Too much empathy.

[Inti]

Anart, your reply to Crimson eagle seems so clear and written with patience.

I read what you wrote, crimson eagle, and I found it very difficult. I am only at the beginning stages of learning so what I write probably cannot offer much and may indeed say something of my faults and programs. However, it might be worth you being aware of the impact you have on others and what feelings your rants arouse. It is horrific what goes on in this dimension, but I found your last post to have a self-righteous tone and be full of self-importance. I also found it difficult because it seemed to me that many people had responded to your initial post with compassion and advice and then you decided to just rant your emotions at all.

One of the things that I do not understand is WHY everyone does not feel the same degree of anger, fear and guilt over what is happening the world over. If this were the case, powerlessness would be removed from the equation because we would no longer just be asking them to stop as we have been doing....we would be forcing them to stop.

I'm struggling to understand what you say here, it's as if you expect everyone to see the same and feel the same as you. To my awareness, noone has the same life experiences or learning as another here. And, as Anart points out, there are some people who have NO conscience.

I am just venting. I have to vent and I have no other place to do it. I could have very easily simplified this by stating that the reason I am becoming so angry, the reason I am beginning to hate these evil people who control us so much is because I love life and it is something that I think should be worshiped and learned from, not discarded as if it were nothing.

Ok, then perhaps it's time to begin to learn how to utilize that anger/hatred as fuel instead of offering it up as food?

I got the impression crimson eagle was feeding by writing this.

My guilt is that though I feel a part of that spirit that was within them, I do not know how to show it. I do not have the strength, wisdom, nor knowledge and for this I feel ashamed. I want so much for this world, I love life so much and I am so amazed that I am actually here to witness something that is wonderful beyond description, yet so many do not see it and I just don't know how to show them.

What makes you think it's up to you to show people something? And if you don't have the strength, wisdom or knowledge, why not work on those first?

I say crazy because I defy this reality. It could have been different and I have been called radical because I will always rage against this machine. I will not accept it and I will continue to let people think I am completly off my rocker. We CAN change this. I'm not crazy for saying this, they are crazy for allowing this to continue.

You defy this reality?? This last paragraph sounds tyrannical to me.

 

[Beau]

Anart, your reply to essence seems so clear and written with patience.

For clarity's sake, anart's reply was to CrimsonEagle, not Essence. What you have quoted above was written by Crimson Eagle.

 

[Vladimir]

Hey Crimson,

The more you write the more you remind me on myself some time ago. That's way I have feeling that I really understand what are you going through and
I really can feel what is beyond your words. So I'm offering you my interpretation of your situation which in based on my own experience and knowledge.
Maybe, some things which I'm about to say will provoke immediate denying and contra-arguing or maybe they will not reach you right know, because as
I see you are under affect and you can't think objectively with cold head.

I was wondering if you could expand on what you mean when you say "revise" my history?

Go in your character history, childhood or teenage years too see was there any situations where you have felt anger, fear, guilt, powerlessness, low self-worth etc.
and maybe you still did not overcome it. As Buddy said you have internal unresolved issues and this situation now is just your way to express it.
This is happens when someone plays "cosmic drama" i.e. using real situations, events, truths to justify internal problems, emotions, feeling of powerlessness etc.
Your character was build before you realized what is going on in the world.

I have come to accept everything that has happend in my past, both good and bad. Believe me, there was much bad, though compared to what many go through in this world I consider it minor in comparison.

Yes , I can understand that, but point is what kind of emotional scars that situations have left to you? When you compare yourself with life of others like you did
you are not seeing your own past clearly, you are just judging yourself as you want, and I believe that you unconsciously are hiding your pain ( anger, fear, guilt, powerlessness, low self-worth) from yourself.

My past could very well be the "link" in the strength of what I feel and why I am able to put myself in their shoes at all. (If I never suffered at all, would I be able to realate?)

Yes, It can be considered as almost a gift, but not if you are stating like you are victim. Tell me honestly - Do you like your pain and suffering?

One of the things that I do not understand is WHY everyone does not feel the same degree of anger, fear and guilt over what is happening the world over. If this were the case, powerlessness would be removed from the equation because we would no longer just be asking them to stop as we have been doing....we would be forcing them to stop.

