Anxiety

[anart]

So I took one of each of the vitamins I described above.

Did you miss my point that Magnesium Oxide will do you no good other than as a laxative?

 

[theos]

Hi Harold,

You may have wasted a bit of money. Like anart said, magnesium oxide is not very absorbable and neither is zinc oxide. It would be a good idea to research the most bioavailable or absorble forms of the supplements you buy.

 

[Harold]

Hi again Anart, ;D

No, by the time I read your post.... well it was too, late. I want to add, that I have been taking this product for a few months, and I havent noticed, it is together with the calcium and zinc. I have it now, but will get the citrate, malate or the orotate. I will re-read the magnesium thread to see which one is preferrable.

thank-you to Odessy, I will look at it as a $7 lesson.

I'm beginning to think , I must be seratonin deficient then if the others are usless. As my anxiety has left soon after taking them.

 

[RyanX]

Hi Harold,

As listed in the Magnesium thread, Magnesium Oxide is not going to benefit you in increasing your magnesium levels. It will only act as a laxative. You need to purchase Magnesium Citrate or Magnesium Malate (or perhaps Magnesium Orotate (sp?) ). Also, there is little need to take Calcium until your Magnesium levels increase, since it's poorly absorbed and most people on a western diet have too much calcium due to its widespread promotion. I don't have much input on the other supplements you bought, but I'm sure others will. I hope this helps.

Harold,

I would agree with Anart that magnesium oxide is not going to increase your magnesium levels and extra calcium will likely make your problems worse - assuming they arise in part from a magnesium deficiency, OSIT.

I think zinc oxide may be poorly absorbed too. Something like zinc picolinate would be better if you can find it. I don't know if it is entirely scientific, but I noticed once I started getting enough zinc, the white spots on my fingernails went away. It took about 40mg daily of zinc picolinate to do this for me, but your results will probably vary since everybody has slightly different requirements.

For a general guide for supplements, I would suggest getting a copy of Mark Hyman's "Ultramind Solution". He does a good job of describing the most common supplements and tells why you should use them. I can attest that the book really helped me sort out a lot of confusion with supplements and the different forms they take.

 

[Harold]

Something like zinc picolinate would be better if you can find it.
For a general guide for supplements, I would suggest getting a copy of Mark Hyman's "Ultramind Solution". He does a good job of describing the most common supplements and tells why you should use them. I can attest that the book really helped me sort out a lot of confusion with supplements and the different forms they take.

Thankx Ryanx,

I have made a note of it, I will correct this the next time I go to my health store. :)

It is appreciated

harold

 

[EGVG]

You could be under the influence of something! Keep on track on what you have to do, your goals, and keep doing EE. Remember to try everytime that you get a bad emotion, to make it a good and peaceful emotion. :) :) I would recommend don't taking Valerian at midday, it relaxes and "puts to sleep" your body so you will continue the day feeling restlees. Try Tilo tea.


EDU

Hi EGVG, :D

I cannot stop thinking about what you said, I was thinking about it, but your comment has me going.

I throw it out there, I was off the Forum for a few months. When I got my internet back, I started the EE again.

It was like a whole new me. really really good.

And then the anxiety started. And now today the ringing in my ear has come back. Once this happened, I realized it was gone since the EE started up again. And it is very strong(signal).

I wonder if my controllers or whoever, STS/PTB, Aliens... whatever they are.

Are giving me this anxiety to get me to stop the EE as this is what I am doing.

And too, when I start to think this way, the `your crazy` programs start running like crazy.

Anyways I`m off to get the 5-htp, I cant wait any longer. And then I think I`ll come home and do EE.


cheers
Harold

Yes, I meant STS influence, don't call them your controllers, because they do not have any rights to control you. You are free if you allowed your self to be so. Also, you can't progress if you think your crazy, just write that down and keep it close to you. EE is amazing! The more you do it, the more understanding you will get. Understanding of your condition, and what you need. I remember a quote that Laura make of Carlos Castaneda's book on the High Strangeness , it was about that when you feel anxiety is because your feeling the desperation of the "predator" of being discover and revealed. I think that if you concider been under the influence of something, that you read Laura's books, they have lots of information for you to consider.
Also, relax take a warm bath, use some natural aroma therapy enjoy your food, eat consciously and remember that you need to lead the way in your life. Good Luck!!! :)

EDU

 

[Infiniteness]

Another thing, in the last year, when I look at digital clocks, it is usually 11, 22, 33, 44, 55 minutes after the hour, now since restarting the EE, it was happening 100%, for the rest of the day after the EE, this is really weird.

