Winces/shocks

[Russ]

I keep getting these "winces" happen, especially when I am tired. Not at anything that specific, but usually the situation I'm in, that we're all in, or a part of it. It can be anything really, I'll think of my brain or intestines, or I'll think how I am made of shapes, or just the fact that I am seeing something at all, also inhumanity that goes on, etc etc. But its even strange stuff like, just the way things operate here, you know, like if I were to open my PC up and take out my power supply, I would have to put it all back in again - 99% of the time I don't think theres anything strange about that, but its just these little "flashes" and when they happen, things like that seem like the strangest thing ever. I just keep finding life is getting stranger and stranger, everything is looking more and more insane and ridiculous. I never used to think being human was that weird, I mean not when I was younger.

It makes me react physically, I usually recoil in some way. Its like a shock when it happens, sometimes its quite a big shock and I have to take a deep breath to calm down. I think its one of those things, if you have it happen to you, you'd know what I am talking about, but if you haven't it probably won't make much sense at all.

I don't really know what it is, I don't actually mind it that much because it doesn't get in the way of anything, but it seems just a bit odd. I wonder if it could develop into something "bad"? I did meet someone once who suffered from really bad panic attacks, and he said that sometimes he would think about space and it would cause one. That sounds kind of similar really, but I don't have panic attacks, not that I'm aware of.

But anyway, since its part of the 4th way to intentionally shock ones self, I was wondering if anyone else had any experience with what I'm talking about, and any more information or insight?

Thanks for reading.

 

[Nawd]

Well I lost an entire post when I went to have a cig outside, but in short, I think I know what you are talking about, I've had this experience myself, but with no explanation. I don't want to write it out again right now, perhaps later.

I don't know what happened to the long post I was about to press 'submit' to, but it was gone when I got back in. The children were near by, so they likely were pressing buttons on the keyboard.

I keep getting these "winces" happen, especially when I am tired. Not at anything that specific, but usually the situation I'm in, that we're all in, or a part of it. It can be anything really, I'll think of my brain or intestines, or I'll think how I am made of shapes, or just the fact that I am seeing something at all, also inhumanity that goes on, etc etc. But its even strange stuff like, just the way things operate here, you know, like if I were to open my PC up and take out my power supply, I would have to put it all back in again - 99% of the time I don't think theres anything strange about that, but its just these little "flashes" and when they happen, things like that seem like the strangest thing ever. I just keep finding life is getting stranger and stranger, everything is looking more and more insane and ridiculous. I never used to think being human was that weird, I mean not when I was younger.

It makes me react physically, I usually recoil in some way. Its like a shock when it happens, sometimes its quite a big shock and I have to take a deep breath to calm down. I think its one of those things, if you have it happen to you, you'd know what I am talking about, but if you haven't it probably won't make much sense at all.

I don't really know what it is, I don't actually mind it that much because it doesn't get in the way of anything, but it seems just a bit odd. I wonder if it could develop into something "bad"? I did meet someone once who suffered from really bad panic attacks, and he said that sometimes he would think about space and it would cause one. That sounds kind of similar really, but I don't have panic attacks, not that I'm aware of.

But anyway, since its part of the 4th way to intentionally shock ones self, I was wondering if anyone else had any experience with what I'm talking about, and any more information or insight?

Thanks for reading.

 

[CEdicon]

Hey Russ,

I have experienced a physical/emotional phenomenon recently that sounds similar to what you describe as 'shocks.' They feel like mini-panic attacks. I believe it is the result of an overactive imagination coupled with a bizarre sleep cycle. (I am up until 3-5 am and sleep in until 11-1 pm)

I would love to just shake off my worries and anxieties in order to alleviate those 'shocks'. However, I am deeply concerned/fixated/intrigued/etc. about the things I read in the news. SOTT just so happens to be my favorite site for news articles. :P So, I don't know how to calm myself sometimes but I am prepared to deal with my emotions in order to think rationally and objectively.

On another note, I experience sleep paralysis about twice a month on average. Just last night I had an episode and my boyfriend had to wake me up. I thought I was being beamed up to some spaceship and I could hear someone talking... gah, just weird shit in general and you might know what I mean if you suffer from sleep paralysis.

Best wishes to you and cheers to your health, although from what I've read you have a keen mind!

 

[Craig]

I think what you've described is the same thing that has been occurring with me over the past few months. It started with those short flashes of perception and developed into a pretty terrifying experience that lasted for days. The only reason it stopped is because the negative emotions were just too overwhelming, and I just had to shut it out.