Why should they? Why should everybody feel as you are feeling? Maybe then you would feel equal with everybody? What are you gaining by that? Then it would
be ok to feel as you are feeling? Then you would feel accepted?

Lets say each senator gets 5000 emails a day from the people of their state. What would they think if they began to receive 50 states*5000=250,000 a day instead? What if they received this many letters? Would they take notice?

Yes, but as you stated, they don't care.

The anger I feel is a righteous anger. I am furious beyond comprehension that these people who rule us are killing millions of people, causing the suffering of many more millions, and are untouchable. How is it possible to NOT identify, to NOT feel empathy, to NOT become sickend and enraged when you see a bloody body of a child being held in the arms of a devastated parent? IT IS US THAT THEY ARE KILLING, NOT THEM. WHY are we not fighting????

I when through horror of different situations, and it is really interesting when you really answer the question to your self "WHY are we not fighting"?
Try to make a list with 50 points why are we(who we? or you maybe?) fighting?

The anger I feel is a righteous anger.

Or maybe you just found something to be angry about, and now you don't want to let it go, because it is such a good argument for being angry? It is almost
righteous to feel like that, almost noble?

One thing that I took from my youth is to never ever allow anyone who has power over you to harm you.

"Revise". So you block your self from feelings, who harmed you? What kind of character defense you developed to protect yourself?
Do you feel anger, fear, guilt, powerlessness, low self-worth when you don't have this mental defense "allow anyone who has power over you to harm you"?
Are tease situation maybe reason because you are making this "cosmic drama" right now, just instead of someone who harmed you, how it is
some else who have "power over you"? Where is your power?

I give people the respect that they deserve and there are even a few people who I have met who I realize are on so much of a higher level than me that it is as if I have no choice but to venerate them. Yes, there are people better than me, probably a good many, but there are also people who are not my equal.

Understand what are you saying but are you sure that this is not your way for just make yourself feel like you worth more that others? Why you need comparison?

The difference is this. Those on this site seek to be better people. As long as this is always the primary goal, we can be no less that we are right now. We will always grow. Those who do not seek to be better people, at least not in a meaningful way, such as looking for only material gain or power over others will never be any better than they are at this moment in time. They may remain the same or they may even get worse, but unless they seek to be better people, they will never grow.

I think that this really satisfy you, like you almost "happy" because that, I mean, do you do your work and that state that you are "better" then others because you have
something that they do not have?

The Fear that I hold is also justified.

It is really easy to find a reason? Isn't? But you have justified it after you have experienced fear. How you will get over it?

Guilt and powerlessness go hand in hand.

Yes, because If you use your power you will feel guilt, right?

It is unfortunate but I realize that there is NOTHING we can do.

You can at least work for yourself?

Why is it that everyone wants to control everyone else?

Because of the same reason why you want that everybody else feel like you?

Why does everyone want to FORCE others to live as they live, believe as they believe?

Look up.

I do not want to FORCE someone to believe as I do.

What "I" is that one, counting?

The guilt that I feel is that I can not prevent any of this. I do not have the spirit and strength of those such as Jesus or Gandhi or Martin Luther King among many others.

.

Wait! Why are you comparing yourself with Jesus etc...? Why should you have power like that? Are you born to have that power?
Why are you having such high expectations for yourself? Common, don't you think that your "mission" was to have that power that
you wouldn't already have it? Do you feel low self-worth because you are not that spirit?

My guilt is that though I feel a part of that spirit that was within them, I do not know how to show it. ?

Again you are feeling guilt because of your power? If you show your power you will feel guilt right? You can learn how to not be ashamed of your power and identity.

At the very deepest core of my being, even deeper than the anger, deeper than the fear, deeper than the guilt, there is a sadness there that to many do not recognize what it is that we have. I do believe that we are blessed to be here. I do not care about the arguments of whether there is a God/God's or not. I don't care if it is chance that brought me here. I do not even care if I was dropped off here by aliens. What I do care about is that I am here and its amazing. What I care about even more is that there are people in this life that will not let others recognize the blessing that we really have.

