work situation...potential psychopath??

[Beau]

I wasn't trying to be rude but it must have came across that way I didn't think everything I said would be criticed piece by piece.

No one said you were rude. We aren't criticizing you either, just that your post came across as defending the guy Amanecer mentioned, which was worth trying to get a clearer understanding of what you meant.

Sorry anart I think you misinterperted my statement and I can see how that is possible when re-reading it.

See above.

-I'm attaining a minor in psycology and we get taught that a true sociopath is VERY RARE to come by. But that obviously could be wrong. I'm going by that...but i'm not saying it's right. I will believe someone who has more experience with it than a couple of college classes i'm sorry.

The experiences we've had are that what is taught in academics and what is actually real and true are vastly different. A true sociopath is rare, but that does not mean that one should dismiss someone else pondering the possibility. With more data, it would be possible to gain a better understanding of one's condition. But, let me say that pathology/deviance is not at all rare. It's quite common, especially in the US. There are many ways in which someone can act in a pathological manner which is not considered as such by the current psychiatric status quo. There are some authors who have recently made quite an advance in this area and are worth checking out, especially if you are a psychology student. Do a forum search for either Trapped in the Mirror, Myth of Sanity, The Narcissistic Family, or Unholy Hungers.

In general I just meant he has a problem... not saying hes a victimeby any means....

That does not forgive his actions though. Problem or not, from the descriptions provided he sounds like one of the "Dangerous Men" from Sandra L. Brown's book How to Spot a Dangerous Man.

he probably picked up on a non existant signal...but he wanted to apologize for his own reasons not to actually make her feel better.

You are assuming things, possibly because you are projecting. It's not wise to guess (mind-read) what you think is going through his head.

If it were a phone conversation it wouldn't have sounded like that.

That's an interesting statement. Do you think that you would have been able to say what you said differently if you didn't have to type and you could "control" the conversation better? I'm not trying to overly critical, just that I don't understand what you mean by the above. Perhaps you could clarify.

 

[indigo]

I don't know I am not too well at the mind-finger thing. The tone of my voice would have been different at diffrent parts emphasising meaning i suppose.

When I said the guy has a problem I didn't mean like some disorder that makes it okay I meant he is shallow and not okay. I wasn't giving him excuses.

I see what you guys mean I just wish it wouldn't have came out like that. Now when I read it, it does sound like i'm making excuses for him. :( wasn't trying to.

You are right it is bad to assume or "mind read". Thanks for the tip. And thanks for letting me ATTEMPT to clarify my poorly chosen words.

 

[Approaching Infinity]

Sounds like your profs are ignorant. At least 1.3% of the population are "true psychopaths". Rare, but not "very rare".

--Wow that is very surprising and kind of freaky! I'm open to learning these things and reading more

If you're minoring in psych, you might want to read James Blair's "Psychopath: Emotion and the Brain." However, that book doesn't provide descriptions of psychopaths or their behavior. For that, read Stout's "Sociopath Next Door" or Hare's "Without Conscience." If you want to read a novel with a perfect portrayal of a psychopath, try to get your hands on Mary Astor's "The Incredible Charlie Carewe." You'll be amazed.

 

[indigo]

Actually I was just looking for a good book I'll keep those in mind. Thanks a lot! :)

 

[Ruth]

Hi Amanecer, you said the guy was new to the job. Is he also new to the town - especially a small town like the one you describe?

Because, if you know his 'history' and you most likely would if he's always lived there all his life, you might find that he's been doing the same thing for years.

"Targetting" married women for 'relationships' when he's single. He must has had some success with this particular strategy in the past. It would be known in the area he comes from that this is 'normal' behaviour for him, especially if he comes from a small town.

ps. I'm assuming you are married or in a relationship yourself, sorry if that's incorrect of me.

 

[Amanecer]

Hi Ruth,


He has been at this job about a year and we both joined this group at the same time.(i did not know him previously) He is not from this area, however he has graduated (undergrad and masters) in a town 30 min away. We happen to have the same voice teacher at the college, however I am not enrolled in the school, so i never had contact with him. I do know that he is very private about his social life. He has a profile on my space but it is set to private. I had the same thought about him targeting married women. I thought it was a little bold of him (especially since my husband is in the same choir!)

