, I don't know what to tell you. As you did not have sexual relationships, you still have some room. You could solve this, one scenario would imply forcing you a bit than to remain away from the new lady... Would it be possible for you to consider leaving this "episode" as it was, and going back to your normal days?

I am sorry, I don't have the words that others sometimes have, here. You could post in "The Swamp"? It gives more attention, both for you and others. You seem to need encouragement. People cannot know how you feel if you don't tell them. It may be of help for you to widen your perspective, and this can be done if you write more, and if you receive more comments. Try to think of this, then, posting in the Swamp.