Strong Emotional Reactions While Reading - What Does it Mean?

[Andrew]

But you need to take an active role in the present so you don't live mechanically, as this kind of development doesn't happen mechanically.

Yes. I agree. Self-Observation and Samenows books have been really helpful in this regard in catching my Thinking Errors (of which there are quite a lot) and choosing not to participate in some of the nonsense that runs through my head.

It’s crazy how much I have to consciously fight falling into some of these negative or obsessive thought patterns, and how easy it is to fall into them with little to no awareness of doing so.

Find ways to make things easier for yourself, rather than making unnecessary restrictions

I greatly appreciate this reminder. Generally, I seem to find ways to actually make things ‘harder’ on myself. Ex. Stubbornness to do what needs to be done or forcing myself to do ‘without’ as I’ve always operated from the mindset of: ‘I can make-do with as little as possible. My needs aren’t important.’

Which all just reinforces a mind-set of limitation rather than abundance.

The car may be dying, the kitchen drain is plugged, house is dirty, shower needs cleaned etc. but for some reason it's this thing that happened years ago that gets all the blame for making life miserable. A lot of people don't seem to realize that if you fix the car, clean the drain, clean the house, and clean the shower you will feel a whole lot better!

Ya, I’ve recently discovered the joy of setting small tasks for oneself throughout the day, and the feelings of accomplishment of checking each one off one by one.

I’ve struggled with substance abuse and addictive behaviors in the past and was searching for ways to properly regulate the dopamine levels in my brain.

I came across this article:
Increase your dopamine levels and feel good naturally -- Sott.net

And it was a good reminder to get back to doing all of the things that are laid out in this article; things I used to do consistently before. I.E. Not resorting to substance/addiction, eating a healthy diet, accomplishing daily tasks, exercising and meditating.

Another observation I’ve made is that these 180 degree turns in my behavior come at me in cycles. I’ll be doing very well for several months and then something hits me and I completely fall off and give up. Then I become tired of the suffering and slowly get back on track until I peak, then fall again.

I would very much like to stop falling off the wagon and having the internal strength to not do so in times of adversity.

This also makes me reflect on the necessity for a network and group.

When I’m going through all of that despair I always do it alone. Force myself to do it alone. And my stubbornness to reach out to others for help/feedback seems to be a major crux of the problem.

I suppose it would be good to try and always remember, that a single individual cannot fight the Control System alone.

 

[Nico]

Hey Everyone,

I want to apologize to Nienna, Nico, angelburst29 and Chu for not even acknowledging their responses to me. You all took the time out of your day to give me feedback and I didn’t even have the decency to thank you or respond and for this I’m very sorry.

It’s not an excuse, but I just wanted to express that I always seem to run away from the forum.

No worries Andrew, I also withdraw from the forum, certainly because of the tendency to hold the darkness inside as this forum can be scary for the ego.

Thank you Nienna. And thank you for the reminder to not force my breathing. That is actually exactly what I would do and it quickly became quite discomforting; lots of intense tingling sensations in my face and other areas of my body, etc.

I also wanted to note, even with just the Pipe Breathing and Prayer of the Soul....I feel like there's an Emotional Dam just waiting to explode; I keep tip-toeing around this, hoping I won’t have to process this tidal wave of emotion, but it’s becoming more clear this just isn’t going to be possible if I truly want to be a better version of myself.

I can totally relate with this bursting sensations while doing EE, it took a while to feel them and it's not gone yet, and I really link this with an abduction I clearly remember. The C's said that these 4D STS want domination over the masculine force and, from my opinion, do so not only via social distortion but by sexual assault over the "abductees", that's what I felt, and it's extremely overwhelming, especially when you feel that they can come back. I'm sorry if what I'm saying disturbs you, but after trying to manage my external reality to make it easy and all, I find this a too greater force to struggle without going facing what I fear the most, past life, pre-incarnation and hidden memories.

