The Living Force
Bud said:Regarding my personal sense of self, it felt sort of like I had seated somewhere. From this apparent vantage point, I saw something of "Bud" as a thought. A closed system thinker, so-to-speak. A bunch of little I's, thought loops - the whole works, sure - but even as a collection, or system, it was still a thought. A thought thinking thoughts. Sounds kind of silly doesn't it?
To me, it sounds like more intellectualization without a practical path for moving forward.
Bud, here are a few points for your consideration- take them fwiw
* We cannot see ourselves as others see us. This is where a network can be invaluable. For the network to help us, we do need to put trust in the network. You may want to reflect privately on the question of trust.
* What I have observed in your posts has been a general tendency to put much effort in writing kind of "airtight" posts which covers most bases and sacrifice clarity for what you may perceive as "completeness". Ana mentioned isolation and asked you imagine a wall between yourselves and others. I think your posts are sometimes indicative of this dynamic. Now one of the reasons for building "an airtight container" or a "wall" is for purpose of protection. You may want to consider the possibility of the over-intellectualization and philosophizing being a buffer that keeps you from accessing some deep-seated unpleasant emotions.
* If possible, you may also want to recapitulate what was going on with you at the time when you decided to change your forum handle from "Buddy" to "Bud". As "Bud", the general persona projected is that of a wise philosopher/teacher who tries hard to practice humility. As "Buddy" on the other hand, the persona projected was more an intellectually driven but open-minded seeker of knowledge. While a reliance on intellect is a common thread, the flavor is different between the two personalities.
* You have had some experiences of altered states which you have mentioned in some threads (like here ). You may want to to reflect on how much effect experiences like this has had on you and your present outlook. The Scale of Law described by Ibn al Arabi may be of relevance - or not ( link )
My 2 cents