The Gay "Germ" Hypothesis

[PhoenixToEmber]

So, it's an interesting experience for you , as life on Earth is a lesson.

It certainly is, yes!

 

[SlipNet]

Well now, this has been a very interesting thread to read through. Thanks as a reader to all who have offered their thoughts, all have made me ponder on my own ideas on this somewhat thorny subject. Personally, I'm a person who has had homosexual impulses, but never acted on them, because the nitty gritty of the act put me off, rather than turned me on. And I just love the difference factor of women! They're just fun to be around. So I never lost track of myself.

I can echo the thoughts of Keit earlier in this thread, that once I learned enough about our 3rd density world, I resolved that I'd not bring kids into this world; I see the beauty and purity of the idea, I just think that I'd be an inferior dad, as I'm too self absorbed in my case. I don't want to be alive at the age of 89 (I'm 44 now), with young 'uns to worry about (as I would, naturally) I want this world to change in a substantive way (4th density man!) and I don't see that happening in the immediate future. Plus you factor in earth changes and it just seems self indulgent and irresponsible if you truly understand things. Heck, Laura has said as much herself on more than one occasion. It's an enormous responsibility to take kids on, and yes that is what sex is really for. My brother is gay and I love him, but I know for a fact that he's fancied women in his time, he's told me so in classic beer fuelled conversations. There's no reason for straight people to be grossed out by gay acts, straight people get up to all sorts anyway, we all know it. There's nothing new under the sun, and that includes sex.

I think we should all grow up and see each other as more than merely sexual beings, there's so much more to ourselves if we only look! Sex is an amusing sideline to most people in contemporary society. Nothing more important than that if you're not looking to bring new people into the world. Having said that, love, in its pure state, is a thing of wonder, and is to be treasured.

 

[Laura]

I hear you, Laura. And I can see you let yourself be a little vulnerable here, too, which I appreciate. I don't know what being fat is like, no, and can only intellectually imagine what you've gone through and try to feel it as much as I can. And I am sorry you had to go through so much suffering - I can relate in my own way. You wouldn't be who you are without it, which is always what's so funny about this existence - and I wouldn't be who I am if I wasn't gay, despite the fact that I know I am so much more than that. My mental pursuits have also kept me going as well. It's what brought me here in the first place, and why I'm even still here despite some of the past occurrences that made me retreat for a while (almost for good).

Thanks for your insight.

I think what you boys need would be described as a "lifestyle change" which can assist a mental reorientation toward living as an embodied spirit and not just a bag of hormones with a side hobby: new social circle with no emphasis on whether anyone is gay or not; new role models of persons who have led exemplary lives (whether gay or not); to read edifying literature (NOT of the gay variety) so as to achieve a better understanding of the overall human condition; and some form of work that gives your life a higher meaning than just drifting from one day to the next.

There are a couple of good examples on the forum here, in fact. Both of them have full NORMAL lives, have academic achievements, and despite the raging gay/anti-human rhetoric that rages nowadays, generally manage to stay pretty stable and work on through.

The objective is this: at the end of life, when you are released from the "bonds that hold you fast", you can stand in judgment of yourself without shame at time or energy wasted. The only thing you can take out of this life is the love and care and efforts that you GIVE AWAY.

And if you happen to be gay while fulfilling such a program, so the heck what? It should not define you in any way; it's PRIVATE.

 

[PhoenixToEmber]

I think what you boys need would be described as a "lifestyle change" which can assist a mental reorientation toward living as an embodied spirit and not just a bag of hormones with a side hobby: new social circle with no emphasis on whether anyone is gay or not; new role models of persons who have led exemplary lives (whether gay or not); to read edifying literature (NOT of the gay variety) so as to achieve a better understanding of the overall human condition; and some form of work that gives your life a higher meaning than just drifting from one day to the next.

There are a couple of good examples on the forum here, in fact: persons who have full NORMAL lives, have academic achievements, and despite the raging gay/anti-human rhetoric that rages nowadays, generally manage to stay pretty stable and work on through.

The objective is this: at the end of life, when you are released from the "bonds that hold you fast", you can stand in judgment of yourself without shame at time or energy wasted. The only thing you can take out of this life is the love and care and efforts that you GIVE AWAY.

And if you happen to be gay while fulfilling such a program, so the heck what? It should not define you in any way; it's PRIVATE.

