Too much empathy.

[CrimsonEagle]

Hi all.

I have a question to ask about something that I need some help with because I can not help but feel that it is killing me. The question is in regards to empathy.

Now everyone, or nearly everyone on this site I would think agree that empathy is a good quality to have, a quality that psychopaths are lacking, thus they are what many would use the term "evil" to describe.

My question is not about lack of empathy, but my lack of control over this living hell.

As I spend much of my free time in my attempt to educate myself and stay up to date in the state of the world, it is inevitable that I am going to see images, read articles, or watch video depicting the horrible, horrible things that we are doing to each other. To our husbands, wives, brothers, sisters, children of humanity.

The problem that I have, though it has lessened a bit in frequency and severity over the 10 or so years that I have noticeably had this, is that when I am struck, I do not JUST feel sadness, or pity, or anger, I live the situation. I AM the parent holding the dead child, I AM the husband holding his dead wife, I AM the wife wailing in anguish over the death of a loved one, I AM the woman being raped and tortured, I AM.....

It goes on and on and it is a living hell, a waking nightmare. When I first began having these "attacks" they were brutal and relentless to the point of making me sick. I was not sleeping for days, was not eating, and it was tearing at my sanity. Any time that I would try to rest, I would live one horror or another. I think that the only reason I did retain my sanity was because although while living it, it was real, it was not real.

As strange as it is, this also would make me feel guilty because though I suffered, I would eventually snap back to the here and now while who's ever life I was witnessing was still living the hell:(.

Where I stand now is that although the frequency is less, I still at times go into a tailspin of helplessness and I need to know how to control it. I do not want to lose empathy, I feel that it is something that is needed, but I do need to find a way to bring it under control because it is as if every "alternate" life I live, every horror I experience, it is killing a little piece of my soul.

I am beginning to hate. When I see what is being done, over and over and over and over again, I feel the pain and suffering and I am consumed with a white hot rage at the inhumanity. I think that I am feeling their hatred, but I have no way to quell my own because I agree with them....I have seen.

Now, this is not something that I have talked to anyone about...ever because I honestly do not think anyone would understand. After spending some time on this site, mostly reading I came to the conclusion that due to what the people on this site research, perhaps someone here could understand and help me, or point me in the right direction.

Now, when I use the term "attack" to describe what I am going through, I say this because it is something that I have no control over. I do not "feel" as if this is an attack by an STS. I feel more like it is something that I have to know......that I have to understand in order to advance. Someone or something, within or without is trying to teach me something.

I also "feel" that my goal is for it to be something that I can "use", but to be honest, I have no clue as to how what or why...I just do not know, but I feel that it is important that I come to recognize this.

The only thing that I have ever really wanted in my life was to understand. I find so many things in life to be fascinating I can only ask who would not want to understand.

I think that one thing I can take from this it to be careful what you ask for. I understand much more than I used to but I don't think I can handle much more. The beauty that I see can not be described in words, and this makes the darkness that I see all the worse.

I feel tired and I could use a hand if there is any to be had. I don't think I have ever asked in my life, but I am now. What I need is a starting point, something that I can focus on and study. There is just too much information out there and bouncing around like I have been is serving no purpose other than too keep me scattered. It is good to consume as much information as possible for general knowledge to get a general "feel", but in this case I think I need to narrow the field and study.

Any thoughts or direction you can point me in will be greatly appreciated.

Crimson.

 

[mamadrama]

Hi, CrimsonEagle.

First let me express my sympathy for your situation. I have had to deal with similar issues so I do appreciate your circumstances and the draining effects they can have.

Are you familiar with Dr. Elaine Aron's work with highly sensitive people (HSP)? I have just started exploring her work myself but I pass it along to you fwiw.

According to Wikipedia:

A highly sensitive person (HSP) is a person having the innate trait of high sensitivity (or innate sensitiveness as Carl Gustav Jung originally coined it). According to Elaine N. Aron and colleagues as well as other researchers, highly sensitive people, which would represent about a fifth of the population, process sensory data much more deeply and thoroughly due to a biological difference in their nervous systems.[1] This is a specific trait with key consequences that in the past has often been confused with innate shyness, inhibitedness, innate fearfulness, introversion, and so on. [2] The existence of the trait of innate sensitivity was demonstrated using a test that was shown to have both internal and external validity.[3] Although the term is primarily used to describe humans, the trait is present in nearly all higher animals...

_http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Highly_sensitive_persons

You may want to check out Dr. Aron's website to start. She has written several books on the topic. Her website is:

_http://www.hsperson.com/

She also has a self test you can do here: _http://www.hsperson.com/pages/test.htm

Regards,
L.

 

[RedFox]

Hi Crimson

Sounds like your having a real tough time of it. I can relate having been through similar situations myself on a more personal level (feeling family/friends emotions as my own while there suffering).

I also "feel" that my goal is for it to be something that I can "use", but to be honest, I have no clue as to how what or why...I just do not know, but I feel that it is important that I come to recognize this.

I tend to agree with you here, especially when you say.....

I am beginning to hate. When I see what is being done, over and over and over and over again, I feel the pain and suffering and I am consumed with a white hot rage at the inhumanity. I think that I am feeling their hatred, but I have no way to quell my own because I agree with them....I have seen.

From what I have read about the Work here on the forum that is what can be utilised.
However to even suggest how you may proceed to do so is way out of my field of knowledge at the moment so I will just suggest what I can see as a possible starting point.

As you lack the knowedge to utilise these experiences for the moment I suggest the first order of things is to try and do your best to limit your exposure to anything that causes them. Reading the headlines/articles on Sott about others suffering, or the news, or even thoughts of others suffering should be avoided for the time being. Any and all triggers.
This should not be something to feel guilty about either, because at the moment the experiences are a hindrance to progressing your understanding.

