"What are the hardest and most useful skills to learn?"

Apologizing. I’m not talking about the little things like “oh sorry, didn’t see you there” or “sorry I left the milk out”. I’m talking about those times you actually hurt someone.
I think this is very important, not just for the person you’ve wronged but for personal development. It’s part of the continual death/rebirth and refinement of the soul (if you recognize a fault or ill deed and look to make it right then you’re less likely to fall into that behavior in the future). I’ve noticed that most people, even many whom I would consider spiritually advanced do not practice this art. Once you’ve moved out of mom and dads house there is no one making you do it and since the very act is humiliating most avoid it.
 

KristinLynne

Jedi Master
FOTCM Member
These are the ones I need to work on the most... I think. I have commented in italics under each.

Positive self-talk


"Ultimately it doesn't matter what others think of you," Shobhit Singhal writes, "but what you think of yourself certainly does, and it takes time to build that level of confidence and ability to believe in yourself when nobody else does."

On the other side of positive self-talk is negative self-talk, which Betsy Myers, founding director of The Centre for Women and Business at Bentley University, believes can slowly chip away at your confidence.

I'm pretty hard on myself when I make mistakes.

Minding your business

"It takes ages to learn and master this," Aarushi Sharma writes.

Sticking your nose into other people's work isn't helpful and wastes time and resources, she says. "You have no right to put forth your two or four cents, even if you are the last righteous person standing."

This one was hard but it does get easier.

Listening

Along with shutting up comes listening, Richard Careaga says.

"Most of us in the workplace are so overwhelmed with things to do — instant messaging, phones ringing. I mean, our brain can only tolerate so much information before it snaps," Nicole Lipkin, author of "What Keeps Leaders Up At Night," previously told Business Insider.

One tip for active listening is repeating back what you heard to the other person. "It makes things so much easier when everyone is on the same page," she said.

I'm aware and working on this one the most.

Knowing when to shut up — and actually doing it

"You can't go around whining about every other thing that seems not-so-right to you in this world," writes Roshna Nazir. "Sometimes you just need to shut up."

There are many instances when keeping to yourself is the best course. "When we are angry, upset, agitated, or vexed," Anwesha Jana writes, "we blurt out anything and everything that comes to our mind." And later, you tend to regret it.

Keeping your mouth shut when you're agitated is one of the most valuable skills to learn, and of course, one of the most difficult.

Mmmm. This one is tough when my emotions are strung out!

Resisting gossip

"The most important thing in life to me is relationships," Jason T Widjaja writes. "And the most important thing about building and keeping good relationships is trust."

One of the easiest ways to lose trust, he says, is to gossip about people behind their back.

Widjaja says learning not to gossip was hard to do because it meant missing out on possibly important conversations, distancing himself from influential people, and awkwardly having to tell people, "Hey, sorry to interrupt but I really don't need to know that, could we talk about something else?"

"But press on and you will get your priceless reward. Trust," he writes.

While I do try not to say things and sometime actually succeed, I do like to listen when people are talking about each other.

Staying present in the moment

According to happiness researcher Matt Killingsworth, we tend not to be very good at staying present in the moment. He says that 47% of the time, people are thinking about something other than what they're currently doing. And this is hurting our happiness, he says:

"People are less happy when they're mind-wandering no matter what they're doing. For example, people don't really like commuting to work very much. It's one of their least enjoyable activities, and yet they are substantially happier when they're focused only on their commute than when their mind is going off to something else. It's amazing."

This one is something I am practicing more everyday at home at least. At work there is little time to do anything else but get through the day.


Learning a new language

This skill wont just open you up to new conversations and professional opportunities.

As native-Hungarian speaker and Metaphor English founder and CEO Balázs Csigi blogs, "Mastering English has been an incredible gift in my life. I received a new mindset, a new set of emotions, and a new way of thinking." The same could be said of learning any new language.

Csigi says the key to learning another language is to master every bit of the culture, no easy feat, but surely a worthwhile pursuit.

I wanted to learn Spanish for the longest time but never applied myself.

Speaking up

Speaking up in public can be so hard for many of us to do. Even the American business magnate Warren Buffett said that he was once so terrified of speaking in public that he would throw up. "In fact, I arranged my life so that I never had to get up in front of anybody," he told his biographer Alice Schroeder in "The Snowball: Warren Buffett and the Business of Life."

It took practising giving speeches numerous times in front of his Dale Carnegie speaking course classmates to finally conquer his fear.

"Some of it is just practice — just doing it and practising," Buffett said. "And it worked. That's the most important degree I have.

One on one I am fine, in groups, not so much.



Honesty with yourself

Admitting when you're wrong "is the toughest," writes Vishal Katyal on Quora.

