How To Spot A Dangerous Woman

Some simple signs to watch out for in the beginning stages of a relationship. They indicate that a serious relationship may extract heavy emotional/psychological and/or other costs in the future.

Most of them may seem obvious - they should. However, the thing to remember is that under the powerful sway of neurochemicals triggered at the prospect of the perfect relationship, common sense is usually the first casualty.


_http://www.softpanorama.org/Social/Toxic_managers/Female_sociopaths/techniques_of_a_female_sociopaths.shtml

Sociopathic charm. Dr. Stout believes it is a primary characteristic of woman sociopath. The intense charm of people who have no conscience, has been observed by researchers and commented on by countless victims. In corporate environment it is usually directed mostly up and represents typical "kiss up, kick down" pattern also found is male authoritarians. According to the book "Snakes in Suits - When sociopaths Go To Work" by Dr. Robert Hare and Dr. Paul Babiak, one of the most effective skills sociopaths use to get the trust of people is their ability to charm them. Some low IQ sociopaths lay the charm on too thick, coming across as glib, superficial, and unconvincing. However, the truly talented ones have polished their ability to charm people into an art, priding themselves on their ability to present a fictional self to others that is convincing, taken at face value, and difficult to penetrate. One must always keep in mind that the charm, like manipulation in general, can be very subtle.

The components of this "psychopathic charm" is difficult to define. But you can easily see it in movies that depict such individuals. Women who have a closely related set of traits, but without personal fearlessness, courage and ability to handle stress typical for sociopaths are grouped under the label Histrionic personality disorder. The researchers of this disorder proposed a useful mnemonic that makes it easier remember the behavioral characteristics that are somewhat typical for sociopathic charm. Of course this is simplification, but still is a useful simplification. This mnemonic phrase is "PRAISE ME":

Provocative (or seductive) behavior; early and repeated attempts to breach the personal distance while not being acquainted for a long time. Often on the first meeting.
{The specific gestures may range from subtle to bold.}

Relationships are presented as more intimate than they actually are. "We are friends, aren't we" trick. "We are adult people, aren't we?" trick. "Tell me what you expect of a woman in bed?".
{This is often priming for a fast track relationship}

Attention-seeking behaviour, especially efficient when it comes along with physical beauty. Physical beauty is the trait that makes female sociopath so dangerous, as it disarm people. Direct and confident body language signals their interest in you.
{physical component of attention seeking can take various forms; like provocative clothing, body art etc}

Influence others and adapts to them seamlessly. They listen attentively, ask simple "ice-breaking" questions. Smile, nod, and occasionally offer commentary like "Uh-huh" or "Yeah." Ask follow up questions as well. Ask for clarification or further details on stories and personal information.

{these are effective tools for chit-chat, but they can become tools for manipulation when present with other warning signs}

Speech style is somewhat exaggerated, emotionally elevated with the goal to impress; lacks details, especially in their biography.

Emotional lability; shallowness. Light flirt.

Make-up, hair style, clothing, perfume, the whole physical appearance are well though out, elegant and are used to draw attention to self. They are always dressed up, sexy and radiate confidence. Such people are judged as better looking than average on first sight because they put more effort into their appearance, and the difference in attractiveness disappears when "dressed down" with bland clothing and without make up.

Exaggerated emotions; theatrical behaviors. They have a sense of humor and often make other person laugh. Many people are attracted to people with a healthy sense of humor.
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The speed at which the relationship progresses can be an indicator of possible danger.

_http://www.livestrong.com/article/105230-warning-signs-dangerous-obsessive-relationship/
It Was a Whirlwind Relationship

Its normal to start fantasizing about the future early in the relationship. It can signal a problem when one person wants to rush into the relationship too soon. Red flags to look for include your partner calling you her "soulmate," discussing marriage or suggesting moving in together during the first few weeks of your relationship. If this is going on in your relationship, ask yourself if you truly believe the other person is behaving this way out of love for you. Often, an obsessive person chooses to rush things to have more control over the other person and to have a sense that the other person is somehow trapped and has less opportunity to leave the relationship.
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Feeling sorry

_http://uk.askmen.com/top_10/dating/top-10-signs-shes-a-dangerous-woman_10.html
She’s good at making you feel sorry for her

Perhaps she’s told you about various incidents in her past that are too difficult for you to ask her to prove. Typical examples include child abuse or serious illness or even some violent attack, that actually never took place.