I really think that beyond this anger is person filled with power and potential to overcome this transit, and there is somebody who really understand truth and love.

We are all in this together.

I will do my best to skip it, thanks anyway!

To any who actually read through this whole thing, I am so sorry. I realize that I may have bounced all over the place, going on different tangets. I am just venting. I have to vent and I have no other place to do it.

It is great really, you can learn so much about yourself like that.

Regardless, I believe that I will be angry and defiant until my end.

Really? Well, your choice! Enjoy in is as much as you can, and btw, say hello to devil if you see him. ;D

Anyway, sorry once again for this. Normally at this point I would just delete this, lol, but I think that if I am really to gain any insight I will need those who understand psychology to somehow dissect my strange thoughts and point out just how crazy I really am.

No need to be sorry, this is good place to recollect yourself. And you are not crazy.

Feel your power, Crimson!

And take care!

Vladimir

 

[Inti]

Thanks Pinkerton for pointing that out. I've changed the names now, sorry if I caused any confusion or upset there.

 

[PepperFritz]

CrimsonEagle:

Here are my observations about your posts in this thread, for what they are worth.

You began this thread asking for "help" with an emotional control issue, about which you felt "helpless", and which you felt was was "killing [your] soul":

My question is not about lack of empathy, but my lack of control over this living hell.... Where I stand now is that although the frequency is less, I still at times go into a tailspin of helplessness and I need to know how to control it.... I do need to find a way to bring it under control because ... it is killing a little piece of my soul.... I am beginning to hate.... I am consumed with a white hot rage at the inhumanity.... I have no way to quell my own [hate].... it is something that I have no control over.... I feel tired and I could use a hand if there is any to be had.

Yet when others attempt to offer advice, what comes across very clearly (at least to me) is that you are quite PROUD of of this "problem" you have, and highly identified with it; you feel that it sets you apart from the rest of humanity, makes you special, of a higher moral fibre than those who do not have this "problem". You feel that if others had this "problem", all the ills of the world could be solved:

I do not understand is WHY everyone does not feel the same degree of anger, fear and guilt over what is happening the world over. If this were the case, powerlessness would be removed from the equation because we would no longer just be asking them to stop as we have been doing....we would be forcing them to stop.....

To be honest, this struck me as unconsciously manipulative. What you initially present as a "problem" that you need help with, is revealed to be something that you think everyone should feel. You gave me the impression that you really did not want anyone to "help" you, but to admire you for your moral superiority:

Yes, there are people better than me, probably a good many, but there are also people who are not my equal.... Those who do not seek to be better people, at least not in a meaningful way, such as looking for only material gain or power over others will never be any better than they are at this moment in time.... I believe that I will be angry and defiant until my end....

It seems the "problem" that you initially presented is in fact a great virtue, one that you do not wish to exercise "control" over at all:

The anger I feel is a righteous anger....How is it possible to NOT identify, to NOT feel empathy, to NOT become sickened and enraged.... The Fear that I hold is also justified..... I do not feel that I am stuck in negativity.....

You make statements that are completely contradictory, do not seem to have really thought any of this out; your posts are a bundle of uncontrolled, unfocussed emotions:

It is unfortunate but I realize that there is NOTHING we can do.... We CAN change this....
I feel that I am stuck in a reality that need not be.... I do believe that we are blessed to be here....
I will need those who understand psychology to... point out just how crazy I really am... I'm not crazy for saying this....

In this section of your post, you sound alarmingly like the "Armeggedon Christians" who WANT nuclear war, who WANT global destruction, because it will fullfill their belief in themselves as the "chosen ones" and everyone else as the "condemned," who deserve to be "punished" -- the same people that you despise for their lack of "empathy":

...the only event which may wake people up to this is the destruction of this planet. In that last instant, just before the fire consumes them they may, just may, realize that it was their own actions, their own attempt to FORCE their beliefs upon another that has brought about their demise....

But in the midst of all of this "venting", there is one thing that stands out that might provide a clue as to what this all may be about:

One thing that I took from my youth is to never, ever allow anyone who has power over you to harm you. I go even further where I do not allow them to harm another. I can not tell you how much trouble I have gotten into because I refuse to bow to injustice....