Thank you Nico. I can heavily relate to the bolded section. I recently finished Book 8 of the Wave and…this reality is just…too much at times. I feel incredibly overwhelmed with the insanity of this world, the hyper-dimensional influence/control of it all, and experience some of the same physiological reactions as you mentioned above. I just can’t help but break down and cry sometimes. And this emotional release keeps reminding me that I have so much more to let go of.

I was also considering looking at speaking with a professional (someone specializing in NARM) but the nearest practitioner is in Los Angeles which isn’t very far from me (2 hours or so), but I have serious Anxiety related to driving in heavy traffic from some Traumatizing auto accidents. So I’m not sure what I’m going to do there yet.

After struggling with all that release and the changes that I had to put in my life to increase it (diet, detox, exercises), I'm still stuck with stubborness and fear, and incredulity when I think of what really happened to me, despite my obstacles it is now clear that I would have live the life that I wanted if there was not some hidden influences I cannot see yet.
It's quite opaque, and I'm desperate to find the trick that will make me free of it all. So yesterday I stumble across a protocol that made it clear (or restated this already known fact) that I was not releasing my toxins because of the capacity of the body to protect itself by resucking in the toxins in the fat cells while they are released by exercises or other means. It's the niacin/sauna protocol, and after months on iodine and keto and carnivore, I'm ready to give a month to try it seriously because the niacinamide I already took has worked beyond what I expected. Mercola talk about it, and the forum has certainly mentioned it.
I believe managing these physical toxins will enable you to not go where you don't want to go mentally while permitting you from being free of the emotional flare up.

I share this because iodine "have failed", diet "have failed", psychotherapy "have failed", reading "have failed", meditation and Eiriu Eolas are not "strong enough", trauma release, yoga, music are not "strong enough", and I think I have underestimated this little toxins.

But I'm not a physician, nor the one who discovered this, so if you want to research it, I leave some links here :

_Sauna Detox Program
_http://d3bg4fkc00gz5m.cloudfront.net/therenegadepharmacist/EN_BO_Clear_Body_Clear_Mind.pdf
_Smart Detox with Niacin and Sauna Protocol.

The book is from a Scientologist (L Ron Hubbard) which has discovered this process but is not associated with the facebook group which is quite knowledgeable in the detoxification domain. The protocol is widespread but this book treat it in detail.

 

[Andrew]

Thanks Nico!

The C's said that these 4D STS want domination over the masculine force and, from my opinion, do so not only via social distortion but by sexual assault over the "abductees", that's what I felt, and it's extremely overwhelming, especially when you feel that they can come back.

I've actually had this/similar experience occur quite a few times. When I was about 18 I discovery Astral Projection and that it was possible to leave the body; everything changed after that. But it also opened a window/door to some pretty nasty things that...I'm not sure if 'haunt' is the right word but...I recall one distinct time that I was in a half-awoken state when 'something' got into my bed that woke me up. I felt the weight of the bed sink and something crawl over me. It then put it's arm (or something) over my waist and proceeded to molest me. Needless to say I was paralyzed with fear. Experiences like this and others, made it very difficult to go to sleep in that bedroom.

After struggling with all that release and the changes that I had to put in my life to increase it (diet, detox, exercises), I'm still stuck with stubborness and fear, and incredulity

As much as I hate to admit it, I feel I'm stuck with the same issues. I worry most about my stubbornness; especially after what I've read in prior sessions regarding same. Paying strict attention to my thinking and thought processes, I feel I'm starting to break free from that hold, if ever so slightly.

Heck, I'm here posting!

That's a big accomplishment for me.

It's the niacin/sauna protocol, and after months on iodine and keto and carnivore, I'm ready to give a month to try it seriously because the niacinamide I already took has worked beyond what I expected.

Interesting. Would be interested to see how this works for you. I did try to get an Infrared Sauna from the provider recommended by the forum (can't recall the company atm), but for some reason I kept running into issues with them and a couple months went by past the date I was supposed to receive the unit. I ended up cancelling since it never came in. Hoping to find an alternative solution for a reasonably priced Infrared Sauna that would allow me to detox, as I'm sure I'm overdue.

