an issue that remains sin

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insipido04 said:
i like young boys and lately that feeling have increased i can control myself pretty well but nothing lasts for ever and that's where the question comes from

You're talking about young boys and your physical needs..
I'm thinking you must've been treated the same way. An older person taking advantage of you maybe?

You should I think talk with a professional about this like others have suggested. Get a job and talk to a professional, if you truly seek help.

And making some diet changes.

You could also perhaps borrow these from the library:

Myth of Sanity - Martha Stout
The Narcissistic Family - Stephanie Donaldson-Pressman and Robert M. Pressman
Trapped in the Mirror - Elan Golomb
Unholy Hungers - Barbara E. Hort
In Sheep's Clothing - George K. Simon

Also read the Wave if you haven't yet..
 
I understand your point concerning the ages of people and how the laws relate to them. In fact there have been cases in the news relating to the very same issues (18 year old having sex with 16 year olds). I get that. It does seem strange when you look at it in that context because the age difference is only two years. But we're not talking about that. The issue you brought to the table was your own and it is in that context that I'm speaking.

You shift from your own specific situation to what ifs. If you want to deal with the truth, then you must deal with what is, not what you want it to be. The truth is that today there are laws. Today, you are 19 not 15. And only you can answer the question as to whether you have the money or not for a therapist.

My personal opinion is that perhaps you're not interested in seeing a therapist whatever the reason may be. That is your choice. If I'm understanding you correctly, you think that because you feel this way it "was clearly meant to be" and you're only interested in finding out why you feel the way you do. Whether it's a choice made before you were born or another reason.

It's been suggested that you read the big five psychology books for answers by a couple of people. Are you interested in reading them?

No one can give you the answers to your questions. You have to do this for yourself. You say that you "have been dragged to knowledge all your life". This would include reading those books and if you can't get them yet, do a search on the cass site for various topics if you haven't done so already.

Quote
I'm unfortunately also getting the feeling from your posts that you may be enjoying the attention you're receiving from starting this post. Is this true?
put your mind over your feelings then, dont let them drag you (everyone)

enjoying no, thats superficial this is not a game but like i say if your not ready to walk, dont try to fly

Your posts reflect a certain flavor I've seen before on this site, but I'll give you the benefit of the doubt.
 
Hi insipido04,

When I was a waiter people often asked to be served without caring what it was; it didn't matter, they were hungry.

Ironic, isn't it?
 
insipido04 said:
i wont deny that i have a great attraction toward young boys

insipido04 said:
because nobody chooses their sexuality and may be im a pedophilic/phycopath or may be im not but this sensation is intencifing

insipido04 said:
i realized by having sex with people most of them older, that ANYthing that you like can be changed by will or external factors ironically i liked old men too on those days


insipido04 said:
to be clear and set the facts :yes i like young boys 12-30 mostly, yas i had sex when i was 17 with a 40 year old man,not raped , no i dont have any kind of bizarre odd or dgusting dreams , fantasies of any sort when i think about it


insipido04 said:
maybe as a psychopath i should kill myself not to hurt people i thought that already, but wait we have a paradox right here,dont we......

insipido04 said:
having sex with a minor or older is not sinonim of suffering but it could become so like everything, like i said i didn't choose this, maybe in 5th lol but not this flesh


insipido04 said:
if i couldn't control my self , believe me i would have done many things already and as you can see that takes the shape of a dilema, and there is something that i like more than sex, its to get knowledge

insipido04 said:
put your mind over your feelings then, dont let them drag you (everyone)
enjoying no, thats superficial this is not a game but like i say if your not ready to walk, dont try to fly



insipido04 said:
maybe I'm a psychopath , but then , why am i here in the mouth of the wolf???

As I see it, you are not in the mouth of the wolf, YOU are the wolf.
 
insipido04, let me be clear. Talking about your perversion - for that is what it is - on this forum, will not be tolerated. By the standards of all normal human beings, by the standards of living so as not to cause hurt to others in the act of getting for the self, you are perverted.

