Study shows: Many people don't end up with their true love

[mada85]

I saw this interesting article on SoTT today: Many people don't end up with their true love.

Essentially, the article asks the question: is it better to 'love the one you're with', or is it better to wait until your 'true love' comes along. For myself, in my 50s, and after more than one failed affair, I've decided on a few things.

One is that it is better to be single and to work on improving myself than it is to try and find someone simply to avoid being alone. Reading the recommended books on psychology and narcissism has helped a great deal in formulating this decision. But that doesn't stop me from having romantic longings from time to time! Secondly, I think that any true relationship must begin as a friendship. The article says:

A new study shows many people have not ended up with the true love of their life. But can you learn to love the one you're with, as the old Stephen Stills song advised, instead of being head-over-heels?

Some people say they don't have that problem. Nicci Schock and Rich Bean are among them.

"We started out as friends, which I think was a good thing for us in the end," said Schock.

Schock said Bean is the love of her life, and he says the same is true for her.

"I am definitely with the love of my life," said Bean.

The article is based on a study of 2000 people living in London.

But according to the new study, Schock and Bean are in the minority. The study conducted by Siemens Festival Nights found that as many as 73 percent of people surveyed say they are "making do" in their relationship because their true love got away.

73 percent! That's a high proportion of those surveyed. Are these people with their partners just to avoid being alone? Or are they bowing to societal and familial pressure? The ideal of true love and living happily ever after with the partner of one's dreams is forced upon us in a thousand ways every day - through advertising, the media, pop songs and other sources. It's a meme that drives so much in our society that I think the majority of people don't even question it.

17 percent of respondents said they met their soul mates when it was too late - after they were already paired-off or married.

And 46 percent say they'd leave their spouse or partner to be with their true love.

Meaningful education about love and relationships is sorely lacking in today's society.

 

[Joe]

But according to the new study, Schock and Bean are in the minority. The study conducted by Siemens Festival Nights found that as many as 73 percent of people surveyed say they are "making do" in their relationship because their true love got away.

73 percent! That's a high proportion of those surveyed. Are these people with their partners just to avoid being alone? Or are they bowing to societal and familial pressure? The ideal of true love and living happily ever after with the partner of one's dreams is forced upon us in a thousand ways every day - through advertising, the media, pop songs and other sources. It's a meme that drives so much in our society that I think the majority of people don't even question it.

To say that "their true love got away" seems like a contradiction in terms. If a person was their true love, it should have been mutual, in which case, there should have been no "getting away".

 

[whitecoast]

But according to the new study, Schock and Bean are in the minority. The study conducted by Siemens Festival Nights found that as many as 73 percent of people surveyed say they are "making do" in their relationship because their true love got away.

73 percent! That's a high proportion of those surveyed. Are these people with their partners just to avoid being alone? Or are they bowing to societal and familial pressure? The ideal of true love and living happily ever after with the partner of one's dreams is forced upon us in a thousand ways every day - through advertising, the media, pop songs and other sources. It's a meme that drives so much in our society that I think the majority of people don't even question it.

To say that "their true love got away" seems like a contradiction in terms. If a person was their true love, it should have been mutual, in which case, there should have been no "getting away".

Maybe "getting away" implies too much. I'm sure in many situations two soul mates who have a definite mission can be sabotaged by the control system if neither has sufficient knowledge or being to see what's important.

 

[Alchemie]

Maybe "getting away" implies too much. I'm sure in many situations two soul mates who have a definite mission can be sabotaged by the control system if neither has sufficient knowledge or being to see what's important.

You speak out of my soul.
Many choose the wrong partners from which dramatic stories ever. But when one finds his soul mate early in his life, as in my case, outsiders want try to sabotage it. This has been so extreme and traumatic for us, I wonder what can be so important to our mission...We also need to work hard on our relationship, because our mental abuse from childhood influences our behavior. Knowledge protects really , but "deep scars" take longer to heal.

 

[Gimpy]

Maybe "getting away" implies too much. I'm sure in many situations two soul mates who have a definite mission can be sabotaged by the control system if neither has sufficient knowledge or being to see what's important.

You speak out of my soul.
Many choose the wrong partners from which dramatic stories ever. But when one finds his soul mate early in his life, as in my case, outsiders want try to sabotage it. This has been so extreme and traumatic for us, I wonder what can be so important to our mission...We also need to work hard on our relationship, because our mental abuse from childhood influences our behavior. Knowledge protects really , but "deep scars" take longer to heal.

As long as both partners remain focused on building a life together, the relationship can endure.

I'm not sure all pairings have a 'mission' per se. Being decent human beings seems to be 'mission' enough. ;)

 

[sarek]

Maybe "getting away" implies too much. I'm sure in many situations two soul mates who have a definite mission can be sabotaged by the control system if neither has sufficient knowledge or being to see what's important.

Exactly that. I have absolutely found my true love, ironically she lives in London, exactly where this research was done. But due to a variety of quite extraordinary (mainly mental health related) circumstances beyond our direct control, and which have nothing to do with our intense mutual feelings of belonging, we are pretty much powerless to make any progress at this point.

In terms of Fourth Way, there is definitely a lesson in here. Countless are the situations in which I have had to critically retroactively analyse my thoughts and actions in light of Gurdjieff's teachings.