But I'm not a physician, nor the one who discovered this, so if you want to research it, I leave some links here :

_Sauna Detox Program
_http://d3bg4fkc00gz5m.cloudfront.net/therenegadepharmacist/EN_BO_Clear_Body_Clear_Mind.pdf
_Smart Detox with Niacin and Sauna Protocol.

The book is from a Scientologist (L Ron Hubbard) which has discovered this process but is not associated with the facebook group which is quite knowledgeable in the detoxification domain. The protocol is widespread but this book treat it in detail.

Thanks for the Recommendation. Not sure how I feel about anything associated with L Ron Hubbard. Makes me think of this session:

(DM) What about Scientology?
A: Another Lizard plot, of course.

But I am aware of the benefits of InfraredSaunas and their impact on detoxing.

 

[monotonic]

You should be able to find plenty of discussion of L Ron Hubbard here.

I once tried the astral projection stuff. I never succeeded. It has serious dangers so it's probably a good thing. I did start having lucid dreams though.

I did go through a phase where I was having sleep paralysis and a sense of something else in the room. The main thing was an overwhelming sense of anxiety. These experiences seem to develop mechanically and by taking an active role you can change the experience. At first my strategy was to pray, which really seemed to just have the effect of occupying my mind until the experience was over.

There was a "thing" in the room, and being woken up by anything in your room tends to provoke strong anxiety not so much because that is natural but because we a often predisposed to that, the same way on some nights we are predisposed to nightmares. If you're having a particularly good week you may find you get woken up by something in your room having only a sense of mild curiosity and the relatively rational feeling that whatever is in the room it is probably harmless and not some kind of demon (although I think an actual entity could present itself as such).

In any case my attention in the experience eventually shifted away from the "thing", as it seemed no matter what the thing was (metaphysical or not) it would be made scary by the anxiety. And I had read on the forum that hyperdimensional entities feed on our emotions. So I reasoned that the anxiety was what I needed to overcome, not the thing. So I focused on keeping constant awareness of the idea that the anxiety was something created to drain my energy, which explains it's irrational nature. When I did this I began to perceive the anxiety by it's irrational and hysterical flavor. Once you see that it's power over you diminishes the more you keep this understanding in your awareness. The anxiety provokes certain thoughts, a certain way of seeing the world, and this outlook has this characteristic tint or flavor which is transparently unproductive if nothing else.

Over time the experiences changed in nature. The anxiety diminished but the paralysis did not. When you are not controlled by the anxiety you then become able to feel genuine curiosity, which can probably be traced to a certain brain region waking up. So what ended up happening was I would wake up paralyzed but really feeling nothing except mild annoyance at being paralyzed. And the state of mind did lend itself to certain insights, I'm guessing because it's some middle point between dreaming and waking.

At this point I had 2 choices, I could force the paralysis to go away or I could wait for it to go away on it's own. It was like waking up a leg that had gone asleep. If you move it all at once it's quite intense, and while it doesn't feel like pain that is basically how you experience it. So I would move a little at a time and eventually everything would wake up. The problem is sometimes it was my whole body was paralyzed this way and it would take a LONG time to do it slowly, if at all. So I had to try to wake everything up and just ride out the pain. Which was, basically, just really damn annoying.

I'm not sure why I was having those experiences but I suspect it was a cheap spring mattress disrupting nerves maybe, or maybe it was just something that started to happen due to disrupting the natural transition between sleep and waking by attempting astral projection. Wouldn't it be a hoot if most sleep paralysis experiences were caused by bad mattresses and the anxiety and subsequent nightmarish experiences were just due people's latent anxiety?

