Torn between hope and anger

[Carl]

Looking at my own "roller coaster ride" I can only say that times like these are the best you will get for truly understanding your "machine". Every extreme emotion has its trigger and also is a trigger for a chain of events. Follow the chain and it usually leads you to something in your past still not dealt with.

Absolutely, and in case it is of interest for anybody, the way I find best for me to understand my machine is by doing a lot of diagrams. If I am a machine, well, I can write my own manual of instructions .


Basically what I have been doing in the last 6 months more or less is something like drawing schemas to link emotions with programs triggered.
For instance:




I feel XXX ---> I discover it has trigger the reaction or program YYY on me. ---> What caused the XXX feeling? ---> The situation ZZZZ ---> What can I do about the situation ZZZ? ---> Alternatives exposed ---> Can I implement them or fix them ----> Solutions described ----> Solutions implemented.


After solution has been implemented (can be anything, just a stupid decision not made can change the whole chain) --- >Has feeling XXX dissapeared? --> I am triggering again program YYY?


And surprisingly I am discovering what programs I trigger when some feelings are present and viceversa, what feelings I have when some programs have been triggered. At the end, seems it should not be so difficult to write the manual of instructions for the human machine.


Sorry for the messy explanation, thought it could help if you are a bit of a linear thinker.

I like this approach. This is the kind of mental structure that I use when observing the stupid thoughts and feelings that come into my head (though I have a kind of aversion to writing things down which i need to sort out).

Drawing diagrams sounds like a very interesting idea, could end up with a big mind-map (literally!) of your head, and you could consult the map to see what programs are running and how they were triggered.

 

[knowledge_of_self]

It is very normal to feel what you feel with all this situation. And frankly, I really don't know how people will be able to pass through this crisis (and this is a big crisis) without a net support. This forum is so important. I don't want to imagine that one day it can disappear. Till then we have support that help us in this growth that is our road, for now. We will see what will happen.

I really think we should face the fact that the (free) internet may not survive what is coming, and in fact all forms of electronic communication may well go down if things get really bad. Unless we develop some kind of 4d ability to keep in contact (not ruling anything out), then we may be 'on our own'.

But the level of loneliness we face will be determined by our development in my opinion. I think that by applying all the concepts and skills that we have learned here, we should be able to form our own local networks and spread awareness that way. I am already seeing this happening to a small extent in my personal life, and I think it will become much easier to do this when a major disaster shocks people into awakening and distractions are removed.

As G said, 4th way schools serve a particular purpose, and they come and go when the time is right. This network has provided the means for exponential growth for so many of us in terms of how we deal with the world and others. IMO the ultimate test of what we have learned would be to go out on our own and use what we have learned help unite people into a proper community, and help those who are struggling.

Personally I don't think I am ready for that task yet, but would certainly give it my best shot if the situation was forced upon me.

Just my opinion anyway

Fwiw, I strongly agree with the above. I think that the way things are going, there is a strong possibility that one of these days the internet will be shut down for whatever reason. Should that happen, the event would indeed be a sad loss but I think it's something that will also define a moment in our time of monumental importance - at least on an individual level for people to begin using all the knowledge they retained from places like this forum or elsewhere on the net.

That's also one of the reasons I love to physically buy books and don't really care for E-books. Sure E-books are convenient but should something happen to all technology, it's back to the basics and a good book can go a long way. In those times many people will be asking questions, and a lot of the books like Political Ponerology and others on the reading list here will contain many answers.

I think ultimately, all of our time spent here is preparing us for that moment. So that, should it arise we will not be lost, scared or give into despair - because after all.. knowledge protects. ;)

On the othe side, I feel some hope within because I know that these seems to be the final "moments" of the world as we know it, because the Cs and Laura's work raises some hope that, maybe, just maybe, things could change within a few years. However, I wonder how long can somebody resist emotionally/mentally (even with all the tools we have), having to worry about the day to day issues (finantially speaking, "surviving" the collapse), then "knowing" that a possible rain of meteorites could start dropping any time in the coming months-years, that new illneses could arise, that there is no way to know that if the wave, if coming, is going to help us as we think it will, etc.


So anger is back, because another part of me is screaming that I should not live thinking that in two years time everything is over, that I should keep moving, working, doing everything I want to do as if there were still 50 years ahead for me (or more), so, why having a limited thinking or short term plans?

David, I can relate to much of what you're feeling. One thing I thought while reading your post is have you tried using your anger to fuel your desire for change? Or in other words, using the 'fire within'? For example - I know that Sott and this group is always looking for a helping hand in translating reading material/articles. And since you're a Spanish speaker you could help with that. Think about how it makes you angry at what's going on in Spain - you can then transmute that anger by translating an article for Sott in order to inform more people about the current plight in Spain and elsewhere in the world. When you do that, you direct your anger in a positive way to help others instead of being consumed by it.

