N
no-mans-land
Guest
Freyr said:Fwiw. This to me looks like a cover up operation, in potential both are true on different levels and I may be wrong here, but what I tried to say was; To be mistreated will give scars if not dealt with, but how can we deal when we are kids needing the love of our parents, we take it and reaction patterns are built. come puberty we find that we are seperate and gain own power, even though we still are under the influence of the parents spell, there is a possible reaction to freeing oneself from the debilitating patterns which represent the parents within. This is prone to be expressed under passive agressive guise if one is still under their roof, of a house which has not allowed the kid to healthy ego exploration, emotional expression and maturation.
If you are like me, and our childhoods sound similar in some respects, then being set to do a job, when one has been given no emotional ground to stand on, can become meaningless and feel like slave labour. This built in me lots of aggression, which i had no faculty of telling myself why it was so, and i had learnt to be the good boy and keep out of the way, so the feelings had to be covertly re-routed. They turned up in passive aggressions unrelated to the real event, in situations where it was safe or unnoticed, even in not amounting to anything they would like me to be, listening to the negative introject .
I am still exploring childhood patterns, the big 5 psychology books boosted recognition manyfold.
Good will hunting for those hidden pieces.
Ah, now I get it. Thanks.
But this give rise to another question. Does the origin of the negative introject always has something to do with the parents? Sorry if this is a silly question but in lack of the ability to buy the books, I have to poke around a little bit, maybe I find a 'Aha!' moment which help me to go deeper in this issue.
I have a hard time while I try to remember who or what put this little voice into my head, because the negative introject describes it very good and there is truly something like that going on, but I couldn't ascribe this to my parents. Everything I know about narcissistic behavior (and I have to admit that this is not very much, at least what is written here in the forum), let me come to the conclusion, that none of the characteristics were present during my childhood. Of course, this is colored through the distorted view of my own memory.
This led me to the question, whether this pattern can emerge through other ways like simply passiveness towards the children or, at least, not giving input or emotional response when it is needed because the parents are not present to give them? Could I call such a behavior narcissistic? I tend to defend the circumstances in which I grew up and this may not be appropriate in order to find the real cause, but I see this urge to justify everything occurring in so many little reactions and thoughts, that it seems, that this, in turn, may be a part of this program and at this point I begin to think in circles.
I don't know if the last sentence was intelligible but there is buried something.