If you can find a bit of stability I'd suggest that the best place to focus would be the recommended reading list, especially the psychology books.
The short list in this order (I think I've got it in the right order) may be of the most benefit.

1) Myth of Sanity - Martha Stout
2) Trapped in The Mirror - Elan Goulomb
3) Unholy Hungers - Barbara Hort
4) The Narcissistic Family - the Pressmans
5) Drama of the Gifted Child - Alice Miller

Hopefully these will give you the grounding you need to not be totally overwhelmed by your experiences anymore.
After that, I'd suggest researching 'the Work' (there is plenty of reference material on the site, perhaps someone else can direct you more specifically).

fwiw I think the following thread may also hold the key to starting to utilise your experiences.
Depression As A Stepping Stone (to Soul Growth)

Good luck!

 

[FireShadow]

Hi CrimsonEagle,

I, too, have cried much and been ill upon viewing the types of material you describe.

One thing that got my attention in your post is this (bolded mine):

 
The problem that I have, though it has lessened a bit in frequency and severity over the 10 or so years that I have noticeably had this, is that when I am struck, I do not JUST feel sadness, or pity, or anger, I live the situation.  I AM the parent holding the dead child, I AM the husband holding his dead wife, I AM the wife wailing in anguish over the death of a loved one, I AM the woman being raped and tortured, I AM..... 

This experience of "being the other" sounds like "identification"

From the Cassiopean Glossary:

This is a nearly constant, universal feature of man's psyche. Identification takes place when some external item catches one's attention and one forgets all else. Identification is the mechanism which makes man a machine reacting to any environmental stimulus that may match his arbitrary fancy.

The 4th Way Work seeks to oppose man's automatic and routine tendency to identify with the practice of self-remembering. It is noteworthy that man loses any semblance of self-consciousness, forgets himself, when in a state of identification.

One can be identified with anything: A thought, an emotion, one's vacation plans, any social activity, the more emotionally involving, the greater the likelihood and extent of identification and self-forgetting will be.

An additional problem is that people often think that good work can only be produced in a state of identification. One 'must give the work of art/science/social situation one's all, be passionate,' and so forth, it is said. As the 4th Way sees it, all these perceived qualities of enthusiasm, spontaneity, passion are overwhelmingly mechanical and strip one of the little free will or being one might otherwise possess.

Good work requires being present in the situation, but one cannot be present in any real sense if one is identified, mechanically pursuing some program or other which the situation happens to have invoked. Presence in a real sense is not possible without 'being' and 'being' is not possible if one is purely reacting and lacks internal cohesion.

The terms fascination and confluence are used to indicate a specially strong state of identification.

See Program, Self-Remembering, Being.

And a quote from ISOTM:

'Identification' is so common a quality that for purposes of observation it is difficult to separate it from everything else. Man is always in a state of identification, only the object of identification changes.
A man identifies with a small problem which  confronts  him  and  he  completely forgets the great aims with which he began his work. He identifies with one thought and  forgets  other  thoughts;  he  is  identified with one feeling, with one mood, and forgets his own wider  thoughts, emotions, and moods.
In work on themselves people are so much identified with separate aims that they fail to see the wood for the trees. Two or three trees nearest to them represent for them the whole wood.

"'Identifying' is one of our most terrible foes because it penetrates everywhere and deceives a man at the moment when it seems to him that he is struggling with it. It is especially difficult to free oneself from identifying because a man naturally becomes more  easily  identified with  the things that interest him most, to which he gives his time, his work, and his attention.

As for how to refrain from identification, I am still learning that one myself.  So far, I am only at the stage of observing it in myself.

Hopefully, some more knowledgeable members will have some guidelines. 

Edited to add:

On the other hand, this experience has shown me the true horror of our reality. It has helped me to become more ready and motivated to do the Work.

 

[Mountain Crown]

CrimsonEagle,

In light your posting this:

I am beginning to hate.

Along with this:

I am consumed with a white hot rage

This may be of help as a start:

The Usefulness of the Negative Half of the Emotional Center http://www.cassiopaea.org/forum/index.php?topic=7197.0

 

[Laura]

I sure do understand where you are coming from. There are two things that you can do... have some "down time" and also put the energy to use in some way. We have a whole bunch of people who are angry at what is going on in the world working on sott, some people blog, some people go around the web and post comments on websites trying to balance things or speak a word in the defense of the downtrodden, etc. We know that it is not a lot, but as more and more people begin to take these small actions, it adds up.

Here's a bit from Lobaczewski about it:

"We studied ourselves, since we felt something strange had taken over
our minds and something valuable was leaking away irretrievably. The
world of psychological reality and moral values seemed suspended as if
in a chilly fog. Our human feeling and student solidarity lost their
meaning, as did patriotism and our old established criteria. So we
asked each other, "are you going through this too"? Each of us
experienced this worry about his own personality and future in his own
way. Some of us answered the questions with silence. **The depth of
these experiences turned out to be different for each individual.**

"We thus wondered how to protect ourselves from the results of this
"indoctrination". Teresa D. made the first suggestion: Let's spend a
weekend in the mountains. It worked. Pleasant company, a bit of
joking, then exhaustion followed by deep sleep in a shelter, and our
human personalities returned, **albeit with a certain remnant.** Time
also proved to create a kind of psychological immunity, although not
with everyone. Analyzing the psychopathic characteristics of the
"professor's" personality proved another excellent way of protecting
one's own psychological hygiene.

