When "Big Brother" is your brother.

[astrozombie]

I have two sisters and two brothers. We were each set up with a trust fund account that we could access when we turned 25 or graduated from college, whichever occurs first.

I am 34 and never graduated from college but due to my "need" to prove that I don't need my family's money, I have never really touched my trust fund. I have made some small withdrawals here and there, small in comparison to the money available in any case, but I have never relied on it for personal support.

Most of my siblings have blown through their funds and my withdrawals have been an attempt to mostly help them out. I'm sick of it. The money matters little to me but their inability to show any gratitude and their failure to make good use of my help in the past has caused some "friction" to put it mildly.

In preparation for some major changes that I am currently making in my life, I went to make a withdrawal. It has always been as easy going to the bank with identification and a wd slip. However, yesterday, I found out that there is a clause saying that I must also be of "sound mind" to have access. I got in touch with my attorney and as it turns out, my father is the only one that can invoke said clause and I must see a quack of his choosing. Does that sound like a loaded gun or what?

My attorney assured me that the trust is set up in a way that the money can never be "revoked" (I believe that is the word he used) but that I better get ready to jump through some hoops.

But why all this now? We have had our rifts but have always worked through them. I have made no mention of my "life changes" to anyone other than a dear friend (who is also a part of these changes). I trust her very much and never once suspected her.

After I calmed down my initial response was "to heck with them, I don't need their money anyway" but I can put it to some good use and that's what I'm going to do. But I still needed to get to the bottom of this "clause" issue.

As it turns out, my eldest brother has been monitoring my computer. I only had basic protection as I am not one to suspect that the world is against me but boy was I wrong.

Last year, my brother convinced me to run a program on my computer that in effect made it a proxy of his own. When my IT guy discovered the program, it even gave my "permission" for this to occur. If I sound like a total ass who doesn't know what he is talking about when it comes to computers, that's because I don't.

Well, this program works both ways and when my techy checked it out, the only thing we could access from my brother's computer was a link to the film "Donnie Darko". I think it is his way of calling me a wacko.

My question is, should I see this quack? I have respect for the field but when I have to see a psychiatrist of their choosing, I know the cards are stacked against me. Like I said, I don't need the money but I want to put it to good use.

BTW, I was advised that I do have legal recourse against my brother but if I see this quack and his analyses is as I suspect, his actions will be deemed justified.

I have never been to a mental Doc before but my plan is to see two reputable of my own and then submit myself to the dog show.

Thoughts, please.

 

[mcb]

...Most of my siblings have blown through their funds and my withdrawals have been an attempt to mostly help them out. I'm sick of it. The money matters little to me but their inability to show any gratitude and their failure to make good use of my help in the past has caused some "friction" to put it mildly...

This sounds like stuff going on on ALL sides, including yours. But there should be no need to let other people feed on you, relatives especially (since they may think they have more privilege in that regard). I learned some hard lessons myself about "helping" other people financially, but what I learned is minor compared to the lesson you could be facing.

...My question is, should I see this quack? I have respect for the field but when I have to see a psychiatrist of their choosing, I know the cards are stacked against me. Like I said, I don't need the money but I want to put it to good use.

Chosen by people trying to screw you? I don't THINK so. Possibly very dangerous, especially if you have underestimated their intentions. But you might have a good plan there. I will defer to others here on that point, about which I know little. I just know about the potential horrors of psychiatric abuse of power. You can die from that.

 

[neema]

Chosen by people trying to screw you? I don't THINK so. Possibly very dangerous, especially if you have underestimated their intentions. But you might have a good plan there. I will defer to others here on that point, about which I know little. I just know about the potential horrors of psychiatric abuse of power. You can die from that.

I agree. It seems like a setup.

In general from my experience with all the years of dealing with “family money”, my advice is to be very careful as it tends to get real ugly really fast.

 

[astrozombie]

Thanks Megan, that is some good advice. As you know some things can only be seen from a distance and right now I am too close to the picture, not to mention the frame of mind this has put me in.

Is it my ego that wants to fight this or does it sound like something worth fighting?

BTW, this discovery was made last month so they have no idea that I am a member of this site though they are well aware of my interests.

And even if I they were, I am not shamed of anything and I haven't said anything to support their claims of not being of a "sound mind". If anything, it shows that I am very analytical and not one who is prone to "jumping the gun".