I've been sort of saying something along these lines to Cyre and myself for a while, and we're heading in that direction at the moment from what I can tell. It's a process. I've been away from here for a long period, so I won't go into updates on my life currently - career-wise, family, friendships (off topic). Also been behind on certain reading material, yet caught up reading some previous reading material while not being here as well. A lot has changed while I wasn't around, some for the better, some things for the worse.

But to be frank, again: I didn't really grow up in and go through "gay culture and lifestyle" the way Cyre did. My experience was different - most of my friends were always "straight" and still are. I made a few friends who weren't straight over the years, sure, most a little later in life, some through Cyre who are interesting and intelligent people (others questionable...)

Overall, I agree with what you're saying here. It goes back to becoming a "good obyvatel". I don't want my sexuality to be the defining thing about me - I don't see it as such.

 

[Breo]

I think that the following passage in Pierre's article, cited previously, deserves a re-read and some thinking:

Consider please, in the context of the above experiments, the probable outcome of the Gay/Homosexual/Queer movement which has a certain INTENTION that the research shows WILL TURN OUT THE OPPOSITE OF WHAT IS INTENDED.

That is a very scary implication for EVERYONE.

I hope that people have been noticing the increasing cosmic flux and weather/geological disruption that is running exactly in tandem with the increasing influence of this sector on the majority of society.

Think about the implications of engineering complexly confused masses of young people going into same sex relationships because of social influence, adding their psychic input to that kaleidescope of chaos.

Do you SEE where this is going?

Socially, it's heading for an explosion. And Cosmically, no doubt, destruction.

It truly is a replay of Sodom and Gomorrah.

So perhaps some 4 D STO designer engineered the hard-wired aversion to sexual perversion on purpose because they had better knowledge of how things actually work in the psychic realms of positive and negative polarities, and why and how those things are best (or worst) manifested in physical reality.

And perhaps, just perhaps, the wise homosexual/gay/queer/whatever, will consider this and consider the wider implications for their own survival. Perhaps it is a good thing that there is aversion? Perhaps it is a good thing that there is only a very small minority of "born" homosexuals? Perhaps Nature limits such manifestations for a REASON? And perhaps we ought to figure it out and apply the lesson in advance.

The wall I see humanity hitting is no respecter of persons and takes no prisoners.

Thank you Laura for bringing Pierre´s brilliant article to our attention again. When I read it on this thread for the first time many questions I had within for many years were answered. Since long I observed the "gender studies" movement flooding all social sciences wrecking young peoples mind. I had quite a few indepth conversations with millenials. They have been unreachable for common sense. What came out of their mouth, citing their university professors (non binary this, non binary that) was utterly shocking.

Very sad, very scary indeed. We are heading for "Sodom and Gomorrah"was exactly how I summarized it for myself. To understand the insidious build up of this particular PTB strategy is invaluable.

To be able to uncover such grand sceme pattern and share it with others one has to be ruthless. And ruthless when incorporating its consequence to be able to act upon with discernment within our personal life. OSIT.

I think that the greatest challenge for about everyone is to ACCEPT WHAT IS, not only about the world, but about oneself.

...

At some point, I had to accept myself as I was and be thankful that it induced me to grow and develop in ways I would not otherwise have done if I'd had the energy and means to be/do differently. I've always had tremendous - almost supernatural - mental energy (possibly a consequence of the same mutation), and I used a lot of it to just simply function physically when there was no physical energy at all. But the rest of it went into mental pursuits and explorations, the result being that I think we now - all of us here - have a very good handle on this reality not only in terms of who we are, where we come from, where we are going, but even some good glimmers of other realities. It's not such a scary place anymore once you understand it.

You're gay, I'm fat; you can hide being gay, I can never hide being fat; think about that for a bit.

So the first order of business is for people to just freaking accept who and what they are right down to the mechanics of the genetic body, and learn what is necessary to deal with that.

How can you live life as a gay/homosexual/queer/whatever person in the BEST way imaginable? How can you make your life count not only for yourself, your personal growth, but for others and most significantly, for the Universe itself?

I don't think that the problem is all that different from my own if you think about it. Question is: what will you do about it?

And thank you again for sharing the essence of this personal story as Keit and others did. This so much speaks to me and probably to many on this forum. We all have our individual painful history that sets us apart from our family/social group that we want to belong to. Its a strong reminder to stay on track and not get deviated. I feel great empathy for everyone struggling with decency on the same road.

I can only second that on a personal level it absolutely does not matter if born fat, gay, small, handicaped, jewish etc. Through this thread I understand much better why. It is a given life lesson and the responsibility is ours how to handle it with all the "devide and conquer" vectors.