"When the human mind comes into contact with this new reality so
different from any experiences encountered by a person raised in a
society dominated by normal people, **it releases psychophysiological
shock symptoms** in the human brain with a higher tonus of cortex
inhibition and a stifling of feelings, which then sometimes gush forth
uncontrollably. The mind then works more slowly and less
keenly because the associative mechanisms have become inefficient.
Especially when a person has direct contact with psychopathic
representatives of the new rule, who use their specific experience so
as to traumatize the minds of the "others" with their own
personalities, his mind succumbs to a state of short-term catatonia.
Their humiliating and arrogant techniques, brutal paramoralizations,
and so forth deaden his thought processes and his self-defense
capabilities, and their divergent experiential method anchors in his
mind. In the presence of this kind of phenomenon, any moralizing
evaluation of a person's behavior in such a situation thus becomes
inaccurate at best.

"Only once these unbelievably unpleasant psychological states have
passed, thanks to rest in benevolent company, is it possible to
reflect, always a difficult and painful process, or to become aware
that one's mind and common sense have been fooled by something which
cannot fit into the normal human imagination."

 

[CrimsonEagle]

First of all, I would like to thank you guys very much for responding.


Black Swan wrote:

Are you familiar with Dr. Elaine Aron's work with highly sensitive people (HSP)? I have just started exploring her work myself but I pass it along to you fwiw.

I went over to the links that you provided and read over the material which was available, (and took the test). There are some similarity's to what I am talking about, but there are also some differences. I will be looking further into this material because although what they are discussing is not quite the same, there are some similarity's so reading the material may bring some insights.


RedFox wrote:

Sounds like your having a real tough time of it. I can relate having been through similar situations myself on a more personal level (feeling family/friends emotions as my own while there suffering).

You would think that after a certain amount of time a person would become numb to it. I wish I would become numb to it.

I know that I should just try and stay away from the things that are triggering the episodes. I have told myself this to many times to count. The problem is that I always want to remain informed as to what is going on in these dangerous times. You are right, I just have to force myself to step back.

As for the books suggested, are there any suggestions as to which one I should start with?

FireShadow,

I think, (but am not sure) that what you wrote about Identification is talking about something a bit different. I did some quick research because there was a very familiar ring in the quotes that you gave. As I was reading I came to realize that what they are talking about there is something that I NEVER recognized in myself. This is a POWERFUL program that prevents us from recognizing ourselves!!!! It is an automation mechanism in which if we allow it to run means that we do not have to be present. I do not know if this is the correct way to put it.....with this program running...we are not here...we are auto mations. Could someone correct me if I am wrong on this because to me this is very, very powerful in a helpful way if understood.

Of course if I am misunderstanding it then I am once again looking down a wrong path, but something tells me I do understand. If this is the case you have helped me immensely in an area that I never recognized!!!!

If you look at the definition of empathy,

Partial from http://glossary.cassiopaea.com/glossary.php?id=283&lsel=E

Empathy is not to be confused with sympathy, which is more to do with being able to imagine oneself in another's position. A simple formula to distinguish the two could be that sympathy is ‘feeling for someone' whereas empathy is ‘feeling as someone'.

I am feeling as someone when I experience this which though similar to identification it is markedly different. At least I think. If I'm wrong I always welcome a clarification.

Right now I am just stunned. I think that you have shown me a door that I never even knew existed. Although I don't think Identification is quite what I am experiencing as to the OP, it is even more powerful because it gives control over myself that I never knew was not there.

This is crazy in a good way. Thank you all for your willingness to help. I am glad that I posted.

Crimson.

 

[Inti]

Hello Crimson and welcome if you are new!
It seems like you have already figured out some aspects of your feelings just from these few posts. I have read Elaine Aron's book on highly sensitive people and I would tend to agree with you - that although there may be some things in common with you, being highly sensitive does not necessarily mean you feel you suffer as another. However, being highly sensitive does mean a need to exercise wisdom and care to prevent being continually overwhelmed. Some of the techniques suggested for HSPs may therefore be helpful to you.
It does seem though, as Fireshadow illustrated, that your problem is one of identification. What is particularly disturbing to me here is that you appear to be identifying very strongly with sufferers and unbalancing yourself in the process. I can understand how you want to keep informed of what is going on around you and much of what is going on is pretty horrific. Ignoring it is impossible but I do think there might be value in trying to keep some sort of balance with information. It is probable that only you know how much you can take before getting overwhelmed...if not, it might be worth working on this. It may also be possible to keep relatively well informed without having to watch/read/listen to the gory details of each circumstance.
There are probably several people who use this site who can help guide you with the identification problem, I don't know too much about it myself I'm afraid.

There are two things that you can do... have some "down time" and also put the energy to use in some way.

Sort of sums it up!

 

[Gaby]

[quote author=CrimsonEagle]

Where I stand now is that although the frequency is less, I still at times go into a tailspin of helplessness and I need to know how to control it. I do not want to lose empathy, I feel that it is something that is needed, but I do need to find a way to bring it under control because it is as if every "alternate" life I live, every horror I experience, it is killing a little piece of my soul.

[...]

I also "feel" that my goal is for it to be something that I can "use", but to be honest, I have no clue as to how what or why...I just do not know, but I feel that it is important that I come to recognize this.

The only thing that I have ever really wanted in my life was to understand. I find so many things in life to be fascinating I can only ask who would not want to understand.

[...]

I feel tired and I could use a hand if there is any to be had. I don't think I have ever asked in my life, but I am now. What I need is a starting point, something that I can focus on and study. There is just too much information out there and bouncing around like I have been is serving no purpose other than too keep me scattered. It is good to consume as much information as possible for general knowledge to get a general "feel", but in this case I think I need to narrow the field and study.