Here you strongly suggest that there are things that happened to you in your youth that were "unjust" and made you feel "powerless" and "undefended", things that have probably not been emotionally processed by you yet. And it does not seem a great stretch to suggest that you probably have suppressed and buried a great deal of anger, rage, pain, and sadness in connection with these events, which you are now projecting outwards onto the world in order to ease the pressure inside of you.

Have you ever considered undergoing therapy to explore these issues? I am not suggesting that you do not feel anger, rage, pain, sadness, etc. at what others are experiencing in the world, but it seems clear that the anger, rage, pain, sadness, etc that you are holding onto about your own experiences have become intermingled and confused, in a way that does not allow you to effectively address either your own problems, nor those of the world at large....

 

[CrimsonEagle]

You know something. I have read and reread the responses to my last post here, then reread my post, then the responses, over and over.

Eventually what I got was a mental slap up side the head that literally gave me a headache because I recognized something within myself that I had never recognized before.

I am behaving like a child. A spoiled petulant child at that.

For whatever reason, what you folks wrote here caused me to stop in my tracks and really examine myself in a different light at which point I began to ask questions. The eventual answer that came back to me was that everything that I wrote was basically the same thing over and over again. I want, I want, I want.

For so long I have been focused on the outside world that though not necessarily a bad thing, I have to ask myself at what cost.

There was much written for me to think on, but there was one thing which caused me to really stop and look at everything written, then to truly reflect, not on what I witness in the outside world, but why I react the way I do.

anart, you wrote,

And this 'that need not be' is where you veer off target. What if this is EXACTLY how the reality needs to be to allow an opportunity to learn what needs to be learned?

I am both sad and ashamed at my arrogance, and this is exactly what it is, arrogance. I have been patting myself on the back for recognizing what is going on in the outside world. Well whoopty do. I graduated to second grade. Then as the big second grader who thinks he knows everything I scream at everyone to stop and listen to me, yet they don't. I then get angry, stomp my feet and hold my breath thinking that this will make everyone stop. Yeah right.

I just cant believe what I have allowed to grow. Even worse is that I did not recognize it. I never stopped to look in.

Inti, you wrote,

I got the impression crimson eagle was feeding by writing this.

You are right and then some. All that I have read in regards to feeding, I thought I understood. The reality is that I had no clue. What is worse is that by not observing myself, keeping the feeding in check, it grew unabated and became self sufficient. I wonder how long this feeding frenzy has been going on? By not paying attention I lost "myself" and allowed "others" to take control.

As I sit here typing this, I am shaking my head.....I just cant believe how foolish I have been. I am shocked.

PepperFritz, you wrote,

Have you ever considered undergoing therapy to explore these issues? I am not suggesting that you do not feel anger, rage, pain, sadness, etc. at what others are experiencing in the world, but it seems clear that the anger, rage, pain, sadness, etc that you are holding onto about your own experiences have become intermingled and confused, in a way that does not allow you to effectively address either your own problems, nor those of the world at large....

When I first started having the problems mentioned in the op it was making me very, very sick. I started going to a therapist which lasted about 6 months. It appeared to me that they were more worried about getting me on some drug that would help me. The problem was that I was not very tolerant of the drugs and they basically did some serious damage to my stomach. After roughly 6 months of trying this and that I said forget it and walked away.

This one thread has allowed me to see a part of myself that 6 months of therapy never even came close to revealing. When I read what I posted in this different light I look and ask who the heck that it. I look and I see a raving lunatic. I say but that is not me. I realize that no, that is not me, that is what I have allowed myself to become.

I have some work to do. Thank you for your candid honesty.

Dave.

 

[Inti]

I am pleased to see you came back Crimson Eagle.

There was much written for me to think on, but there was one thing which caused me to really stop and look at everything written, then to truly reflect, not on what I witness in the outside world, but why I react the way I do.

anart, you wrote,

And this 'that need not be' is where you veer off target. What if this is EXACTLY how the reality needs to be to allow an opportunity to learn what needs to be learned?

I think you saw a very important point here!

This one thread has allowed me to see a part of myself that 6 months of therapy never even came close to revealing.