I am married and have 2 boys. I love my family very much, and am embarassed that i was tempted by this fellow. To be honest, something about it is still "alluring/tempting" even though I know it is not a good situation. I can't figure out why that is!!! I don't have the best self esteem in the world, but i have been specifically working on standing up for my self this past year. I think this situation has happened for a reason and i am trying to learn and grow from it.
Well, I am feeling quite melancholy and pensive this evening.....thus my post.

Thanks for everyone's input.

 

[anart]

I am married and have 2 boys. I love my family very much, and am embarassed that i was tempted by this fellow. To be honest, something about it is still "alluring/tempting" even though I know it is not a good situation. I can't figure out why that is!!! I don't have the best self esteem in the world, but i have been specifically working on standing up for my self this past year. I think this situation has happened for a reason and i am trying to learn and grow from it.
Well, I am feeling quite melancholy and pensive this evening.....thus my post.

Thanks for everyone's input.

Hi Amanecer, I would never presume to consult you on your personal life, however, in this instance, it might be worthwhile for you to seriously consider that the part of you that is tempted or allured is your 'predator' - it is a temptation to feed and be fed upon - nothing more.

By predator, I do not mean 'possession' or attachment or some part of you that is outside of who you 'are' - I mean that it is the part of you that consists of your programs and buffers, that have been built up over your entire life, that is looking for energetic food or to be energetically fed upon to build the illusion of self-worth.

Considering the clear 'personality', or character, of this individual, it is highly unlikely that the REAL you is even vaguely interested - yet your predator - your programs - reacts differently. It is very much a reaction, not an action on your part, and it is very likely based in your own programs - your own predator encouraging you to be 'food'. fwiw

 

[Amanecer]

Thanks for the post Anart. Are there any books/articles you could recommend that would be of benefit in addressing predator/prey issues you mentioned?

 

[Azur]

I am married and have 2 boys. I love my family very much, and am embarassed that i was tempted by this fellow. To be honest, something about it is still "alluring/tempting" even though I know it is not a good situation. I can't figure out why that is!!!

As an addition to anart's post, which is precise, it might help to look at a few things specifically, and here I mean for you, in your own space, at your leisure, no response on where it goes expected.


First: recognize, or self-evaluate, why you mention that you have two kids and are married in the context of all you have presented so far. It is very much NOT important in this case, in fact it is irrelevant, with regards to dealing with what you describe this person to be. (It is more like you are erecting a social more as a shield of why you shouldn't indulge your temptation versus understanding why it is you are tempted in the first place).

Second: knowing what you know, and seeing what you have seen so far in this person, specifically, that "the captured is not as interesting as the not yet captured", you are still drawn.

Something tells you there's a problem, yet something else tells you there is something there, it draws you. Why? Find out where the "interest" comes in, while the educated, and observed, alarms in you are sounding.


Is it some kind of valuation you seek? Any attention is good attention? Any attention from people that you are not familiar with, is good attention? There are many possibilities here, and only you will know, when you look.

Put your finger on what it is that seeks the attention, and follow it ruthlessly. And then re-read Anart's post. This process may take some time, it is iterative, and morphs, but eventually it solidifies, and you will know.

And when you are sure you know, and are still being vigilant in observation, you might discover that you really didn't know, but decided you did, and thus flies away another skin of the onion.

God speed.

 

[anart]

Thanks for the post Anart. Are there any books/articles you could recommend that would be of benefit in addressing predator/prey issues you mentioned?

Well, while there are many esoteric books that speak of false personality, programs, buffers or the 'predator's mind', I've found that the best place to start is with psychological books, since they speak to the nuts and bolts of the matter. The recommended reading list here on the forum lists many, but, perhaps in your case, it would be best to start with Unholy Hungers by Barbara E. Hort, Predators by Anna Salter and, perhaps, The Myth of Sanity by Martha Stout.

http://www.cassiopaea.org/forum/index.php?topic=4718

Although, a reading of all of the psychological books on that list is highly recommended for everyone - I really can't stress how important it is to understand why we behave the way that we do - not only for esoteric work, but for moving forward in our lives in every way possible.

 

[vinny]

and another GREAT book I'd like to recommend for your situation, Amanecer:

"How to spot a dangerous man before you get involved" by Sandra Brown,

it discusses how our warning signs or 'red flags' work, and WHY we ignore or override them, and HOW we are fooled by the (external) predator - so basically it psychologically tools you up to defend yourself against such manipulation.

 

[Amanecer]

Thanks everyone....i appreciate all of the great input. :)