The problem with perversion and mental illness is that the afflicted individual never thinks that there is anything wrong with them; they think that the way they think is normal. It takes a healthy individual to question their own thoughts and urges (which is actually one of the signs of being mentally normal!)

You are stating that you have urges that are heading straight for manifesting situations where innocent people can be hurt. And even if you try to convince yourself that a young child - even yourself as a child - can entertain such urges in any state other than one that has been damaged and perverted, please know that this is not so.

I don't see any reason for you to be here. People who can embark on The Work that we do here must be already in a reasonably healthy mental state. People who have deep-seated perversions have no possibility of working on the self.

I am going to delete your account. You may download and continue to practice the EE breathing and meditation program, but unless and until you achieve significant results (see a therapist), there is no reason for you to be taking the time of the forum members here.
 
Insipido04,

Well I first read some of these posts last night, and realised I should comment based upon my experiences while growing up, which shaped my my life and thinking till I was around 35-36.
I was sexually abused from a very early age until i was 11, ..... i must say my heart is beating fast and i am shaking at the thought of what i am about to write and want to get across regarding this subject that affected my life for so long after the abuse.

I was brought up as a single parent child until my mother finally met somebody when i was 7 who became my dad, I have never met my biological father. Those first 7 years where a mixed bag of living conditions. Living in bedsits, sharing houses, my mother worked hard having two jobs, and this led to me being left with different people all the time or even left alone on occasions. But allot of the time and especially weekends it was at my Grandparents house. It was these times when my Grandfather started sexual abusing me. At 5-6 a child does not know what is going on! I had all the reasons told to me that is was normal, ranging from every child has it done but are not allowed to tell anyone, to Italian mom's do this to there sons but its the granddads job in England. It starts off slow but it soon ramps up. Was my Grandfather was thinking about this before he actually started? What made him start, why could he not keep his thoughts to himself.... Basically he was a sick man, But the point is he started.
Everybody in the family, my Grandparents had 8 children thought he could do no wrong! He was the perfect Dad and Granddad. It wasn't until around 10 i knew what he was doing to me was wrong, and it was starting to sicken me, I don't remember how i started to know how wrong it was, it may have been through TV,but I finally put a stop to it when I was around 11, I remember telling him no more or i would tell my Nan or my Mum. It stopped. But the damage was done.

The point is he started somewhere, he had thoughts and those thoughts went to far. Who is to say Insipido04 if you don't get help you will turn into without notice a paedophile.

He died when i was 16. In those last years I had a normalish relationship with my granddad , and on the day of his death I knew he had died before being told.
My mother never helped, she had a stressful job and i was her human punch bag during all this time and until i finally ran away at 20, My new Dada couldn't help he in those early year, it wasn't till later that I could turn to my Dad.

Now the damage it does to a child through to teenage years and even i my case my mid thirties i might never truly understand 100% but i finally broke,
I was living in as far away as possible from my family, left the UK for Asia when I was 22 and didn't return till I was 36. I was out of control. Women, Alcohol the whole nine yards. Failed relationships, and looking back which is also a still painful experience, i now understand how I was escaping from my past, escaping the memories of my Grandfather and Mother.
I also feel ashamed at the hurt i have cause others that had no idea but were sometimes at the sharp end of a hidden problem, I really thought I had it locked away. I was so wrong.


I went to a therapist, I went initially for help with a smoking habit of 40 a day, within two or three sessions i started to let it all out, mothers beatings then it came out regarding the sexual abuse. I have never cried so much in my life up to that point, the crying went on for days. The therapy I received was a priceless.


Then came the day i finally told my family the hardest thing i have ever done. I rang my Dad who is now separated from my Mother and he is still my dad today. He was devastated, devastated that he didn't and couldn't protect me from from the sexual abuse or from my Mum's violence. My Mum was finally told, again so much pain, confusion, blame, anger.
It has taken years of work for me to heal from this, but i now have a great relationship with my mum and my dad but its not been easy.