I think that is the beauty of this forum. I have only just joined but it is showing me that there is the opportunity to learn and grow here. I think we all have blind spots and often need others to point them out. I think it took courage for you to read these posts and recognise some of yours and so, in that sense, perhaps it was worth you having vented your emotions!

 

[webglider]

I have just read this thread, and I'd like to make one point and that is that if one goes too far to one extreme, it is very likely that at some point one will swing just as far to the other.

So if one starts off being very empathetic to the degree that it unbalances one's life; the reaction to this imbalance may be to swing to the opposite of empathy and become intolerant.

If you read Ouspensky's "In Search Of The Miraculous", you'll read about how, under The Law Of Seven everything becomes its opposite. This is because people are asleep. Look at how the idea of democracy is transitioning into totalitarianism; how Christianity which was based on love morphed into The Inquisition, and, in our times, Blackwater, The Christian Right, and The Dominionist Movement. How many times throughout history have the victims turned into the persecutors? Did you see the Sott News Page showing photographs of the treatment of Jews in Nazi Germany on the left compared to the same suffering of Palestinians in Zionist Israel on the right?

Unfortunately, before we can "Do" anything, we must learn, in the example of the horse, the driver, and the master, how to manage our centers. Without doing this, we are puppets swinging wildly from empathy to hate, doing the will of our invisible masters and, in the process , becoming that which we hate.

http://www.geocities.com/gadbyme/The_Horse_the_Carrage_and_the_Driver.html

2nd Cight & 2ice Aware
The Horse, the Carriage and the Driverhttp://www.geocities.com/gadbyme/The_Horse_the_Carrage_and_the_Driver.html



This is the story of the horse, carriage, and driver. The parable begins by supposing that the driver of a horse and carriage has abandoned and forgotten his duties. He is drunk in a public bar, wasting his money, and in his drunken state, he thinks that his statue is that of the master instead of a servant. The horse is unfed and weakening, and his reigns are in disarray or lost. The carriage has fallen into poor condition. The master is away from the scene and will not return to ride in the carriage until the driver is back on the box of the carriage and everything is in order. This parable exposes the inner human state, we are shown how three components of the self, the body, emotion, and mind are not in a balance with one another.


In this parable, the carriage represents the human body, the horse represents the emotions, and the driver the intellectual mind. The state of drunkenness depicts the typical condition of our human minds. It stands for kind of imagining perception, which is based on sensory perception, past trauma, future expectations, the constant flow of mental images and how we identify ourselves by our job, relationships, possessions, monetary value etc. In our "drunkenness" we mechanically shift from one sub-personality to the next, reacting to perceived influence that affect the image of our personal sovereignty. We are under the illusion that we are masters of ourselves and of our destiny, when in fact these three basic components of our being are not at all in harmonious relationship with each other. Body, emotion, and mind are kept out of balance and unsynchronized as the illusion of control flip-flops form one component to another.



According to this parable, what must happen? First, the driver must wake up to understand his state. He must stop his drunken imagining's and momentarily disidentify from his familiar state of mind long enough to recognize the condition into which he has trapped himself. Then he must leave the public drinking house and go out and repair the carriage (care for is physical body), and attend to the needs of the horse (the emotional self). Once this is done, the driver can lift himself up onto the box. Then he can regain the reigns and hold them firmly in hand. It is only at this point when the driver has done everything he can to set things in proper order that the master can return to the scene and occupy his position within the carriage. However, in this parable the master does not immediately return and give directions for proceeding. The driver must begin the movement of horse and carriage in the direction that he thinks best and then listen intently for corrective guidance from the master within the carriage.



This is a parable of extraordinary depth and insight it illustrates a number of places in which the human will plays a critical role. The dual function of the human will is an indispensable agent in initiating the changes in conditions that leads to awakening ones higher awareness. It is the will, which directs attention and allows certain thoughts and emotions to shape our sense of identity. It is, therefore, through an active will that we are able to disidentify from old familiar personality states and awaken enough to reorganize from a different point of view than the hopeless condition into which we have placed ourselves. This is accomplished through the systematic practice of an exercise Gurdjieff (the author of this parable) called "self-observation". It is a matter of creating a kind of inner separation so that one stands aside and watches the self interact with life.