PtE, I really appreciate the way you share how you process this personal storm. Hang in there and connect the dots, if I may add. "He who learns must suffer..." that has helped me again and again through many personal tornados. And the repeated experience that every storm does reside.

 

[Yozilla]

Homophobia sclomofobia, whatever - the only fobia that occurs here is that of the homo people from someone expressing "traditional" angle on there choice. So it could be said that they're projecting their own fear on somebody simply picturing own sensations from some real life situations. Out of fear they than immediately call Mummy and Daddy: Yozilla said that, Yozilla did that... To quote my post:

Oh yes very interesting stuff this homo plague thingy, almost feels like pandemics. I've also noticed some weird sensations while some homosexuals are walkin' and talkin' behind or towards me - like some strong entity/beast is trying to convert me to there side - excuse me, but than my butts began to shiver (in lack of better term ) like those already infected are radiating some strong homo force of some sort. So maybe this ain't only physical issue (bugs&co) but psychic phenomenon also. What a strange urge that is!

Where exactly i've said something like: Gays are bad people? I was just registering my impressions

And in no way I am not afraid of gays, but they only could be afraid of me - so only issue here is a curious phenomenon of chronic and suppresed HETEROFOBIA.

H E T E R O F O B I A - find that in any dictionary

And just for the note, i am collector of medals engraved with adjectives that people labeled on me, so it won't hurt me feelings if more are thrown at me - give your best shots - Your Excellencies!

Au revoir!

 

[Seamus]

Homophobia sclomofobia, whatever - the only fobia that occurs here is that of the homo people from someone expressing "traditional" angle on there choice. So it could be said that they're projecting their own fear on somebody simply picturing own sensations from some real life situations. Out of fear they than immediately call Mummy and Daddy: Yozilla said that, Yozilla did that... To quote my post:



Where exactly i've said something like: Gays are bad people? I was just registering my impressions

And in no way I am not afraid of gays, but they only could be afraid of me - so only issue here is a curious phenomenon of chronic and suppresed HETEROFOBIA.

H E T E R O F O B I A - find that in any dictionary

And just for the note, i am collector of medals engraved with adjectives that people labeled on me, so it won't hurt me feelings if more are thrown at me - give your best shots - Your Excellencies!

Au revoir!

Just in case anyone missed Laura's post the last page:

Sometimes ignoring means that you simply do not agree with, or wish to even acknowledge, a person's input/POV. That is the case with Yozilla. After all the years he's been here, I got tired of engaging with him over and over again when he came out with his off-the-wall, purely nutty, childish, asinine, off-topic, whatever, comments. I also figured that anybody who has been around awhile knows that. Why even validate his POV with a comment? He's like a pesky little 6 yr-old trying to get attention in a room full of adults engaged in a serious conversation.

That is, I DELIBERATELY ignored him and hoped that nobody else would give him energy either. The only one who did was the other 6 yr-old in the room.

 

[Seamus]

I appreciate everyone sharing their stories and perspectives. I'm reading every comment. I appreciate Keit's personal example, thank you for telling me that, I honestly didn't know that about you.

As exampled by the fact that I'm posting still, I'm obviously feeling more comfortable.

I'm glad you're contributing to this thread, the whole tone of the conversation changed since you jumped in.

I've been thinking about the issue of revulsion in the past few days as I've been following this thread. My wife was raised vegetarian, her sister is a vegetarian and her she and her mom are "recovering vegetarians" (their words). My sister-in-law is revolted by meat, especially raw meat, and my wife and her mother who is currently staying with us struggle not to be. I eat a lot of meat and I grew up eating lots of meat so its been difficult for at times, especially when having meals with her family. Generally they are very considerate but there have been times when they are obviously disgusted by the food I'm making, especially before its cooked.

I bring this up for a couple of reasons. First of all I can relate to what you wrote about how difficult it is for you to read about how other people who are important in your life are revolted by something that is normal for you. FWIW I think you handled the situation really well.

Secondly I'm bringing it up because this is a learned disgust/revulsion response. Eating meat is a healthy and normal human thing, but my wife and her sister were raised to believe that it is morally wrong and even more that meat is gross and disgusting and dirty. My wife (and her mom) has been working to overcome this because she realizes that eating meat is a healthy thing. I guess my point is that revulsion can definitely be learned or programmed by family/societal pressures and I think this is a good example of it.

