This is a thread from 2007. I feel it is very relevant to my NOW situation, so if mods agree then it can stay under same title?
I was reading what SAO had to say here:
There's a pretty striking difference between what people's jobs are, and their goals. Granted, seeking truth and advancing ourselves does not usually work to also earn an income for most (though I'm sure there are plenty of ways to use this to earn one, one example is what Laura does for example, writing, but there are many things that can be done). Some have observed the huge variety of careers/jobs the members of this forum have, how many different backgrounds and walks of life we come from. But how many of those jobs actually help to bring us closer to our stated goals? I think similar things have already been discussed on this forum in the past. My current understanding is that "real life" is the best place to practice "the Work". Sitting in a hole in a mountain and meditating about our navel is avoiding life and its lessons which requires dealing with people, with life situations, with the world.
And I noticed a few times at least this question was brought up on the forum - the question of what is a good balance. We don't want to surround ourselves with psychopaths, organic portals, petty tyrants too much - we will end up drained, discombobulated, and there's a good chance overpowered and rendered useless until we manage to get away. But also it's probably a bad idea to avoid ALL deviants - since they are an important source of shocks, lessons, and growth - as long as we're careful and don't dive in head first into the belly of the beast with delusions of "I can handle anything".
Similarly, what about a job/career situation? A quote (whose source I am not sure of) comes to mind: "Before enlightenment chop wood, carry water. After enlightenment, chop wood, carry water." Somewhat seriously and yet someone metaphorically I understand this to mean a few things. One, it could mean "as above, so below". But the other thing which I think relates to the above paragraph, is perhaps simply that life itself, all the toils and labor and humbling struggles that it entails, provides the best platform for learning about life, on any level. But again it would appear a balance is necessary. You don't want to work yourself to death with no time or energy for anything else. But also experiencing the world through a window, without getting dirty and really exposing yourself to the hardships and rewards and lessons of first hand experience is probably a bad thing also. I know they say that smart people learn from their mistakes but geniuses learn from the mistakes of others, but if all we do is observe others and are afraid to take a risk and DO something and potentially make a mistake too, I don't think we're doing ourselves a favor.
And just for the record, I'm not hoping to deprive anybody of any lessons their job brings to them by suggesting that we look for shortcuts and try to obsess over our comfort. To the contrary, I think one of the important lessons is to learn impeccability, to efficiently utilize our energy to further our goals. And I think that a lesson could be as simple as getting ourselves out of a pointless job that makes us unhappy and drained and distracted, and apply our energies towards things that matter, that allow us to DO something.
But I think that sometimes what we perceive as a horrible/draining situation is our fault. In the sense that, some people are just very easy to anger and aggravate, and just because we're frustrated/angry/aggravated/depressed by a situation, does not necessarily mean that the situation is at fault - it could very well be an issue on our end. In this case, quitting jobs or relocating place of residence obviously not resolve the issue, it'll follow us everywhere we go because we mis-identified the true nature/cause of the issue. The C's have dealt with this in the past. Some people had a problem and they thought moving was a great idea, and the C's said no, the problem is not the place or location, even if the people projected and assumed it was. In another case (take Laura for example), moving was the ONLY solution, the problem WAS the place/people/situation. So I think there's always a risk of mis-judging where a problem is, and possibly blaming others when the problem is with us, but also vice versa. So I think this thread can work to help people identify not just what other ways there are to make money, but to encourage assessment of your own situation and any "problems" (financial or otherwise) that you have with it, and to address the REAL cause of those problems. And when it is determined that the problem IS a pointless job or a psychopath, and we accurately diagnose the true source, THEN we can do something about it and have a chance to succeed and resolve it.
He says more than this, and it's good, but this is the main part I resonated with.
It's been a few days since I've been able to post since my life is in chaos due to what is spoken of on this thread,
http://cassiopaea.org/forum/index.php?topic=22469.0
I need help from the network in sorting this out. I feel as bad as I have ever felt in my life. I hope this posting is not too confusing or chaotic. It's taken days to try to sort through all the conflicting thoughts. Some days the despair and guilt and shame are very high. Others I feel like I am able to begin anew and trust. It's a day to day process of taking care of the practicalities and responsibilities of what this stark reality/situation presents. Just going forward. I had one day where I felt utter peace, but I was afraid it was Neptunian delusion! Yet, I don't think it was since I am taking care of every thing that needs to be done every step of the way...looking into jobs, putting items on Craig's list which make me feel very sad: new solar panels, new wood stove, etc.--but just going ahead and doing it.
Mr.Anderson and I have been doing a lot of soul-searching as a result of our situation.
Here is a little background:
Since 2003 we started planning what it would take to have an intentional community. In 2005 we could have sold our house, but we put it off a year and did not make as much money. We did buy land in southern CO--35 acres, with the intention of having a community there.
We left the city in 2007 with a little money, and went to So CO to find jobs. Odd jobs--many jobs, because in a sparsely populated area, that is how one gets by. By 2009 we were building a rough shelter on our land. I did not like living this way, but we thought that we could find people to share our land with us.We did this for a year. I posted about this when I first joined the forum. I was told it was a 3D trap. That it was STS, not STO. It took me time to 'get' this, but I did. I looked back and saw all the struggle and hardship. I read what the C's say in Chapt 8 onliine in the Wave about learning to manipulate or master 3D. I knew I was not learning that, but I did not know what to do. I was indeed, trapped. I could not See.
