What woke you up???

All is as it's meant to be. So you are in the process of becoming aware. True it doesn't all happen at once. Well I can't really say that, as my experience was abrupt so to speak, but I'm a hardcase.
 
I have been noticing this thread title, but I kept thinking it was asking about what is literally waking forum members up in the morning. :lol: I was kind of surprised as I saw the posts going up thinking it strange to be a popular topic.

For me, it was being depressed for a year (in the second year of high school) and feeling trapped and in a prison. So I started to question the meaning of life I guess you could say, and that maybe reincarnation exists. that there might be a world beyond the material became a compelling interest for me. After a while I started to verify, yes there is...something, though i don't understand it, but I wanted to. so from here so many questions and eventually in less than a year I came to the cass material.

What woke me up? first looking online about reincarnation at school in the library... but probably all events in my life leading up to this. And I wouldn't say I'm awake, but every so often I see the possibility to become something more than I am. similar to stumbling upon reincarnation and realizing the possibilities of the world.
 
Well I use my cellphone to wake me up. ;) More to point topically speaking. I to went through a depressed state throughout my second year of highschool, and even shared some of your thoughts regarding the same things like why are we here and the meaning of life. Must be something in the nature of those, who view things in a different light.
 
To me it seems impossible that I would have begun to think without having suffered. And I am just meaning the curiosity I began to have, not necessarily this idea of self-development that I found here. But also I wonder--if I was completely happy (which I'm definitely not) would "the Work" still appeal to me. The answer I think, is that I still would value it, but my attitude might be different. Right now I kind of look on it as the only solution for myself. the only option or thing to hold onto.

So I have to reiterate that, curiosity for what is beyond life, and the idea and concepts of self development is different. though to an extent it does go together--like with Ouspensky fascinated with his idea of eternal recurrence, but also him seeing the Work as valuable. So maybe these two things don't need to be distinguished so much.

That is my preface, what I want to share is the quote from Thomas de Hartmann's book on meeting Gurdjieff.

Then I thought: You have to speak ...
I made a great effort and forced myself to say to him that I wished to be admitted to his Work.
Mr Gurdjieff asked the reason for my request. Perhaps I was not happy in life? Or was there some other special reason? I answered that I was perfectly happy, happily married, that I had enough money to live on without having to earn my living, and that I had my music, which was the centre of my life. But, I added, all this was not enough. 'Without inner growth,' I said, 'there is no life at all for me; both my wife and I are searching for a way to develop.
Click to expand...

It's kind of confounding to me, that he is perfectly happy but also is looking for something. And I think at this point he did not know much of the content of Gurdjieffs lectures, or much about the Work. just to note that. At first I kind of denied this could be possible. But in my current mindset I see that it might be. of course this idea of happiness is kind of strange... but I asked someone I know who professes to be completely happy, I said 'you are happy, but still looking for something?'. and she said yes...so that is my evidence, not very good. But she has a very destructive lifestyle (drugs etc) so I got to thinking she is happy but she is also 'killing herself' and maybe there is this underlying search for something more.

I imagine Thomas de Hartmann is perhaps similar to some of the forum members that express from a very young age feeling something was wrong with the world-or looking for something.

For me I don't think it was like this. I feel I was very oblivious to this idea truth and lies. or that I never once saw my insignificance. I was actually dissociated my whole childhood i like to think. videogames and fiction books and imaginary games with my brother. some 'positive' some maybe 'negative'. but it was directly because of a period of suffering I began to think a little differently. I felt I had to face reality of my life and it wasn't sustaining to not do this. And I suppose it might come down to experiencing unfairness or misrepresentation, or something like that, which is a commonality it seems. but if I did as a child none of it struck me profoundly that I have a certain memory.

I do remember a few times in childhood I would consider 'what is life', what is movement, thoughts, this earth, so on... but it was a certain state of mind not just the questions themselves, and I could not just bring it on. And it was almost like I would loose my grip on reality. it would be staggering. but then I would come back to my normal awareness. It also had to do with imagining the vastness of space and 'seeing' a picture of the stars and space. It's a weird phenomenon. kind of subtle, so maybe I am over dramatizing.

For the fun of it, what woke me up this morning? :P The end of my dream and then my restless mind telling me I better get up and do stuff. Definitely not that interesting lol.
 