At seven, a local male teen in my neighbourhood once found me walking home from the local convenience store. I was sent on an errand for my grandmother. Along the walk home this teen accompanied me, and shared with me some of his secrets, among them were masturbation and oral stimulation. He made it sound like it was tons of fun and that I would enjoy this.

I didn’t have a mother or father, and my grandmother never gave me any eduction as to what these things are. Also, since it was an older boy of whom I thought was cool at the time (he had a big tree house and many friends), I eventually was convinced of his offer to be taught these things in his room, and instead of going home, I went to his house.

We came to his living room where his sister was playing Nintendo with a game genie (which was far far funner to me that moment, causing me to want to cancel the event to occur in his room.) i was rather transfixed on his sisters game play and the teen was arguing and fighting about something in the kitchen with his mother.

His sister asked me “why are you hanging out Eddie?” She seemed concerned. She was visibly upset I was in her home.

I said, very innocently, matter in fact as if this is some normal thing, that Eddie was to teach me how to self stimulate (obviously not those words).

She immediately shut off the tv, opened the door to the kitchen and said “Moom, Eddies at it again, he said he’s going to teach this kid to (expletive).”

She then went upstairs to her own room, the mother, left the kitchen, and shooed me out of her house and her words were to stay away from her son, never to hang out with him, no reason given.

That moment I felt I was who did something wrong here. Eddie was visibly upset and yelling at his mom. I went home and told my grandma and she forbidd from going near him. No one ever explained why.

Eddie lived up the street from the local neighbourhood elementary school. All the kids knew him and many spoke well of him. Since this day, he successfully started a bullying campaign against me and he, and many of his friends took to defacing me publicly, calling me homophobic slurs.

I was seven!!

That’s my introduction to the entire gamut. I was mainly confused and incapable at the time to understand what had happened until probably 6 or so years later.

- No one ever explained to my why Eddie was in the wrong
- The behaviours of everyone led me to believe that I was wrong
- I ultimately just wanted to play game genie

At any rate, I never knew or understood why homosexuality was at 1990, clearly. This nativity almost led me down a dark path, Eddie and his closer circle of friends had terrible lives, I don’t even know what occurred with them as I fled the town at age 12, but I know before I moved that some of eddies clique were into drugs and street life. It was my own attachment to screen technology that saved me, considering the circumstances.

He had a clique of friends who all preyed as he did on very young, typically broken kids like myself.

If you want to know how a gay germ spreads I believe we have to go back to certain moments of our childhoods, and we have to be honest.

Not everyone is as lucky as me and my exposure to such content didn’t exactly end there, but if it wasn’t for Eddies sister, I doubt I’d be here. She kinda saved my life.

duyunne I'm sorry to hear that that this happened to you, it sounds like you narrowly avoided being abused by a pedophile. It might be worth exploring the experience further here on the forum or with a therapist.

I just want to point out that in my experience most homosexuals are not pedophiles. The PTB might have an agenda to USE the LGBTQ/Gay Pride movement to try to normalize pedophilia, but its not the same thing. I'm not defending anyone, just pointing out that what two consenting adults do with each other is very different from what almost happened to you, FWIW.

 

[duyunne]

I'm glad you're contributing to this thread, the whole tone of the conversation changed since you jumped in.

I've been thinking about the issue of revulsion in the past few days as I've been following this thread. My wife was raised vegetarian, her sister is a vegetarian and her she and her mom are "recovering vegetarians" (their words). My sister-in-law is revolted by meat, especially raw meat, and my wife and her mother who is currently staying with us struggle not to be. I eat a lot of meat and I grew up eating lots of meat so its been difficult for at times, especially when having meals with her family. Generally they are very considerate but there have been times when they are obviously disgusted by the food I'm making, especially before its cooked.

I bring this up for a couple of reasons. First of all I can relate to what you wrote about how difficult it is for you to read about how other people who are important in your life are revolted by something that is normal for you. FWIW I think you handled the situation really well.

Secondly I'm bringing it up because this is a learned disgust/revulsion response. Eating meat is a healthy and normal human thing, but my wife and her sister were raised to believe that it is morally wrong and even more that meat is gross and disgusting and dirty. My wife (and her mom) has been working to overcome this because she realizes that eating meat is a healthy thing. I guess my point is that revulsion can definitely be learned or programmed by family/societal pressures and I think this is a good example of it.



duyunne I'm sorry to hear that that this happened to you, it sounds like you narrowly avoided being abused by a pedophile. It might be worth exploring the experience further here on the forum or with a therapist.