Various false financial sob stories are designed to condition you to lend her a few quid here and a few quid there. The more she gets away with today, the more she knows she can achieve in the future. The sad part is, the nicer and more generous you are, the more generous you have to become, to satisfy her every need.
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The "feeling sorry for her" triggers the white knight in men. The rest is downhill.

_http://uk.askmen.com/top_10/dating/top-10-signs-shes-a-dangerous-woman_9.html

She's either hot or cold

One minute she loves you so much, the next she hates you with the same intensity. Perhaps she also has a deep fear of being abandoned, and could therefore be very ‘needy’ at times. ‘Needing’ you can make you feel wanted – and who doesn’t want that. But in this case, she could have a condition called ‘Borderline Personality Disorder’.

If you regularly find yourself questioning your own sanity because of false accusations she makes to or about you, that’s a loud warning bell. Who knows what she’s saying about you behind your back? The great sex is her diversionary tactic to keep you hooked for as long as she needs you to be. There's potentially deep trouble ahead for any man on the receiving end of someone like this.
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Borderline Personality Disorder is a notoriously difficult disorder to diagnose and treat. Extreme neediness and self-harm (like cutting oneself) are common with BPD, though this does not mean that all who do so are necessarily BPD patients.


It is not important to try and "diagnose" which category someone belongs to if she shows danger signs; it is best to get out of the way first. Going deep with analyzing and getting a diagnostic understanding becomes important if one is already significantly involved with such a person and is trying to either get out as safely as possible or otherwise figuring out how to deal with the mess. As they say "an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure".
 
Very helpful guidelines. So much attention is focused on dangerous men and way too little on dangerous women. I think people forget that "danger" can be related to a lifetime of heartbreak and suffering and not necessarily physical danger. Many decent guys get caught in these traps because of the way our culture raises men to be needy.
 
Thank you for this female BPD topic, Obyvatel. You can´t imagine how grateful I felt for the thread about this topic you already raised more than two years ago. It has helped me so much to get a more accurate picture of my mother.

Until that time, I had already read everything I could about the wide range of narcissism and male psychopathy but there were always some specifics in that literature that wouldn´t quite fit with her personality, and I was in need for a more consistent approach that would help me lift the weight of guilt for not helping her as much as she was expecting me to do so.

Even if it´s true that I already had spotted since long ago her needy plots and ambivalent behaviour, like ´I love you, I hate you´, or ´I love you, you hate me´, and her shameless demand upon anybody who would enter in contact with her to treat her as a lady, just to name a few of her prosaic traits, the fact is that occasionally she would do and say things that were so incredibly hard to digest so that my mind would start weighing several explanations around mental retardation that could apply to her, which meant I couldn´t let her down entirely if that was the case.

Some low IQ sociopaths lay the charm on too thick, coming across as glib, superficial, and unconvincing.
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This trait explains precisely why I was more in favour of a mental retardation issue. I think that even most of her BRIEF relationships were more or less aware of her superficial charm from what I´ve been told, others even completely aware, her needy behaviour and physical beauty supported by unparalleled distinction and elegance would still attract admiration from others and be convincing enough to appear as a poor lady suffering from past grief.

Women who have a closely related set of traits, but without personal fearlessness, courage and ability to handle stress typical for sociopaths are grouped under the label Histrionic personality disorder
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. ‘Needing’ you can make you feel wanted – and who doesn’t want that. But in this case, she could have a condition called ‘Borderline Personality Disorder’.
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When searching for an explanation that would fit her best, I was confused since all symptoms related both to BPD and HPD would apply as well. Maybe I might have been too subjective there, but in any case my husband also corroborated without hesitation both kind of personality tests as highly descriptive of her personality.

Now it´s enough for me after having observed her for a long time to know that she was a broken machine who could therefore never understand that her growing furious rage over the years would never bring her daughter back, nor attract money, and peace.
 
Laura said:
Very helpful guidelines. So much attention is focused on dangerous men and way too little on dangerous women. I think people forget that "danger" can be related to a lifetime of heartbreak and suffering and not necessarily physical danger. Many decent guys get caught in these traps because of the way our culture raises men to be needy.
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Thanks for this. I learned the "hard way" 25 years ago...it was a year or so after my divorce from a non-pathological woman, whom i alienated with my own bad behavior.... i was REALLY down on myself having realized i was cause of her leaving.