I just wanted to point out to you, how STS forces also use "synchronous events" to manipulate us.

Heres a quote from the Wave, where Laura talks about such events.

There is a curious thing that I would like to note here in passing: It seems that the STS mode of manipulation includes "synchronous events" and or "signs and wonders" BEFORE a choice is made to do something, which, in fact, "weight" the choice. STO seems to refrain altogether from any kind of overt contact or demonstration, leaving the will entirely free. But then, there is always the little "confirmations" AFTER the choice has been made and the action initiated.
Taken From http://www.cassiopaea.org/cass/wave13a.htm

[/quote]

Also you might want to take a look at these links, which talk about synchronicity.

http://www.cassiopaea.org/forum/index.php?topic=142.0
http://www.cassiopaea.org/forum/index.php?topic=11758.0

 

[henry]

I wonder if my controllers or whoever, STS/PTB, Aliens... whatever they are.

Are giving me this anxiety to get me to stop the EE as this is what I am doing.

And too, when I start to think this way, the `your crazy` programs start running like crazy.

I find that it is not very constructive to think about ‘controllers’. That puts the source of the influence outside of ourselves. But if there are ‘contollers’ of some sort, their control only works because we have something inside of us that resonates with what they are saying. I think it is better to concentrate on what is going on internally, to identify these issues and become conscious of them. That puts the responsibility squarely on our own shoulders which is where it needs to be. Our life is comprised of choices that we each make every minute. Only by becoming aware of them as we make them, so they are not made unconsciously, can we become free. It is always up to us, not anyone or anything external to us.

 

[Harold]

Yes, I meant STS influence, don't call them your controllers, because they do not have any rights to control you. You are free if you allowed your self to be so. Also, you can't progress if you think your crazy, just write that down and keep it close to you. EE is amazing! The more you do it, the more understanding you will get. Understanding of your condition, and what you need. I remember a quote that Laura make of Carlos Castaneda's book on the High Strangeness , it was about that when you feel anxiety is because your feeling the desperation of the "predator" of being discover and revealed. I think that if you concider been under the influence of something, that you read Laura's books, they have lots of information for you to consider.
Also, relax take a warm bath, use some natural aroma therapy enjoy your food, eat consciously and remember that you need to lead the way in your life. Good Luck!!! :)
EDU

Yes, STS influence, I meant that too. Thanks for pointing that out. :)

The STS influence tells us through society, that our progress is 'crazy'. Seeing reality and all.

I have thought about my 'predator', 'predator's', how many there are I do not know. I have told myself they are just acting up the more aware I become. Getting 'desperate', yes I see it. It does make the anxiety reassuring.

Isn't the influence always available to us? Positive or negative. In the same way that up and down, north and south, back and fourth, east and west, is always there? We have the free will to choose our direction.

Can these influences roar like the wind, in one direction or another? Similar to the cycles and currents in nature? I may at times be heading in one direction, but a great current may be taking me in another? Is it not my responsibility, to check my location, at regular intervals, to 'see' the reality of the situation? Where I am actually headed? Is this not the point of being objective?

I have physically experienced this. I use these experiences to see this in the unseen world. Is this what vigilance is about?

Therefore, I think that even though, I may appear to be going crazy(society says so), as I am pointed in that direction(again society telling me this), over time(with help of the tools of the forum), being vigilante(listening to others here and what they see my direction as), checking my actual course on a regular basis(fixing my position from your point of reference), rather than my perceived course of the moment(anxiety, fear, ego and so fourth) I can better ascertain my actual 'true' course.

Thanks EVGV, you really get me 'thinkin'.

I just wanted to point out to you, how STS forces also use "synchronous events" to manipulate us.
Here's a quote from the Wave, where Laura talks about such events.

