Why you will marry the wrong person

I moved this to a different category since there wasn't anything funny about it! It's very true.
 
Brilliant video and so true! I'm reading Elan Golomb's "Trapped in the Mirror" at the moment and this resonates a lot with what I'm reading.
 
Thanks for sharing both. I related to both videos and will check out more of that channel.
 
Thanks for sharing Luke and Jennifer!

A part of me kind of dislikes the black-and-white thinking of "wrong person" though. The first video hinted that in the past marriages were pragmatic and non-romantic in nature. So for many people it wasn't really about making the "right choice" initially... it was more about making a choice and then making it right (since you can't predict ultimately how something will turn out). I think that's good life advice in general. Of course, that doesn't mean that gaining knowledge about what makes relationships successful doesn't help!
 
whitecoast said:
Thanks for sharing Luke and Jennifer!

A part of me kind of dislikes the black-and-white thinking of "wrong person" though. The first video hinted that in the past marriages were pragmatic and non-romantic in nature. So for many people it wasn't really about making the "right choice" initially... it was more about making a choice and then making it right (since you can't predict ultimately how something will turn out). I think that's good life advice in general. Of course, that doesn't mean that gaining knowledge about what makes relationships successful doesn't help!
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I agree.

According to Google
The lowest divorce rates in the world are in cultures with high rates of arranged marriages such as Amish culture of United States (1%), Hindus of India (3%), and Ultra-Orthodox Jews of Israel (7%). In contrast, over 50% of self-arranged marriages in many parts of Europe and United States end up in divorce.
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This wiki article talks of different types of marriages - arranged marriages, forced marriages, autonomous marriages etc and some categories of influences.
_https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Arranged_marriage

I think Line of force of this video is role of programs in autonomous marriages. Of course each has its own advantages and disadvantages according once own 'not so easy to discernible' learning needs.
 
whitecoast said:
Thanks for sharing Luke and Jennifer!

A part of me kind of dislikes the black-and-white thinking of "wrong person" though. The first video hinted that in the past marriages were pragmatic and non-romantic in nature. So for many people it wasn't really about making the "right choice" initially... it was more about making a choice and then making it right (since you can't predict ultimately how something will turn out). I think that's good life advice in general. Of course, that doesn't mean that gaining knowledge about what makes relationships successful doesn't help!
Click to expand...

I second your thought, but that seems to be missing in today's romance marriage: the will to objectively work things out. It's puts people in a different mindset when the have no choice but to try and make the best out of the situation.
 
seek10 said:
According to Google
The lowest divorce rates in the world are in cultures with high rates of arranged marriages such as Amish culture of United States (1%), Hindus of India (3%), and Ultra-Orthodox Jews of Israel (7%). In contrast, over 50% of self-arranged marriages in many parts of Europe and United States end up in divorce.
Click to expand...

This wiki article talks of different types of marriages - arranged marriages, forced marriages, autonomous marriages etc and some categories of influences.
_https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Arranged_marriage

I think Line of force of this video is role of programs in autonomous marriages. Of course each has its own advantages and disadvantages according once own 'not so easy to discernible' learning needs.
Click to expand...

I found this article to be interesting, relating to some of the above, and what is said on the video Luke shared:

_ http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1363176/Why-arranged-marriage-likely-develop-lasting-love.html
Why an arranged marriage 'is more likely to develop into lasting love'
By Paul Bentley for the Daily Mail

They are seen by many as business deals that have little to do with love.

But arranged marriages are far more likely to lead to lasting affection than marriages of passion, experts claim.

According to research, those in arranged marriages – or who have had their partner chosen for them by a parent or matchmaker – tend to feel more in love as time grows, whereas those in regular marriages feel less in love over time.

And within ten years, the connection felt by those in arranged marriages is said to be around twice as strong.

Relationship experts claim this is because arranged matches are carefully considered, with thought going into whether potential partners’ families, interests and life goals are compatible.

This means they are more likely to commit for life – and to stick together through rocky patches.

Those who marry for love, on the other hand, tend to be blinded by passion and so overlook these crucial details.

When the going gets tough, they are more likely to view the situation simply as a natural end to their romantic dream – a way of fate telling them something is wrong with the relationship.

With soaring divorce rates and record numbers of single-parent households in the West, researchers suggest it is time to rethink the Western approach to love. Harvard academic Dr Robert Epstein has studied the subject of arranged marriages for eight years, looking at the approaches taken in cultural groups including Indian, Pakistani and Orthodox Jewish.

He has interviewed more than 100 couples in arranged marriages to assess their strength of feeling and studied his findings against more than 30 years of research into love in Western and arranged marriages.

His work suggests that feelings of love in love matches begin to fade by as much as a half in 18 months, whereas the love in the arranged marriages tends to grow gradually, surpassing the love in the unarranged marriages at about the five-year mark.

Ten years on, the affection felt by those in arranged marriages is typically twice as strong.

Dr Epstein believes this is because Westerners leave their love lives to chance, or fate, often confusing love with lust, whereas those in other cultures look for more than just passion.

He said: ‘The idea is we must not leave our love lives to chance. We plan our education, our careers and our finances but we’re still uncomfortable with the idea that we should plan our love lives. I do not advocate arranged marriages but I think a lot can be learned from them.

‘In arranged marriages, thought goes into the matching. In the West, physical attraction is important. But people must be able to distinguish lust from love. Strong physical attraction is very dangerous, it can be blinding.

‘In the West marriages are easy to get out of. But in arranged marriages, the commitment is very strong. They get married knowing they won’t leave, so when times are harder – if they face injury or trauma – they don’t run away. It brings them closer.’

Francine Kaye, relationship expert and author of The Divorce Doctor, added: ‘There is an awful lot to be said for arranged marriages. They are determined to make it work.

‘I have seen in arranged marriages in the Orthodox Jewish community that the parents very carefully look at compatibility – it is not left to chance. They do their homework on their characteristics, their values, morals and life goals.

‘It should be pointed out that arranged marriages work because culturally marriage is seen differently. We have a very romantic view of marriage. Theirs is more pragmatic.

‘There is a downside to arranged marriages though – no matter how pragmatic you are in choosing a partner, there always needs to be chemistry.’
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yes I am also with the opinion that arranged marriages are quite more reasonable for a couple who are looking to have kids and long term family life ... now from this point in my life, I get my self, form day to day, mad on my parents, who let me become part of another family, that they know I will never "make it" with them, but for some reason they wanted to "respect" my choice that was actually conditioned by their restrictions ... any way ... and now ... even though we understand it now, but there is even more difficult part - we have to teach our kids somehow what is really important for a relationship and family life, from the extensive psychological and spiritual knowledge we have, after doing long term research on our self, that mostly happen after we get broken into the pieces by wrong mate ... and I feel so hopeless as I don't know what do ...

IF any one have thoughts or suggestions how to approach that with the kids? I will be more than tankful ...
 
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