What i did not know was that that condition was like painting a huge psychic sign with an arrow flashing "EAT HERE!"...too bad my intuition was not functioning much when this woman came along. At the time (one of the lowest points in my life thus far) i thought she was a gift, little did i know she would take me even lower....but i did learn a lot...and as we all know, Learning is "FUN" !!
 
One of sisters of my grandmother looks like example of psychopathic woman.

I remember that on the one family occasion she simulated an illness and one of person (not related to the family) saw her completly healthy and because of accident it comes to the surface in discussion where he said that she saw her completly healthy and was surprised that she is ill. It was jaw dropping for everyone when it came to the surface and that her problems with spine was just her figment and she hadn't any problem with walking. She probably wanted to direct attention to her and her "difficult" situation.

She hasn't got children. I don't know the reason of this, but probably she considered children as something "unnecessary". For now she is in nursing home and struggles with Alzheimer's disease and it started with situation when she felt bad and was took to the hospital, it was just temporary fainting she, but she drew attention because of aggresive behaviour when she was throwing various items toward doctor and insulted him.

Later come to the light her debts and problems with banks. She always look very good through her whole lifetime, she always had the best clothes and focused on the materialistic way of life. Uncle, her husband, who passed away 15 years ago had shop. She was not well educated and mostly help him with business (little groceries shop). After his death she lived thanks to his money he left and loans.

I think this is the case of woman's psychopathy and this examples which I gave suggest it.
 
I've read a book by Sandra Brown called "How to Avoid Dating Damaged Women". It doesn't describe psychopathy per se, but through several examples it draws a picture possible red flags to take into account.

Two types caught my eye particularly:

the Needy said:
When you first meet her, she may make you feel incredibly valuable. That’s because your value to her is about how you can help her, save her, or change her life for her. Nora has a sad history. It could be abuse, neglect, a nasty divorce, or men constantly leaving her. She instills all her hope in you that you will
be different and won’t hurt her. She sets you up a double bind in which she trusts you and then suggests you won’t be like ‘all the others’ and abandon her. Being the nice guy you are you feel stuck! You don’t want to be like the rest—but you aren’t ready to commit this early either.

She wants to move in quickly, get committed or married way too soon, tries to hook you into a more serious relationship than you can possibly have for just having dated for a few weeks.
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and

the Predator said:
Patrica will be everything you ever wanted in a woman! She is your soul mate, your mirrored image, your twin..she's YOU only female!
How could she possibly fit THAT bill in your life? Easy—she's a great listener. She listens as you rattle on about all the other relationships that have failed. She listens for 'why' they failed and what the other women did to get booted out....she then finds out all your interests and loves....then guess what? She
LOVES fly fishing, and the movie 'Independence Day'...she's really into German Shepherds too and working out at the gym.
You think you met your 'soul mate'--how lucky for you that you have found a woman who has the exact interest you do! It's not enough that she's exactly like you, she also begins to be the exact opposite of all the other women who failed in relationships with you. You didn't like women who were 'needy'? She is the tower of independence and strength. You didn't like women who called you all the time? She's cool and
aloof and waits for your calls. You like sexually aggressive women? She's all over you like an octopus.

She seems a little too good to be true? Guess what...SHE IS!
Although Patricia has a 6th sense for men-on-the-mend, her skills are really predatory-based. She's in for the hunt and the prize is you. Her 6th sense is what helps her hunt like a lion...she knows exactly what to do and not to do. She is a dating marvel and never blunders on dates or during interactions with you. She's
flawless, seamless, smooth and excessively charming. Patricia is really a highly pathological woman...but interestingly, in this category, the more pathological she is, the more charming and convincing she is...at least initially.
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Protection is to know oneself's weaknesses, because predators know how to detect them and use them againt the victim. Ego stroke here, pity ploy there, in the right doses, and the fantasy land is put right in front of your eyes. One has to know his own weaknesses and the techniques of manipulation that push the button for self preservation, because it's often a matter of life and death.
 
[quote author= Laura]Many decent guys get caught in these traps because of the way our culture raises men to be needy.[/quote]

Very needy. What you see in some men is that they suddenly shut off all common sense when it comes to certain women.

Things like being dictated by their partner who they are allowed to see and not. And they just comply. I have seen that more than ones.

And they just completely transform when they are with them. 2 different persons, making sure they behave accordingly to the wishes of madam.

They sacrifice their authentic self in order to be with women. And women who prey on that know to pick them very well.