There is a curious thing that I would like to note here in passing: It seems that the STS mode of manipulation includes "synchronous events" and or "signs and wonders" BEFORE a choice is made to do something, which, in fact, "weight" the choice. STO seems to refrain altogether from any kind of overt contact or demonstration, leaving the will entirely free. But then, there is always the little "confirmations" AFTER the choice has been made and the action initiated.
Taken From http://www.cassiopaea.org/cass/wave13a.htm

Also you might want to take a look at these links, which talk about synchronicity.

http://www.cassiopaea.org/forum/index.php?topic=142.0
http://www.cassiopaea.org/forum/index.php?topic=11758.0

Thank-you very much, Infiniteness, I have bookmarked these threads. They are exactly what I need to read. I really want to develop the tools to ascertain the difference between STS manipulation and STO's little confirmations. It really puzzles me. I think I have figured some of it out, but this is a area that can really use some objective reality. Thanx.

I wonder if my controllers or whoever, STS/PTB, Aliens... whatever they are.
Are giving me this anxiety to get me to stop the EE as this is what I am doing.
And too, when I start to think this way, the `your crazy` programs start running like crazy.

I find that it is not very constructive to think about ‘controllers’. That puts the source of the influence outside of ourselves. But if there are ‘contollers’ of some sort, their control only works because we have something inside of us that resonates with what they are saying. I think it is better to concentrate on what is going on internally, to identify these issues and become conscious of them. That puts the responsibility squarely on our own shoulders which is where it needs to be. Our life is comprised of choices that we each make every minute. Only by becoming aware of them as we make them, so they are not made unconsciously, can we become free. It is always up to us, not anyone or anything external to us.

So Galahad, I want to repeat, in my own words what you are saying. So you, and I, know that I get what you are saying. Cause I'm not sure I understand.

For example, I'm watching CNN news. I hear voices in my head. Yelling, practically. Using profane language. Saying stuff like, 'he is so full of it!'. Or 'Their lying!', 'Who believes this s**t!' It, therefore is my responsibility to either feed into these voices, get excited and emotional, which brings on even more yelling and profane language like, 'what losers, people are stupid!' Or I can breath it through, look for, and side with the other voice, which says, 'let them have their experience, you have fallen into this trap too many times to be fooled this time.' I then can 'act', look up the info. If I'm really that interested and 'see' for myself. Making a conscious unemotional observation. Which gives me a better chance of being on a true path to 'truth'.

Please excuse me Galahad, but I still think I am missing something. So let er' rip, I'm open.

Thanks, you all have given me much to ponder.

Cheers,
Harold

 

[EGVG]

Yes, STS influence, I meant that too. Thanks for pointing that out. :)

The STS influence tells us through society, that our progress is 'crazy'. Seeing reality and all.

I have thought about my 'predator', 'predator's', how many there are I do not know. I have told myself they are just acting up the more aware I become. Getting 'desperate', yes I see it. It does make the anxiety reassuring.

Isn't the influence always available to us? Positive or negative. In the same way that up and down, north and south, back and fourth, east and west, is always there? We have the free will to choose our direction.

Can these influences roar like the wind, in one direction or another? Similar to the cycles and currents in nature? I may at times be heading in one direction, but a great current may be taking me in another? Is it not my responsibility, to check my location, at regular intervals, to 'see' the reality of the situation? Where I am actually headed? Is this not the point of being objective?

I have physically experienced this. I use these experiences to see this in the unseen world. Is this what vigilance is about?

Therefore, I think that even though, I may appear to be going crazy(society says so), as I am pointed in that direction(again society telling me this), over time(with help of the tools of the forum), being vigilante(listening to others here and what they see my direction as), checking my actual course on a regular basis(fixing my position from your point of reference), rather than my perceived course of the moment(anxiety, fear, ego and so fourth) I can better ascertain my actual 'true' course.

Thanks EVGV, you really get me 'thinkin'.

You seem to be under a lot of pressure, relax! Stop thinking about what society may think about you, I think you soon will discover how your real friends are. Stop having limiting thought patterns, your in control of your anxiety. Do you do any sports? It may help you gain control over you think flow. If you hear voices remember that its up to you to listen or to ansewer, you seem to have lots of question I would recommend reading Laura's books. :)


EDU

 

[Buddy]

Therefore, I think that even though, I may appear to be going crazy(society says so), as I am pointed in that direction(again society telling me this), over time(with help of the tools of the forum), being vigilante(listening to others here and what they see my direction as), checking my actual course on a regular basis(fixing my position from your point of reference), rather than my perceived course of the moment(anxiety, fear, ego and so fourth) I can better ascertain my actual 'true' course.