Insipido04 these thoughts are not helpful to you and you need help from somebody qualified, i can attest for people trained to deal with problems, my therapist changed my life.
If you don't seek help one day you may just turn into my granddad... I hope to god not. The pain it can cause both mentally and emotionally is beyond my words.

I hope you defeat this daemon.
 
I've been thinking about this thread quite often today and was wondering if something positive could come out of it (regarding the members). I really want to thank you for sharing your story rolyateel and just want to say how sorry I am for what you went through. While my experience is nowhere as extreme as yours, I also have a few experiences as a child/teenager with being sexually harassed and in two cases molestation (once on each occasion).

I don't know much about the minds of pedophiles, but I don't think they're much different from psychopaths in that they have no remorse for their behavior (hopefully someone will correct me if I'm wrong). It's only fear of getting caught that seems to keep them at bay which seems to be what happened with you and your grandfather.

I think if they were capable of remorse, they would probably stop after the first child which they don't seem to ever do.

I also don't think (as is widely believed) that being abused leads to someone abusing because the problem would be even more widespread than it already is. You and I had various levels of this experience and we didn't turn out that way. I've also met at least two other people in my life that were severely abused and they not only didn't turn out that way, but both were extremely mindful of other people lest it happen to their children.

I think what is bugging me about this post (aside from the obvious subject matter) is that I felt that I got so caught up in trying to understand the situation that it took me longer than usual to figure out what was going on. There's a good lesson in this for me that I need t work out.
 
truth seeker said:
I've been thinking about this thread quite often today and was wondering if something positive could come out of it (regarding the members)

I think something positive did come out of this thread when Laura stepped in put an end to it.

Laura said:
Talking about your perversion - for that is what it is - on this forum, will not be tolerated. By the standards of all normal human beings, by the standards of living so as not to cause hurt to others in the act of getting for the self, you are perverted.

By labeling his obsession as a perversion.

By stating that discourse on this topic would not be tolerated.

By comparing his standards to those of normal people which are not to cause hurt to others in the act of
getting for the self, she was showing us how to protect ourselves.

Just the fact that two members of the forum that we know of had bad memories triggered by these posts has already caused harm.

The lesson, I think, is to shut the door fast when something like that tries to get in.

insipido04 said:
maybe I'm a psychopath , but then , why am i here in the mouth of the wolf???

Well, as I see it, he came here to see if he could get past the defenses of the wolf by acting pitiful and selecting his words to make himself seem like a victim.

A lot of well meaning people were sincerely trying to help him and spending a lot of effort trying to get through.

When this happens in Life there's no Laura there to call the perversion for what it is and shut the door.

We're lucky, I think, that she showed us how it's done. (Although in Life, I think, it may better to have the lableling be something that happens internally, and not shared with the devient.) The important part, at least for me, was how quickly she identified what he was and got rid of him.
 
truth seeker said:
I've been thinking about this thread quite often today and was wondering if something positive could come out of it (regarding the members).

The positive thing is, i think, we all could observe the mode of thinking and how this mode of expression feels. If you are a minister of the FOTCM in the future and somebody comes to you telling what insipido04 told here, you will be already prepared to some extent. You can tell him he needs to see a therapist and can visit again after significant results were achieved. He also can do the EE exercises if he wishes and that's it.

I have listened to most of the talk-shows and radio interviews of Father Malachi Martin, a famous exorcist and author of many books, among them Hostage to the Devil. During one talk-show a caller asked him on the phone if sexual aberrations, homosexuality or transsexualism can be cured by exorcism?
Dr. Martin answered that definitely, yes. There is a cure. He made clear during his interviews that the possessed or obsessed person who wishes - asks - to be healed must adhere to the rules the exorcist or priest sets for him. There are special procedures and prayers to do, things what not to do, what activities should be avoided.