It really felt like I'd missed something incredibly important, like my eyes had truly been opened. The panic attack of your friend from thinking about space is interesting, because that's more or less the approach it took for me. I literally felt the presence of infinity; with a real sense of my self existing in the Universe, surrounded by a terrifying mystery. Everything that I was experiencing or had experienced was coupled with a powerful sense of incomprehensibility.

But this is the truth. We ARE surrounded by mystery and the moments we forget that - most people don't even SEE it - we're deep in sleep. I'm gathering your comment about people having to "have been there to understand it" arises from this. The whole thing reminded me of the film, John Malcovich; as if my awareness had really stepped back away from it all and I was seeing in such a new and objective way. It's just that the objective truth is that our perception doesn't seem capable of fathoming anything completely and wholly.

This can be understood very superficially, but to directly experience it all of the time and with everything is a completely different kettle of fish.

As for the emotional reaction to these realisations, that's another issue. Terror would naturally be the first and in a sense, justified response, because the "self" is directly witnessing the reality of the situation: there is a much more powerful and knowledgeable presence - it's an indisputable fact - that far surpasses us in its capability.

Existence is the living proof of it. We've been given existence, and everything we have and do is also given; it all existed before and will continue when we die (another mystery).

For example: to simply move your arm from left to right. In our ignorance we believe we've initiated that action, are in control of it, and it's basically a "free" thing and no big deal. Yet do we see the bigger picture? Do we see the complexities involved, all the way down to the micro-level (cells, atoms, muscles, bones, nerves etc.) right up to the macro (space, time, dimensions etc.) and realise and stand in awe of even such a simple thing as that? Russ, you mentioned the computer power supply... same thing?

It all sounds like complete and utter madness, doesn't it? Seriously, and I'm the one writing it.

But then: would you think so when you're facing death? When you've come to the end of living in a life of denial, and you're facing an abyss where anything could be on the other side. When those existential questions that you only treated light-heartedly - assuming they even entered your mind - and a bit "philosophically" suddenly became the immediate reality facing you? Afterall, each and every one of us is going to live forever, right?

People will scream in terror at a tiny little mouse, but when it comes to facing the fact that one day we might completely cease to exist, and our loved one's will be swept away by an incomprehensible slaying force... barely even a quickened heart beat or twinge of panic is felt.

What's UP with that?

Coming back to the emotions. Russ you said you felt it might lead to something "bad", and if my experience is anything to go by, then it inevitably will. It's the false personality and body reacting and sensing the loss of any feelings of supremacy in direct confrontation to the grandeur of existence.

In other words, there is a much bigger guy or gal in town. God.

It strikes me as very similar to Gurdjieff's "Last Hour of Life"; the realisation of death destroys our egotism and that is the first major step that must be taken. As for whether experiencing these specific changes in reality perception ultimately lead anywhere - even if they seem to be more objective - I can't say. Not sure whether our hardware could even handle it, which is infuriating because doesn't that entail never being capable of getting an answer to the very question that burns inside? Seems in the end all we CAN know is that we DON'T know.

Walking down that road felt far too overwhelming; as if an ocean of information would need to pour into a tiny cup. It certainly however, had very intense emotional effects and would entail an unimaginable turnover of awareness.

That's how it all seems to me. Sorry if the above was a bit disjointed.

 

[sHiZo963]

Hey Russ, all:

For what it's worth, I think I know exactly what you mean. I get these shocks sometimes when I am doing the Work. They get pretty intense after I've forgotten myself for a long time and I suddenly realize how much I've been asleep, how much 'time' I've lost, how much of the world I've been blind to while lost in the pursuit of A influences - the realization of both the influx of new information, as well as the 'dead'-ness of just a few moments ago when I was still asleep, hits me hard and I often wince/recoil physically as well as emotionally.

As far as it developing into something permanently 'bad,' I think the opposite is more likely. That is, if we learn to recognize these moments for what they are - moments of clarity, 'Seeing' - we can make them our own and learn much from them. All is lessons, and I think these shocks can be considered metaphorically as 'accelerated courses' - they are much harder to succeed in but the rewards may be huge. All in its own time, however; I agree with you that having these moments too often can be overwhelming.

It strikes me as very similar to Gurdjieff's "Last Hour of Life"; the realisation of death destroys our egotism and that is the first major step that must be taken. As for whether experiencing these specific changes in reality perception ultimately lead anywhere - even if they seem to be more objective - I can't say. Not sure whether our hardware could even handle it, which is infuriating because doesn't that entail never being capable of getting an answer to the very question that burns inside? Seems in the end all we CAN know is that we DON'T know.

Walking down that road felt far too overwhelming; as if an ocean of information would need to pour into a tiny cup. It certainly however, had very intense emotional effects and would entail an unimaginable turnover of awareness.