Just my thoughts fwiw.

 

[kitty125]

The last few days have been like an emotional rollercoaster. Despite diet, meditation, a bit of EE, trying to accept reality as it is, etc, etc, well, I have felt just overloaded, and pretty much torn between "hope" and "anger". Today seems I woke up with a more calmer attitude, so thought about sharing some thoughts with you guys.


Initially everything comes from a saturation of news, worries and problems of what is going on here in Spain. Panic is in the streets, at least everywhere around me (family, colleagues, friends, etc). It does not matter how much you know it is all staged, manipulated, created on purpose to create distractions, etc, the atmosphere in general is untenable.


I, of course, need to worry about what could happen and what strategies could I implement to live through this turmoil, not to lose our savings, home, income, etc, so my family can go through these peculiar times in a more or less peaceful way.


It could get better or it could get worse, and because I have no idea, we use to discuss on the worse scenario possible for us. That is really energy consuming and that raises internal anger, because it is something I have no control of (the macro economical situation of the country).


On the othe side, I feel some hope within because I know that these seems to be the final "moments" of the world as we know it, because the Cs and Laura's work raises some hope that, maybe, just maybe, things could change within a few years. However, I wonder how long can somebody resist emotionally/mentally (even with all the tools we have), having to worry about the day to day issues (finantially speaking, "surviving" the collapse), then "knowing" that a possible rain of meteorites could start dropping any time in the coming months-years, that new illneses could arise, that there is no way to know that if the wave, if coming, is going to help us as we think it will, etc.


So anger is back, because another part of me is screaming that I should not live thinking that in two years time everything is over, that I should keep moving, working, doing everything I want to do as if there were still 50 years ahead for me (or more), so, why having a limited thinking or short term plans?


I realise that I have plenty of motivation to do things, to travel, to know the world, to keep doing what I do, to learn more, to improve as a person, to try to improve my life style, to be happy, etc. I realise there is a lot of hope within that thinks that I will be able to do this for a lot of years to come, and I realise that I feel anger because I may not.


There is a voice (figuratively speaking) that says to me that the coming 2-3 years are very important and I should pay attention to learning my pending lessons and "survive" the chaos, and another voice that says that even if that is true, I should not live with that mentality. One raises anger and the other raises hope.


Kind of rollercoaster as said, not sure if anybody else has felt a bit torn as well between these two feelings/perspectives, so far, I seem to be still in the middle of both, calm and able to perceive my emotions, but still a bit overwhelmed by them!

i have the same feelings with depression and i cant seem to kick it.it usually hits me after hope and i wonder what is the point in even trying .im tired of seeing such evil in this world to the point that i cant even barely eat anymore or even think of plans for my future. i want off this rollercoaster as well.in a way i dont want to be awake anymore,i want to go back to sleep with the others and become blind again :( all i have left is that little bit of hope that these good changes will happen with the wave as the C's predict.

 

[Buddy]

i have the same feelings with depression and i cant seem to kick it.it usually hits me after hope and i wonder what is the point in even trying .im tired of seeing such evil in this world to the point that i cant even barely eat anymore or even think of plans for my future. i want off this rollercoaster as well.in a way i dont want to be awake anymore,i want to go back to sleep with the others and become blind again :( all i have left is that little bit of hope that these good changes will happen with the wave as the C's predict.

Hi kitty125. Do you feel like you get enough daily sleep? What's your diet like? I'm not meaning to detract from your concerns, its just that I believe all issues and concerns are interrelated. :)

 

[Maat]

i have the same feelings with depression and i cant seem to kick it.it usually hits me after hope and i wonder what is the point in even trying .im tired of seeing such evil in this world to the point that i cant even barely eat anymore or even think of plans for my future. i want off this rollercoaster as well.in a way i dont want to be awake anymore,i want to go back to sleep with the others and become blind again :( all i have left is that little bit of hope that these good changes will happen with the wave as the C's predict.

Hi kitty125. Do you feel like you get enough daily sleep? What's your diet like? I'm not meaning to detract from your concerns, its just that I believe all issues and concerns are interrelated. :)

And I will add a further question : are you a woman ? Because I am and I can tell you for sure that I can get very depressed before my periods and after, all returns at a normal level where I have hope again or at least do my way normally. Just to know that this hormonal things can do to you, help really to reconsider your feelings.

 

[loreta]

The last few days have been like an emotional rollercoaster. Despite diet, meditation, a bit of EE, trying to accept reality as it is, etc, etc, well, I have felt just overloaded, and pretty much torn between "hope" and "anger". Today seems I woke up with a more calmer attitude, so thought about sharing some thoughts with you guys.


Initially everything comes from a saturation of news, worries and problems of what is going on here in Spain. Panic is in the streets, at least everywhere around me (family, colleagues, friends, etc). It does not matter how much you know it is all staged, manipulated, created on purpose to create distractions, etc, the atmosphere in general is untenable.