It's strange. I have moments when I know I am awake, where my awareness is being exercised to its current fullest extent. But more often than not, I am fighting sleep. I am doing things I know that are lulling me to sleep, and then I catch myself and stop. Moments when I am on autopilot, just regurgitating reactions to situations.
What woke me up...I am waking up to the possibility of one day being totally awake 100% of the time. I have found that this takes enormous efforts yet is the simplest thing in the world. If someone would tell me they are totally awake, then I know they aren't. If someone has to tell you they are this or that, it probably means they are directly the opposite.
Anyhow, the first 2 years or so of reading Laura's materiel and some of the suggested reading got me on the correct trail. I was out wandering in the forest of delusions before that, searching but not seriously. Then, in 2008, I experienced traumatic personal events that I didn't know quite how to handle. The stress was terrible because of my overwhelming narcissism, self-importance and self-pity. I am still surprised I didn't end up dead, in jail, or in a nuthouse. but I came through a better person. The following year I made life-changing decisions that set the ball rolling in the right direction. Then, little over a year ago, I quite a drug habit that spanned nearly two decades. I did this by myself through the 4th Way system of work, cold turkey. Nothing could help me quite this habit; not any rehab nor 12 step programme. Nothing. Only when I myself came to a decision within myself to stop, did I stop. I was withdrawal sick for a long while, going to the desert for my job in Arizona 115+ degree summer heat every day. I gained a lot from that experience, and it propelled me forward. It proved to me that a person's own progress is determined by their own efforts, not anyone else's. That you DO built up certain substances in your body through conscious suffering, that can be put right back into the work. I cannot explain exactly what I mean, but I know it happened to me. And during this time I was really alone. I didn't have regular internet access if I remember correctly, and I wasn't really posting on the forum at the time. I certainly wasn't asking for help, because I knew I had to do it myself. No one could help me but me.
So, yeah, there were a few events in the past that shocked me into moving forward toward awakening. 2008 and 2011.
It's never boring! lol
 
I really don’t think I know what it means to be awake. Maybe someday I will understand what that means maybe I won’t. I feel like all I really want to do is know what the truth is about anything and everything. I will read this forum and the SOTT news voraciously for a period of time then I have to stop for awhile. I feel like I just can’t absorb anymore. After another period of time I come back hungrier than I was before. It’s like the more I learn the more I realize how much I don’t know. I will think about how much more I have learned than I knew a few years ago but a couple years from now I’ll probably look back and realize that I didn’t know near as much as I thought I did. All I can really say for sure is that I know more now than I did yesterday. But, I believe that I am waking up but I am not anywhere near awake yet. For the very fact that I am third density tells me how much further I need to go. If I remember right, the C’s said that the STS forces will eventually make a big mistake that will “pull the curtain back” for all to see and then we will know that we are being deceived. I think that maybe that has already happened. Maybe 911 was the event they were talking about. It seems like more and more people are questioning the events of that day. I think most of them are learning this from what they read online. 911 maybe the event that causes people to become more proactive in trying to find out what our psychopathic leaders are really up to. I believe that if the internet is ever taken away from the general public it will cause a huge setback in our progress.
 
I came across this series of 12 YouTube videos yesterday...posted by QuestFilm1. I found them to be outstandingly informative, and a very good summation of my own feelings as well towards SOTT and the C transmissions. Below is segment 6 in the series. The views are very well presented in my opinion.

http://www.youtube.com/user/QuestFilm1#p/u/7/jx_OKA-y9qw

If this video series had been discussed previously in the forum, then I missed it. And my sincere apologies for the repetition.
 
I think I've woken up just a little bit to myself asI am just beginning to be able to understand how much suffering I have caused to other people because I did/do not understand, recognize all the negative programs inside of myself or the investment I had made in protecting and defending them.

Being banned from the forum has been a real wake up call for me. Since I trust and respect Laura and the moderators, I had no choice but to come to grips with the fact that there is something really wrong with me

I think that there is some small amount of growth in that I can say this without being overwhelmed by shame.

I've spent so much time looking at the world outside myself, that I didn't look inside. So, yes, I first understood that things were really bad when Kennedy was assassinated, when Reagan fired the Air Traffic Controllers, when Clinton approved NAFTA, when Bush stole the election, when when 9/11 happened, when I realized the corruption at work, when I fully understood how the environment is being destroyed, when I finally realized that almost everything I believed about my country is a lie.

After years of looking outward, and being proud of what I figured out and "know" I realize that, while it isn't wrong to focus on the world outside of oneself, it is irresponsible to not focus on the one inside.

I think I know enough now about the horror of the situation. The last piece of the puzzle fell in place for me recently when I read The Rise of The Fourth Reich by Jim Marrs. http://www.harpercollins.com/books/Rise-Fourth-Reich-Jim-Marrs/?isbn=9780061692666 What he describes is something I had always felt, even as a child, this evil everywhere.

I've already read almost all of the recommended books. That part was easy. My work now is to go inside. I'm not quite sure how to do this. But as the world crumbles, I feel intuitively that the only way to bear it, and to be of use, is to be fully cognizant of my inner self, still so much a mystery, to me.
 
I have not read all because I do it while I go inside me, so its a little slowly but, I learn better, step by step.
 
