Are you an introvert or just a covert narcissist? Test!
- Thread starter Laura
- Start date
Yikes! 29/50 - and I thought I was an introvert ...
Odyssey said:
Something similar happens to me.
Circumstances in life had lead me to be less shy (thanks to living in the urban wildlife and situations in which one need to do it by oneself and it isn't any possible or should not be with the help around), I use/d (is not that much in the present but cannot say is in the past either) to be shy -or I think/thought it was, not so sure now, now that I think about it in that way, perhaps it was not shyness but cowardice. Others had called me shy too.
I got trouble answering the test in one time line, some in the past, some in the present, or by the average. I got 25/50. I was not a talkative one, nowadays, I had noticed I do talk much, so I am in the process to not talk too much again.
Jeremy F Kreuz
Dagobah Resident
I got 25/50 - probably would have been more a few years ago.
"Sometimes I get lost in my own thoughts about my problems and my relationships."
Surely.
"My feelings are easily hurt by teasing or criticism from other people."
Not usually. When they are hurt, they are really hurt. I guess not easily, though.
"I feel emotionally or temperamentally different from most people."
I was thinking maybe there is a divide, but the divide is in terms of everyone else having the opposite position of me in terms of diet (the one thing I can't hide
) and politics (well, family, if they're talking sometimes I have to react). But I don't feel emotionally different from them, I usually feel neutral. There are those who would say I am always down, but I think they don't realize *not talking* doesn't mean "I hate you" 
"When I enter a room, I become self-conscious, and feel as if everyone is looking at me."
I used to be this way. There is probably the residual feeling but I can thwart it pretty quickly.
"I don’t like sharing credit with other people."
I don't think that is true of me in any way. It's funny, sometimes I get thrown aback, like who on earth would this ever apply to? But then I remember I am reading about narcissism, and also that this trait is probably not as bad as others, that I have my own narcissistic traits. It's more a lingering surprise at different personalities, I guess, which points to my previous ignorance.
"I feel like I have enough of my own problems and don’t have time to worry about everyone else’s issues."
The second part is not something that enters my thinking. But looking at it twice feels like it could be unconsciously true, at least sometimes. I do consistently seek to evade people, I would often like to end an interaction before it starts. That is not to say it happens all or even most of the time. If it were to happen all the time I would not have a job or a life, really. But it could always easily go in this direction in a single interaction.
If an interaction were to start I could be worried and make baseless judgments (and keep them to myself), and the purpose of the emotions behind such judgment is to escape the situation. This is ongoing for me. It is hypersensitive in that the interactions could make me physiologically stressed, and hypersensitive narcissism brings a possible darker side to it that I have to consider. Perhaps I do it because I don't care about their problems? Only mine, in the moment? Such a thought doesn't actually enter my head - I do care but would rather be passive or keep to myself.
In any event this is not everyday. Hard to answer.
"I often take things too personally."
I think it is true. A thought: "But usually not the things people think I take personally." I don't know how true that is.
"I easily get wrapped up in my own interests, to the point that I practically forget that the people around me even exist."
That depends how crowded it is. If too many people, I'd rather be overwhelmed with myself than with them. If less people, they are in my thoughts regardless of what I am doing.
"I don’t like being with a group unless I know for sure that I’m appreciated by at least one of those present."
This sentence at first looks like it is written in another language. Looking back over it I am thinking how it could possibly be true: maybe if everyone in the group is someone I dislike, then I wouldn't like being in the group. That's not what it's asking me, I am sure.
"I try not to show it, but I’m often annoyed when people ask me to take my time and energy to sympathize over their problems."
This is true with some people often, with people I don't really know, never.
Surely.
"My feelings are easily hurt by teasing or criticism from other people."
Not usually. When they are hurt, they are really hurt. I guess not easily, though.
"I feel emotionally or temperamentally different from most people."
I was thinking maybe there is a divide, but the divide is in terms of everyone else having the opposite position of me in terms of diet (the one thing I can't hide
) and politics (well, family, if they're talking sometimes I have to react). But I don't feel emotionally different from them, I usually feel neutral. There are those who would say I am always down, but I think they don't realize *not talking* doesn't mean "I hate you" "When I enter a room, I become self-conscious, and feel as if everyone is looking at me."
