The $%$$&%$@ next door

[Mountain Crown]

I don't understand what you mean by that

I'm talking to myself there. That's unfair to you. After reading over this thread I feel the need to recapitulate what happened yesterday. A deeper understanding is required.

 

[Erna]

I also think something quite simple and straight-forward have turned into quite the discussion.

Phone the police, go next door and knock on the door, when they open up you say you live next door, you heard the commotion and that you have notified the police and they're on their way. Tell the wife to get her child and come and wait in your apartment till the police arrive.

The specific country is quite irrelevant. Abuse is abuse. Right is right anywhere in the world and wrong is wrong anywhere in the world.

If she takes him back after that, there's nothing you can do, except calling the police every single time it happens.

You can't ignore when someone's in trouble cause you fear retaliation. You can't turn a blind eye. Know it aint gonna to be fun and proceed (although most guys I know would derive a lot of fun from beating someone up who hits his wife or girlfriend). Sometimes I wonder if it's out of compassion or if it just feeds their ego (or both).

Also consider the example you set for your step-child. And consider the effect it has on your step-child.

 

[ana]

You can't ignore when someone's in trouble cause you fear retaliation. You can't turn a blind eye. Know it aint gonna to be fun and proceed (although most guys I know would derive a lot of fun from beating someone up who hits his wife or girlfriend).

Amen

 

[Oxajil]

When it comes to such situations I always think worst case scenario, dark things come to mind which make me second guess. I've always had this paranoia way of thinking, there's a lot of fear inside of me somehow.

And when I read what MC is going through and his decision on what to do, well I couldn't really say that it's the right thing to do or not. Because me personally, I think about what could happen if he would just do that, knocking on the door and all that. It's obvious that the guy who's beating his wife etc. is not really healthy in his head, so if that guy finds out who calls the police every time and is the reason for taking his wife/child away from him, just imagine what plans he maybe would make to make MC's life miserable? It's dangerous, because that option is open, we don't know. So if MC wants to do anything, I would advice him to do so anonymously, that's my take on it. Could be wrong..

 

[Nević Nenad]

I also think something quite simple and straight-forward have turned into quite the discussion.

Phone the police, go next door and knock on the door, when they open up you say you live next door, you heard the commotion and that you have notified the police and they're on their way. Tell the wife to get her child and come and wait in your apartment till the police arrive.

The specific country is quite irrelevant. Abuse is abuse. Right is right anywhere in the world and wrong is wrong anywhere in the world.

If she takes him back after that, there's nothing you can do, except calling the police every single time it happens.

You can't ignore when someone's in trouble cause you fear retaliation. You can't turn a blind eye. Know it aint gonna to be fun and proceed (although most guys I know would derive a lot of fun from beating someone up who hits his wife or girlfriend). Sometimes I wonder if it's out of compassion or if it just feeds their ego (or both).

Also consider the example you set for your step-child. And consider the effect it has on your step-child.

Would you really do that in that way you have described it if you were on MC’s place?

No one asked him to do anything, and he has his family to care about and to watch from mad man from neighborhood.

I can say only for me, and I would probably call the police, but that would be all my involvement (and I am wondering will I make even more damage to that family in that way) unless the woman asks me for help.

I think that specific country and its law and local customs (in sense of people’s relations) are very relevant. Wrong is wrong, and abuse is abuse, is OK, but can we fight for that without thinking and with emotional reactions?

 

[Adaryn]

When it comes to such situations I always think worst case scenario, dark things come to mind which make me second guess. I've always had this paranoia way of thinking, there's a lot of fear inside of me somehow.

And when I read what MC is going through and his decision on what to do, well I couldn't really say that it's the right thing to do or not. Because me personally, I think about what could happen if he would just do that, knocking on the door and all that. It's obvious that the guy who's beating his wife etc. is not really healthy in his head, so if that guy finds out who calls the police every time and is the reason for taking his wife/child away from him, just imagine what plans he maybe would make to make MC's life miserable? It's dangerous, because that option is open, we don't know. So if MC wants to do anything, I would advice it to do so anonymously, that's my take on it. Could be wrong..

I don't think that's very wise to open oneself to attack or retaliation, especially when you're responsible not only for yourself but for the life of 2 other persons. What good does it do to try to "save" 2 people while possibly endangering 2 other people's lives (plus your own)? Thus my advice would also be to call the police but stay anonymous. Wise as serpents, gentle as doves... Might be wrong, though.

 

[Renaissance]

I also think something quite simple and straight-forward have turned into quite the discussion.

Phone the police, go next door and knock on the door, when they open up you say you live next door, you heard the commotion and that you have notified the police and they're on their way. Tell the wife to get her child and come and wait in your apartment till the police arrive.

This is inviting a very dangerous and unsafe situation. Looks like a hero or savior program may be kicking in E.

 

[Erna]

[quote author=Avala]
Would you really do that in that way you have described it if you were on MC’s place?
[/quote]

Yes.

[quote author=Avala]
Looks like a hero or savior program may be kicking in E.
[/quote]

Not at all. I did the scariest thing of my life last week Tuesday. I never said anything about the absence of fear. The stakes in my case were a bit higher though. Beforehand my legs were lame from fear and when I tried to take a sip from my coffee I trembled so much a was scared I might spill it. But I followed through because it was the right thing to do. Simple. There was a non-confrontational option available to me, but it wouldn't have been right.

I was under no illusion about the outcome, and I did lose my job (and I knew beforehand if I do it I will lose my job). But it was the right thing to do. It was a tough week and I never thought I would ever require the services of a lawyer.

Life is not easy, and it requires a lot of courage from us from time to time.

 

[Adaryn]

[quote author=Avala]
Would you really do that in that way you have described it if you were on MC’s place?