How to do this is what this paper is all about. First, a little insight, the mind's process of interpreting perceptions to fit within ones worldview works the same way optical illusions trick your eyes. The process is automatic self programmed and modified based on ones core and current beliefs. Therefore, what one assumes is reality is in truth ones interpretation of sense perceptions modified by ones memories, expectations, thoughts, emotions, feelings etc. Just noticing, how you interact with everything that is going on, begins to update the process of consciously modifying ones process of interpretation. Through an active will we are able to create and observing identity which can with little practice become an objective and non-critical alternate or Silent Witness able to separate from the strong habit patterns which have kept us in a "drunken state." The notable part of the process is the modification of ones interpretation; this is the aspect one can alter with the Silent Witness. We use the silent witness to discern how we are experiencing ourselves in our environment, the thoughts, feelings, emotions and triggers that are altering the interpretation of sense perceptions.



The awakening of the silent witness brings with it an awareness of reality that was unnoticed in the drunken or Ego State of consciousness. Nevertheless, even when moments of this self-remembering is achieve, there remains a problem. The driver does not yet have the reigns in hand. The reigns symbolize a connection or link between the emotions and thought. Haven't we all frequently experienced a lack of these reigns? Our emotions rarely seemed to follow the direction that our thoughts would like, so some connecting discipline is needed. Once again we find an important role for the will to play. A link between the horse and the driver can be created by the use of purposeful directed imagination and visualization. The language of the horse is not the same as that of the driver. Our mind operates by reasoned thought but the emotions speak the language of imagery. Nicoll puts it this way: "the horse understands visual language, the driver words and the parable connects the two". Visual imagery is a universal language it's the language of signs. The horse only understands a universal language of visual images. That is why, if you wish to control the horse from the mind, you must visualize and not merely think. One of the things that we are taught in this work is visualization. You must visualize what you have thought of in regard to your behavior and be diligent at noticing when the horse reacts or the mind begin its imaginings throwing the self out of balance. The role of the will in helping to create these reigns is also twofold. On the one hand, we can use the conscious will to purposely direct the mind towards specific visualization. On the other hand, we might expect a deeper will, what we have called the silent witness or the real will to influence us in a similar way through a conscious awareness. This is a kind of second sight in other words, the real will can operate on the intuitive forces of the mind to create the very energies that can harmonize the activities of thought and emotion.



This work of self-observation will lead us to a new respect for our mental, physical and emotional bodies. We can find it possible to start changing many of the ways in which we treat ourselves mentally, physically and emotional and begin to achieve a balance and new health at these levels. However, the actual goal of self-observation is something even more specific: to remember the true Self. Through this exercise of will, we can stand aside and observed the habit patterns of our personality's and we can finally reach a state in which we remember the real Self - that essential identity beneath ones individuality.


It is at this point that the will leads us to a dramatic shift in consciousness, symbolized in the parable by the driver climbing up to a new level and sitting on the box of the carriage. At the onset of this level, the created Silent Witness is transforming into the Spiritual Witness. The Spiritual Witness is aware of and connected to the true spiritual components in ones being and circumstances. It prompts the self into noticing specific coincidences, the experience of dejavu or to get flashes of intuition. As one becomes attuned to the Spiritual Witness the prompting gives you a much clearer view of the direction to go in and actions to take that are more in alignment with the true purpose of how and why the NOW is unfolding as it IS. A personal note: you may not know the true purpose of how and why the now is unfolding. However, by following the guidance, you might understand an aspect of the how and why that applies to you, this is usually in hindsight and is followed by the AH experience of " I get it".




