NewOrleans
Jedi Master
Hello Eric. Maybe in due time. I haven't had the opportunity to jump back in and continue. I must. Business right now tough going, but I intend on completing these pages. Hang on! LOL
A Paleo Diet children's book - an experiment in group creativity
- Thread starter NewOrleans
- Start date
anart
A Disturbance in the Force
NewOrleans said:
Hi NewOrleans, are you the only person who has access to your forum account? Several of your recent posts haven't sounded quite like you, so I'm wondering if someone else could be logging in on your account (or if you are always logged in, if they could be posting as you).
NewOrleans
Jedi Master
Hi Anart. Not that I know of. Could you be specific about which posts are unlike my responses? I haven't been writing as much as reading lately. I appreciate the concern.
anart
A Disturbance in the Force
NewOrleans said:
Sure. This one was a little odd considering your previous posts on similar topics - http://cassiopaea.org/forum/index.php/topic,27873.msg366683.html#msg366683
In that same thread - http://cassiopaea.org/forum/index.php/topic,27873.msg365896.html#msg365896 - you mentioned that you "don't want to marry your boyfriend", when previously you'd mentioned you had a wife, though now divorced, but still sort of 'with' her and considering you went through such emotional trauma over ending your marriage, your statements about marriage in that post don't really match your previous statements.
Then here - http://cassiopaea.org/forum/index.php/topic,9436.msg365897.html#msg365897 - doesn't really map to your usual posting style at all, though maybe you've just been in odd moods and that's what's coming across?
NewOrleans
Jedi Master
Dear Anart, I went back and reread the last several posts under my name to reconsider your comment. No, that's me.
A follow-up might be in order: We did divorce - for economic/medical reasons - though emotionally it was sad at first. We got over it. She's applying for gov assistance for her disabilities. We three live together and we're very harmonious. What I meant to say is that marriage has it's advantages in the legal sense, not for just social conventionality. Gay marriage does too. Thought I don't see myself marrying again - male or female. I rarely call my companions "boyfriends or ex-wives" and that in itself was a strange choice of words for me. So sure, I can see how it would sound "off". This will give me an opportunity to externally observe how I say things. Thanks.
On another off-subject point: I had a dream that I met you. A very positive dream. Do you sing?
A follow-up might be in order: We did divorce - for economic/medical reasons - though emotionally it was sad at first. We got over it. She's applying for gov assistance for her disabilities. We three live together and we're very harmonious. What I meant to say is that marriage has it's advantages in the legal sense, not for just social conventionality. Gay marriage does too. Thought I don't see myself marrying again - male or female. I rarely call my companions "boyfriends or ex-wives" and that in itself was a strange choice of words for me. So sure, I can see how it would sound "off". This will give me an opportunity to externally observe how I say things. Thanks.
On another off-subject point: I had a dream that I met you. A very positive dream. Do you sing?
NewOrleans
Jedi Master
Not like this, Anart..... ;)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d9Xz7m-mdLE&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d9Xz7m-mdLE&feature=related
NewOrleans
Jedi Master
H.E.: No, not this song, but this clarity of voice is what I meant to say. Sorry of that was confusing.
I'd rather make this thread about the Paleo book than a numinous dream. Since I had dreamt of Anart, I just asked a simple question. Flattery was not my intention, thought it was a profoundly beautiful voice as I recall. I tend to think dreams can be ones own subconscious doing healing work with available symbolism.
I am planning on doing more Paleo pages this weekend. Yeaaaaa!
I'd rather make this thread about the Paleo book than a numinous dream. Since I had dreamt of Anart, I just asked a simple question. Flattery was not my intention, thought it was a profoundly beautiful voice as I recall. I tend to think dreams can be ones own subconscious doing healing work with available symbolism.
I am planning on doing more Paleo pages this weekend. Yeaaaaa!
NewOrleans
Jedi Master
Hello everyone,
There's still a few big gaps in the story, but here they are in sequence. (I have yet to do the ending too.) Thanks again to all of you who have giving me helpful ideas.
There's still a few big gaps in the story, but here they are in sequence. (I have yet to do the ending too.) Thanks again to all of you who have giving me helpful ideas.
NewOrleans
Jedi Master
Group participation helped start this and that enthusiasm still keeps me moving forward to want to complete this. Is there something that is not working visually or content-wise?
IMO - it works very well visually, I would re think the written part as I personally find the story not so engaging. The basic idea is great but perhaps it should be more adjusted for children level. Writing for children is extremely difficult and it requires special gift.
Well at least this is how it seems to me FWIW.
Well at least this is how it seems to me FWIW.
Tigersoap
The Living Force
I think the illustrations are great.
I am not so sure about the story itself, to me it reads too much like a manual, I'd like it better if it was more subtle.
I bought a famous belgian comic book for my kid recently and the story is about how the two kids eat candy when they're not supposed to and get magically turned into living sweets. They travel to the land where candies are created and every child who has eaten candy is working in a factory to feed a giant sugar spider. The nice faery helps them get rid of the spider with her magic toothbrush and they all turn back into human children once the spell is broken.
Of course this is obvious propaganda for not eating sweets, brushing your teeth and eating "healthy" but it's not decribed as such, any adult with two neurons firing will get it immediatly but children from a certain age won't.
I think a story like that must work on different level, to entertain chidlren with fun stuff while conveying a message but I do agree that it's not easy to write a good children story.
FWIW.
I am not so sure about the story itself, to me it reads too much like a manual, I'd like it better if it was more subtle.
I bought a famous belgian comic book for my kid recently and the story is about how the two kids eat candy when they're not supposed to and get magically turned into living sweets. They travel to the land where candies are created and every child who has eaten candy is working in a factory to feed a giant sugar spider. The nice faery helps them get rid of the spider with her magic toothbrush and they all turn back into human children once the spell is broken.
Of course this is obvious propaganda for not eating sweets, brushing your teeth and eating "healthy" but it's not decribed as such, any adult with two neurons firing will get it immediatly but children from a certain age won't.
I think a story like that must work on different level, to entertain chidlren with fun stuff while conveying a message but I do agree that it's not easy to write a good children story.
FWIW.
NewOrleans
Jedi Master
Ah! Tigersoap, Yes, true....LOL That is the problem: liking it better if the writing was more suitable. Well, as the illustrator part of me says thank you; the writer part says ....yes, it needs improvement. Sure.
H.E.: Exactl. Thanks.
Hmmmm, well back to the drawing board....
Anybody having the gift of writing is invited to chip in, of course....it can be fun, not a chore.....
H.E.: Exactl. Thanks.
Hmmmm, well back to the drawing board....
Anybody having the gift of writing is invited to chip in, of course....it can be fun, not a chore.....
H
Hildegarda
Guest
I had the same thought.
What needs to be decided IMO is whether it's a story to be read by young children by themselves, or by adults to children.
In the first case, you need the sentences to be simpler, more basic in vocabulary and structure. If it's the second case, the story needs more meat, more details. E.g., the first page could become the first chapter, where the story of Polly's family is told, why she is afraid of dentists, the fast-food dinner she had on the way home, etc.
Right now, in my view, part of the problem is that the story structure is rudimentary but there are lot of big words in in sentences. In combination with colloquials it sounds a bit off.