Any thoughts or direction you can point me in will be greatly appreciated.

Crimson. [/quote]

Hi Crimson,

I can totally relate with what your writing and if it helps, know that you're not alone. The darkness that surrounds us is totally overwhelming and the effects of psychopathy in this world has a toll in our souls. I have here in hand a quote which is very appropriate, this is Anna C. Salter's account after interviewing sex offenders about child molestation, rape, torture, etc.

But the violence I see now is a long way from a basketball court, and I have discovered there is a price to be paid for seeing it. Once in a three-day taping that included several sadists, the material was so overwhelming that both the film crew and I got sick- I with a sinus infection, and the entire film crew with a flu so severe they had to delay their departure from the motel. Our immune systems had weakened, I believe, from the beating our souls had taken.

Malevolence takes a bite out of your spirit. Just sitting with it, just talking with people who consciously and deliberately exploit others, feels like being beaten. Over the years, I have seen many therapists burn out and leave the field entirely. Even though I have stayed, I have become less trusting than most, more protective of my children (some would say more paranoid) in general.

But if what I know hurts me personally and affects my life in ways I am not happy about, it still feels like work that needs to be done. It is precisely our lack of knowledge and understanding that gives predators their edge, and there's nothing wrong with trying to level the playing field a little bit. -Anna C. Salter, "Predators, Pedophiles, Rapists and other Sex Offenders"

Good point!

The psychopathy material is important to study in order to have some understanding and immunity about it.

 

[CrimsonEagle]

From Mountain Crown's link.

It's not that you don't know how to feel, it's that you are afraid of your feelings. You don't know what to do with them when you have them. They bring up a sense of powerlessness within you, so you associate feeling with a sense of, "Oh, no, I blew it." You have a boundary in your belief system that states that when something comes up that is emotional and brings pain or anger, then it is not good. It is time to stop tiptoeing around things and avoiding your emotions.

Anger serves a purpose. All of you want to get finished with it: you want to sweep it under the rug and act as if it is no good. You act like it is rotten vegetables, throw it out, and bury it in the back garden as if there is no purpose to it. We are emphasizing that there is a purpose to fear and a purpose to anger. If you would allow yourselves to express and experience your fears, which might lead to the expression of your anger, you would learn something. Those of you who want desperately to avoid fear and anger, and who are really afraid of these feelings, have something great to learn through these emotions. They are techniques that move you beyond your personal boundaries of identity and behavior, and you are simply afraid to experience this.

Most of the time, all you want is to be accepted. You feel that no one will like you if you do certain things or feel certain ways, so you don't give yourself permission to have those certain feelings. That is where the anger comes from. You have anger because you make judgments about what you can and cannot do. If you do not give yourself permission to feel, you cannot learn. Feeling connects you with life.

I think that these paragraphs right here say alot, especially in regards to the feeling of powerlessness in the face of suffering that I can not help but feel we are allowing by allowing these animals, (and I use that term literally), to maintain control.

Thank you all once again. I know I'm not alone but sometimes is sure feels that way.

Crimson

 

[Vladimir]

From Mountain Crown's link.

It's not that you don't know how to feel, it's that you are afraid of your feelings. You don't know what to do with them when you have them. They bring up a sense of powerlessness within you, so you associate feeling with a sense of, "Oh, no, I blew it." You have a boundary in your belief system that states that when something comes up that is emotional and brings pain or anger, then it is not good. It is time to stop tiptoeing around things and avoiding your emotions.

Anger serves a purpose. All of you want to get finished with it: you want to sweep it under the rug and act as if it is no good. You act like it is rotten vegetables, throw it out, and bury it in the back garden as if there is no purpose to it. We are emphasizing that there is a purpose to fear and a purpose to anger. If you would allow yourselves to express and experience your fears, which might lead to the expression of your anger, you would learn something. Those of you who want desperately to avoid fear and anger, and who are really afraid of these feelings, have something great to learn through these emotions. They are techniques that move you beyond your personal boundaries of identity and behavior, and you are simply afraid to experience this.

Most of the time, all you want is to be accepted. You feel that no one will like you if you do certain things or feel certain ways, so you don't give yourself permission to have those certain feelings. That is where the anger comes from. You have anger because you make judgments about what you can and cannot do. If you do not give yourself permission to feel, you cannot learn. Feeling connects you with life.

I think that these paragraphs right here say alot, especially in regards to the feeling of powerlessness in the face of suffering that I can not help but feel we are allowing by allowing these animals, (and I use that term literally), to maintain control.

Thank you all once again. I know I'm not alone but sometimes is sure feels that way.

Crimson

Hi Crimson,

I had and still to some extent having similar experiences as you do. Few years back I emphasized the same paragraph as you did now,
and since then I found a link between my character, childhood and experiencing this situations of feeling powerlessness in front of Evil.
Everybody who are on the track to find out what is going on in world will react in accordance with their "history" of character. It is normal to
have "negative" reaction, but if a person has problem with anger, fear, guilt, powerlessness, low self-worth,ect. "embedded" in character and
if personality was build up under this circumstances, then it is probable that person gets "stuck" in negativity, feeling sick of even being a part
of this world. Maybe you could also "revise" your history regarding things I just mentioned, but the crucial emotional memory will be probably hard to
grasp and go through at once.

 

[Buddy]

Hi Crimson;

Welcome to the forum!
I can hardly match the excellent advice that has been offered you so far, but from my experience, I think the information on 'identification' is worth studying until you understand it so clearly that it becomes a frame of reference that you can use to your advantage.