If Eiriu Eolas practiced, saying the Prayer, aligning our frequency will have a more pronounced global effect, closer to fizzling the frequency fences of 3D/4D STS, i think, groups of EE practitioners will have a possibility to heal such persons only if the person sincerely wishes to be healed and follows the advices, guidance, recommendations given and does EE, especially Prayer of the Soul.

Beside forgiveness, general goodwill and the STO way of thinking to serve, i think in a theoretical future scenario, where an afflicted person comes to us asks for help in some way and we realize what he is, there also could be the advantage that doing a cleansing on him - Reiki-style or in some way like 'fizzling the frequency fences' - we could simply clear the general living area of STS frequencies. Create a better air in the area - physical and spiritual - to breathe.
 
webglider said:
Well, as I see it, he came here to see if he could get past the defenses of the wolf by acting pitiful and selecting his words to make himself seem like a victim.

Having arrived at the thread late, that was my impression as well.


Laura said:
You are stating that you have urges that are heading straight for manifesting situations where innocent people can be hurt. And even if you try to convince yourself that a young child - even yourself as a child - can entertain such urges in any state other than one that has been damaged and perverted, please know that this is not so.


This struck me as knowledge we can use for our benefit (someone please correct me if I'm wrong). A person abusing another while in a state that approximates him/herself as 'the victim in the past' is one thing and would qualify as dramatizing past hurts, but to be dissasociated from previous trauma and yet still be talking about urges that will make him/her perform 'inevitable' abusive behavior on some innocent, is something else altogether (pathological). osit.
 
Initially, insipido04 appeared to be struggling and asked for answers. Later on however, he claimed he was in control, not stressed, “without side effect of any mental disorder” and acknowledged his condition was chosen in 5D!

Not only did he vacillate in coherency, he subtly suggested superiority by claiming his use of "irony" was the cause for the difficulty.

His use of buzz words like psychopathy, suicide, EE, and compassion facilitated replies from those willing to offer a helping hand which he then refused.

Wittingly or not, he was here to feed. The topic he used for bait was intolerable.

At least that’s my take on it.
 
MC said:
Initially, insipido04 appeared to be struggling and asked for answers. Later on however, he claimed he was in control, not stressed, “without side effect of any mental disorder” and acknowledged his condition was chosen in 5D!

Not only did he vacillate in coherency, he subtly suggested superiority by claiming his use of "irony" was the cause for the difficulty.

His use of buzz words like psychopathy, suicide, EE, and compassion facilitated replies from those willing to offer a helping hand which he then refused.

Wittingly or not, he was here to feed. The topic he used for bait was intolerable.

At least that’s my take on it.

I agree MC, well put. I initially read over this thread earlier, and didn't know what to make of it. Was he asking for help, he seemed like someone who legitimately had some type of problem and needs help, guidance, and a lot of work on himself in order to break the behaviour. But after what Laura posted, I read the thread more thoroughly into what some of the things he was saying, and it was as if he was refuting all the help he was given. And it seemed like it was a big joke to him after a certain point in the thread. I felt really ill at ease after reading this thread. I initially thought I detected guilt and real remorse from him too, but reading back, I wonder if that was just my imagination.
 
Forgive me if this isn't apropos, but I found this thread really challenging for me and wanted to share what I experienced and learned. This is difficult and embarrassing, so please bear with me and forgive me if I ramble. I'm just realizing how nervous I am about posting and how afraid I am that I (or my thoughts) might be rejected.

I wanted to post last night as I felt insipido04's initial post was not being understood and I thought, judging by the responses up to that point in time, I was the only one who really understood what he was trying to ask. A little bit of self importance anyone? I thought the purpose behind his post was to get an understanding of why, perhaps in a metaphysical sense, he was the way he was, not how to change it. I was so blinded by certain programs running in me that I didn't notice or even suspect insipido04's perversion until he mentioned the age range of boys he found attractive.