 

[Nienna]

As a reminder of what those in the East think of those in the West trying astral projection, experimenting with spirits and such things:

From The Sufi Path of Knowledge by Chittick, Ibn al ‘Arabi says:

Nowadays most people interested in the spirituality of the East desire the "experience," though they may call what they are after "intimate communion with God." Those familiar with the standards and norms of spiritual experience set down by disciplined paths are usually appalled at the way Westerners seize upon any apparition from the domain outside of normal consciousness as a manifestation of the "spiritual." In fact there are innumerable realms in the unseen world, some of them far more dangerous than the worst jungles of the visible world. No person familiar with the teachings of Sufism would dare lay himself open to such forces...

 

[Andrew]

As a reminder of what those in the East think of those in the West trying astral projection, experimenting with spirits and such things:

From The Sufi Path of Knowledge by Chittick, Ibn al ‘Arabi says:

Nowadays most people interested in the spirituality of the East desire the "experience," though they may call what they are after "intimate communion with God." Those familiar with the standards and norms of spiritual experience set down by disciplined paths are usually appalled at the way Westerners seize upon any apparition from the domain outside of normal consciousness as a manifestation of the "spiritual." In fact there are innumerable realms in the unseen world, some of them far more dangerous than the worst jungles of the visible world. No person familiar with the teachings of Sufism would dare lay himself open to such forces...

Thanks Nienna. I think this is an incredibly important reminder for anyone who may be considering same; it's just not worth it.

 

[Ennio]

In any case my attention in the experience eventually shifted away from the "thing", as it seemed no matter what the thing was (metaphysical or not) it would be made scary by the anxiety. And I had read on the forum that hyperdimensional entities feed on our emotions. So I reasoned that the anxiety was what I needed to overcome, not the thing. So I focused on keeping constant awareness of the idea that the anxiety was something created to drain my energy, which explains it's irrational nature. When I did this I began to perceive the anxiety by it's irrational and hysterical flavor. Once you see that it's power over you diminishes the more you keep this understanding in your awareness. The anxiety provokes certain thoughts, a certain way of seeing the world, and this outlook has this characteristic tint or flavor which is transparently unproductive if nothing else.

Over time the experiences changed in nature. The anxiety diminished but the paralysis did not. When you are not controlled by the anxiety you then become able to feel genuine curiosity, which can probably be traced to a certain brain region waking up. So what ended up happening was I would wake up paralyzed but really feeling nothing except mild annoyance at being paralyzed. And the state of mind did lend itself to certain insights, I'm guessing because it's some middle point between dreaming and waking.

Whether you're discussing dream paralysis, or fear in general, this is a very good analysis of some of the dynamics of anxiety imo. Its quite something to see the thought processes involved narrow to an edge that cuts out constructive thinking ability. The thoughts of other possibilities - and the desire to get more information can simply get eliminated in favor of erroneous conclusions that seem driven by "a mind" all its own. The heart starts thumping, the blood pressure rises, and boom - you're off to the races and in a state of anxiety. And this isn't to say that all anxiety is useless necessarily (as there may be situations that require heightened attention, at least at first) but the problem is when, as you state above monotonic, you 'never wake' up from it enough to examine the state itself and the circumstances and thoughts that brought it on to begin with. At best it can be a useless loss of energy, at worst disaster.

Just thinking that so many of the modalities we've been learning of and implementing, ie. NO, the readings, EE, diet, inner work, etc. are valuable in very large part because they assist in preventing or ameliorating the states of mind that negate healthy and insightful curiosity and rational thought.

 

[Nico]

I got my try with lucid dream and attempt astral projection, but I guess my identification with the body is so strong it prevents me to really torn myself off. But I had these experiences too with punch in the chest while being half paralyzed near the sleep state, and I even see from "the third eye" a kind of little devil creeping on the ceiling and falling on my chest, feeling it real time.

As far as I know, we can't do anything about these other realms (yet?), but growing up internally by the usual methods.

I talked about the niacin, because it really get me as I've finished my bottle this last days, nothing as the iodine and others stuff can do, I really felt toxins and scar tissues left off. So I don't know if Ron Hubbard has been manipulated to invent a useless protocol, or a half-working protocol to convert the future scientologists or what, but niacin plus infrared seems a good kick, and an help with other methods.

