The mystery that is my emotional center

[Dracount]

There is an ideal image and there is a part of me that does not match up to that image. These two are brought into conflict. This conflict is essential for development, but it does not guarantee it.

I have been thinking about this and with regards to your question what does self development mean to me.

I think that I am lacking a true aim. I have no defined trajectory to any sort of idealized goals. What kind of person do I want to be?

What kind of person do I idealize? Someone who is completely disconnected from this feeling? If I had to put a truly evolved person in my shoes, I imagine they would not feel the jealousy. Why? Because they have another focus, something that is far more important than a promotion. I don't get jealous when I see a little kid get a candy and I didn't. Why? Because there are more important things to bee concerned with. No desire exists for the candy, it is a trifle, not important to the bigger picture of my life.

Perhaps because I don't have a goal greater than my desires, so that becomes my goal. How could it not? It is the most important thing going on in my life at the time.

I feel i am wondering around aimlessly with a few exercises gleaned from some books and without any clear direction my efforts will be stunted.

Back to the drawing board.

 

[Menna]

Perhaps because I don't have a goal greater than my desires, so that becomes my goal. How could it not? It is the most important thing going on in my life at the time.

I don't get jealous when I see a little kid get a candy and I didn't. Why? Because there are more important things to bee concerned with. No desire exists for the candy.

These desires are in you they are part of you - you are at a certain awareness/level on the learning curve these desires relate to what you can handle in life at this point in your life. These desires will change as you experience them and through experience you will learn mentally, emotionally and physically more about life and yourself. Then you will evolve/grow and will have new desires based on new knowledge and growth. When you were younger the above quote didn't apply to who you are now you loved candy and wanted it (i am assuming). You desired the candy you experienced it and moved on to other experiences and have learned that in this life if you want to progress you can't spend to much time thinking, wanting "candy" like you said there are more important things to be concerned with how did you realize there are more important things to be concerned with???. I think the answer to your above post is in that question if your dive deep enough into it.

You evolved past the desire to want candy you had to continue on with your life make mistakes, get upset, fail, fall and also succeed. Through these experiences you get more value out of life, are able to see the contrast/difference in people you interact with and this will help you grow into who you want to be because you will see what it is you like and don't like by seeing yourself in lifes situations. 5 years ago you wouldn't be typing this on the forum alot has gone into play more than anyone can conceptualize for you to make it to this point in life where you admit basically that you need more experience, more "time" more knowledge to find your overall aim. Believe me when you have thought that you have reached one aim and are done another one will appear because you have grown to the point where you are ready for the next one it is now your new desire. The best way to learn is to get involved in what you want to do however arm yourself with the knowledge about yourself, others and life that you have gained so far. There are many laws/limited capabilities that you have to abide by in 3D however once you recognize some of them and have an efficient machine you can navigate better. This only happens through work on yourself and experiences/reflection in life

 

[Alada]

I think that I am lacking a true aim. I have no defined trajectory to any sort of idealized goals. What kind of person do I want to be?

Well isn’t it difficult to know exactly what kind of person we can be, or even how to get there?

If there is no ‘true aim’, or you find do not know it yet, why not work on small aims, ones that you see in front of you to do right now? Maybe that way, working on small aims one at a time, it will gradually get you closer to where we want to be, and in the process help you define what kind of person you want to be?

It might appear silly at first, to just work on small things, but there is much to discover even in something as simple as ‘I wish to be able to stop eating pizza’, ‘I wish to be more organised’ or whatever it is. Work through a few of those and you’ll see what the greater might be I think, and why.

 

[obyvatel]

I agree with Alada that working on small aims is very useful, indispensable in fact for growth.

[quote author=Dracount]
What kind of person do I idealize? Someone who is completely disconnected from this feeling? If I had to put a truly evolved person in my shoes, I imagine they would not feel the jealousy.
[/quote]

Yes, we imagine what a truly evolved person would be like. If that image is too far removed from reality, then it often causes trouble.


[quote author=Dracount]
Why? Because they have another focus, something that is far more important than a promotion. I don't get jealous when I see a little kid get a candy and I didn't. Why? Because there are more important things to bee concerned with. No desire exists for the candy, it is a trifle, not important to the bigger picture of my life.
[/quote]

There are kid candies and big person "candies" - money/power/enlightenment/... a lot of options - depends on what the "focus" is.

These metaphorical big person candies are not necessarily bad. Some are more healthy than others.

Specifically, on the topic of jealousy, I have no problems with feeling jealous, as long as
- I am aware of it
- I am honest about it
- I consciously use the energy it generates towards my aims

Here is playing the devil's advocate about "not feeling jealousy in any circumstance". People have grown up knowing jealousy is a vice. Depending on how strong the "education" was and how sensitive the disposition of the person as a child, it can lead to a situation where any "I" or self-state that feels jealous is banished out of conscious awareness. As far as the person is concerned, jealousy does not exist for him. He may rejoice when others get what they want in public, but then after going back home suddenly feels depressed and reaches for the bottle or video games (or any one of the myriads of dissociative activities available).

If he is another type, he may applaud in public, but privately sneer "sheeple/fools/robots/boot lickers/......- running after worldly stuff while there are bigger things to think about". No jealousy but contempt.

