Attachment Avoidance: Addiction to Alone Time

I'm well late to this topic, but many thanks to the person who started it and to those who contributed.

Preferring to be alone but in the same breath wanting to be more social, sure affects me too. The authors and texts suggested seem well worth looking into.
 
I'd like to say thank you as well parallel! I was just wondering about this "alone time" syndrome and here's the answer! Thanks very much appreciated!
 
Yes a big thanks to parallel too. Clears up much things that i've been searching for for so long. Being able to name things & having a wider view of the deep wounds from childhood in this manner, really emphasizes the need to read so many books on the cognitive sciences/psychology.
 
Thanks for posting this - this information is so important for us to have.

aleana said:
Reading Timothy Wilsons books and David McRaney’s “You are Not so Smart” made a huge difference for me – I began to understand that I really had no idea who I was. What was a bonus was that it gave me some space to re-frame my personality by opening to the possibility that I could be different; it enabled me to look at myself with entirely new eyes. I remember having the sense of some hard shell covering my brain having been cracked open.
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Thanks for this, I've had a similar feeling in relation to changing my attitude towards my "selves". It's much easier to get distance and to see what could be, if I choose every hour and every day.
 
Thanks for posting Parallel! This has helped me by understanding the 'avoidant partner' type, which in the past has confused me to no end.
 
A little behind in this thread, yet thanks for introducing this work, Parallel.

From the link, and then one posted further along by Aragorn to another one of his papers, neither seems to work for me - comes up with error message. From Stan's website itself, there are a number of articles he has for downloading.

_http://stantatkin.com/student-library-articles-stanx/?doing_wp_cron=1416172844.3990049362182617187500

This is all very interesting. My partner was just recounting how her good friend was driving with her husband and he did not speak the entire drive of a few hours, it was like he was in another world, he ignored her, and it's not the first time - she was getting very frustrated. This is mentioned in a similar way here in this thread, and knowing something of the man, this made sense as to why he may be like that.
 
Laura said:
Funny thing is: I get very agitated if I have to be out in public for very long, like around people with what I would call discordant vibes. But I'm perfectly happy to spend almost endless amounts of time with "my own kind." I do require a certain amount of "down time" alone, but mostly it is spent reading.

I do spend a lot more time with other people NOW than I was able to tolerate in the distant past mainly because they aren't loaded with all the lies and obfuscations and weird vibes that just make me want to jump out of my skin.

So maybe that has a lot to do with it?
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Would tend to agree with you here, but there were some important insights brought out in the discussion and links that seem to resonate with those that have read this thread. Alone time maybe an indication of a problem, or the need to remain sane. The latter is what I see, experience now. The C's warned of this effect with the approach of the wave, and/or the Consorsium's attempt at mind control via Ha*arp or cell fone towers. (Misspelling intentional).



Coincidentally , in a recent newsletter from a famous dowser that I discovered years ago, he is seeing this same phenomena of people beginning to lose it, as are the people that attend his courses. Even weirder, is that he, on the recommendation of a friend, looked into an energy in space that was creating this problem. If the file loads correctly for me, the newsletter will be available for everyone's perusal...
 

Attachments

I am so glad I found this again - because it resonates with me so much, and I suspect that i myself have the psychological problem of avoiding attachment. I only ever had two romantic relationships in my life, and both started out as long distance-relationships and stayed that way for most of the time. I have been thinking a lot about what the reason for this is: I want to experience being loved, and being touched, but at the same time, I cannot stand touch and cannot stand romantic displays of affection for very long. Something within me panics if a kiss or a touch lingers on for too long. The time I did spend with my partners was very awkward to me, since I did not understand why they needed to be close to me.

I realize though that this may be an outcome of my parents not showing me how a physical bonds looks like. I was almost never hugged as a kid, and my feelings were always dismissed as childish and unnecessary, especially by my narcissistic mother. I remember that at the age of 11, I made up a boyfriend in my mind to escape and to have someone who loves me the way I am, and so, every night, I would imagine talking to this boyfriend about everything while hugging my bedsheet and imagining it is him I hugged. This went on for at least 5 years, so while others in school had all kinds of relationships with the opposite sex, I would tell myself that my fantasy is so much better than reality and so much easier to live in and thus, so much more preferable.

I am not quite sure which attachment type fits my personality more. Whenever I had a relationship, it was long-distance, I needed my alone-time desperately, and always had a fear of losing my partner, or trying to convince them to look out for a better suited partner for them, since I saw myself as such a failure and just not worthy. My first partner actually listened to me and got a new girlfriend one month after we seperated, which deeply hurt me and only confirmed to me that I am as easily replaceable as I've always suspected. Even in my current relationship I am tormented by this thought - that it might be better for her to find someone else, and how much does she need me in her life? I can never believe it when someone tells me they love me and how amazing they think I am, to me it feels like they are lying. Fortunately, she is very patient with me and my antics.
 
I was somewhat confused by crystalicdreams account of the situation for them.
They mentioned at one point 'boyfriend', then later wrote about "Even in my current relationship I am tormented by this thought - that it might be better for her to find someone else, and how much does she need me in her life?"
Maybe if their relationships are confused, this may be why they are having problems with attachments, and avoidance. (If I sound ambiguous, it's because I have no idea what sex crystalicdreams is.)
For myself, I am no different from anyone else, I like my alone time, and perhaps I too am avoiding closer relationship with my partner, who is not co-linear and makes little or no effort to 'understand' me, after 47 years of marriage!
I think we all have lessons to learn, and perservering with relationships is no doubt one of them.
 
MusicMan said:
I was somewhat confused by crystalicdreams account of the situation for them.
They mentioned at one point 'boyfriend', then later wrote about "Even in my current relationship I am tormented by this thought - that it might be better for her to find someone else, and how much does she need me in her life?"
Maybe if their relationships are confused, this may be why they are having problems with attachments, and avoidance. (If I sound ambiguous, it's because I have no idea what sex crystalicdreams is.)
For myself, I am no different from anyone else, I like my alone time, and perhaps I too am avoiding closer relationship with my partner, who is not co-linear and makes little or no effort to 'understand' me, after 47 years of marriage!
I think we all have lessons to learn, and perservering with relationships is no doubt one of them.
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Oh, sorry if I wasn't clear enough about that.
I am a bisexual young woman who had several relationships in her life. The last one was with a young man, my current one is with another woman.
I hope this makes things a bit clearer and less muddy.
 
crystalicdream, I hope it all works out for you, and that you find someone co-linear to love. Hugs.
 
I am glad I found this! is like looking back at my childhood, mostly by myself, playing alone, walking the woods alone, spending hours reading alone...etc. Now I begin to understand why is so hard for me to " join in " even in family reunions, the more people the more uncomfortable I get! I think the most friends I ever had was 4.

Thank You for finding and publishing the article :)
 
Thank you for posting this Parallel. I'm glad I found this and will reread again as it resonated a great deal with me.
 
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