 

[Andrew]

So I reasoned that the anxiety was what I needed to overcome, not the thing. So I focused on keeping constant awareness of the idea that the anxiety was something created to drain my energy, which explains it's irrational nature. When I did this I began to perceive the anxiety by it's irrational and hysterical flavor. Once you see that it's power over you diminishes the more you keep this understanding in your awareness. The anxiety provokes certain thoughts, a certain way of seeing the world, and this outlook has this characteristic tint or flavor which is transparently unproductive if nothing else.

I really, really need to keep the bold part in mind. I have struggled with Anxiety/Social Anxiety for many years and have never really been able to defeat the monster. Even my exercises in accepting it and trying to let it pass through never helped; it always just seemed to intensify to points of near panic attacks. Reflecting back, all of that is likely because I had no observation of its irrational nature. I just become identified with it (internal considering) to the point of consumption.

However, I've noticed in other areas, particularly when I have disturbing and inappropriate thoughts, looking at it from a similar perspective as you described above has helped immensely. Instead of getting stuck in thought-loops, looking at it from an observational POV and 'choosing' not to participate in them makes it go away near immediately.

Thank god for Samenow.

So maybe, (hopefully) if I can remember to do this the obsessive thinking that manifests into anxiety can be put to bay.

Thank you so much for that Monotonic!

At this point I had 2 choices, I could force the paralysis to go away or I could wait for it to go away on it's own. It was like waking up a leg that had gone asleep. If you move it all at once it's quite intense, and while it doesn't feel like pain that is basically how you experience it. So I would move a little at a time and eventually everything would wake up. The problem is sometimes it was my whole body was paralyzed this way and it would take a LONG time to do it slowly, if at all. So I had to try to wake everything up and just ride out the pain. Which was, basically, just really damn annoying.

Yes, I agree. I've experienced this quite a bit as a child and it was always a terrifying experience, especially when you find yourself paralyzed face down on the bed, fighting (for what feels like) your life, to just wake up!

Wouldn't it be a hoot if most sleep paralysis experiences were caused by bad mattresses and the anxiety and subsequent nightmarish experiences were just due people's latent anxiety?

That would be hoot!

According to webmd:

"Researchers believe sleep paralysis is caused by a disturbed rapid eye movement cycle because it mostly happens as people are falling into or coming out of REM sleep."

I wonder what it is that is 'disturbing' REM? Latent anxiety possibly?

I would love to discover all the weird experiences I had were due to a bad mattresses and latent anxiety.

 

[Andrew]

I talked about the niacin, because it really get me as I've finished my bottle this last days, nothing as the iodine and others stuff can do, I really felt toxins and scar tissues left off. So I don't know if Ron Hubbard has been manipulated to invent a useless protocol, or a half-working protocol to convert the future scientologists or what, but niacin plus infrared seems a good kick, and an help with other methods.

That's good to know! I definitely want to try this in conjunction with an IR Sauna. Currently, I take a Multi-B-Vitamin Supplement from Dr. Berg that includes Niacin at 1440mg per serving I believe. Not sure if that's sufficient as you specified niacinamide. The protocol also seems to specify 5000mg but as it says, some have completed the program well under that. What is your current dosage? And as far as the infrared sauna goes do you have your own? Did you get it from the company the forum recommended? I'm looking at ones on Amazon but not sure if these would work as well.

Thanks Nico!

 

[furryfrog]

Do you have symptoms of low testosterone? Have you had your testosterone levels checked? It's normal if you do the work a lot, and will pass to some extent, just like its outlined in gnosis. Lots of good youtube video blogs on low testosterone and TRT, and natural ways to increase testosterone. Sketchy for me to post them, not sure if even bad words in the comments will get me kicked out. Easy to find though, and maybe a member with better standing than me can attach a video blog about it. I have a male friend that started crying during regular TV commercials ect, he had his testosterone checked and it was way low. Hes on TRT now.