If you have an Aim that is specific enough you can get the maximum value out of that course checking, I think.

My Aim is the same as it has been for some time: to understand the basic psychology from the recommended reading (and then some) and recapitulating my life in that context so that I could help others do the same when the time comes.

For example, I'm watching CNN news. I hear voices in my head. Yelling, practically. Using profane language. Saying stuff like, 'he is so full of it!'. Or 'Their lying!', 'Who believes this s**t!' It, therefore is my responsibility to either feed into these voices, get excited and emotional, which brings on even more yelling and profane language like, 'what losers, people are stupid!' Or I can breath it through, look for, and side with the other voice, which says, 'let them have their experience, you have fallen into this trap too many times to be fooled this time.' I then can 'act', look up the info. If I'm really that interested and 'see' for myself. Making a conscious unemotional observation. Which gives me a better chance of being on a true path to 'truth'.

Have you read the Big 5? If not, are you at least familiar with the concepts of narcissism and narcissistic wounding? I can't stress enough how important this information is to our Work of understanding how people become what they are and behave the way they do.

A bit of an overview:

Psychologically, narcissism is a neurotic self-absorption which, in effect, prevents someone from achieving true intimacy with another. Pathological narcissism is related to narcissistic rage: a furious, reflexive, unrelenting need to repay any perceived slight or insult.

When children experience parents or caretakers as unloving, rejecting or hostile, they respond to this narcissistic wounding by creating a shell-like false self--which replaces, protects and conceals the unaccepted, unloved and damaged true self--presenting instead a persona (Jung) based on what they perceive the parents and world want them to be. A great deal of what pathological narcissism in adults disguises is unresolved infantile anger, resentment and rage about not being recognized, accepted, and loved for who we are. This anger--along with feelings of being unlovable and unworthy of love-- is buried beneath the false self. It is repressed, but not forgotten, nor forgiven. Narcissistic rage from the past tends to be re-stimulated by intimate relationships in the present. In romantic relationships, feelings are inevitably re-injured, and the childhood anger suddenly resurfaces--with a vengeance.

Source: _http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/evil-deeds/200805/sex-wars-how-do-women-and-men-really-feel-about-each-other-part-three

Once we understand our own lives from this perspective, we can see how our experiences have led us to be where we are today. The important thing is then to find out what to do - how to heal these wounds from the past that are still open in the here and now.

The present issue with anxiety and voices is almost certainly part of a pattern - a repeated sequence of similar events. Have those things ever been said directly to you, or to someone else while in your presence during some kind of traumatic event as far as you can remember?

I also wonder if the emptiness you mentioned in one of your previous posts might be related to the issue of narcissistic wounding:

The sense of emotional emptiness can continue to affect the individual into adulthood. This is generally seen when the adult feels a void in their lives that makes them feel desperate in their adult relationships. Essentially, the individual is continuing to seek out that old emotional connection that wasn't met in childhood and therefore narcissistically makes his or her adult relationships all about meeting those old needs. Although the individual is desperate for emotional attention, the inability to see beyond oneself often makes it impossible or difficult for the adult suffering from narcissistic wounds to have a relationship which includes actual and complete intimacy.

How to Heal Narcissistic Wounds

These problems do not have to plague adult relationships but they will continue to do so until several conditions are met. First, the individual must identify that he or she suffers from narcissistic wounds and acknowledge that problems in adult relationships have been caused as a direct result of this. Second, he or she must commit to resolving the problems in childhood in order to find a way to have healthy adult relationships. Third, the individual must actively participate in the kind of emotional healing that will allow this resolution to take place.

For most people, healing narcissistic wounds is going to require professional therapy. Locating a therapist who is familiar with this type of problem is a crucial step in overcoming the difficulties. However, for those people who can not afford or do not believe in therapy, it may be possible to work through some of the issues using reading materials and guided learning techniques similar to those that would be used in therapy.