But when the beasts are hungry, they will feed.

 

[Mike]

Hi astrozombie,

Do you have all the information on the ins and outs of what entails 'sound mind' and is the determination based solely on the psychiatrist they would have you see? What criteria would this person be using to make the determination is what I would try to find out. Would the determination be final? How would you overturn or appeal it? And other questions that could relate.

Also, I would find out what legal steps you could take for what your brother did with your computer, etc.

Basically, I would collect information and find out as much about the situation as I could before taking any kind of premature action. You mentioned that you don't necessarily need the money right now, but it really does sound like you might need to be concerned about protecting yourself from your family (your brother could have spread any ideas he has about you and your activities through his hacking to who knows) and any steps they might take based on you trying to have access to the money. FWIW

 

[Aeneas]

In preparation for some major changes that I am currently making in my life, I went to make a withdrawal. It has always been as easy going to the bank with identification and a wd slip. However, yesterday, I found out that there is a clause saying that I must also be of "sound mind" to have access. I got in touch with my attorney and as it turns out, my father is the only one that can invoke said clause and I must see a quack of his choosing. Does that sound like a loaded gun or what?

...

Thoughts, please.

It does sound like a lot of stuff going on as Megan says. You mentioned one brother in particular. How is your relationship with your father and your other siblings or do you not have any/much contact more? I am asking to see if you have any allies within the family or someone who is open to you there.

 

[Mr. Premise]

It's good you have a lawyer. I would listen to the lawyer as far as what actions you should and shouldn't take. As for your emotions in dealing with this, the forum is a great place for dealing with those. What a scary situation. Both to be spied on by your own brother and to have to prove you're sane. Nightmarish.

 

[mada85]

Most of my siblings have blown through their funds and my withdrawals have been an attempt to mostly help them out. I'm sick of it. The money matters little to me but their inability to show any gratitude and their failure to make good use of my help in the past has caused some "friction" to put it mildly.

I think it's time you stopped bailing out your siblings. At some point they are going to have to rely on themselves. It sounds like you're the only one with any financial sense! And your siblings have taken advantage of that.

My question is, should I see this quack? I have respect for the field but when I have to see a psychiatrist of their choosing, I know the cards are stacked against me. Like I said, I don't need the money but I want to put it to good use.

BTW, I was advised that I do have legal recourse against my brother but if I see this quack and his analyses is as I suspect, his actions will be deemed justified.

I have never been to a mental Doc before but my plan is to see two reputable of my own and then submit myself to the dog show.

Good plan, I think. If the two psychs of your choosing say you're of sound mind, then the third will have a much harder time making his possibly premeditated verdict stick, osit.

As it turns out, my eldest brother has been monitoring my computer. I only had basic protection as I am not one to suspect that the world is against me but boy was I wrong.

Last year, my brother convinced me to run a program on my computer that in effect made it a proxy of his own. When my IT guy discovered the program, it even gave my "permission" for this to occur. If I sound like a total ass who doesn't know what he is talking about when it comes to computers, that's because I don't.

Are you certain that this is no longer the case? That your brother has absolutely no access to your computer?

If not I would strongly urge you to take it to your IT guy and have him get rid of the program. If that's not possible you may need to have the hard drive wiped and the operating system reinstalled. Or get a new computer. And don't let anyone but yourself or someone you trust anywhere near it.

 

[Possibility of Being]

If that's what actually is going on, that's a pretty ugly picture.

If I were you, astrozombie, my first concern at the moment would be my own safety and those I'm affiliated with. It would for example mean making sure no one can access my computer without my permission. Now, you need to think about it and/or consult with someone who knows how to do it in a smart way. Do you want your brother to know you know? Or it's better to keep a low profile and pretend you haven't noticed anything? Changing all passwords could be one thing, but they would notice it. So perhaps making another partition on your hard drive and move most of your activity there, except some 'innocent' part, would be a way to go?

That's only part of the whole problem, but one that seems important to me as a first step. FWIW...

 

[mcb]

If that's what actually is going on, that's a pretty ugly picture.

If I were you, astrozombie, my first concern at the moment would be my own safety and those I'm affiliated with. It would for example mean making sure no one can access my computer without my permission. Now, you need to think about it and/or consult with someone who knows how to do it in a smart way. Do you want your brother to know you know? Or it's better to keep a low profile and pretend you haven't noticed anything? Changing all passwords could be one thing, but they would notice it. So perhaps making another partition on your hard drive and move most of your activity there, except some 'innocent' part, would be a way to go?