I just want to point out that in my experience most homosexuals are not pedophiles. The PTB might have an agenda to USE the LGBTQ/Gay Pride movement to try to normalize pedophilia, but its not the same thing. I'm not defending anyone, just pointing out that what two consenting adults do with each other is very different from what almost happened to you, FWIW.

I appreciate your response. I think this event when I was 7 pales in comparison to what others went through in my home town and in that region all together. It's their experiences or stories that gave me the strength to shrug this guy off - he's nothing. I was scared of some of his older friends and more afraid of adults than him, but they never went out of their way to bother me as they had their own hell to live through I'm sure.

I just knew it was yet another place I had to stay away from, another peoples who were bad news. I eventually learned more stories about this guy, but I can't remember them anymore. There were others in my school who were also told never to cohort with him.

 

[Alana]

I don't know, perhaps it's just that I've lived in a time before all of this legislation and social pressure forced the sense of aversion underground and am aware from personal experience that it exists. This CIA programming hasn't strengthened LGBT individuals, it seems to have weakened them. So when or if the snap back comes in our time I don't know how you are all going to stand up to the pressure and stress. Defending POV and identification isn't going to work with someone who'd happily cave your head in.

This reminds me of my gay roommate when I was living in NYC, Jones. He was in his early sixties, professor at a university and he grew up in some Midwestern state. One could never tell just by looking at him that he was gay, perhaps other than he was always well dressed. He did not like the gay scene at all, and was rolling his eyes at the overt displays of gayness that younger men exhibited. I didn't understand it then, but I understand it now. He grew up in a time and place where homosexuals were not seen even as human beings, and he lived through all the changes that took place so that he can finally live openly as who he was in the Big Apple. I guess what the older generation of homosexuals have that the younger generation doesn't, is the knowledge of this aversion of heterosexual people towards them because back then, it was openly displayed, compared to now being persecuted and criminalized. And I guess my roommate was just thankful that the times had changed and most people were way more tolerant today, but he could see where things could go if the pendulum swang way on the other side.

Coming from a very small and traditional society myself, where homosexuality was not tolerated at all until probably during the last decade, I have seen young men being kicked out of their house by their fathers if there was even a suspicion they might be gay, boys being bullied for not looking more macho, girls bullied if they did not fulfill the criteria of what a girl should look/behave like, etc. For some reason, I never felt aversion towards gay people (although I do feel aversion towards hetero/homo sexual displays) and felt myself as their defender. So when I was sitting at a café in Chelsea with my roommate and his other gay friends and they were criticizing the gay scene around them, I was shocked, I couldn't understand their explanations at the time, I don't even remember them now because I wasn't listening probably. There was I, one of the early SJWs, defending the rights of homosexuals to be proud and loud, finally out of the closet, while the real gay people in my company (who had actually fought in their day and made a difference regarding gay rights) had the knowledge and awareness to be wary and fearful of any possibility of future backlash. Looking back, now I can understand them. I guess this is what everyone is trying to convey too to our gay members here: be sensible and aware, and above all, externally considerate. Like the rest of us are, when it comes to our programs and identifications basically. And be the best you can be, do the most you can with what you have to "make gentle the life of this [long-suffering] world" (RFK). Because in the end, we are all in this together. There is no one excempt from suffering living on this planet.

Anyways, this thread has grown by many pages since I started writing this post apologies for any repeats.

 

[Laura]

Where exactly i've said something like: Gays are bad people? I was just registering my impressions

Yes, it is true that you were only registering your impressions and you did not DIRECTLY say that gays are "bad people" at all. And you were talking in terms of something like a psychic force.

However, the crude way of putting your words together along with the images you picked from the "smiley" collection, said a lot "behind the text", so to say.

It was not just rude, it was insensitive and WAAY overplayed!

However, truth be told, it certainly gave some insight into what goes on in the minds of a LOT of people in respect of gays and in that respect, it was a useful display and it certainly triggered Cyre to display his own character, ideas, beliefs, which were equally crude and insensitive.

If people need to know anything, they need to know how other people, in general and in particular, think and react. Being able to see the unseen or unexpressed can save your life in more ways than one.

 

[Gaby]

Consider please, in the context of the above experiments, the probable outcome of the Gay/Homosexual/Queer movement which has a certain INTENTION that the research shows WILL TURN OUT THE OPPOSITE OF WHAT IS INTENDED.

That is a very scary implication for EVERYONE.

I hope that people have been noticing the increasing cosmic flux and weather/geological disruption that is running exactly in tandem with the increasing influence of this sector on the majority of society.