I used to be this way. There is probably the residual feeling but I can thwart it pretty quickly.
"I don’t like sharing credit with other people."
I don't think that is true of me in any way. It's funny, sometimes I get thrown aback, like who on earth would this ever apply to? But then I remember I am reading about narcissism, and also that this trait is probably not as bad as others, that I have my own narcissistic traits. It's more a lingering surprise at different personalities, I guess, which points to my previous ignorance.
"I feel like I have enough of my own problems and don’t have time to worry about everyone else’s issues."
The second part is not something that enters my thinking. But looking at it twice feels like it could be unconsciously true, at least sometimes. I do consistently seek to evade people, I would often like to end an interaction before it starts. That is not to say it happens all or even most of the time. If it were to happen all the time I would not have a job or a life, really. But it could always easily go in this direction in a single interaction.
If an interaction were to start I could be worried and make baseless judgments (and keep them to myself), and the purpose of the emotions behind such judgment is to escape the situation. This is ongoing for me. It is hypersensitive in that the interactions could make me physiologically stressed, and hypersensitive narcissism brings a possible darker side to it that I have to consider. Perhaps I do it because I don't care about their problems? Only mine, in the moment? Such a thought doesn't actually enter my head - I do care but would rather be passive or keep to myself.
In any event this is not everyday. Hard to answer.
"I often take things too personally."
I think it is true. A thought: "But usually not the things people think I take personally." I don't know how true that is.
"I easily get wrapped up in my own interests, to the point that I practically forget that the people around me even exist."
That depends how crowded it is. If too many people, I'd rather be overwhelmed with myself than with them. If less people, they are in my thoughts regardless of what I am doing.
"I don’t like being with a group unless I know for sure that I’m appreciated by at least one of those present."
This sentence at first looks like it is written in another language. Looking back over it I am thinking how it could possibly be true: maybe if everyone in the group is someone I dislike, then I wouldn't like being in the group. That's not what it's asking me, I am sure.
"I try not to show it, but I’m often annoyed when people ask me to take my time and energy to sympathize over their problems."
This is true with some people often, with people I don't really know, never.
987baz said:
Narcissism certainly doesn't help with identification. I think narcissism can keep us satisfied with things that could be better or aren't optimal. Sometimes we are satisfied with what we do only because it is us that does it. I don't know if identification and narcissism can be separated in this context.
Alone and by itself, it would seem like preferring to be by yourself and excluding others for a time, or preferring to have time to yourself, is one definition of introversion. Certainly, by itself, having time to think of creating art, is more like dissociation than anything else. It could be identification if you are only interested in it because of certain memes in culture? I'm not sure if that makes sense. But the context you provide would make it slide into narcissism, particularly if it is an ongoing problem. Another situation could be a person, maybe like myself to perhaps too great an extent, who would prefer not to communicate with others because others are 'hopeless,' "no one will ever understand me," "why can't they come around to my way of thinking?" That seems like it would also be narcissistic, being disappointed that I cannot successfully control people.
I would hope that, at least that last partt, is less and less true for me, though even if it is it may just be becoming 'unconscious' and have some fallout that way.
I would hope that, at least that last partt, is less and less true for me, though even if it is it may just be becoming 'unconscious' and have some fallout that way.
Buddy
The Living Force
diligence said:
I think it's useful to look at what the person is doing in a specific instance while alone. After having spent time loading up my mind with elements of a problem that I'm trying to figure out, it's necessary for me to hold my mind open to impressions. This is apparantly a delicate frame of mind because as soon as the environment becomes 'noisy', especially by insistent verbal input from someone who doesn't do what you're doing so doesn't understand the necessity for quiet, the state of mind can collapse and be difficult to recreate.
Repeated instances of these kinds of interruptions and you effectively feel the results of aversion training and an urge to avoid people.
diligence said:
Context, which includes goals, purposes, urgency, etc., is important. If there is a situation where it seems thoughts like "hopeless"... that "people don't understand me", or "why can't they come around to my way of thinking?" seems valid, perhaps due to your job, then a better approach might be to find a way to get the information you need to pass on to them into their frame of reference. You will need to achieve an understanding of their frame of reference first, and that whole effort would be a demonstration of external consideration, I think.