Remember that it took a long time throughout childhood for the emotional difficulties to develop and it is going to take a long process of emotional work to heal your narcissistic wounds. However, it's something that you can do one day at a time if you focus on a commitment to yourself to create a life in which the relationships that you have with other adults - and ultimately the relationships you'll have with your own children - are healthy and mature.

Source: _http://hubpages.com/hub/Identifying-and-Healing-Narcissistic-Wounds


I'm glad you're doing the EE and the PoTS. This helps with both physical and emotional detox.
In the healing phase, once a person recognized a pattern, he'd be half-way to changing it. Through a heightened awareness of our own patterns, and/or through the healing magic of the EE program, the problem can sometimes shift in a non-linear way and the system will spontaneously re-organize. In other words, sometimes a problem will simply disappear.

Sometimes, insights that allow spontaneous, beneficial changes can come from an unexpected source - or a source where the same thing is being said as everyone else, but in a way that seems to connect better with a particular individual.

For instance, approaching the problem from the perspective of double-binds and Langian Knots, Robert Firestone, a clinical psychologist has worked and written on "voice therapy" (or what some have called "life scripts") and has constructed approaches referred to as "combating destructive thought processes." The approaches Firestone utilizes to untie these psychological (and intrapersonal) knots have been regarded as highly effective by many people.

At one time, surveys of healthy people revealed that 39 percent admitted they heard "inner voices" regularly in their minds. Psychotherapist, Robert W. Firestone, practices what he terms "voice therapy" by getting them to access their "parental or child voices" and seeing how they affect their daily self-accusations. Firestone discovered that all his patients — and even his neighbors and fellow therapists in discussion groups — contain these voices. One way he recovers the angry voices is to ask the person to recall when during the previous week they became angry at themselves and what triggered the self-attack.

They report feelings like "I’m such a failure," or "I’m so incompetent at work" or "I’m so inconsiderate of my wife." He then asks them to rephrase these first person (self) accusations in the second person, such as "You’ll always be a failure!" or "You’re such a selfish person" or "You’re always so inconsiderate!" or even "Why don’t you just die!" — often in the voice of their mothers. They then realize where their fears and lack of attachments originate, and answer the voice, challenging its accusations.

He finds his therapy works both with violent and self-destructive persons in limiting their acting out and with self-limiting people who "act as their own jailer...people at the mercy of the defense system that they originally constructed to protect themselves when they were little." Only by breaking "the Fantasy Bond that originates as an illusion of fusion with the idealized mother" are patients able to be independent and innovative and empathic toward others.


References:
Robert W. Firestone, Voice Therapy: A Psychotherapeutic Approach to Self-Destructive Behavior. New York: Human Sciences Press, 1948, p. 34; Also:
Robert W. Firestone, The Fantasy Bond: Effects of Psychological Defenses on Interpersonal Relations. New York: Human Sciences Press, 1987, p. 304.


Having read back through your posts and seen what you have experienced since birth, I'd say you have the makings for a tremendously inspiring story that many others can relate to! :)

 

[henry]

So Galahad, I want to repeat, in my own words what you are saying. So you, and I, know that I get what you are saying. Cause I'm not sure I understand.

For example, I'm watching CNN news. I hear voices in my head. Yelling, practically. Using profane language. Saying stuff like, 'he is so full of it!'. Or 'Their lying!', 'Who believes this s**t!' It, therefore is my responsibility to either feed into these voices, get excited and emotional, which brings on even more yelling and profane language like, 'what losers, people are stupid!' Or I can breath it through, look for, and side with the other voice, which says, 'let them have their experience, you have fallen into this trap too many times to be fooled this time.' I then can 'act', look up the info. If I'm really that interested and 'see' for myself. Making a conscious unemotional observation. Which gives me a better chance of being on a true path to 'truth'.

Please excuse me Galahad, but I still think I am missing something. So let er' rip, I'm open.