A spiritual person may stay silent and reflect how people run after worldly things which are transient. Yet when time comes around to choose the abbot of the monastery, all hell breaks loose.

Still another person is able to avoid jealousy and other "negative emotions" but is plagued by one or more physical diseases which have no direct causal connection with any of this.


So , for myself, I would allow myself to feel jealous if such an emotion arises in a particular situation, congratulate those who got what they wanted, and find a creative way to use the energy of jealousy to serve my aim.

 

[Approaching Infinity]

I think that I am lacking a true aim. I have no defined trajectory to any sort of idealized goals. What kind of person do I want to be?

What kind of person do I idealize? Someone who is completely disconnected from this feeling? If I had to put a truly evolved person in my shoes, I imagine they would not feel the jealousy. Why? Because they have another focus, something that is far more important than a promotion. I don't get jealous when I see a little kid get a candy and I didn't. Why? Because there are more important things to bee concerned with. No desire exists for the candy, it is a trifle, not important to the bigger picture of my life.

That's the tricky part, isn't it? The problem is, we confabulate all the time. So when you ask yourself what kind of person you want to be, you're sure to come up with all kinds of stuff, but there's no guarantee these will actually be things you really wish for. It'll be personality talking - things you've been programmed to think or 'know' that you should be. But you won't necessarily feel it with your essence. And you can't convince your emotional center with your thinking center. They don't speak the same language.

So what to do? Gurdjieff recommended starting small: self-observation. Don't worry about what a 'perfect' person would or wouldn't feel jealous about (that 'perfect' person is confabulated). Instead, get to know yourself a little: the movements your body makes, the facial expressions, tics, habits, etc. See how you react in situations. The things that make you angry, happy. See how your actions affect others: their bodies and their own actions. Gain little pictures here and there. You'll need real material in order to know yourself and grow into a new person.

Perhaps because I don't have a goal greater than my desires, so that becomes my goal. How could it not? It is the most important thing going on in my life at the time.

I feel i am wondering around aimlessly with a few exercises gleaned from some books and without any clear direction my efforts will be stunted.

It's been mentioned already: start small. Of course, if you don't have greater aims, desires will naturally become your aim. Humans are mechanical like that. To use the jealousy example again, what step do you envision BETWEEN where you are now and what you perceive as a better version of you. Maybe pick a specific situation and ask, "how could I have done this a little bit better?"

 

[Stefan]

So let's just say I evolved past the desire to be famous or unanimous, wealthy or poor, happy or miserable, healthy or sick, strong or weak, tall or short, smart or dumb, religious or atheist, spiritual or animal, love or fear, enlightened or ignorant, alive or dead...I just want to be Me!

The core of Me, the deepest end of Me. The Divine Me is fully manifested when the whole world disappears. The emotional center of Me is only manifested through the physical body and this world. Without the world per se, there wouldn't be an emotional center. We are at stage of the learning curve of live when we have to feel and experience emotions, and how we react to them, how we attach to them, how we appeal to them, how we build our life around them...

Say I only have one wish. That is to be honest to myself, so I can be honest to others. What is honesty? It is to be true to yourself when you only know certain Truths to yourself. We grow as we walk on the learning curve of life. The old negative (subjective labeling I have to say, what we consider positive maybe viewed as negative by others) emotions of the lower vibrations will be gradually left behind.

That has nothing to do with spirituality. it is another way of labeling the due process of learning. There is no such thing as a spiritual person. We cannot judge people. We are who we are.

 

[Menna]

There is no such thing as a spiritual person

Life isn't black or white and this is a statement that resembles black and white thinking. There is no 100% spiritual person as we are aligned towards STS and mechanical however people can posses spirituality qualities

 

[Stefan]

Menna, please define spiritual qualities. 100% spiritual person is probably a light being who exists interdependently from the physical body.

Spiritual qualities means expanded consciousness, in my opinion, but again all souls possess spiritual qualities, we just have to unlock them. That is the key of our work! Now, there are people with more advanced consciousness than others but to label them 'spiritual' is like stereotyping. Each individual soul vibrates at unique frequency, that is the quality of the spirit, or the soul in that matter. But you see, we disregard the demands of our soul but instead we serve the demands of our own emotional center that dictates our life and defines the human STS qualities. We are led by the wisdom of our emotions, not by the soul. This wisdom is a false knowledge, we have to be aware of that.

There are the organic portals too without souls. I think they are the minority. We should stereotype them instead, if I am not mistaken of course.

I would like to be proven wrong, always.

 

[Menna]

but again all souls possess spiritual qualities

Yea? You sure?....Im not sure and I don't know how anyone can be...I just responded to this post to point out some black and white thinking this type of thinking keeps one stagnenet, closed and makes it harder to advance.

There is a difference between stereotyping and putting a word on something to describe it. If you work hard at a task do your duities and leave it at that believing that the universe will handle the outcome without further control on your part I would say is a spiritual quality belief in the workings of the universe however handling your responsibilities to the fullest. This same person could have a drug habit or sex habit. That is my example of someone who has spirituality but isn't 100% spiritual as humans most likely cant be the way we are made.