As far as the idea to "successfully control people", we probably would do better to change the terms we use to describe what we really want to do. Unless you mean "puppet-master" control, then you probably just want people to do the right thing by your estimation of what that right thing is. If that definition of the right thing is rigid and the focus is a "fixed" focus, then it's probably narcissistic in a way others wouldn't approve.
Just a few thoughts that could probably stand some considerable improvement.
interesting point, thanks monotonic. The thing is, when it comes to creating music, and indeed for most of the creative things I do, I tend to be a perfectionist. I have been working hard at not being so judgmental of my own work. Does this mean I should stop this and go back to being more critical? Which, if I understand correctly would be less narcissistic?
987baz said:
I think the quality of judgment is as important as the quantity of it. If you are laboring over details to make them sound just right to you, and assuming that others will hear it the same way, then there may be evidence of narcissism by not realizing that you cannot speak for others. Not to say it is narcissistic itself to labor until one is satisfied, but it depends on the reasons you do it for.
To consciously decide to accept minor flaws because of honest considerations like time, feasibility etc is different from having a distorted perception of them due to narcissism.
I have been wondering how to respond. I will say I agree entirely.Buddy said:
Here you expand on monotonic's excellent point well: "learning to work with these people within safe boundaries might be the less narcissistic trait," extended to anyone who might not be on the same wavelength, so to say, who might not understand why it can be helpful to introspect, or to have some 'restful' time to consider behavior, what their motives are, how to respond to others responsibly, or (now I think most likely) to think about what they've learned that day and try to internalize it a bit more.
In my own case I might fret too much about others' behavior. 'Wanting others to be right by my estimation' is part of the equation, but in my case there is no doubting that loneliness is a catalyst for such worries. The goal here is 'other people.' You provide method in answer, in terms of external consideration. I try to implement that too. Things don't usually get out of control. At work I don't have many decisions to make, in fact. When someone gossips about another in a demeaning way I just say how so?, and usually I actually have no opinion for or against a person. I think I just get impatient. People will throw exaggerated fits when a simple mistake happens. People will be utterly paranoid about others' motives, repeat bigoted statements, and so on. It is probably supposed to make me impatient. I sometimes forget that there are supposed to be reasons for my emotions, but it is good to be reminded.
I will try to respond to the rest at another time. In case I don't, you have a very helpful way of 'changing the narrative.'
That is true. Last year I was really disappointed at a coworker who would not work, but would blame others for not working, who did not see that they are leaving the work to others. I confronted her about it, and it was successful. It was only moderately successful, but nonetheless I was surprised. It's easy for me to think people don't change, but they do just change in tiny, tiny steps (and eventually revert, I am sure). That coworker also has prejudices I saw no reason to confront them about. If someone does not know something so simple, it is clear to me I will not change their minds.Buddy said:
There was another coworker who is passive-aggressive, who blames others for making him do more work. Actually I was like that a lot too - it was just more temporary and I was more aware that it is not as true as I think. I went over his head because he said some offensive things. After that I felt guilty, but after some months went by we could relate normally. (Though I don't know if I want to exactly - some of the offensive things are just something I wouldn't say in a million years... different personalities)
Neither really changed their outlook or anything. Another side of that coin is now they are wondering about my motives a lot. People's impression of me is that I am cool or 'laid-back,' but if I confront them they get paranoid of me. I don't blame them, I could do the same if people say I've done something wrong. But eventually, usually moments later, I realize those people are not my enemy or anything. More immediately I realize that I will eventually come to that conclusion, once my brain can get past the physiological mess.
The ideas of external consideration and etiquette have instilled in me what feels like 'armor,' for lack of a better term. Being aware that there's no reason to let judgments get out of hand, make interactions much easier. It also makes me aware how easy it is for it to go the other way. When it does I try to be on the other person's side somehow, a day or two later, so that silly feeling of being 'enemies' would not turn into some cascade.
Jeez, as far as things like politics and diet though, I don't even say anything. I remember someone asked me why I ate like I do once, and I went into mitochondria and energy and things like this. It sounded ok, and they kind of understood, for that second. Then they just go on wondering why I eat like I do. Someone asked me why they should vote for green party (which even I don't exactly endorse, but they had asked me who I voted for). I just said it is up to you to figure it out. Really, there is no use there.
These are how I think people around me can improve. Usually it is just that they treat people in a different way than I would. They do it hysterically and rudely.