Even CEOs of major companies admit to making mistakes.

"The worst mistakes to me, though, is you don't learn from your mistake," Ginni Rometty, CEO of IBM, once told Forbes. "There is no greater sin than to not learn from it."

Working on this one daily! These are great things to keep in mind and practice as often as possible.
 

Voyageur

Ambassador
Ambassador
FOTCM Member
These are the ones I need to work on the most... I think. I have commented in italics under each.
list said:
Positive self-talk
list said:
Minding your business
Listening
Knowing when to shut up — and actually doing it
Resisting gossip
Staying present in the moment
Learning a new language
Speaking up
Honesty with yourself

That is a fair list to work on, KristinLynne, and can apply to most with additions; significantly under the umbrella of the work, too - self-remembering...

Thanks for sharing/listing.
 

Yas

The Living Force
FOTCM Member
Apologizing. I’m not talking about the little things like “oh sorry, didn’t see you there” or “sorry I left the milk out”. I’m talking about those times you actually hurt someone.
I think this is very important, not just for the person you’ve wronged but for personal development. It’s part of the continual death/rebirth and refinement of the soul (if you recognize a fault or ill deed and look to make it right then you’re less likely to fall into that behavior in the future).

I agree this is a big one, especially considering what has been brought up in the thread about the book Paul's Necessary Sin, and the book itself about how being aware of sin is fundamental to the transformation needed to become mature (as human beings and spiritually)

Some time ago, I thought about it as the reason why repentance is so important in Christian tradition. Of course, it is distorted nowadays in the way in which it is practiced; as confessing to the priest and then just praying to get redemption. For me it has a much deeper meaning than that.

Sometimes, apologizing isn't possible or positive because it may actually be worse for the other person, or it may be only a way of feeling better ourselves... something like: "OK, I apologized and now things are even". But no, I think that the important part of it is about truly seeing what you did wrong, to your soul and/or to other people, and making amends in the way of actions to not do it again.

And if I continue with the line of though about Christianity, this act of truly seeing our faults and making amends may bring about redemption because we become better people in the process, because (hopefully) we learn to be better human beings towards one another and to do the right actions that come from our knowledge of what is right and what is wrong.

These are the ones I need to work on the most... I think. I have commented in italics under each.

Thanks for sharing KristinLynne! I thought some of what you wrote could be related to the book The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, so I just wanted to mention that thread in case you haven't seen it. I think that the principles the author has put there could be one list of important skills to learn.
 

Mariama

Ambassador
Ambassador
FOTCM Member
Resisting gossip

"The most important thing in life to me is relationships," Jason T Widjaja writes. "And the most important thing about building and keeping good relationships is trust."

One of the easiest ways to lose trust, he says, is to gossip about people behind their back.

Widjaja says learning not to gossip was hard to do because it meant missing out on possibly important conversations, distancing himself from influential people, and awkwardly having to tell people, "Hey, sorry to interrupt but I really don't need to know that, could we talk about something else?"

"But press on and you will get your priceless reward. Trust," he writes.

While I do try not to say things and sometime actually succeed, I do like to listen when people are talking about each other.

One thing I have learnt here on the forum is that gossip isn't always what it seems to be. We can talk about other people when they are not present because we may have valid concerns, because we need feed-back and so on. This isn't done with malicious intent and it is different from let's say talking about someone behind their back out of boredom, spite or because we feel better about ourselves when slagging someone off.

But listening to others when people are talking about each other may teach us a useful thing or two, about ourselves or about other people. So, it's not all bad.:-) And you can even join in and share your observations about that person and listen to how others respond to your point of view.
 

Mari

Jedi Master
Uf, I´ll just start from the beginning.....

1. Empathy - This one I beleive I do have.....

2. Mastering your sleep - I don´t have regular go-to-sleep nor wake-up time.... So, that´s one....

3. Time management - I tend to be campagne worker but I do finish stuff in time and also don´t mind multitasking.... So I´m good with this one, I suppose...

4. Asking for help - No problems with that one.....

5. Positive self-talk - ...and that´s two....:-/

6. Consistency - Hm, two and a half.....? :-[ I mean, example: I´m a parent and when my kids come to me with those sad puppy-dog-eyes how can I refuse stuff? And then they throw in a kiss...? I see they are manipulating me to get stuff their way, but that´s really hard......

7. Minding your business - Trying to.... so, tree...? :-D I mean, that one is really hard when comes to family members.... Do they count? ;-)

8. Listening - Also doing my best... Most of the times.....

9. Knowing when to shut up — and actually doing it - Getting better.... I.e. this corona-mumbo-jumbo is really pushing my limits when i.e. my co-workers discuss the situation and I keep my mouth shut.... And since we see what happens with people these days who speak up, I might practice more....