I was wondering about the context on the wake up question, while reading the posts I remembered what happened in childhood …

I think I was around ten years old, I was on vacation along with other cousins, we were near in a city near the US border, a place where we were able to buy “nice imported” things, to my cousins and myself (we were the same age), “nice” things were stuff of Kitty, My Melody, Little Twin Stars and such, our parents told us to spent every coin we had do to something related to economic crisis to the country at that time (better to spend it all now rather to not being able to spend it because you can't afford it –imported things-… I was beyond happy and that happiness end quite quickly (being out of money rather soon)… I found my cousin some time later and we were talking and showing what we bought, we spend the time left seeing other stores, we enter to a little store in which it was selling candies wrapping in Kitty, My Melody, Little Twin Stars designs –quite expensive, well...when you can't afford it you see from another perspective- and my cousin asked me if I would want some bubble gum of My Melody …of curse I wanted it, but I was out of money … and she suggested me to robbed them… NOOOOO, that is a sin, that is wrong. She was not into catholic culture, she was not educated by that model, so she told me that there would not be a problem because, I could go and confess myself next Sunday to the priest. I was a little shocked, that kind of thought had not occurred to me ever …

Since I was educated in this religious model, repeating laws with not thinking them too much, like being in automatic… I did it and next Sunday I confess it to the priest. I do not remember having bad feelings or being remorse.

I guess that it is when I am able to think/do by myself, to be aware of the consequences, act with responsibility whatever the outcome would be is when I think I am awake, being my real self, I am realizing after reading recommended books, and reading other experiences from this forum that I had grown or become in a –I don't even know which, what, when I am or just pretending … I do feel sometimes confused or lost about my real self being or how to act once the façade form certain aspect is broken. So maybe is not the best example or may be related or not being awaken, but having a different perspective had helped me to understand much better issues of/in life.
 
sitting said:
I came across this series of 12 YouTube videos yesterday...posted by QuestFilm1. I found them to be outstandingly informative, and a very good summation of my own feelings as well towards SOTT and the C transmissions. Below is segment 6 in the series. The views are very well presented in my opinion.

http://www.youtube.com/user/QuestFilm1#p/u/7/jx_OKA-y9qw

If this video series had been discussed previously in the forum, then I missed it. And my sincere apologies for the repetition.
Click to expand...

Repitition is sometimes good, It brings things to light that others may have missed! its not like I would have put http://www.youtube.com/user/QuestFilm1#p/u/7/jx_OKA-y9qw into a seaqrch bar... lol Thankyou BTW.
 
There were two big shocks in my life that put me into the right direction.

As a child I fell into a well in my parent´s garden, at this moment I was totally aware of the shiver of wood under my feet, the smell of the water, my wet dress, the water temperature, my extreme beating heart, the sounds around me, this experience was so intensive that I can remember all details even now as an adult. I think that was the first situation were I was aware.

The other big shock was the day my father died. I was aware of the smell on the intensive care unit, the sound of the respirator, the colour of his skin, the discussion with the doctor´s... but interestingly I was totally calm and clear and the only one from my family who was able to see the situation as it was ( he was only kept on life support with medical equipment).... better to turn off the machines.

The following years I switched from depressions to normal conditions. I started to ask questions, to search for answers and think for myself.

I am not awake yet, but the above mentioned experiences were my wake up calls and gave me a glimpse or an idea what the word awareness or consciousness could mean , so I think I am on the right way.
 
OMG I just remembered two things that TOTALLY shocked me into opening my eyes. that I missed in my previous posts, I was studying up on some info I got from one of the C's sessions about an Australian Pilot that went missing mid flight- I forget his name but when Laura asked the C's about this they responded saying he was permanently abducted!

Which was a horrible shock for me, I recieved a phone call and then went out side whilst outside I was viewing the street infront of the house and a red car drove past and for a second I thought I saw its reflection above it! Realise conciously that that was impossible I glanced for another look only to see a full blow UFO about 50 Metres from where I was standing! I was still on the phone and I knew that the guy I was talking to would just want to put me in a nut house so I said nothing till our conversation finished. ( I was already convinced that these existed but seeing one in the flesh sure did scare the crap out of me)

The next incident I have detailed in my introduction thread. Where I was in a bar and was convinced I was talking with a 4d counter part or a very gifted psychic. I have really wanted to know ever since who or what that guy was.
 
When I say a big triangular ship "in flesh" I was excited, my dad was digging his grave cause it was over a mormon temple.
 
Wow Guysthose are some interesting stories. I had a completely different idea in mind when I referred to being woke up. You guys have truly helped enlighten me to something I hadn't considered. Thank You for that.

Chaps23 I've never been that close to a UFO. I've seen a lot of them, and the closes I can guesstimate that one was to me was somewhere in the neighbourhood of 1500 yard or 1350 meters. I've been asking to see one up close, but so far no luck.

Bar Kochba every since my service days, I've made a habit of making myself do without in order to become accustom to life without it, or I force myself harder in order to know my limits, I find that to be a good way to grow inward. It also makes me stronger as a person I believe.
 
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