In the meantime, if you're interested, there is a technique you may be able to use when you feel overwhelmed with emotions, that may help you gain some relief. It's called 'the journal' and I learned it in college English (although I never finished college).

Basically, it consists of sitting down with a stack of paper and pen. Put the pen to paper and start writing. Once you start writing, you don't lift the pen from the paper until the journal is complete (however many pages it takes to exhaust the subject or reach the goal for the exercise).
Even if you come to a point where you can't think of something to say, you write THAT and just keep on writing without stopping.

How will that help? Well, the idea is to initiate and maintain a continous flow of emotion and thought that is not censored, judged, or otherwise truncated. This gives you a means of expression - a vent for pressure that is otherwise held inside. It can be very theraputic as it may give you the sensation that 'something has been done' about the problem. Indeed, you HAVE done something about it for the time being.

Hope this helps.

 

[CrimsonEagle]

Hi Crimson,

I had and still to some extent having similar experiences as you do. Few years back I emphasized the same paragraph as you did now,
and since then I found a link between my character, childhood and experiencing this situations of feeling powerlessness in front of Evil.
Everybody who are on the track to find out what is going on in world will react in accordance with their "history" of character. It is normal to
have "negative" reaction, but if a person has problem with anger, fear, guilt, powerlessness, low self-worth,ect. "embedded" in character and
if personality was build up under this circumstances, then it is probable that person gets "stuck" in negativity, feeling sick of even being a part
of this world. Maybe you could also "revise" your history regarding things I just mentioned, but the crucial emotional memory will be probably hard to
grasp and go through at once.

Hi Vladimir.

I was wondering if you could expand on what you mean when you say "revise" my history?

I have come to accept everything that has happend in my past, both good and bad. Believe me, there was much bad, though compared to what many go through in this world I consider it minor in comparison.

My past could very well be the "link" in the strength of what I feel and why I am able to put myself in their shoes at all. (If I never suffered at all, would I be able to realate?)

One of the things that I do not understand is WHY everyone does not feel the same degree of anger, fear and guilt over what is happening the world over. If this were the case, powerlessness would be removed from the equation because we would no longer just be asking them to stop as we have been doing....we would be forcing them to stop.

Why are we so divided. I can remember writing one time that what we should do is get all of the blogs and alternative web sites to united in a common cause. My proposal was that they request their readers to send both emails and letters to ALL of the Representatives in Washington and the news outlets. The reason to send it to all of them instead of just the rep's from your state is because they all are deciding our fate. Yes, my state rep may vote the way I want, but what about the others? Also, in theory this would increase the flow to staggering proportions.

Lets say each senator gets 5000 emails a day from the people of their state. What would they think if they began to receive 50 states*5000=250,000 a day instead? What if they received this many letters? Would they take notice?

Anyway, the site I wrote this on was less than receptive. I was warned that we do not want to do anything too drastic...I kid you not. They were afraid.

The anger I feel is a righteous anger. I am furious beyond comprehension that these people who rule us are killing millions of people, causing the suffering of many more millions, and are untouchable. How is it possible to NOT identify, to NOT feel empathy, to NOT become sickend and enraged when you see a bloody body of a child being held in the arms of a devastated parent? IT IS US THAT THEY ARE KILLING, NOT THEM. WHY are we not fighting????

One thing that I took from my youth is to never, ever allow anyone who has power over you to harm you. I go even further where I do not allow them to harm another. I can not tell you how much trouble I have gotten into because I refuse to bow to injustice. I give people the respect that they deserve and there are even a few people who I have met who I realize are on so much of a higher level than me that it is as if I have no choice but to venerate them. Yes, there are people better than me, probably a good many, but there are also people who are not my equal.

The difference is this. Those on this site seek to be better people. As long as this is always the primary goal, we can be no less that we are right now. We will always grow. Those who do not seek to be better people, at least not in a meaningful way, such as looking for only material gain or power over others will never be any better than they are at this moment in time. They may remain the same or they may even get worse, but unless they seek to be better people, they will never grow.

These people who rule us will never grow. They have shriveled to the point that they are near evil incarnate.
Then there are many, many, many who are not trying to grow. (happy where they are), are being mislead, (various churches and movements), or have bought the lies of the government and live in ignorance as evil is committed in their names.

Then there are the few such as the creators and visitors of this site who attempt to look at everything and put it in the proper perspective. Now, I will admit that there are some things that I may not agree with just as I'm sure I say or write things that people do not agree with, and there are a great many things written here that I can not understand, (at least at this point in time), and probably even more stuff that I do not even know about yet but hopefully it will pass before my eyes at some point...there is a ton of information here.

The thing is, the overall feeling I get from this site is LOVE and wonder. The true desire to understand, the willingness to leave no stone unturned, the wisdom to know that there is so much more than what we see that its infinite magnitude is wondrous to behold, and the understanding that we all have to walk our own paths at our own pace, but we will try to do it together, the stronger helping the weak, and this is consistant.

The Fear that I hold is also justified. Look at what they have done. Look at the evil and realize that this is what they think of the value of life. I am terrified that they will eventually gain total control and the ramification are terrifying beyond description. We are nothing to them. Animals to be used and abused. I envision shackles around our necks as they use our loved ones for their sick and twisted pleasures before consuming them in front of our eyes. This IS what they are doing right now. They are feeding. They are showing us what they think of us, yet too many believe that they are acting in our best interest and that they really give a crap about us.