10. Resisting gossip - Well, I generally do... I don´t have so much friends and generally don´t care where "Martha" and "Steven" were on their vacation... Also when I was a teenager didn´t really know who is with whom and who is in quarrel with whom and all that stuff....

11. Staying present in the moment - Hm,...four....:-/

12. Mastering your thoughts - ...five... :-(

13. Learning a new language - That one is fun!

14. Speaking up - In front of bunch of strangers? Well, that´s six.... :-/

15. Honesty with others - Well, here is also a matter of external consideration, no.... So no I´m not always 100% honest. When I know the person very well, I am honest. But with strangers, I tend not to give direct answers or avoid the topic all together... Depends on the sensitivity of the topic.... So that is six and a half.....? :-/

16. Honesty with yourself - ...uf.... that one is big one, that deserves one and a half point...

So, end score would be eight..... :-/

...obviously I have to Work it harder, Make it better .... Our Work is Never over....
 
They also say, autists need structure.
But structure requires planning in front, and that is not living in the moment.
Thats probably why i hate structure.
 
All above listed from Laura is life savior if you decide to be human.
I managed to awake most of it in last few years of my life.
Wich was trully unbelivible for me before...since I was not so proud of myself cause making excuses and lying to myself was my favorite thing.
Because in one moment I realized I could die and there would be left many unresolved stuff and relationships and who knows by what people would remember me.. Ad that is just sad and terrible.
Then I decided or I will be the best version of me or I'm gone.
Because I was not beneficial to nobody the way i were. World could easily go on without me.

Then I started cleaning up my house and behave completly different towards everything.
Workin hard, being honest 100%, lerning new skills, got my self a new job, helped my husband, helped my nighbours,
reconect with my family after 15 years, learned to listen,
even saying I'm sorry to my ex partners and some other people if i ever did something wrong and hurt them,
calling some people i didn't hear for years just to say thank you for being the part of my life and then I'm gratefull you learned me this and that...etc
Being kind, smile to strangers, encouradge people when you fell someone is down or stand up for someone who is weak.
..
I feel alive
 

jess

Jedi
Obviously the context of this article is rather particular, but I think there are some very useful things that can be extracted and modified for Work purposes.


_16 skills that are hard to learn but will pay off forever

Empathy

"You can be the most disciplined, brilliant, and even wealthy individual in the world, but if you don't care for or empathise with other people, then you are basically nothing but a sociopath," writes Kamia Taylor.

Empathy, as business owner Jane Wurdwand explains, is a fundamental human ability that has too readily been forsworn by modern business.

"Empathy — the ability to feel what others feel — is what makes good sales and service people truly great. Empathy as in team spirit — esprit de corps — motivates people to try harder. Empathy drives employees to push beyond their own apathy, to go bigger, because they feel something bigger than just a paycheck," she writes.

Mastering your sleep

There are so many prescribed sleep hacks out there it's often hard to keep track. But regardless of what you choose, establishing a ritual can help ensure you have restful nights.

Numerous studies show that being consistent with your sleep schedule makes it easier to fall asleep and wake up, and it helps promote better sleep in general.

Time management

Effective time management is one of the most highly valued skills by employers. While there is no one right way, it's important to find a system that works for you and stick to it, Alina Grzegorzewska explains.

"The hardest thing to learn for me was how to plan," she writes. "Not to execute what I have planned, but to make so epic a to-do list and to schedule it so thoroughly that I'm really capable of completing all the tasks on the scheduled date."

Asking for help

"I once was told in a job interview, 'You can't have this job if you can't ask for help when you need it,'" Louise Christy writes. "Naturally, I said I could. Later, I found out that the previous person with that job had screwed up big-time because he was in over his head but couldn't admit it and didn't ask for help."

She explains that knowing when you need help and then asking for it is surprisingly difficult to learn and do because no one wants to be perceived as weak or incompetent.

But a recent study from the Harvard Business School suggests doing so makes you look more, not less, capable. According to the study authors, when you ask people for advice, you validate their intelligence or expertise, which makes you more likely to win them over.

Positive self-talk

"Ultimately it doesn't matter what others think of you," Shobhit Singhal writes, "but what you think of yourself certainly does, and it takes time to build that level of confidence and ability to believe in yourself when nobody else does."

On the other side of positive self-talk is negative self-talk, which Betsy Myers, founding director of The Centre for Women and Business at Bentley University, believes can slowly chip away at your confidence.

Consistency

Whether you're trying a new exercise routine, studying for the LSATs, or working on an important project, Khaleel Syed writes, consistency is vital to maintaining any kind of success.

