Why you will marry the wrong person

[ROEL]

Painfully true. We don't know how.

 

[mkrnhr]

Very often, when a relationship is born out of passion (mistaken for love in the actual Hollywood era), there is a strong expectation of perfection (romantic = perfection = happiness ever after, etc.), which is imagination and fantasy projected onto the other person and to the situation in general. When this fantasy clashes with reality, disappointment occurs, especially if the persons were not compatible to begin with (passion and programs both blind judgment). All of this can be prevented with some self-awareness and the input of a knowledgeable network.

 

[Duke]

Statistics on Love! .....Please..... The divorce rate are lower in some country's because of the religion involved. For some, divorce would mean death.
Then you have bring the education levels, religion, location, and lots more, into play when doing a proper comparison.

My wife and I fell in love at first sight while at school. Didn't have a choice, was just POW....
We lived with each other for over 10years before I was stable {job and life} enough to ask her to marry me. This has not been as rosy as it sounds, you have to keep an eye on yourself and work on your relationship everyday. Yes there's some basics to follow that help.

My wife and I had a descent upbringing. But quite different. Her parents are still married, mine got divorced when I was 6.
I had mixed feelings about marriage because I felt rejected by my mother even though she was a phyco, would flog us with a racehorse whip, jug cord, or anything she could get her hands on. She left my Dad with three young kids to look after on his own. Was tough.

Was tougher on me that I realized, and I found out when I told my wife I didn't want to have kids and she wasn't happy with that.
I when to see a "head Doc" and found out why I was so scared to bring kids into the world. My sister had some advice for me that would change me forever, she said CREATE YOU OWN CIRCLE. This hit me like a tonne of bricks and has changed my outlook on life from that day forward.
It fits quite well with what the 'C's' say about having a choice to reincarnate into the life want.
Now we have 14yo twin boys.

solarmind- Your children are learning from you, as parents, everyday. Be honest with them and they will be fine. I have been very loving with my boys and very strict as well. I've always started the day with a cuddle and ended it the same way. My friends kids love this also. I'll come home from work and have friends over and the whole lot of them will run for a cuddle.

I've sat and explained the basic teachings the 'C's' have said {this is your choice to be who you are in this life, will you be happy with yourself when you leave this life and look back at what you've done??} and I can see the change it has made on them and the decisions they make and will be made.
Never be too busy to listen, sometimes JUST listen, This is also one of the best bits of advice I've learnt being married. I'm a Mr Fix-it type and found it hard to JUST listen, no advice, no antidotes, just be there with an caring and concerned ear.......

Anyway, enough from me, HTH.. Love to you all

 

[Windmill knight]

There's a book by psychologist Eric Fromm that was very popular a few years back (at least in my country of origin). It's called 'The Art of Loving', and there's a thread on that and other of his books here:

https://cassiopaea.org/forum/index.php/topic,37930.msg568958.html#msg568958

There's a lenghty quote from his book in that link, of which I copy only a fragment:

“Love is a decision, it is a judgment, it is a promise. If love were only a feeling, there would be no basis for the promise to love each other forever. A feeling comes and it may go. How can I judge that it will stay forever, when my act does not involve judgment and decision.”

“Is love an art? Then it requires knowledge and effort. Love is not a spontaneous feeling, a thing that you fall into, but is something that requires thought, knowledge, care, giving, and respect. And it is something that is rare and difficult to find in capitalism, which commodifies human activity. ”

“Love isn't something natural. Rather it requires discipline, concentration, patience, faith, and the overcoming of narcissism. It isn't a feeling, it is a practice."

The book's main thesis is precisely that; that love is something you DO, and not something that happens. In that context, he mentions that this is probably one reason that arranged marriages work better than 'romantic' ones. Because in the arranged ones people understand that concept already: they need to WORK for love to take place; it's not a magical thing that falls on their laps.

 

[Navigator]

Very often, when a relationship is born out of passion (mistaken for love in the actual Hollywood era), there is a strong expectation of perfection (romantic = perfection = happiness ever after, etc.), which is imagination and fantasy projected onto the other person and to the situation in general. When this fantasy clashes with reality, disappointment occurs, especially if the persons were not compatible to begin with (passion and programs both blind judgment). All of this can be prevented with some self-awareness and the input of a knowledgeable network.

True, and I will add that time is a good teacher too, it will wear off those hormones. The "time test" IMO is a very important one.

 

[Hesper]

Thanks for the video. It reminds me of the concentric circles of the sleeping masses of humanity, and the theoretical exoteric, mesoteric, and esoteric circles. From the Cass Wiki:

The outer circle of exterior men corresponds to the default state of man – of people not engaged in esoteric work. In this circle it is rare that any two individuals should precisely understand each other on any matter of consequence or complexity. All see the world through thick lenses of subjectivity and are subject to the confusion of tongues alluded to in the Biblical story of the Tower of Babel.

The exoteric circle is the outermost circle of interior or consciously working man. The four Ways lead from the outer circle into the exoteric one.

It's sheer chaos, with pathology running rampant in it for so long that psychopathy has become the new normal. There's a good example in the grotesque 50 Shades of Grey:

Fifty Shades of Grey, the book and the movie, is a celebration of the sadism that dominates nearly every aspect of American culture and lies at the core of pornography and global capitalism. It glorifies our dehumanization of women. It champions a world devoid of compassion, empathy and love. It eroticizes hypermasculine power that carries out the abuse, degradation, humiliation and torture of women whose personalities have been removed, whose only desire is to debase themselves in the service of male lust. The film, like American Sniper, unquestioningly accepts a predatory world where the weak and the vulnerable are objects to exploit while the powerful are narcissistic and violent demigods. It blesses this capitalist hell as natural and good.

That's what passes for 'love' these days - a glorification of psychopathy.