Look at Obama right now. I am horrified at the national reaction to him. It defies explanation. The people who righteously spoke out against Bushes war crimes are willing to ignore Obama's war crimes because he is "On their side" in regards to their so called "progressive" issues within the nation? This sociopath STATED that the killing was going to not only continue, but expand into Pakistan. He STATED that he was not going to apologize for our way of life. He IS passing off what little wealth we have over to the ruling elite.

Yet the people on the left are overjoyed that in spite of all that, he is willing to drop them a few crumbs as he continues to destroy the world. Are we really that selfish? If so, then we deserve everything we are going to get, and it is going to be bad. Very bad. Many on the left have lost perspective as to what is really important. They are blind to their own ignorance and talking to them is no different than talking to the people who supported Bush. They are one in the same.

They do not realize that with the expansion of this war into Pakistan they are literally opening the world to a nuclear holocaust. Iraq did not have nukes. Pakistan does and the control that the government has is tenuous at best. Why is Obama willing to risk the further weakening of this government? The only conclusion that I can come to is that the WANT this to go nuclear. I can remember reading an article where they wanted to get rid of 90% of the worlds population. Perhaps this is true. Perhaps they think they will survive. If it is true, I hope that they do survive to witness what they have done which is to transform this planet into the definition of hell. Their deformed children a reflection of the deformity that resides in them, the radiation sickens a reflection of the sickness within them, the poisoned word a reflection of the poison that is within them.

Guilt and powerlessness go hand in hand. It is unfortunate but I realize that there is NOTHING we can do. The power is out of our hands. The population has willing given over ALL their power of self determination over to the hands of the few who rule. Everything so that THIER values can be forced upon another. Why is it that everyone wants to control everyone else? Why does everyone want to FORCE others to live as they live, believe as they believe? Why is it that people can not just live as they see fit, live the life that they think to be righteous and hope that others come to recognize the righteousness which they possess? Does this not make sense? Would it not be better that if there was no offence taken at what someone else believes, (as long as there is no form of harm involved), this would be a better world? Would this not be the way to advancement?

Do NOT be like the hypocrites and shout your beliefs from the roof tops. Instead find a dark place in a closet, alone and worship, or something to this effect was written in the bible. I do not want to FORCE someone to believe as I do. I am willing to talk about it and discuss the different beliefs, but all in all, I need to continue to worship and try to understand this life within the closet inside of my mind. By trying to force, we are attempting to take away free will. It is inevitable that this will lead to conflict.

But no. That is wishful thinking and not the reality. The reality is that it seems to be inherent in society that each faction, each belief, each ideology be FORCED upon others.

As much as I hate to say this, the only event which may wake people up to this is the destruction of this planet. In that last instant, just before the fire consumes them they may, just may, realize that it was their own actions, their own attempt to FORCE their beliefs upon another that has brought about their demise. Even in this I am not sure. I wonder how many will even at the instant of destruction still think that if they could have just FORCED a little harder they would have lived.

The guilt that I feel is that I can not prevent any of this. I do not have the spirit and strength of those such as Jesus or Gandhi or Martin Luther King among many others. These people are true leaders, not the evil that now controls us. These people were willing to risk everything to speak truth to power. These people had spirits within them so strong that it was impossible for them to be ignored. They had an intelligence, understanding, and wisdom that when they spoke they were able to awaken the dead and make the blind see.....at least for those who were ready.

My guilt is that though I feel a part of that spirit that was within them, I do not know how to show it. I do not have the strength, wisdom, nor knowledge and for this I feel ashamed. I want so much for this world, I love life so much and I am so amazed that I am actually here to witness something that is wonderful beyond description, yet so many do not see it and I just don't know how to show them.

At the very deepest core of my being, even deeper than the anger, deeper than the fear, deeper than the guilt, there is a sadness there that to many do not recognize what it is that we have. I do believe that we are blessed to be here. I do not care about the arguments of whether there is a God/God's or not. I don't care if it is chance that brought me here. I do not even care if I was dropped off here by aliens. What I do care about is that I am here and its amazing. What I care about even more is that there are people in this life that will not let others recognize the blessing that we really have.

I do not feel that I am stuck in negativity. I feel that I am stuck in a reality that need not be. Everytime that I "Identify" with the horrors that others have visited upon them it is because I recognize that it is in fact all of us that this is being done too. Yes, we are individuals, but humanity is a collective. We are all in this together.

To any who actually read through this whole thing, I am so sorry. I realize that I may have bounced all over the place, going on different tangets. I am just venting. I have to vent and I have no other place to do it. I could have very easily simplified this by stating that the reason I am becoming so angry, the reason I am beginning to hate these evil people who control us so much is because I love life and it is something that I think should be worshiped and learned from, not discarded as if it were nothing.

Buddy, I do something similar to what you described though instead of using paper I type out on the computer in WordPad. It would be no exaggeration to say that I have written and deleted what would be the equivalent of thousands printed out pages. Many of them would be like what I wrote above......all over the place and a rant against the reality that we face.

Yes, when I write like you described it IS doing something but it unfortunately does nothing that I can see to change our current course. I think its because our current course can not be changed.
Collectively we are so fragmented that for those who are our opposition, it is like taking candy from a baby. Regardless, I believe that I will be angry and defiant until my end.

Anyway, sorry once again for this. Normally at this point I would just delete this, lol, but I think that if I am really to gain any insight I will need those who understand psychology to somehow dissect my strange thoughts and point out just how crazy I really am. I say crazy because I defy this reality. It could have been different and I have been called radical because I will always rage against this machine. I will not accept it and I will continue to let people think I am completly off my rocker. We CAN change this. I'm not crazy for saying this, they are crazy for allowing this to continue.

Peace.

Crimson.

 

[Buddy]

Yes, when I write like you described it IS doing something but it unfortunately does nothing that I can see to change our current course.