I had similar thoughts. One step at a time. We all have much Work to do, but it also seems that we have literally an eternity to 'do' it. The fact that there is SO much more for us to learn/realize is an encouraging thought, indeed.

I hope that wasn't too abstract. What it comes down to - practically - is to keep on fighting to self-remember, because without a unified 'I' we cannot hope to get past the transient world of A influences which keep us asleep; these shocks, if utilized correctly, can aid us in this all-important Work.

 

[Laura]

Yeah, I used to get them myself. Only thing I can tell you is that it does "normalize" in the sense that you become able to handle it. It changes your nervous system, I think. Perhaps this is part of what increases your "receivership capability".

 

[hungrig]

Hello

Umm, I get a sort of panic attack(s) when I am observing and thinking about (my) existence.
Like how can I see through these eyes, what am I doing here, what am I, How can I be just here this moment- thoughts.
Then I usually think hard and long and start to cry, and give up. Then I think about the world outside of me, thinking about
What is this world, what is it doing here... ect.

This usually happens when I find myself lost, and realise I haven't observed myself for weeks. This realizasions often happens at the evening when I am relaxed.

I always become depressed afterwads, it's lasts for some week, until I am lost again. If I not go nuts, yeah it happened once. Everything felt so false that time, that I were thinking about suicide, or just though about it, not that i were going to do it.

Last time it happened, I figuerd out, that I like being depressed. It was weird, becouse I haven't seen it like that before.
It is sort of like an 'awareness' or a big poster in my mind that says: I am depressed, and I want to figure out why.
And it keeps me going for looking for the 'truth'.

In short, It's what many here already kind of described?


____

I have experienced a physical/emotional phenomenon recently that sounds similar to what you describe as 'shocks.' They feel like mini-panic attacks. I believe it is the result of an overactive imagination coupled with a bizarre sleep cycle. (I am up until 3-5 am and sleep in until 11-1 pm)

I would love to just shake off my worries and anxieties in order to alleviate those 'shocks'. However, I am deeply concerned/fixated/intrigued/etc. about the things I read in the news. SOTT just so happens to be my favorite site for news articles. tongue So, I don't know how to calm myself sometimes but I am prepared to deal with my emotions in order to think rationally and objectively.

On another note, I experience sleep paralysis about twice a month on average. Just last night I had an episode and my boyfriend had to wake me up. I thought I was being beamed up to some spaceship and I could hear someone talking... gah, just weird shite in general and you might know what I mean if you suffer from sleep paralysis.

...

CEdicon I just want to say, I think what you are describing here is sort of similar what happens to me when I can't sleep.
"I believe it is the result of an overactive imagination coupled with a bizarre sleep cycle.".
Yep, when I haven.t sleept my imagination goes wild, I become paranoid, and think about news, and spaceships, aliens and mindreaders, implants, bugs, the whole thing. Often I get some "shock" felling followed by intense stress.

It's ends with "trash Thoughs" until I fall asleep. On the mornings of such nights with little sleep I feel groggy all day after.

I would call it the opposite of what is called a 'shock', in the work. It's my subjective imagnination running wild.

 

[OCKHAM]

Hey everyone,

I also experienced this for quite some time in the form of shocks or spasms, if you want to call it that. It seem to come from the knowledge and the emotions were not capable of dealing with it. So, I would shake violently, and then things would calm down. Of course, you immediately think you're a nut, and that you have emotional disorders. Presently, I don't have them anymore for at least 6 months. So, as Laura shared, they can go away if you keep working. fwiw

 

[Cyre2067]

It seems we all go at our own pace, though definitely those drawn to this forum (deviants aside) seem to be within the same range.

I'm not sure if it's the same phenomenon, but i get this really bizarre sense of hillarity randomly. I'll be walking along, smoking a cigarette on my way to somewhere - or in the car, typically it happens when i'm transiting and alone as opposed to engaged with others in some activity - as you describe above - and all of a sudden my train of thought will turn and I'll find myself cracking up at the obviousness of the truth and our collective inability to grasp it.

For example, being on newsvine a lot lately has show me much more of the 2008 election fervor then we get around here. People really do believe this election is a chance to change things. Like, they REALLY believe it. I'll be pondering that, and holding a specific interaction in my head when all of a sudden bits and pieces from ponerology will bubble up or perhaps Controversy of Zion, or Without Conscience, etc. etc. And in my mind the truth is so obvious and undeniable, but in everyone elses it's a discussion or debate or argument - it's nebulous, undecided, veiled. And then I'll just start laughing, sometimes to the point of tearing.

So whether or not I'm stumbling slowly on the road toward insanity or this is just part an parcel of 'waking up' remains to be seen.

I just keep finding life is getting stranger and stranger, everything is looking more and more insane and ridiculous. I never used to think being human was that weird, I mean not when I was younger.