People often stop working hard when they reach the top, he says, but to maintain that top position, they have to work harder and be more consistent in their work.

Minding your business

"It takes ages to learn and master this," Aarushi Sharma writes.

Sticking your nose into other people's work isn't helpful and wastes time and resources, she says. "You have no right to put forth your two or four cents, even if you are the last righteous person standing."

Listening

Along with shutting up comes listening, Richard Careaga says.

"Most of us in the workplace are so overwhelmed with things to do — instant messaging, phones ringing. I mean, our brain can only tolerate so much information before it snaps," Nicole Lipkin, author of "What Keeps Leaders Up At Night," previously told Business Insider.

One tip for active listening is repeating back what you heard to the other person. "It makes things so much easier when everyone is on the same page," she said.

Knowing when to shut up — and actually doing it

"You can't go around whining about every other thing that seems not-so-right to you in this world," writes Roshna Nazir. "Sometimes you just need to shut up."

There are many instances when keeping to yourself is the best course. "When we are angry, upset, agitated, or vexed," Anwesha Jana writes, "we blurt out anything and everything that comes to our mind." And later, you tend to regret it.

Keeping your mouth shut when you're agitated is one of the most valuable skills to learn, and of course, one of the most difficult.

Resisting gossip

"The most important thing in life to me is relationships," Jason T Widjaja writes. "And the most important thing about building and keeping good relationships is trust."

One of the easiest ways to lose trust, he says, is to gossip about people behind their back.

Widjaja says learning not to gossip was hard to do because it meant missing out on possibly important conversations, distancing himself from influential people, and awkwardly having to tell people, "Hey, sorry to interrupt but I really don't need to know that, could we talk about something else?"

"But press on and you will get your priceless reward. Trust," he writes.

Staying present in the moment

According to happiness researcher Matt Killingsworth, we tend not to be very good at staying present in the moment. He says that 47% of the time, people are thinking about something other than what they're currently doing. And this is hurting our happiness, he says:

"People are less happy when they're mind-wandering no matter what they're doing. For example, people don't really like commuting to work very much. It's one of their least enjoyable activities, and yet they are substantially happier when they're focused only on their commute than when their mind is going off to something else. It's amazing."

Mastering your thoughts

To do what you want to do and accomplish what you want to accomplish, you need to consciously direct your thinking, Mark Givert writes.

"The challenge is that we are the product of our past experience and all of our thinking is the result of this," he says. "However, the past does not equal the future."

Learning a new language

This skill wont just open you up to new conversations and professional opportunities.

As native-Hungarian speaker and Metaphor English founder and CEO Balázs Csigi blogs, "Mastering English has been an incredible gift in my life. I received a new mindset, a new set of emotions, and a new way of thinking." The same could be said of learning any new language.

Csigi says the key to learning another language is to master every bit of the culture, no easy feat, but surely a worthwhile pursuit.

Speaking up

Speaking up in public can be so hard for many of us to do. Even the American business magnate Warren Buffett said that he was once so terrified of speaking in public that he would throw up. "In fact, I arranged my life so that I never had to get up in front of anybody," he told his biographer Alice Schroeder in "The Snowball: Warren Buffett and the Business of Life."

It took practising giving speeches numerous times in front of his Dale Carnegie speaking course classmates to finally conquer his fear.

"Some of it is just practice — just doing it and practising," Buffett said. "And it worked. That's the most important degree I have.

Honesty with others

Being completely honest with others can be awkward, but just because you don't have anything nice to say, that doesn't mean you shouldn't say it.

Facebook COO Sheryl Sandberg is a proponent for radical candour, which is feedback that lies at the intersection of caring about people personally and being willing to piss them off.

When practising radical candour, use the acronym HHIPP to remember: Radical candour is humble, helpful, immediate, in person, and it doesn't personalise.

Honesty with yourself

Admitting when you're wrong "is the toughest," writes Vishal Katyal on Quora.

Even CEOs of major companies admit to making mistakes.

"The worst mistakes to me, though, is you don't learn from your mistake," Ginni Rometty, CEO of IBM, once told Forbes. "There is no greater sin than to not learn from it."

wow!!, thanks Laura for this extract....
Maybe the hardest and most useful skill to learn is Listening, because for start you need to know about yourself, listening yourself, then maybe you are capable to listening others and maybe after that is coming easer the other skills can falling down in place, maybe.....
I'm still learning english language and I can feel how hardest can be, to be a receptor that can't have access to the meaning of words or expressions quickly, you need to meditate before what you are listening, then, think about what you are going to say and still thinking what are you said is correctly.

thanks :)))
 
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