I, of course, need to worry about what could happen and what strategies could I implement to live through this turmoil, not to lose our savings, home, income, etc, so my family can go through these peculiar times in a more or less peaceful way.


It could get better or it could get worse, and because I have no idea, we use to discuss on the worse scenario possible for us. That is really energy consuming and that raises internal anger, because it is something I have no control of (the macro economical situation of the country).


On the othe side, I feel some hope within because I know that these seems to be the final "moments" of the world as we know it, because the Cs and Laura's work raises some hope that, maybe, just maybe, things could change within a few years. However, I wonder how long can somebody resist emotionally/mentally (even with all the tools we have), having to worry about the day to day issues (finantially speaking, "surviving" the collapse), then "knowing" that a possible rain of meteorites could start dropping any time in the coming months-years, that new illneses could arise, that there is no way to know that if the wave, if coming, is going to help us as we think it will, etc.


So anger is back, because another part of me is screaming that I should not live thinking that in two years time everything is over, that I should keep moving, working, doing everything I want to do as if there were still 50 years ahead for me (or more), so, why having a limited thinking or short term plans?


I realise that I have plenty of motivation to do things, to travel, to know the world, to keep doing what I do, to learn more, to improve as a person, to try to improve my life style, to be happy, etc. I realise there is a lot of hope within that thinks that I will be able to do this for a lot of years to come, and I realise that I feel anger because I may not.


There is a voice (figuratively speaking) that says to me that the coming 2-3 years are very important and I should pay attention to learning my pending lessons and "survive" the chaos, and another voice that says that even if that is true, I should not live with that mentality. One raises anger and the other raises hope.


Kind of rollercoaster as said, not sure if anybody else has felt a bit torn as well between these two feelings/perspectives, so far, I seem to be still in the middle of both, calm and able to perceive my emotions, but still a bit overwhelmed by them!

i have the same feelings with depression and i cant seem to kick it.it usually hits me after hope and i wonder what is the point in even trying .im tired of seeing such evil in this world to the point that i cant even barely eat anymore or even think of plans for my future. i want off this rollercoaster as well.in a way i dont want to be awake anymore,i want to go back to sleep with the others and become blind again :( all i have left is that little bit of hope that these good changes will happen with the wave as the C's predict.

What I do when I feel that the news tired me too much I change my internal chip: I put order in my library. I concentrate on something and putting and changing my books and cleaning my books make me forget all this hysteria or look at this hysteria from another perspective. There is no solution to all of this, I can not change anything outside. But I can calm myself. Easy to say, I know. Because sometimes I wanted to cry or scream. But yesterday I concentrated only on my books, putting order and changing my room and I felt invigorated.

We live between desperation and hope, dancing a strange dance, yes indeed.

 

[kitty125]

i have the same feelings with depression and i cant seem to kick it.it usually hits me after hope and i wonder what is the point in even trying .im tired of seeing such evil in this world to the point that i cant even barely eat anymore or even think of plans for my future. i want off this rollercoaster as well.in a way i dont want to be awake anymore,i want to go back to sleep with the others and become blind again :( all i have left is that little bit of hope that these good changes will happen with the wave as the C's predict.

Hi kitty125. Do you feel like you get enough daily sleep? What's your diet like? I'm not meaning to detract from your concerns, its just that I believe all issues and concerns are interrelated. :)

And I will add a further question : are you a woman ? Because I am and I can tell you for sure that I can get very depressed before my periods and after, all returns at a normal level where I have hope again or at least do my way normally. Just to know that this hormonal things can do to you, help really to reconsider your feelings.

im diagnosed bipolar so i go through the extreme emotions daily.i just felt the need to express myself.i felt immensely better after.sometimes when something sits so heavily on your mind,it helps relieve the burden when you share it. in a weird way its nice to see others having the same experience to know youre not alone in some things.glad this topic was started.

 

[Ca.]

Dave Topi given all that happening all around us, it is easy to get caught up in the systems effort to destroy our freewill of choice, that of thinking out of the box, as to the frustrations, and confusion that you speak of in navigating in these troubling times.

This video is a guide and a good example of the benefits to the maintenance of staying conscious of our choices, and how to provide developmental skills to critically think, yet to be in a constant state of being self analytical of ones self, to what is happening, what may be coming, and why it is effecting us.

By using the brain as tool to eliminate the impatience, that can if allowed, cause us so much pane, with coping, as to the ability of thinking for navigation, then confusion.

Never before do I truly understand the importance and in ones efforts to establishing the Paloe diet template as a means to bring about the necessary body, and mind chemistry so necessary, to not be part of the mayhem, but perhaps be part of positive changes. ;)

Athene's Theory of Everything
_http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dbh5l0b2-0o&feature=player_embedded