Yes.[/quote]

Even if you were responsible for other peoples' lives and possibly endangering them?

I did the scariest thing of my life last week Tuesday. I never said anything about the absence of fear. The stakes in my case were a bit higher though.

What were the stakes? Could you describe what happened in more details?

Beforehand my legs were lame from fear and when I tried to take a sip from my coffee I trembled so much a was scared I might spill it. But I followed through because it was the right thing to do. Simple. There was a non-confrontational option available to me, but it wouldn't have been right.

I was under no illusion about the outcome, and I did lose my job (and I knew beforehand if I do it I will lose my job). But it was the right thing to do. It was a tough week and I never thought I would ever require the services of a lawyer.

Did your choice involve the lives of other people?

 

[ana]

Thus my advice would also be to call the police but stay anonymous. Wise as serpents, gentle as doves... Might be wrong, though.

Yes that seems to me also a most intelligent way of doing it..


Anyway I think Fear causes an individualized state of self -preservation that inevitably leads to the contrary situation.
If all there is is lessons then fear is a big barrier

Maybe we should look for the real motive of doing or not doing something.

 

[Erna]

[quote author=Carcosa]
Even if you were responsible for other peoples' lives and possibly endangering them?
[/quote]

I seriously doubt the wife beater would come after Mountain Crown's family if he intervenes. The guy's a coward and I would guess there's alcohol involved as well. We have all encountered men like that, directly or indirectly. What is the only thing that ever gets results. May he take out the rage from his bruised ego on his own family? Didn't Mountain Crown say it's been going on for some time already anyway. It's the only medicine for men like that. Only one thing ever works with a bully.

[quote author=Carcosa]
What were the stakes? Could you describe what happened in more details?
[/quote]

I did consider bringing this dilemma to the forum when the whole thing exploded, but I knew what the right course of action for me was. I will tell this story when it's over, being a public forum and all. I'm wondering now whether I should have backed out, but I'm now at the point of no return. I think if I could have it over, I would have done it the same.

[quote author=Carcosa]
Did your choice involve the lives of other people?
[/quote]

I am the only 'fatality', but everyone is emotionally affected by it. We are not just colleagues, we are also friends. My best friend works by my side, but if there was ever a friendship test, this would be the one.

[quote author=Carcosa]
Thus my advice would also be to call the police but stay anonymous. Wise as serpents, gentle as doves... Might be wrong, though.
[/quote]

No maybe you're right ...

[quote author=Carcosa]
If all there is are lessons then fear is a big barrier
[/quote]

Yeah, I think the only thing possibly scarier would be having to come back for the lesson...

 

[Renaissance]

[quote author=Avala]
Looks like a hero or savior program may be kicking in E.

Not at all. I did the scariest thing of my life last week Tuesday.[/quote]

Since you bring it up, might you be trying to process this recent emotional experience through this thread? (also just to clarify, I wrote the above, not Avala)

I never said anything about the absence of fear.

That's interesting, because I didn't see anybody else mention it either. Maybe that's a clue that there is something more going on for you?

The stakes in my case were a bit higher though.

It's probably best not to compare. It seems like you may be putting Mountain Crown down here, and I don't think that's helpful.

Beforehand my legs were lame from fear and when I tried to take a sip from my coffee I trembled so much a was scared I might spill it. But I followed through because it was the right thing to do. Simple. There was a non-confrontational option available to me, but it wouldn't have been right.

I was under no illusion about the outcome, and I did lose my job (and I knew beforehand if I do it I will lose my job). But it was the right thing to do. It was a tough week and I never thought I would ever require the services of a lawyer.

Life is not easy, and it requires a lot of courage from us from time to time.

Well, it sounds like you've been through an important experience, one where you appear proud of the stance you took, but then it also appears like you have some things you may still be trying to work out (perhaps unconsciously).

 

[Erna]

That's interesting, because I didn't see anybody else mention it either.

but can we fight for that without thinking and with emotional reactions?

...........................................

Since you bring it up, might you be trying to process this recent emotional experience through this thread?

No Los, it's about finding the courage to do the right thing when you are standing in front of that choice. Sure I'm identifying with this thread a little more than I should due to my own situation, but I'm not trying to process my recent emotions by doing it.

It seems like you may be putting Mountain Crown down here

I do have a problem with Mountain Crown 'not even' phoning the police.

Well, it sounds like you've been through an important experience, one where you appear proud of the stance you took

I am proud of the fact that I had the resolve to carry it through.

 

[Mountain Crown]

I wish to express my gratitude for all the replies. As I posted earlier I need to recapitulate what happened yesterday, because it's clear to me there's more I need to understand.

[quote author=E]I do have a problem with Mountain Crown 'not even' phoning the police.[/quote]

When Perceval asked if there was a good reason not to call the police, I answered things were unclear, then it was over. So essentially I would have been reporting to the police after the fact (an accusation, if you will,) which is another story. It is even more unclear now that I've seen the both of them. By the way, why would you have a problem?

The guy's a coward and I would guess there's alcohol involved as well.

It is not only wishful thinking but also dangerous to assume violent people are that way because they are cowards. I've lived long enough to know that some people are violent by nature and/or love it. There are also people who crave it to be done to them.

They are not alcoholics.

 

[Erna]

By the way, why would you have a problem?

Because you said he's beating his wife and yelling at her and it's been going on for some time...

It is not only wishful thinking but also dangerous to assume violent people are that way because they are cowards

I'm not assuming all violent people are cowards. I'm saying a man beating his wife (physically weaker sex) is a coward.

There are also people who crave it to be done to them.

I know, but does that possibility warrant inaction?

They are not alcoholics.

I was just bringing up the possibility, since it's so often the case. I also didn't say he's an alcoholic, I said there's possibly 'alcohol involved'. My father had a personality change after only 2 drinks.