On another note, and this is OFF topic

But Gordon Ramsey, someone whose life is completely without external consideration has a way of handling women who think they should be treated like princesses. :P (I believe they share certain signs of dangerous women) (vid=1.21 min)

 
Laura said:
Many decent guys get caught in these traps because of the way our culture raises men to be needy.
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mkrnhr said:
Protection is to know oneself's weaknesses, because predators know how to detect them and use them againt the victim. Ego stroke here, pity ploy there, in the right doses, and the fantasy land is put right in front of your eyes. One has to know his own weaknesses and the techniques of manipulation that push the button for self preservation, because it's often a matter of life and death.
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The focus here is on "decent but needy" guys and how they can protect themselves from predatory women and/or dysfunctional relationships.

So what makes a man needy? In "Narcissistic Family", the Pressmans write that children raised in narcissistic environments have "an overwhelming need for external validation" since they "were not raised in an atmosphere of acceptance and unconditional love". I don't know about others but nobody I know or have heard of was raised in an ideal atmosphere, though the degree of narcissism or dysfunction in the childhood environment can vary a lot. Anyway, this need for external validation when combined with "mother complex" leads to needy men seeking approval especially from women. Some men realize later in life that they chose women who resembled their mothers (usually in her negative capacities) as partners. Some others try to choose a partner exactly opposite of how their mothers were as a gesture of rebellion.

The issue with all these situations is that the men only see what they are looking for - which is their projection - and not how the other person actually is. Normal, non-predatory women can fall unconsciously into projective identification, acting out the projection of men. Predatory women can read the projection and play out their part with more awareness of what is going on.

There could be an evolutionary component at play here as well - osit. In a patriarchal setup, women needed men for economic, physical and social survival reasons, for themselves and their children. In societies routinely engaged with fighting for survival, men tended to have shorter life spans and often were reduced in number compared to women. So women needed to compete for mates and in polygamous societies, for a bigger share of the family's resources. Survival needs would make women's senses more attuned to men's projections so that they could survive or thrive. Psychologist Carl Jung, through empirical observations, referred to the existence of a "natural intelligence" in women regarding such matters where a man would be almost clueless. Here is a relevant excerpt from the works of Marie Von Franz, a Jungian psychologist.

[quote author=MLVF]
In general, the feminine in men, and in a woman by nature, has the kind of cunning which can sneak around and look round corners and get things indirectly. It is an aspect of what Jung called in women the so-called "natural mind", a kind of absolutely instinctive wisdom which can also be merciless and inhuman .

It could perhaps be best illustrated by the woman who took a cure in Carlsbad with her husband and, looking at the beautiful country and setting sun, exclaimed "Oh John, if one of us dies, I shall move to Carlsbad!" She didn't think of what she was saying. That is the wisdom of the weasel. Generally women cover this up with sentimentality , but the anima (in men) has the same kind of natural shrewdness, which is a kind of thinking along nature lines and always concerned with death and inheritance.

Some women know exactly when the man they are interested in is likely to be alone one evening, and then they remember that they ought to return the book that evening! Some are honest enough to know what is happening in the background, but some really are absolutely naive about it in consciousness. But their weasel shadow knows exactly that this would be the right evening to come and be very surprised, saying, "Isn't your wife in?" That's the weasel! The anima of man can do the same thing very well, only men are even more unaware of it.
[/quote]

It is possible that evolutionary pressures selected more favorably for this trait in women.

So, in a sense, normal decent men are at a disadvantage in the relationship context. They are more blinded by their projections and often get played by women who are more cognizant of their interior world than they themselves are.
 
A former workmate and good friend of mine met one of these women (and unfortunately married her). They met on a blind date, and once she met him, she pursued him relentlessly, she cooked meals and left them on his door step, and she just pursued him. He gave in and they started dating and she soon moved in with him ( he owned his own house).

Once she was in, she threw herself into his main hobby with great gusts. He used to drive cheap rally cars , rallye every weekend, working on the car evenings etc. She professed her love for rallying, got involved in administration, became a judging assistant, was really on board. Happy to have the garage full of rally car and parts, all good.

Until they got married. Suddenly, there was huge pressure to spend more family time, to not go to every rally, to get the car stuff out of the garage. Eventually, within 18 months of being married, his hobby was gone and the pressure was on to buy a newer bigger house in a better suburb. And so it went.

They have a son now, plus her son, and he is locked in, but the relationship is nothing like it was made out to be before they married.
 