 

[Nico]

That's good to know! I definitely want to try this in conjunction with an IR Sauna. Currently, I take a Multi-B-Vitamin Supplement from Dr. Berg that includes Niacin at 1440mg per serving I believe. Not sure if that's sufficient as you specified niacinamide. The protocol also seems to specify 5000mg but as it says, some have completed the program well under that. What is your current dosage? And as far as the infrared sauna goes do you have your own? Did you get it from the company the forum recommended? I'm looking at ones on Amazon but not sure if these would work as well.

Thanks Nico!

Sorry for answering so late Andrew, but I have finished early this protocol with niacin (not niacinamide), because it was too straining for my energy. I got to the 18th days, and I fully felt really good after each sauna, I manage to sweat with an IR matress (GetFitt, recommended here) embedding it in a blanket, and adding a survival blanket for gathering IR and directed it in my body. If you manage to go it slow with the niacin dose it really worth it, I had to take other vitamins and minerals which hurts my belly, I consider to take them in the form of suppositories (not the niacin) for taking less with the maximum effect. I ended the protocol because I really have an emotional wound which the protocol does not address directly, and let me weak in the face of stress (which the program put you in), and resume to the basic iodine protocol advocated here, with going to a carnivore diet. Noticing that carnivore dieters are not in favor of heavy supplementations or supplementations at all and seems to distrust "Detox Program".

I am not aware of the Niacin brand recommended by the forum, I bought mine on ebay "Green Labs Nutrition" which says pharmaceutical grade... I had to spent 188€ which is the price announced by the leader of the Detox group.

With all supplements I have left, I'll try suppositories and maybe a month of niacin in a while, if necessary.

So while it might be from a lizard plot or not, the Detox group announce that the main problem with toxins is that they are recaptured by fat when released and that you have to absolutely sweat them. Niacin take the role of breaking the fat-loaded toxins, while you sweat them. It's a good point, although I'm not really into the science. Jack Kruse caution the heavy supplementations and lead us to acknowledge the real science behind cells and their interactions with light.

For myself I felt more a need of emotional nurturing and healing the inner child, which feels really painful. Sauna are really great way to release toxins, if you want to couple it with niacin I leave you the timing charted by the admin of the Detox Sauna Protocol. Don't forget clean water with vitamins and minerals to rebuilt healthy cells after the toxic one have been released.

 

[Andrew]

Do you have symptoms of low testosterone? Have you had your testosterone levels checked?

Hey Furryfrog sorry I missed this. No, I don't have low testosterone levels. I thought I did several years ago but seem to have resolved itself through proper eating and exercise.

Sorry for answering so late Andrew, but I have finished early this protocol with niacin (not niacinamide), because it was too straining for my energy.

Hey Nico! No worries on getting back late. Appreciate you running through your experience with this protocol. While I would still like to get myself in IR sauna, I'm probably not going to do this right now.

For myself I felt more a need of emotional nurturing and healing the inner child, which feels really painful.

This is what I'm feeling as well. Lots of healing to do.

Thank you again!

 

[Dominoid]

I would like to know if any one has gone through this or may know why this is happening?

It happened to me only once, some 20 years ago. Reading the first pages of Bringer of Dawn by B. Marciniak, I was struck by a very strong emotional reaction and suddenly cried. I was flabbergasted by such a reaction, so I stopped reading. Then, trying to read again, I cried again (several times). I never understood why... (and have no idea why). I didn't get this reaction with her other books though.

 

[Andrew]

It happened to me only once, some 20 years ago. Reading the first pages of Bringer of Dawn by B. Marciniak, I was struck by a very strong emotional reaction and suddenly cried. I was flabbergasted by such a reaction, so I stopped reading. Then, trying to read again, I cried again (several times). I never understood why... (and have no idea why). I didn't get this reaction with her other books though.

Thanks for your feedback Dominoid. Like you, I haven't really had the experience again either; no tingling sensations but still getting emotional reactions. Interesting you brought up Brings of the Dawn. I recently re-read some sections from that book and it hit me in a way it hadn't before.