A big agreed here. The fact that we drive cars around really got me going the other day, and burning petrol to fuel it at that. It literally made no sense in my mind and yet here we are, several billion of us, driving 'cars' and burning 'petrol' all day long. For a moment, it seemed as if the primary purpose of a car was not transportation, but the burning of petrol - they're designed to do the latter more efficiently then the prior.

Another one that always cracks me up is eating. We consume organic matter and then excrete the remnants on a daily basis - that's just bizarre, but it's 'just the way we work' I suppose. I'll never forget one morning, after a long night, a bunch of us were in a diner getting breakfast and flat out - I wasn't hungry. So I get a water and sit there watching my compatriots injest waffles, eggs, bacon, sausage, etc etc. And it just seemed to hysterically funny. I had to step outside and get some air and sun in order to calm down. Randomly I still get this impression, though it's not nearly as intense as it was that morning.

Similar and yet different... hooray for networking!

 

[Joe]

I keep getting these "winces" happen, especially when I am tired.

You experience also sounds like the reports of "flash backs" that former hallucinogenic drug users experience from time to time

Joe

 

[Russ]

Ahh its a relief to know I'm not the only one. The thing that scares me the most is that I'll lose my ability to be rational and practical, I thought maybe this could develop into something that could make me lose my mind. It was only a small fear, but its something I would rather know before anything happens, rather than later.

I have experienced them for a few years now, I have some ideas on what causes them and what they might be, what theyre related to etc. and how to use them to an advantage.

What I can say is that after a few years of normality becoming stranger and stranger, I feel like its preparing me to face almost anything.

Actually I have a thought, that these shocks may be a preview of myself in the future, because they are like previews of how I will see the world in the future. I mean, if I were to have the perpective I have now, for even a second, when I was ten years old - I think it would give the same reaction in me as these shocks do nowdays. Actually I think its just "malfunctions" in subconscious buffers. Behind these buffers of "everything is OK", there are things which make me feel very uncomfortable. But the more I am gradually exposed to it, I can learn to accept these things more and more, and eventually they stop being "uncomfortable", but just "the truth", and do away with the buffers.

I'll post back a bit later on, I do want to respond to some posts but I don't have much time at the moment :( (it nearlty always takes me AGES to write posts)

 

[T.C.]

For what it's worth, I've been having these for the last 12 months or so.

A sharp, uncontrollable intake of breath that is always triggered by an impression.


I thought I was the only one, but obviously not.

After a little bit of intellectualisation, I thought it was as if the impression was a higher than usual amount of energy for me to handle, and so maybe my instinctive centre made me pull in some air to act as a neutralising force, helping me to not 'fry my circuits'.


It often happens when I see through a buffer and it helps me to deal with the shock.

OSIT

Thomas C

 

[Russ]

I keep getting these "winces" happen, especially when I am tired.

You experience also sounds like the reports of "flash backs" that former hallucinogenic drug users experience from time to time

Joe

I think they are, but I had them before I took any hallucinogens. I took one hallucinogen called Salvia Divinorum many years ago, it was silly - I took way too much and had the scariest 5 minutes of my life, like a slice of life from a completely different "dimension", and I agree it made these winces worse. I haven't had any other hallucinogens before or after though (I found Salvia way too scary).

As long as it doesn't make me go mad, I don't mind them. But I admit I don't know anything about this really.

 

[Z...]

I keep getting these "winces" happen, especially when I am tired. Not at anything that specific, but usually the situation I'm in, that we're all in, or a part of it. It can be anything really, I'll think of my brain or intestines, or I'll think how I am made of shapes, or just the fact that I am seeing something at all, also inhumanity that goes on, etc etc. But its even strange stuff like, just the way things operate here, you know, like if I were to open my PC up and take out my power supply, I would have to put it all back in again - 99% of the time I don't think theres anything strange about that, but its just these little "flashes" and when they happen, things like that seem like the strangest thing ever. I just keep finding life is getting stranger and stranger, everything is looking more and more insane and ridiculous. I never used to think being human was that weird, I mean not when I was younger.

Same here,
Surreal is the word to describe my feelings, very often I feel like I am an actor in some weird movie.
In my case there are deep sighs, I didn't even notice until someone told me that every now and then I have these deep sighs like I am carrying the world on my shoulders. I started paying attention and it is true- it happens several times throughout the day.

By now I got used to the disturbances in the periphery of my vision field which definitely increased in last year or so, the best way to describe them would be like my reality is shifting, or changing consistency.

 

[Z...]

A sharp, uncontrollable intake of breath that is always triggered by an impression.

I ve just seen this post now.
yes this is it, this best describes those sighs