Hi CrimsonEagle;

Allow me to clarify a bit. The writing is for your benefit, not to change the world. Stopping and deleting defeats the purpose. What you're looking for in the exercise is simply to write until you exhaust the emotion and regain some balance and/or clarity of thought - until you are no longer driven by the passion.
Then, some time later when you don't feel connected to it, you can come back to your writing and look for clues as to your thought processes. That is what we are here for also - you - to help guide you to the things you need to know if you really want to be able to make a difference.
We all have the same or similar feelings and reactions; many have had success dealing with them and all have something to offer.

Our perception of the chaos outside of us is partly due to our own inner chaos of thought, emotion, haphazard growth and incomplete knowledge, among other things. The phrase 'as without, so within' will take on a personal meaning for you over time if it doesn't already.

Laura has stated often that we can do nothing until our own house is in order and we gain some knowledge and understanding of ourselves to increase our BEing. If you want to DO something about all this, you will need an expanded, stable sense of yourself that can only come from Work on yourself. Otherwise, like unprepared warriors on a battlefield, we will fall at the first swipe.

If it makes any difference, there are people working as hard as they can to change things for the better - for us, individually in the Work, and for humanity in general, outside the Work. They can use all the help they can get - from people inside the work or outside of it.

Consider a quote from a SOTT article: (bolding mine)
http://www.sott.net/articles/show/174565-Connecting-the-Dots-Israel-s-Blood-Fest-Meets-the-Voice-of-the-People-as-the-Obama-Show-Begins
[quote author=SOTT]
Pathocrats, or psychopaths in positions of power, know that in the future that normal human beings dream and hope for, there is no place for them and their deviant desires. It is a matter of life and death for them to continue their war against humanity, trapped in their eternal 'us Vs them' mindset. They have also proved to be quite capable at playing games of strategy, deception and social manipulation. They have a vast amount of resources at their disposal and we do not. They have the monopoly of violence and own our economic system.

So what to do? We are the majority. We are capable of creativity in ways that they are not. We are capable of sacrifice for the sake or others or of a principle. What we are lacking is understanding and education. Most people are naive and easily forget about the crimes committed a month ago. We are always tempted to relax and forget about stressful situations and so we lose sight of the ball. But if we learned how they think and what they are up to, perhaps we may still prevent the fall of all humanity into chaos and injustice.

So imagine, what could happen if a group of people with conscience and empathy shared as a common aim the defense of the Truth. A life without an aim is a journey without destination, isn't it? What if we marked a point on the map and made it our life's goal to arrive there - even if we never do - even with the storms and hardships that surely await those how attempt such an endeavor? What if we were so determined to get there, despite of the improbability of success, that we would go on regardless of what we must sacrifice or what may be taken away from us?
[/quote]

This article wasn't written for mere inspiration or filler. It reveals that there are those who know what is going on and how to expose it and have put humanity first in the cause of helping.

I don't know as much as most people here, but I offer what I have, but together we are trying to make a difference.

 

[anart]

My past could very well be the "link" in the strength of what I feel and why I am able to put myself in their shoes at all. (If I never suffered at all, would I be able to realate?)

If you are empathetic, then, yes, you could relate - though I do think that suffering opens up pathways of understanding that might otherwise remain closed.

One of the things that I do not understand is WHY everyone does not feel the same degree of anger, fear and guilt over what is happening the world over.

Do you really not understand this? Do you think that everyone is the same? Do you think that most people are not hypnotized, via any number of daily/hourly techniques to keep them numb, unaware, docile food? Do you really not grasp the horror of the situation that humanity is kept as livestock, fed upon by entities we cannot perceive (by design) and that we are powerless to stop?

I'm asking these questions in all sincerity - because if you truly do not understand 'why everyone does not feel the same degree of anger' - - then you are asleep, dreaming that you are in a world populated by aware, equal individuals capable of thought and possessing a conscience.

The fact of the matter is that humanity is ASLEEP and being fed upon - even that portion of the population with the capacity to awaken is too drugged, dumbed down, frightened, poisoned and 'beamed' to raise their weary heads to glimpse the truth of the matter.

It appears, for whatever reason, that you are capable of feeling what others feel - you are by no means alone in this. However, as long as you spend your time and energy focusing on how this makes YOU feel, you are wasting the ability. In short, the ability is being used against you to keep you as food. As long as you wallow in the pain you feel, instead of using it as FUEL to awaken - to keep your weary head up - then you are food and your empathy is keeping you in your place. I know this because I have been there.

If this were the case, powerlessness would be removed from the equation because we would no longer just be asking them to stop as we have been doing....we would be forcing them to stop.

It is not the case.

Why are we so divided.

See above.

I can remember writing one time that what we should do is get all of the blogs and alternative web sites to united in a common cause. My proposal was that they request their readers to send both emails and letters to ALL of the Representatives in Washington and the news outlets. The reason to send it to all of them instead of just the rep's from your state is because they all are deciding our fate. Yes, my state rep may vote the way I want, but what about the others? Also, in theory this would increase the flow to staggering proportions.

Lets say each senator gets 5000 emails a day from the people of their state. What would they think if they began to receive 50 states*5000=250,000 a day instead? What if they received this many letters? Would they take notice?

Anyway, the site I wrote this on was less than receptive. I was warned that we do not want to do anything too drastic...I kid you not. They were afraid.

What would writing to Representatives really do? Do you not understand that they are asleep and serving the PTB or they would not be where they are? Again - you appear to be dreaming that what is false is real and that 'the system' is not set up to do one thing - keep humanity as food.

The anger I feel is a righteous anger.

