The struggle with an unknown force

[no-mans-land]

Fwiw. This to me looks like a cover up operation, in potential both are true on different levels and I may be wrong here, but what I tried to say was; To be mistreated will give scars if not dealt with, but how can we deal when we are kids needing the love of our parents, we take it and reaction patterns are built. come puberty we find that we are seperate and gain own power, even though we still are under the influence of the parents spell, there is a possible reaction to freeing oneself from the debilitating patterns which represent the parents within. This is prone to be expressed under passive agressive guise if one is still under their roof, of a house which has not allowed the kid to healthy ego exploration, emotional expression and maturation.

If you are like me, and our childhoods sound similar in some respects, then being set to do a job, when one has been given no emotional ground to stand on, can become meaningless and feel like slave labour. This built in me lots of aggression, which i had no faculty of telling myself why it was so, and i had learnt to be the good boy and keep out of the way, so the feelings had to be covertly re-routed. They turned up in passive aggressions unrelated to the real event, in situations where it was safe or unnoticed, even in not amounting to anything they would like me to be, listening to the negative introject .

I am still exploring childhood patterns, the big 5 psychology books boosted recognition manyfold.

Good will hunting for those hidden pieces.

Ah, now I get it. Thanks.

But this give rise to another question. Does the origin of the negative introject always has something to do with the parents? Sorry if this is a silly question but in lack of the ability to buy the books, I have to poke around a little bit, maybe I find a 'Aha!' moment which help me to go deeper in this issue.

I have a hard time while I try to remember who or what put this little voice into my head, because the negative introject describes it very good and there is truly something like that going on, but I couldn't ascribe this to my parents. Everything I know about narcissistic behavior (and I have to admit that this is not very much, at least what is written here in the forum), let me come to the conclusion, that none of the characteristics were present during my childhood. Of course, this is colored through the distorted view of my own memory.

This led me to the question, whether this pattern can emerge through other ways like simply passiveness towards the children or, at least, not giving input or emotional response when it is needed because the parents are not present to give them? Could I call such a behavior narcissistic? I tend to defend the circumstances in which I grew up and this may not be appropriate in order to find the real cause, but I see this urge to justify everything occurring in so many little reactions and thoughts, that it seems, that this, in turn, may be a part of this program and at this point I begin to think in circles.

I don't know if the last sentence was intelligible but there is buried something.

 

[paralleloscope]

Does the origin of the negative introject always has something to do with the parents?

Yes, afaik

I have a hard time while I try to remember who or what put this little voice into my head, because the negative introject describes it very good and there is truly something like that going on, but I couldn't ascribe this to my parents

Many case stories tell that survivors of narcisisstic families are reluctant to blame their family, the loyalty code and denial goes deep, multi level defence. It took me a long time to admit. A defining line of inquiry for me was that in a narcisisstic family, the parents (dysfunctional) emotions are the childrens responsibility.

let me come to the conclusion, that none of the characteristics were present during my childhood. Of course, this is colored through the distorted view of my own memory.

there is a very sligth possibility that this does not apply to you, but imo, odds are in favor of, you having been exposed to the same pathologic influence that most have. Most just don't have the inclination for seeking out knowledge about it, which means everything if one is to have real hope to be cured. Myth of sanity talks about dissociation, the trick of the minds forgetfulness in to buffered zones.

You really should put extra effort into getting those books, even though you may not think it applies to you, it does, in some way or other. you wont regret it. I have my books lent out, ill see if i can get them back, they should be finished by now, then i could send them to you.

 

[Buddy]

Hi no-man's-land. Maybe I can help out a little bit. Freyr's comments seem also descriptive of my childhood and early adulthood as well.

But this give rise to another question. Does the origin of the negative introject always has something to do with the parents?

I think it probably does for most people. In my view, the negative introject can be just about anyone, and once you accept a particular person as someone you must obey, then you internalize the words and commands/instructions that this person has given you so that you can begin to give yourself these behavioral instructions in order to stay out of trouble.

In my experience, my primary negative introject was my an internal representative of my dad and although his behavior rules, generally speaking, were always situation specific for a child, some of them became so deeply embedded and generalized as to unconsciously affect situations later in life that are only remotely similar by association.

To make it more clear, there was indeed no 'you can't achieve anything' or something like that but I didn't lived a "normal" childhood as well.
...
In reality, my childhood was quite unusual because I grown up in an hotel like environment in which I had to hide myself to no disturb the guests to much. The most common behavior was (here too) to be quiet and inconspicuous.
...
...through the circumstance to play an idyllic world for the guests so that they can feel comfortable, many tensions remain unsolved.

Thinking about your situation in terms of the above quotes, what kinds of things might a child have to be told or commanded to do in order to keep him quiet and out of the way? It is possible that if you recapitulate a lot of your childhood and simply look for patterns, some ideas may start to come to you, if that is what you're after.

Hope I'm not too far off base here. :)

 

[Be Like Water]

I hear where your coming from, N-M-L. I have my own, similar set of struggles.

But this give rise to another question. Does the origin of the negative introject always has something to do with the parents?

I have not yet read the 5 recommended narcissism books yet, (just ordered myth of sanity after reading this post :), AUD$21 of ebay australia), but my understanding is that also close family, uncles/grandparents and also possibly babysitters or crache/childcare workers could also be responsible for these traits? Would not any individual that has authority over you (that you see as in command at that age) at these critical points be capable of influencing the development of negative introspect?

You also mentioned a sculpture...did you ever end up posting pics?

 

[StrangeCaptain]

The basic theme of "The Narcissistic Family" as I understand it arose from the author's clinical observations that various patients were manifesting similar symptoms to patients who had experienced the influence of a malignant narcissist but WITHOUT having an identifiable single narcissist present. Thus, this theme is that family dynamics can create a similar influence even if no individual member could be diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder. This idea can be extended that an institution that one is exposed to can be a narcissistic influence. The negative introject can then be a manifestation of this narcissistic influence. It is like it is the voice of this group dynamic if it could speak like an individual does.