Think about the implications of engineering complexly confused masses of young people going into same sex relationships because of social influence, adding their psychic input to that kaleidescope of chaos.

Do you SEE where this is going?

Socially, it's heading for an explosion. And Cosmically, no doubt, destruction.

The psychic experiment and implications reminded me also Laurent Guyenot's latest article "The Crucifixion of the Goddess - The rise and fall of Western Romanticism". It seems that the control system plays the card of strong identifications against us, sabotaging humanity's efforts and hijacking suffering towards mechanical aims. So instead of conscious suffering towards a higher aim, humanity is stuck in a loop of chaos and mechanical suffering that leads nowhere but feeds only entropic forces.

The Crucifixion of the Goddess

The rise and fall of Western Romanticism

www.unz.com

“Love is civilization’s miracle”, wrote Stendhal in his insightful essay on Love.[1] He was talking about the high ideal of love elaborated in Western Europe, from twelfth-century courtly love to nineteenth-century romanticism. That ideal is pretty much dead, buried under the heaps of obscenities produced industrially every day by our degenerate sub-culture. As the fish stinks by the head, so is the Jeffrey Epstein scandal a good indicator of the current state of rot of the Western Eros.

The key to Beatrice’s cryptic identity in the Divine Comedy is provided by Dante in an earlier book titled Vita Nuova (The New Life). Here Dante first introduces “my mind’s glorious lady, … she who was called by many Beatrice, by those who did not know what it meant to so name her” (the name Beatrice means “she who confers blessing”). Nine times in his life, Beatrice appeared to him, Dante says. The first time, Beatrice “greeted me so virtuously, so much so that I saw then to the very end of grace.” For Beatrice’s “greeting”, Dante uses the Italian word saluto, which is close to salute, “salvation”. Beatrice’s saluto, says Dante, fills men with repentance, humility, forgiveness, and charity—hardly the qualities of the ordinary lover.

According to Julius Evola (Metaphysics of Sex, 1934), Dante’s Beatrice, Petrarch’s Laura and Boccaccio’s Fiametta all symbolize Wisdom or Gnosis, the divine source of enlightenment.

It is not “Christian values” that are attacked with extreme violence by hollywoodism, pornography, psychoanalysis, feminism, homosexualism and anti-LGBTQphobia, not forgetting modern art; it is the Western tradition of love, the miracle of our civilization. This cultural assault is the enduring manifestation of Yahweh’s ancient rage against the Queen of Heaven. Blessed are those Jews who turned their back on Jeremiah’s sociopathic god and found comfort in the Goddess instead. We need them more than ever.

 

[sid]

This is a great thread and thank you everyone for chiming in with their thoughts and life experiences. So many insights and clarity gained on the topic of homosexuality. It has given me the strength to share some of my own life experiences without feeling any guilt or shame.
When I was 5 years old, there was this elder cool kid I used to look up to. He lived two houses down across our rental house. My mother would often leave me alone at home in the evenings and pop over to the neighbours for evening tea or catch-up etc. I learned later as I grew older that she used to disappear into neighbourhood homes grooming young men for her sexual tirades. So, one day, this kid comes over to my house and ushers me into the bathroom. I go in not knowing what to expect. He convinces me to take off my pants and proceeds to play wth my private parts, rubbing his penis against mine whilst embracing me tightly. It seemingly generated both shame and pleasant feelings in me which I did not fully comprehend at that time. The experience didn’t last long as thankfully my mother came back home and we heard her footsteps from a distance. For a long time I couldn’t reconcile as to what exactly had transpired, only understood that some pleasurable feeling occurs when private parts are stroked in a certain way. I held a feeling of guilt and shame about it for a long time.

That kid never got another opportunity to have me again and thank goodness for that. I never mentioned about that experience to my parents out of shame and fear of being beaten up by that kid. He also used to bully me on the way to the school. We went to the same school for few years. I had gotten bullied by my dad and few other adults in the neighbourhood so, I was generally a very quite kid who never shared his feelings with anyone and would live from one bad experience to another. Almost accepted it as part of my life. In my younger years, I had often seen my mother in bed with young men or my uncles and never quite understood what they were doing. It was a rather -flicked- up childhood and I developed severe anxiety and anger issues later on in teenage years.