That's only part of the whole problem, but one that seems important to me as a first step. FWIW...

If there's a password grabber running on the computer, changing passwords doesn't help.

 

[mada85]

If that's what actually is going on, that's a pretty ugly picture.

If I were you, astrozombie, my first concern at the moment would be my own safety and those I'm affiliated with. It would for example mean making sure no one can access my computer without my permission. Now, you need to think about it and/or consult with someone who knows how to do it in a smart way. Do you want your brother to know you know? Or it's better to keep a low profile and pretend you haven't noticed anything? Changing all passwords could be one thing, but they would notice it. So perhaps making another partition on your hard drive and move most of your activity there, except some 'innocent' part, would be a way to go?

That's only part of the whole problem, but one that seems important to me as a first step. FWIW...

If there's a password grabber running on the computer, changing passwords doesn't help.

Why not just buy another computer and use that for the real you, and use the old computer, the one that your brother may be monitoring, to keep up appearances? That would be an aspect of your strategic enclosure.

 

[astrozombie]

Why not just buy another computer and use that for the real you, and use the old computer, the one that your brother may be monitoring, to keep up appearances? That would be an aspect of your strategic enclosure.

I already have. In addition, I am no longer on wi-fi.

If I were you, astrozombie, my first concern at the moment would be my own safety and those I'm affiliated with. It would for example mean making sure no one can access my computer without my permission. Now, you need to think about it and/or consult with someone who knows how to do it in a smart way. Do you want your brother to know you know? Or it's better to keep a low profile and pretend you haven't noticed anything? Changing all passwords could be one thing, but they would notice it. So perhaps making another partition on your hard drive and move most of your activity there, except some 'innocent' part, would be a way to go?

Man, that is some strategic thinking there! Unfortunately, I played my hand too fast and made him (them?) aware of the fact.

It is not easy to know that sometimes you need protection from those who are closest to you.

Do you have all the information on the ins and outs of what entails 'sound mind' and is the determination based solely on the psychiatrist they would have you see? What criteria would this person be using to make the determination is what I would try to find out. Would the determination be final? How would you overturn or appeal it? And other questions that could relate.

As I said, I just found that out yesterday and my attorney is looking into all of this. With that said, it appears that this clause was an addendum included after my eldest brother (the same one who was monitoring my computer) went through his trust in under two years due to his drug problem. My father's huge ego led him to believe that he could write up the legal jargon himself, thus my lawyer thinks there is a way out of this clause for me. However, that will take some time and in the meantime, he suggested that I look into getting my own evaluations just in case. He said that most Docs called in for this kind of stuff, don't like to contradict other Docs, especially those who are more prestigious. That's why my attorney thinks this is all a waste of time but never the less, I'm sure he is grateful for his fees.

 

[Joe]

As I said, I just found that out yesterday and my attorney is looking into all of this. With that said, it appears that this clause was an addendum included after my eldest brother (the same one who was monitoring my computer) went through his trust in under two years due to his drug problem. My father's huge ego led him to believe that he could write up the legal jargon himself, thus my lawyer thinks there is a way out of this clause for me. However, that will take some time and in the meantime, he suggested that I look into getting my own evaluations just in case. He said that most Docs called in for this kind of stuff, don't like to contradict other Docs, especially those who are more prestigious. That's why my attorney thinks this is all a waste of time but never the less, I'm sure he is grateful for his fees.

Sounds like a good idea to get your own evaluation done with a reputable doctor. Go in there all squeaky clean with the right answers prepared.

 

[aragorn]

Astrozombie, this may seem simplistic, but have you tried to talk with your father about this? You say he has a huge ego, but maybe the two of you could still "negotiate"?

 

[James Henry]

Astrozombie, this may seem simplistic, but have you tried to talk with your father about this? You say he has a huge ego, but maybe the two of you could still "negotiate"?

LOL I was going to suggest this.

While preparing for battle is a good idea, a heavy hand could put up your father's defence mechanism. If he is the keeper of the gate, perhaps try some diplomacy first. If he did this as a result of your brother's actions he may have a different view about your actions. If he has the power to add an addendum perhaps he would add another for you.

Remember lawyers live for battle, it drives up their fees.