When our 'friend' Ed approached us with a proposal of sharing his land and working together as a 3 person community it seemed right. But I had my doubts. I had already wanted to sell without knowing what we would do next. But Mr.A did not want to do that until after Ed made his proposal. He felt now we had something tangible to work on, and I could certainly see his point. So, in 2010 we sold the land and the rough shelter, greenhouse, fenced garden. It happened fast--in less than a month we had a buyer. We had money=freedom. Mr.A started immediately building.
But I continued to have my doubts. I voiced those doubts, but then doubting myself, I made the error of going along with this community project. I doubt myself a lot, and have done so most of my life. I see red flags, but I don't always stop and sit in the void. Instead I go along. I tend to 'go along' and have done this a lot in my life... at least I am seeing it now in living color. My responsibility is that I wanted a house too. I wanted to share this house with others in need. I wanted to be set up to do this. But we picked the wrong person to do it with. He seemed to have the same goals, but he turned out to be a real, live psychopath, imo. But we attracted this. A horrible lesson.
More on this story is about this 'friend' becoming more and more controlling, not listening, not willing to change the lease according to what we request, never mind getting it signed. Read the link to the thread(crisis=freedom) above for the horrible details.
Now I sit and ask myself what is it in me that has never been able to be good at manipulating 3D? I don't fit in the system, I never have. I was affected by the 60's--I came of age then. I am a product of the rebellion/revolution. I get that. I see the trap of that--I was caught in it. I want out.
At age 20 I got married the first time in a hippie commune. I immediately get pregnant, and have my first child at age 21. So at that early age I am already seeking community. You can be sure it did not work out. I have a second child 22 months later and we are no longer in the commune. I am raising my children as a homemaker, the first husband is taking jobs to support us. When my children are 3 and 5 (1978) I get a job while my husband goes back to school to get his Masters degree. I continue working after that, while finishing my BA degree in psychology. We work, we slave, we divorce.
I get by in the world--for 15 years as a single woman post-divorce. I do astrology charts (beginning in '92) in a place that received my work very well. I don't make a lot of money--I get by. I paid a mortgage, bills. I do my own thing--that is my own private practice of counseling using astrology as a tool.
Eventually, I marry a man who also does not 'fit in' as I never quite did (a former athelete, a very creative/talented artist) and we decide we need to figure out ways to get by without the system while being in it. He gets a slave job. He makes good money after about 2 years. What we don't do is invest in gold or silver when we could have. We stick it out for 7 years in a big city.
We start out in STS 3D trap of survival. Where is the balance of community living, STO and 3D manipulation vs. being in the system, investing, working a slave job? This is what SAO is addressing above in the quote. We could have continued living in a city, I could have also had a slave job, and we both could have gradually learned about psychopaths, petty tyrants and OP's on the job, while earning money? Instead we down-graded to manual labor in a small mountain town, owned land while having a goal to 'build community' with others who are like-minded, and then attracting a Big all-at-once Lesson on Psychopathy.
I don't quite know how to take this: 'know and love the World, as it is.' I am seeing so far, that one cannot approach living out of the psychopathic system with any anger or bitterness. Use the system, as the C's instruct, and multiply your money within the parameters of the system (investing.) Accept what the World is and find a way to manipulate (without bitterness.) As the thread with the quote of SAO talks about, this is tricky--a fine line between selfish STS and STO! But isn't this what this network is about? Helping eachother walk this 3D path and find BALANCE?
As far as inner Work goes, "Seek first the kingdom of Heaven, and all will be added unto you." I see this as doing the Work--facing our STS thinking, all our little 'i's', learning hard lessons as we are now--just do the Work, and as POTS also says, all will be added--whatever is needed. I can certainly see examples of this is the lives of the chateau and the elder I met.
But, who else is struggling with this?
Can our error be corrected? Can we have success and fulfillment along with STO, or is it too late?
Mr.A and I are healing old wounds--we see how naive we are, we see our STS delusional thinking, but we are not blaming, we are supporting one another, we are crying together, have a few laughs here and there. In fact, our bond is closer than ever.
In our best moments, we trust in our 'higher selves.' Nothing in the way of jobs or a different place to live has manifested itself yet despite trying hard not to anticipate and taking action when it feels right. There is some risk we have to take I am sure.
Practically speaking, we have looked into a few jobs--none of which are ready to start yet--more like May. We have items on Craig's list: 4 solar panels, wood cook stove, a generator. We hate to part with these items, but we need the cash if we are to rent a house somewhere. Someone we lent money to is sending part of what he owes next week. Seems like a bad risk to rent in the area when we don't know yet about the jobs. Only one job is for now and is a continuing one--here at the B&B once we move out, on the 15 April. Its not enough to live on.
A lot could happen in the next week. A place to go to, for instance. We are open. If we were to move, we know not where, but we could manage it financially. Perhaps we are to stay here.
Had to make a long post here...apologies!