The parable illustrates another role of the human will concerning the problem of obtaining guidance. We should take careful note that in this allegory the driver is required to first start the horse and carriage moving, based upon his own best understanding, before the master returns to give guidance. This shows us something about how to work with inner guidance. We should expect that often times the master or true Self should make its intentions evident to us only after we have consciously initiated a intervention to set things in motion. Only after we can maintain a balance, and initiate a direction we intuitively feel is right will the master return to the carriage and begin to give guidance. This is evident when the silent witness begin to transform into the Permanent Witness. The awakening of the permanent witness brings with it an awareness of energy and forces within reality that are not normally noticed, even by the silent witness. The permanent witness is a conscious aspect of the true Self and is directly connected to the creative forces of the universe. Moreover, where the silent witness prompts us as conscience or flashes of insight and the spiritual witness can be called upon for guidance, the permanent witness as implied is a permanent connection to the All of creation, the goal of all religions and spiritual disciplines throughout the world. At this point, we conclude the parable and its final teaching to us about the will. Once the carriage is set in motion, the driver must be attentive. The Hallmark of the will is attentiveness. We can develop a relationship with real will, witnesses or true Self, only to the extent that we are able to be receptive and responsive to its prompting. Only then, the intuitive forces begin to wake up. This shows a paradox of how the will is experienced in our lives, in an active as well as receptive mode. And exposes the truth that the master has always been in the carriage, reaching out and trying to get our attention, however the unbalanced controlling self has no awareness of the masters presence's. The connection is made only when we reach out to the master, and then only when we bring a willingness to learn and understand the truth of the compound totality of the reality we exist within. Without the presence of the master within all creation, both seen and unseen, everything in existence would immediately cease to be.

[/quote]

 

[starfire]

Hi all.

I have a question to ask about something that I need some help with because I can not help but feel that it is killing me. The question is in regards to empathy.

Now everyone, or nearly everyone on this site I would think agree that empathy is a good quality to have, a quality that psychopaths are lacking, thus they are what many would use the term "evil" to describe.

My question is not about lack of empathy, but my lack of control over this living hell.

As I spend much of my free time in my attempt to educate myself and stay up to date in the state of the world, it is inevitable that I am going to see images, read articles, or watch video depicting the horrible, horrible things that we are doing to each other. To our husbands, wives, brothers, sisters, children of humanity.

The problem that I have, though it has lessened a bit in frequency and severity over the 10 or so years that I have noticeably had this, is that when I am struck, I do not JUST feel sadness, or pity, or anger, I live the situation. I AM the parent holding the dead child, I AM the husband holding his dead wife, I AM the wife wailing in anguish over the death of a loved one, I AM the woman being raped and tortured, I AM.....

It goes on and on and it is a living hell, a waking nightmare. When I first began having these "attacks" they were brutal and relentless to the point of making me sick. I was not sleeping for days, was not eating, and it was tearing at my sanity. Any time that I would try to rest, I would live one horror or another. I think that the only reason I did retain my sanity was because although while living it, it was real, it was not real.

As strange as it is, this also would make me feel guilty because though I suffered, I would eventually snap back to the here and now while who's ever life I was witnessing was still living the hell:(.

Where I stand now is that although the frequency is less, I still at times go into a tailspin of helplessness and I need to know how to control it. I do not want to lose empathy, I feel that it is something that is needed, but I do need to find a way to bring it under control because it is as if every "alternate" life I live, every horror I experience, it is killing a little piece of my soul.

I am beginning to hate. When I see what is being done, over and over and over and over again, I feel the pain and suffering and I am consumed with a white hot rage at the inhumanity. I think that I am feeling their hatred, but I have no way to quell my own because I agree with them....I have seen.

Now, this is not something that I have talked to anyone about...ever because I honestly do not think anyone would understand. After spending some time on this site, mostly reading I came to the conclusion that due to what the people on this site research, perhaps someone here could understand and help me, or point me in the right direction.

Crimson.

Hello Crimson

I haven't read any reply to your post just yet as I had to reply asap from reading this!

I cannot believe you wrote this, I have been searching the internet for ages, searching with the words "Too much Empathy"...
Trying to find someone who just gets it, who understands this feelings we have to live with day in and out, it's terrible, it's so bad!!

It's not sympathy, it's an automatic uncontrollable thing that happens, it's visual in the head all the time, and once it's there visually in the head with the feelings it never leaves,it becomes part and off you, it always pops back in again even years later.

It's as if you take on the persons experiences unconsciously, it just invades you without permission. Becomes part of your very being.

I want to give up sometimes, I just can't stand it, and you seem to understand exactly what it's like.

