What is the best way for a hamster to live?

[celestialvisionz]

Hey Ripred, those playful pens you suggest would not yet correlate good with my bfs temperment, once we move into a bigger place I am getting one with or without his consent and he will have to deal with it, if he does not then it is time for change in the life of me-and bella, because with all the compromises I have allowed in the past and present- he is not in alignment to the nature of I guess you can say my heart which is not good for me or him, thanks to Wave 2 SOul hackers that I am currently reading, laura and the C's have helped me into the insightfullyness of this kind of situation that I am presently in with my bf. I am not going to make him change or anything he is either going to do it on his own, or I am going to have to leave him after knowing him for almost 5 years now. I do not know if this is the right choice but if I can not be myself with him then I think that its best to leave him because he would then be obstructing my free will and possibly decline my efforts to accend, then again that might be selfish of me.
If I try to help him change, is that a STS?
It is STS only if he does not want to change right?
He says he does want to change so if I help him to change I would be helping him so that would be STS and STO?


Thanks for the information Ripred

 

[Ripred]

Well, we pick people to be in relationship with based on what we need to work on, what issues we need to work out etc, unresolved issues. Maybe for you, it is about valuing yourself enough to get your needs met, something that women struggle with.
You say he wants to change. What does he want to change. Does he want to change being controlling or change his attitude to Bella? How else does he exert control? Is it odd that the control issue is over something you love? Wanting you to curtail that and restrict it?
You said you can't be yourself with him and that's a pretty big statement. Do you mean, just in regard to caring for Bella? What other ways can't you be yourself with him? We have to be ourselves with our partners first and foremost.
You're analyzing your motivation and realizing that forcing him to change isn't the path to take and it wouldn't work anyway. He'd be faking it. He has to grow and that's the only way he'd change.
Working together on your issues will always have the STS aspect as we live in an STS density but if you're both reaching forward together for mutual understanding and a new perspective on this issue and others, then I would think that covers the STO motivation in there. If you're just forcing things down and complying based on the other's need, that's something to worry about and ultimately reject.
anyway, just some thoughts for you to consider, or not.
hang in there.

 

[Lirpa]

Hey Ripred, those playful pens you suggest would not yet correlate good with my bfs temperment, once we move into a bigger place I am getting one with or without his consent and he will have to deal with it, if he does not then it is time for change in the life of me-and bella, because with all the compromises I have allowed in the past and present- he is not in alignment to the nature of I guess you can say my heart which is not good for me or him, thanks to Wave 2 SOul hackers that I am currently reading, laura and the C's have helped me into the insightfullyness of this kind of situation that I am presently in with my bf. I am not going to make him change or anything he is either going to do it on his own, or I am going to have to leave him after knowing him for almost 5 years now. I do not know if this is the right choice but if I can not be myself with him then I think that its best to leave him because he would then be obstructing my free will and possibly decline my efforts to accend, then again that might be selfish of me.
If I try to help him change, is that a STS?
It is STS only if he does not want to change right?
He says he does want to change so if I help him to change I would be helping him so that would be STS and STO?


Thanks for the information Ripred

Good luck being food. It is always a choice.

 

[Nawd]

Hey Ripred, those playful pens you suggest would not yet correlate good with my bfs temperment, once we move into a bigger place I am getting one with or without his consent and he will have to deal with it, if he does not then it is time for change in the life of me-and bella, because with all the compromises I have allowed in the past and present- he is not in alignment to the nature of I guess you can say my heart which is not good for me or him, thanks to Wave 2 SOul hackers that I am currently reading, laura and the C's have helped me into the insightfullyness of this kind of situation that I am presently in with my bf. I am not going to make him change or anything he is either going to do it on his own, or I am going to have to leave him after knowing him for almost 5 years now. I do not know if this is the right choice but if I can not be myself with him then I think that its best to leave him because he would then be obstructing my free will and possibly decline my efforts to accend, then again that might be selfish of me.
If I try to help him change, is that a STS?
It is STS only if he does not want to change right?
He says he does want to change so if I help him to change I would be helping him so that would be STS and STO?


Thanks for the information Ripred

Good luck being food. It is always a choice.

Can you elaborate on this April? It's not really fair to say such without having details.

 

[celestialvisionz]

My boyfriend has the same effects on me that my controlling mother had, this is what I must learn from- so ripred you are correct in saying that we people or some of us out there choose our love interests based on our growth. April you are correct also because I am food to my boyfriend I know this but at the current moment in my life I can not leave do to how the monetary system controls people- which by the way this monetary paradigm is in an essense a way to make people food also. My boyfriend is helping me to get on my feet in life because I have not anyone out there for me now but myself and him so its not like I can just leave or else I would have awhile ago. I will do the best I can for now and hopefully when I am done with schooling or in the process find or create some kind of method to acquire money to help myself and others, for now bella seems happy- I let her out to ponder and explore while my boyfriend is at work- but will still try to calculate other ideas for her to live to the fullest, as myself and possibly others.