Although I soon realized his need for therapy, I was thinking that if I were to answer his question a certain way, he might be encouraged to chose the therapeutic route. I was planning to suggest that one doesn't necessarily need to know what started a fire to put it out and that it was in his soul's best interest to "put the fire out" since acting on such impulses would violate a child's free will and be a predatory STS activity, but if he needed to know reasons, I was going to say there could be as many possible explanations as the imagination could conjure, ranging from external influences during early childhood to a decision made in 5-D to provide a seriously difficult challenge to work on in this life to help with soul development, to demonic possession or spirit attachment, and everything in between. It never occurred to me that he might not be capable of change, rather, he just needed to hear the reasons properly and upon consideration, would agree and promptly find help. It surprises me that I was thinking that I was so special as to possess such a skill or ability.

I also wanted to make a comment to the forum members who had been assuming that since insipido04 used the term boys, he meant male children. After all, it had been my experience that in gay culture, it is common to refer to men of various ages as boys or even young boys. Perhaps similar to how heterosexuals might sometimes refer to the gender of adults as girls or boys, as in: I'm going out with the boys, so you girls will have to entertain yourselves tonight.

I also felt compelled to inform others that it is common for a young gay male to engage in sex with a considerably older man, especially for the first few times the young man has sex. This happens for several reasons, including the difficulty in finding an available partner without outing oneself to a judgmental peer group, when there are several older men outside of the peer group showing interest. To a certain degree, this behaviour is common and accepted in gay culture, which is why gay communities protest legislative efforts to raise the legal age for consensual sex, especially when the gap between a younger person and an older person comes into play.

That was before he said, "...yes i like young boys 12-30 mostly,...".

I used to be a reporter for a gay community newspaper and I had grown accustomed to defending gays against people who felt they needed to ensure that gay men were never left alone with children, as if all gays were paedophiles. I had been taught that paedophiles were predominantly heterosexuals. I didn't notice this had become a blinder for me until this morning, having slept on it, when I realized I had formed a bias and was certainly not able to see things in an objective light.

I should have seen the flags with his awkward wording and his inability to answer direct questions, not to mention the way he would seem calm, cool and collected in one response and then curt and sarcastic in another. I guess I was too focused on myself.

All this to say, am I ever glad I got interrupted last night and didn't post. Seeing my self importance, desire to be a hero or saviour, to be admired and considered intelligent and the projection of my feelings of not being understood as a child onto insipido04 certainly surprised me - well, shocked would be a better word. Looking at the length of my post, I am now worried that what I have written is unimportant and externally inconsiderate as it is wasting people's time. Wow. I went from confidence to confusion faster than I can say neurotic and am now fighting the desire to delete this before I post.

Here goes anyway. Thanks for reading,
Gonzo
 
Gonzo said:
All this to say, am I ever glad I got interrupted last night and didn't post. Seeing my self importance, desire to be a hero or saviour, to be admired and considered intelligent and the projection of my feelings of not being understood as a child onto insipido04 certainly surprised me - well, shocked would be a better word. Looking at the length of my post, I am now worried that what I have written is unimportant and externally inconsiderate as it is wasting people's time. Wow. I went from confidence to confusion faster than I can say neurotic and am now fighting the desire to delete this before I post.

Here goes anyway. Thanks for reading,
Gonzo

If this post helped you to realize the programs in yourself, then it was not a waste. That's why posts that others think should be deleted are left up, to help others learn.

And you are not the first nor the last to see your self-importance laid out there in front of you. I know it well. But the more times we can see it, feel it lurking, the better able we are to get it under control.

As far as being concerned about posting or not, this is why we are here. If we never interact with others so that various programs can be pointed out to us, how do we learn to spot the ones that slip by us? This is how we grow.

As long as you are sincere in your contributions to a thread, you are not creating noise or being inconsiderate.

I'm just happy that you got to see your program in action. Not only that, others got to see how your program worked, also, which, in turn, will help them to see their own programs more easily.

So thanks for posting. :flowers:
 
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