Harold, you posted the following in the EE thread:

I would describe myself, before as an emotional addictive eater. In general I am just an addict all around.This was recognised by the STS, (they see the emotions flowing out of holes in my spirit or soul caused by trauma?) and they became attached to these addictive eating flowing emotions. So they would eat these emotions addictively as I was eating the food. The act of them eating my emotions is so close and similar to what I was doing at the same time. Maybe in the beginning, they would not really attach themselves so as to allow me to be addicted to it first.(like a drug dealer saying to the heroin addict, 'the first ones free', comes to mind, or how you jig your bait when fishing, you let the fish swallow the bait first, then you 'set' the hook)

Then as I was addicted, their frenzied attacks would start. This was the attachment. I can see this now. When they attach, to any addiction, they are literally copying what I am doing. Once attached, they get all those yummy feelings, and I am left hold the bag.

And it continues on in the same vein. The entire explanation puts the responsibility for the food issues you have on “STS” forces of some sort, be they attachments or other.

Bud has pointed you to the big five books on narcissism. The excerpts on narcissism he posted will give you an introduction to the subject, but it is really important to read all of the five recommended books if you want to understand yourself.

Have you ever looked at where these food issues come from in your own life? At what age did they start? What were the eating habits in your family? In some families, food becomes a control issue on the part of the person serving the food. A child is given a certain amount of food and expected to eat it. Some foods become comfort foods - think sweets and chocolate. So often these problems have their origins in family dynamics, not in some other worldly control over you.

When you are sitting in front of the TV and hear those voices, that is you. Yes, it is a part of you that you are trying to see objectively. It is the lower part of you expressing programmes that were instilled at a young age, programmes that were often necessary to survive. Breathing to help you calm down when you are emotionally excited would be a good way to deal with it.

Have you read The Myth of Sanity by Martha Stout? There is an important bit of data which emerged from her work with people with dissociative disorders. She found that they people who did the best in therapy were the ones who took complete responsibility for their actions. The patients who continually blamed others for the problems in their lives couldn’t get well because they refused on some level to look at themselves.

So you might try an experiment when you post and see what happens. When you begin to refer to STS or attachments or any other external source, stop, reread what you are writing, and try to reframe it putting the responsibility on yourself. You could try that for awhile and see if it changes your ability to deal with these problems.


Mod note: Correction of book title

 

[Harold]

So today, my body temp seems high, I'm sweatin through the palms of my feet and hands, I have a good bout of anxiety, I've taken 50mg of 5-htp..... should I take more? I have a headache now.

Suggestions?...please

 

[EGVG]

So today, my body temp seems high, I'm sweatin through the palms of my feet and hands, I have a good bout of anxiety, I've taken 50mg of 5-htp..... should I take more? I have a headache now.

Suggestions?...please

disconnect your body from mind! Have you tried Melatonin???

EDU

 

[Harold]

I just came back from the doctor. I am going in for blood work tommorow morning. She brought up my thyroid. She said I looked depressed. We talked about my mental health. She only ask about my theraputic history.

When she asked if I am sad, why? So I told her. She almost started to cry, she had tears in her eyes and was really trying to hide it. She did wipe her tears away.

I told her I am not depressed, I have energy, I socialize, I exercise, I eat, I sleep well. She agreed with me that considering what happens to children each day would make someone sad. I just said flat out, that my consciousness takes into consideration the whole world situation, that is my choice. And that if more people were like that, instead of their pursuit of happiness, we could all be sad together, and then something could get done about it. The tears welling up in her eyes, one tear rolled down her cheek, it told me I made a difference today.....yaaaaa! She agreed with me too.

Oh yea she did ask me about suisidal thoughts, I told her that I am willing to write an affidavid, that if she ever heard that I committed suiside, that it would be a lie, and that I never, ever, think of it. That life is a gift, and so fourth.

We went over all the tests re. vitamin B, calcium, magnesium, they cannot check seratonin.

She did not know what Valerian is, so I had to explain. And I do not think she knew what 5-htp was either.

I will try to remember to ask about what Anart suggested, I will look for her(Anarts) post, about .... a cognitive therapist? Is that right?

Here's the thing though. What can I say to a therapist? Tell her about Laura's book? Tell her about my view of earth, the universe, the multi-verse, other dimensions? C'mon. Can you say rubber room? Straight jacket? I have heard the forum speak, I will get one of the fab 5 of narcissim, I will look over the posts to see which one is suggested to me.

I am going out for a long walk with my 2 beautiful doggies now.

cheers
Harold