Fluffy, I understand you perfectly because the exact same thing is happening to me. It's like I have permanent PMS. There's only one week a month when I'm calm, joyful, balanced, and can feel good, sometimes even happy. The rest of the days of my cycle, I'm irritable, anxious, tearful, etc. Constant emotional rollercoaster. It's very hard for me and for those around me. I'm trying to figure it out, but so far not very successfully. I had my hormone levels tested on day 3 (no clear signs of perimenopause) and I'll soon test them again to check my hormone levels during the second half of my cycle. In my case, everything is exacerbated by nervous system exhaustion after chronic stress, approaching perimenopause, and hormonal fluctuations.
From what I've read, it seems I might also have
Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder (PMDD). I call it PMS before PMS. Probably right after ovulation, not only estrogen but also serotonin drops sharply – hence the outbursts of anger and tears. Articles say it's treated with SSRIs (for a few days around ovulation) and combined oral contraceptives. I don't want to take either. For now, I've decided to take L-tryptophan or 5-HTP to boost serotonin, and other supplements. They also mention Vitex agnus-castus (Chasteberry), diindolylmethane (DIM), and black cohosh extract. But I'm not very confident they'll help
I've also noticed a paradoxical reaction to GABA; it makes me anxious. Progesterone cream had no effect on me, and taking Wild Yam seemed to make me even more irritable and angry. I'm perplexed.
I remembered that 5-6 years ago, I had something similar and COCs helped me a lot. They were prescribed by my gynecologist because of severe endometriosis and resulting anemia. On one hand, I don't want to go back to hormones, as I'm still dealing with a complication from them – melasma on my face. But I'd rather be calm and spotty than feel like I'm going crazy and be afraid of myself.
I partly agree with iamthatis's thoughts as well. That's exactly how I thought, and I worked on myself for almost a year, only to fall into even greater despair and self-flagellation, because no matter how hard I tried, I only felt worse, my condition defies conscious control and regulation through various psychological, somatic, and other methods. It doesn't mean I want to hide from my life lessons. I just want to fix what's broken and restore at least a minimal balance so I can move forward, instead of being destroyed by my own hormonal storm.