After we moved out of that neighbourhood into another one temporarily for 4 months whilst our new house was getting built, I became close friends with a younger kid. We would go cycling, watch movies on Video, share our toys and just chill out in the park. And our friendship developed to the point that I shared with that kid about my earlier experience and the pleasant sensations which would result. We decided to try that out ourselves and went for it. I would avoid sharing any details here as it played out largely the same way as my earlier experience. We did feel ashamed afterwards though didn’t understand why. It was likely because of the social surroundings and prevalent cultural norms where one was not expected to be nude in front of others. Since we moved out of that neighbourhood within 4 months, that ended any chances of a recurrence of such acts and thankfully so.

As I grew older, I realised why the acts I was subjected to and conducted myself were shameful and never shared any details about those with anyone including my close friends. I would actually thank some of my strong male friends in school and other elder cousins for providing me with the emotional support during my childhood to teenage years. Some of them are my role models even to this date. My mother’s tirades continued unabated and have receded recently due to age catching up and playing spoilsport.

I left my home to go overseas at the age of 19 and by now I was considerably healed and built up a strong male ego and techniques to deal with bullying. I had also grown up to be over 180cm tall with lots of facial hair which helps. A year later, I run into a really nice gentleman who approaches me openly whilst I am in the group of friends. He commends me on my good looks and simplicity and offers to take me out for dinner and have drinks etc. He shakes my hands as we part ways and almost pushes his wrists onto my penis. I was a young man in a foreign country, naive and full of dreams and doesn’t think much about it. I give him my number and he arrives right on time to pick me up a week later for our scheduled outing. He drives me to his place which is meticulous and well maintained. He offers me some Orange juice which I accidentally spill on my groin. Its only then I realise what the heck was going on. Its the way he bent down on my groin to clean up the area. I get up quickly and simply request to be dropped back home. He drives me back apologising and almost begging me to give him a chance. I reach home safely and breath a sigh of relief.

Just after that, I had my first relationship with a girl who became my first wife years later. She initially helped me heal and come out of the adolescent phase however had her own sexual issues to deal with. She helped me understand my mother’s nature better being a girl herself but only I understood later that it takes one to know one. She was sexually promiscuous and bisexual having groomed and had sexual experiences with other girls at school. I still accepted her as a partner but sufferred great mental distortions from the childhood guilt, my mother’s behaviour and my then-partner’s weird tastes. She enjoyed watching sex travel shows about swing parties, gays, extreme pornography and gory movies such as Saw, Hotel etc. And only way I could cope was to drown myself in Online gaming, excessive eating and watching pornography. Despite my mother’s antics, I empathised with my mother and blamed my father for not being a good husband instead. I was always ready to fight for the woman’s rights at the expense of my own finances and health. My ex-partner took full advantage of my shortcomings. I was the that knight in the shining armour from “Unholy Hungers” ready to defend the honour of the maid no matter how tainted she was.

It was only after I discovered Laura’s writings especially Wave which I speed-read in 2 months that everything began to make sense. When I told my then-partner about the Wave, she semi-believed me but also prophesied that I would figure her out eventually and leave her. Seems like the manipulators are consciously aware of their manipulations, go figure. I told her then that I would never leave here but did so one year later as reality started to become more clear. I severed my relationship with my mother which went through few painful stages of realisation on her part that she has truly lost her influence over me.

It was then when I met my current wife who was going through a crisis of her own. We both came together and worked through our programs, sacred cows and differences over last 8 years and I couldn’t be more thankful for her influence in my life. She came in like a massive opposing wave with her no-nonsense strong yet balanced feminine attitude and zero tolerance towards everything excessive that I was fully indulged in. Lot of her views mirror Laura’s postings about certain topics and I needed that influence in my life. I have no such damaging behaviours now even when I am alone. A lot of shame has now dissipated thanks to this forum and hard-hitting mirrors which are presented whenever required. I’d rather pick weeds out of the garden in my free time now rather than indulging in fantasies. I still zone out and dissociate during conversations but working hard on fixing that.

So, if I circle back to my childhood incidents and how I felt around then, had I been exposed to more of such experiences, it would have very likely messed up my sexuality and masculinity. I would have become either homosexual or bisexual seeking sexual pleasures wherever I could find them. A child simply doesn’t know the right path when subjected to such experiences so early in the imprinting stage. I wouldn’t have found my current wife or Laura’s writings. Or, If I had indeed found them, the damage would have been permanent already by then. It was the strong masculine influences of my childhood friends and few cousins which kept me going in the right direction and gave me enough strength to hang on by the clutches of my wrists.