That is the righteous anger that could be used as fuel to fuse a magnetic center, allowing you to, perhaps, make an objective difference in 'the world' - however, if it is short circuited and self-focused - if it is kept within the bounds of 'self' - and not kept 'below the neck', then it is merely more 'food'.

Righteous anger can provide the clarity to lift one's concerns outside of the self - it can be a magnificent fuel - but it must be utilized correctly and 'self' must be removed from the equation.

I am furious beyond comprehension that these people who rule us are killing millions of people, causing the suffering of many more millions, and are untouchable. How is it possible to NOT identify, to NOT feel empathy, to NOT become sickend and enraged when you see a bloody body of a child being held in the arms of a devastated parent? IT IS US THAT THEY ARE KILLING, NOT THEM. WHY are we not fighting????

The hypnotized cannot fight. You may as well stand in a field of cows and scream at them, asking them why they are not revolting.

One thing that I took from my youth is to never, ever allow anyone who has power over you to harm you. I go even further where I do not allow them to harm another. I can not tell you how much trouble I have gotten into because I refuse to bow to injustice.

Then 'they've' got you right where they want you. Wise as serpents, gentle as doves, remember?

I give people the respect that they deserve and there are even a few people who I have met who I realize are on so much of a higher level than me that it is as if I have no choice but to venerate them. Yes, there are people better than me, probably a good many, but there are also people who are not my equal.

This is a self-referencing paragraph - self-importance will get you every time.

The difference is this. Those on this site seek to be better people.

Some may and some may not. The question might actually become what do you mean by 'better people'.

As long as this is always the primary goal, we can be no less that we are right now. We will always grow. Those who do not seek to be better people, at least not in a meaningful way, such as looking for only material gain or power over others will never be any better than they are at this moment in time. They may remain the same or they may even get worse, but unless they seek to be better people, they will never grow.

There is nothing objectively wrong with 'getting worse' by your definition - the Universe is about balance and all there is is lessons. It is a slippery slope once one decides to begin to determine what is 'better and worse' about others.

These people who rule us will never grow.

Sure they will - just, perhaps, in another direction.

Then there are the few such as the creators and visitors of this site who attempt to look at everything and put it in the proper perspective. Now, I will admit that there are some things that I may not agree with just as I'm sure I say or write things that people do not agree with, and there are a great many things written here that I can not understand, (at least at this point in time), and probably even more stuff that I do not even know about yet but hopefully it will pass before my eyes at some point...there is a ton of information here.

True - and in that information might very well lie the answers that will resolve your questions and needless suffering. This information, if applied, might even transform your needless suffering into Conscious Suffering, which will change everything. Perhaps.

The Fear that I hold is also justified. Look at what they have done. Look at the evil and realize that this is what they think of the value of life. I am terrified that they will eventually gain total control and the ramification are terrifying beyond description. We are nothing to them. Animals to be used and abused. I envision shackles around our necks as they use our loved ones for their sick and twisted pleasures before consuming them in front of our eyes. This IS what they are doing right now. They are feeding. They are showing us what they think of us, yet too many believe that they are acting in our best interest and that they really give a crap about us.

Interesting you would make this observation and still ask why not everyone reacts the way you do to the suffering. Can you see the contradiction?

Look at Obama right now. I am horrified at the national reaction to him. It defies explanation. The people who righteously spoke out against Bushes war crimes are willing to ignore Obama's war crimes because he is "On their side" in regards to their so called "progressive" issues within the nation? This sociopath STATED that the killing was going to not only continue, but expand into Pakistan. He STATED that he was not going to apologize for our way of life. He IS passing off what little wealth we have over to the ruling elite.

Hypnotized people - it is easily explained.

<snipped more railing against current reality as if it could be any other way...>

My guilt is that though I feel a part of that spirit that was within them, I do not know how to show it. I do not have the strength, wisdom, nor knowledge and for this I feel ashamed. I want so much for this world, I love life so much and I am so amazed that I am actually here to witness something that is wonderful beyond description, yet so many do not see it and I just don't know how to show them.

Back to your own suffering. Perhaps it is not up to you - or anyone - to 'show' them if they are not looking? All there is is lessons - and determining the needs of another is STS.
Perhaps it comes down to Seeing the Universe as it sees itself - to stepping outside of the self to allow the Universe to work through you to whatever extent possible - to be of service - to clean the machine well enough that 'a higher influence' can make it through the hardware to Do what might be done in the grand lesson of it all.

I do not feel that I am stuck in negativity. I feel that I am stuck in a reality that need not be.

And this 'that need not be' is where you veer off target. What if this is EXACTLY how the reality needs to be to allow an opportunity to learn what needs to be learned?

To any who actually read through this whole thing, I am so sorry. I realize that I may have bounced all over the place, going on different tangets.

Yep, but worse things have been done.

I am just venting. I have to vent and I have no other place to do it. I could have very easily simplified this by stating that the reason I am becoming so angry, the reason I am beginning to hate these evil people who control us so much is because I love life and it is something that I think should be worshiped and learned from, not discarded as if it were nothing.

Ok, then perhaps it's time to begin to learn how to utilize that anger/hatred as fuel instead of offering it up as food?

Regardless, I believe that I will be angry and defiant until my end.

And all that energy will be wasted if you cannot step outside of yourself and how it affects you on an emotional level - if you cannot utilize it as fuel to burn away your own programs (the ones that have gotten you into 'so much trouble') - if you cannot stop beating your fists against a cinder block wall that was placed before you by design to get you to bloody your fists and not focus on what might actually transform you, thus allowing you to make an objective difference 'down the line'. Just my two cents...