But it's also great feelings too, even after a stupid film with a touching ending, I have to hold back tears and gulps of happiness so no one sees me.

I'm stuck in a relationship with someone who has no idea about this, he seems to have no empathy, he knows to turn over the tv straight away when something comes on that will really effect me, but is very much money orientated, he makes me feel guilty lots, but without intention, I mean without being straight forward with it, it's hard to explain really.

I have always worked with computers and been in full-time jobs for years, I went Freelance and it worked out better for me and the kids, infact even more money, but to get into the position of working freelance I had to go through such hell with my partner, he likes his comfort and money too.

He is a very good but drains me at the same time, oh my goodness, he drains me so much you could even say all the time.
My freelance work has dried up some lately, but I'm happy about that, as I have woken up and wanted the time to do my creative writing around my awakening, it's part of a story I've had in my head for years that I'm dying to write, but now he has more or less made me get night shift work in a super market, when I mean more or less, i mean that he has been a different person lately, where as he has been draining me twice as much of energy just sitting in the same room as me, I have constant feelings of dread and depression in his company though this is not shown by him in a visual way, it's hard to explain, it's small things and feeling that are too strong to mistake.

I also know that he is feeling the need for more money, even though we are doing absolutely fine.
He tricked me into the job, made me feel guilty, slipped the application into the shopping trolley and said he was going for the job, I knew it was for me as he has a full time job and how on earth could he do a full time job and work night shifts in a super market, there was certainly no objection from him that i should do the night shift, none what-so ever so he wouldn't have to apply, but we want for nothing.

He has been playing a lot of supple mind games lately, as i said from I began to awaken.
I feel trapped, my fault.

Anyway, a constant battle, that's what it's like with all.

So happy to meet someone like you who maybe understands this too much empathy.
I didn't mean to go on about myself like that either but nice to meet you!! :)


Edit - Paragraphs

 

[Vulcan59]

Hi starfire,

Welcome to the forum. :) We recommend all new members to post an introduction in the Newbies section telling us a bit about themselves, how they found the cass material, and how much of the work here they have read. Thanks.

 

[starfire]

I have just read this thread, and I'd like to make one point and that is that if one goes too far to one extreme, it is very likely that at some point one will swing just as far to the other.

So if one starts off being very empathetic to the degree that it unbalances one's life; the reaction to this imbalance may be to swing to the opposite of empathy and become intolerant.

If you read Ouspensky's "In Search Of The Miraculous", you'll read about how, under The Law Of Seven everything becomes its opposite. This is because people are asleep. Look at how the idea of democracy is transitioning into totalitarianism; how Christianity which was based on love morphed into The Inquisition, and, in our times, Blackwater, The Christian Right, and The Dominionist Movement. How many times throughout history have the victims turned into the persecutors? Did you see the Sott News Page showing photographs of the treatment of Jews in Nazi Germany on the left compared to the same suffering of Palestinians in Zionist Israel on the right?

Unfortunately, before we can "Do" anything, we must learn, in the example of the horse, the driver, and the master, how to manage our centers. Without doing this, we are puppets swinging wildly from empathy to hate, doing the will of our invisible masters and, in the process , becoming that which we hate.

I do agree here wholeheartedly, and I also truly understand how Crimson feels others suffering, it's very difficult to deal with. I think that not directly dealing with the empathy and grounding oneself - re-energising oneself that there can be a build up of the energies invading and this will at some point express itself with hatred and anger, after all it's an unintentional absorbing of energy of the suffering of others.

Did you know that COMPASSION, EMPATHY, BLISS and CREATIVITY can all be measured. Dan Winter discovered apparent Golden Ratio based cascades in Heart Harmonics- indicate empathy / compassion. And on the other end, there is HATE and ANGER. _http://www.goldenmean.info - I highly recommend. :D

I also think that the awakening process can be really difficult, and distractions are thrown at you from many angles to maybe prevent a smooth progression.

To Crimson, I can bet anything that when you feel true Bliss through the empathy that there is nothing like it.

 

[Vulcan59]

Hi starfire,

On the subject of Dan Winter, please use the Search function at the top of each page. You may also want to have a read of Chapter 26 of the Adventure series.