One of the things I discovered and had to work very hard on is the correct expression of my masculinity or how to be a man first and foremost before trying to grow my being. And as I have learned and grown striving to be a better man, that progress has mirrored and assisted my own spiritual progress in estoric subjects and understanding of higher realities. It almost feels like buffers are getting cleared and self-importance being dropped. I don’t feel much anxiety or shame about anything now and there is a sense of calmness and stability in how I go about my day to day activities. I feel that the greater I get in touch with my masculinity, better I am able to understand the highly complex subjects being discussed here. I am also better able to understand and empathise with both men and women. Its almost as if I am able to understand both masculine and feminine side inside myself and others. I am able to now pick out manipulative natures in both men and women without getting my own distortions and judgements getting in the way. And I am able to show better compassion to the men and women who are lost and in grip of their own distortions.

The mirrors and commentary presented on this forum is simply amazing and it keeps growing in quality. I have trouble keeping up with the material posted due to lack of reading time. The podcasts are exceptional too. Few years ago, one of my scared cows would be disturbed and I would get angry at few comments but refrained from reacting and observed my reactions and state of mind. I would advise the same to others now who have commented haughtily in this thread. Jordan Peterson says that one must risk being offensive in our suite of truth. And as Laura said, truth is truth is truth. Its not my truth or your truth. 8 Billion in this world may believe in their version of truth and one person would have the objective truth. Learn to discover and chase after the objective truth. Its going to hurt and bite but would also heal.

So, my concluding view is aligned with what C’s have said about childhood experiences and traumas imprinting which would dictate the sexual orientation of an individual in their adulthood. Soul is attached to the mind and also married to the genetics. 4D STS have perfected the manipulation techniques and they will always try to get you early when you are defenceless with less developed frontal cortex, the perfect amygdala hijack that will then manifest genetically and chemically. And once the genetics have changed and brain re-wired, its a long climb back up the ladder with your own body and mind trying to pull you down.
Now, some are also born with homosexual orientation imprinted at soul level and I would view that as a special type of incarnation with some additional challenges. Both cases above can be looked at in a positive light with the being striving to find inner balance and greater understanding of their own nature and observing their own and others reactions. The answers will be understood via your own observations through the journey and not by pre-existing orientations or predilections.

 

[Ant22]

I just want to point out that in my experience most homosexuals are not pedophiles. The PTB might have an agenda to USE the LGBTQ/Gay Pride movement to try to normalize pedophilia, but its not the same thing. I'm not defending anyone, just pointing out that what two consenting adults do with each other is very different from what almost happened to you, FWIW.

If you want to know how a gay germ spreads I believe we have to go back to certain moments of our childhoods, and we have to be honest.

I'm really sorry about what happened to you duyunne, and I'm very glad the sister intervened! I agree with Séamas, it may be worth discussing it with a qualified professional if this even still casts a shadow over your life.

But like Séamas said, being homosexual isn't equal to being a pedophile, statistically a vast majority of pedophiles are heterosexual. If pedophilia was a result of sexual abuse the number of pedophiles in the society would be much higher. Data quoted by Pierre in his article Laura posted above talks about around 50% of the population having this horrible experience and the number of pedophiles is much lower than that.

Here's an example of a study showing statistical distribution of homosexual vs. heterosexual pedophiles:

The proportions of heterosexual and homosexual pedophiles among sex offenders against children: an exploratory study - PubMed

Previous investigations have indicated that the ratio of sex offenders against female children vs. offenders against male children is approximately 2:1, while the ratio of gynephiles to androphiles among the general population is approximately 20:1. The present study investigated whether the...

www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov

Previous investigations have indicated that the ratio of sex offenders against female children vs. offenders against male children is approximately 2:1, while the ratio of gynephiles to androphiles among the general population is approximately 20:1. The present study investigated whether the etiology of preferred partner sex among pedophiles is related to the etiology of preferred partner sex among males preferring adult partners. Using phallometric test sensitivities to calculate the proportion of true pedophiles among various groups of sex offenders against children, and taking into consideration previously reported mean numbers of victims per offender group, the ratio of heterosexual to homosexual pedophiles was calculated to be approximately 11:1. This suggests that the resulting proportion of true pedophiles among persons with a homosexual erotic development is greater than that in persons who develop heterosexually. This, of course, would not indicate that androphilic males have a greater propensity to offend against children.

 

[aragorn]

I find the use of “of course” in that last scentence of the abstract of that study curious. Usually wordings like this are discouraged to use in scientific articles. Perhaps the authors were worried of the repercussions of what they found?