Needy men are an easy game for women. It is nothing more than a sales pitch. The tickets to the feelings of a man have several openings. If a woman wants some man, they need only imagine his weaknesses. Much easier it is when they have information about his current partner. Is it dominant, both still common interests, as is his drinking habits, he likes to go off alone, as he talks about women in general, as he looks at women ....
Is a woman to search for prey, she knows that many men are controlled pleasure. The ES (Sigmund Freud) is visually, by touch, and auditory activated.
For each module, this woman knows the switch.
Visually = clothes, makeup, hair, breasts
Contact = body language, touch

A man who is in need for sex is, fastest response to visual stimuli. He looks and is controlled purely on its engines.

The greatest danger is auditory for me.
Men who feel lonely without the instincts are involved. Men seek closeness, emotion, love. For a woman, a very easy target. You just listen to that demand exists and informs that the demand is justified and you yourself are willing to accept the satisfaction. Of course, a played bewilderment and Unverständis one of them, which is why any of the partners that role does not assume.
A very clear sales pitch. The man says what he wants or what he lacks. The woman confirmed first that the desire is completely legal and has reported that it is ready to close the gap.
Truths are here as well as replaced - it's one and only on the feeling rail. Not loved, not respected enough unappreciated
The man feels understood, accepted.
Usually this deception works 3 months or up to the time when you feel the object to be safe.
But then subject to the emotional chaos that can be controlled very well back from the side of the woman.
Borderline is it a tragic example.

Since I have understanding and feeling isolated, I can watch these dramas. Women who change completely in the presence of men.
Of course, this also applies to the reverse case.
 
Windmill knight said:
I came across this video which presents a stunning case of a woman who tried to have her husband killed and later nearly convinced him of helping her out of jail! The video analyses the phone conversation they had in which she sought to manipulate him. I thought it was fascinating as a case study.
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Fascinating and educative. Thanks for sharing.
 
Good grief!

I just watched through that video linked above. "Come here! PLEASE come here!!!"

Yikes.

But you know what?

From what I've seen, these manipulative behaviors all stem from automatic roots, and exist on a scale. That would-be murderess is on the far end to be certain, but even the best and healthiest relationships I've been in have carried elements of that kind of thing from the woman's side. And when I'm being honest with myself, I could characterize many, if not all of my behaviors somewhere on the "Get what you want" chart despite what I might tell myself. Microscope in enough, and it's all just some kind of self-preservation/goal-seeking programming code playing out.

3D living can sure take on a depressing shade when one digs into these raw elements.

Being a decent person takes a LOT of work and consistent self-awareness, external considering and choice making, and I find it hard enough to manage that while being single, let alone in any partnership with myself made vulnerable. It's a full time job trying to be better than the bog standard human machine. I'm fine with that. That's the Work, but...

The more aware I become, the more I see warning signs and manipulations in even otherwise really nice people; women who are simply acting in accordance with their base programming, morally grounded, but obedient to their ancient impulses nonetheless. And I get spooked and throw down distance.

I believe it when the C's say that 3D is a fundamentally, dyed in the wool STS reality!

I can't see myself in a relationship ever again. Not in this lifetime.

I suspect that this is not healthy, but what can one do? I don't want to erase what I have learned.

Getting older is a blessing and a curse, and I understand why we are not immortals.

I think this is in a large part why we come into any given life completely blanked, knowledge-wise. -So that we can get into painful situations where we can further learn; situations which, with enough prior knowledge would simply not occur. Too much knowledge at the wrong time prevents the collection of further knowledge, or at least dramatically slows it down. I can understand why this mode of existence we are in might be called a, "Short Wave Cycle". (As the C's have described it). -The learning proceeds much more quickly due to the constant memory blanking process. All the wisdom we acquire is stored away as intuition.

Somewhere along the line, when everybody has worked out all our automatic 3D behaviors, maybe relationships will become something possible.

Do they date in 6D? They don't see any need for orgasm? Brilliant! That sounds cool! I bet they have something far better worked out. I bet I have an inkling what it is, too. I get hints of it when people share information and discovery together. When I feel connected to the world.

That's a reason to keep on growing.

Because, everything else aside...

People are amazing! I love being around them. Talking and sharing ideas and creative joys? Helping each other out? Traveling through the world together on adventures? Amazing!

But I suspect this guy is going to be a bachelor for the rest of his days.

I've seen too much. Woe is me. Ha ha! What a dramatic figure I must cut. I should find some moors to walk on. And maybe one of those big, billowing cloaks. :P
 
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