Attention Units & STS Feeding Frenzies

[13 Twirling Triskeles]

I consider this inner beast to be a totally foreign installation -- an attachment -- an add-on. I may not know who me is, but I feel pretty darn positive that this beast is definitely not the real me. However, it is me as long as I continue to allow it to operate as IF it's me. As long as I allow it to run the show, it may as well be me for all practical purposes. So the sooner I can deprive it of it's home base within, the better.

It's just a squatter who has taken over these premises. I'm in the process of serving it an eviction notice. I have no hesitation in facing it unflinchingly and refusing to back down or cave in. I'm not afraid of it. But I do need to make efforts to discipline myself so that I will face it. I know with certainty, that it is NOT as all-powerful and godlike as it tries to convince me it is. But it's not a wimp either. I can't permit myself to under-estimate it. I have already done so at my own peril.

Then you might be interested in reviewing Castaneda's "The Fire From Within", specifically the chapter on stalking and the attributes of being a warrior. You might also be interested in these two posts and the threads themselves with their linked references. Seeing how this stalking and timing plays out in the 'external' world may help you develop and implement a strategy for the 'internal' world.

http://cassiopaea.org/forum/index.php/topic,22.msg150108.html#msg150108

http://cassiopaea.org/forum/index.php/topic,4347.msg29379.html#msg29379

Hi Buddy — Just a quick FYI to let you know that I’ve been reading those 2 thread links you provided. I’ve finished reading all 5 pages of the 2nd link and I’m now on Page #5 of the 10-page 1st Link.

I realize I may be making extra work for myself by reading through the entire threads instead of just the pertinent pages, but I hope you don’t mind — even though it will make my reply delayed. Hence, I’m letting you know what’s happening so you don’t think I’m just ignoring your post.

I do want to mention this, however — how blown away I am about several things.

1: 1st Link: The information in the opening post on Page #1 by Ursus — Maurice Nicoll Commentaries. Wow! You couldn’t have chosen a more synchronistic link for me to read. I’ve found that I understand Nicoll’s language more easily than the original authors — like Gurdjieff or Mouravieff. It’s like breathing fresh air. So thank you very much for that link. And he describes — to a “T” — exactly what I’ve been practicing these past 3 days.

2: Carlos Castaneda — The Fire Within. And that is my all-time favorite book of his entire series. I had been considering re-reading it after what I posted above. So you must have been reading my mind. And for the same reasons too — stalking my inner predator. Thanks for the confirmation.

3: The 2nd Link: That entire thread was so inspiring. I felt very similarly to how you and others felt when the issue was so perfectly resolved. Just a beautiful and graceful Work of art. And your own experience vis-a-vis those mandatory vaccinations and how the parents caved-in to the authorities — and your response. I do hope Danny is still going strong. What a courageous soul. But, of course the point of you linking it was Laura’s post about Don Juan and stalking the inner predator. And I agree with that assessment. So, thank you again.

4: It occurs to me how amazing it is that all of you who have replied to my post, and answered my call for help, have each helped me in various different ways . . . but that each way was absolutely perfect and addressed specific details and points that I needed to look at and consider.

I cannot account for that except to suppose that it’s like that story of the elephant . . . and, in this case, I’m like the elephant . . . and each of you spots a specific aspect that you can assist me with. Well, that’s only one way to look at it. Another way, is that you’re all demonstrating the purpose of this Network by SEEing me more objectively than I can myself, and therefore, you can SEE the next step I need to address. :)

I’ve never experienced this level of help before. Which is probably why I rarely ever ask for help. Because I usually wish I hadn’t. But in this case, my old programs about ‘help’ took quite a hit — which is a very good thing I think. I certainly feel less hesitant about posting now. And, hopefully, I’ll even begin to feel more confident about contributing something that will prove to be worthwhile and helpful to others. It’s a teeny-tiny step — but it’s a start. :)

5: OK — I’m attributing what occurred today to the fact that — because of continuously remembering to practice self-observing (even while reading the Forum) that I have had probably the most amazing insights, realizations, energy surges — to the point where I wasn’t sure I could contain all that energy without exploding.

But I remembered Obyvatel pointing out that these are all just experiences & will pass — that I could decide whether I wanted to spend all that energy or conserve some in order to achieve a more permanent change — & I decided that I COULD indeed handle all that energy (even though some inner i was trying to convince me that it was impossible) — so I just sat with it and felt it instead of expressing it outwardly or via my intellectual center — and something was happening because I went into some breathing mode which I could only liken to that Lamaze breathing that women who are going to give birth use — and that went on for at least half an hour — then I hit something else that I don’t want to describe because it might break one of the Forum rules — but one of the consequences was an altered state of language — maybe a variation on a sort of a pre-verbal kind of state — not sure & hard to describe —

but I kept remembering Obyvatel’s advice that this is just another experience so don’t get caught up in it — so I just stayed with it and observed what I could — then my body started burning up inside. I'm fine. I'm back to earth again. :)

The language part was so weird. I couldn’t refer to myself. The more I continued observing the little i’s and calling them it or her or she, the more separated I became from them until there wasn’t anything I could call me — even the Observer Self wasn’t a ‘Who’. I was in a state of “What?” It was all ‘what’?

It was impossible to refer to me as ‘me’ or ‘i’ because it felt like a total lie. And identifying with any of the inner i’s felt like a total lie. It felt as if there was absolutely nobody home at all. But I remembered that question, “Well, if there’s nobody home, who’s minding the store?” And I couldn’t answer that question because I had no idea. I wasn’t sure there was a ‘who’ — it seemed more to be a question of ‘what’ was minding the store.

Anyway — chop wood — carry water. Continuing to practice self observing. This is fun! Let’s do it again!

Cheers! :)

 

[Cosmos]

There are two parts I would like to highlight:

Yes. It always comes back to giving something back and contributing does it not? I’m only barely able to glimpse the truth of that statement. It’s so easy for me to do out here in the real world. But I still feel pretty inept when it comes to contributing here on the Forum.

But I do need to make efforts to discipline myself so that I will face it.

Maybe that is exactly what is needed right now?

 

[13 Twirling Triskeles]

Pashalis -- EXACTLY!!! :)

What's odd is how much fun I'm having -- The more I practice, the less like a struggle it feels. In fact, it's feeling almost more natural to practice self-remembering and self-observation & not identifying with all those little i's & remembering to just feel the negative emotions when they get triggered and allow my lower emotional center to start vibrating rapidly. Maybe 'cause I've been doing this on & off for years & years? Except that bolded last part. That's new. And that seems to be the missing key for me. It's changed everything and made all the rest easier to DO. So thank you very much to whoever created that thread about Depression as a Stepping Stone (to Soul Growth). Probably the single most valuable and apply-able Work technique I've ever used. I'd put it on an equal level of importance -- along with the self-observation and not identifying with all those little i's as the most important basic disciplines and practices in doing this Work.

Strangely enough, I never actually considered self-observation or dis-identifying with all those little i's as all that important. And there's a clue, yes? Because it wasn't ME who drew that conclusion. It was another deceptive little i which came up with that consideration. And I believed it too. So I was missing the aim of practicing self-discipline entirely.

But when Obyvatel mentioned that I could use these exercises in order to create a permanent change, somehow that altered the entire scenario. Because I could finally SEE the necessity of continuing with these disciplines. I was so used to having these temporary high energy states and experiences -- the longest of which lasted only 3 years -- that I didn't understand that I needed to constantly and consistently and continuously apply myself in order to produce a lasting-permanent change. Somehow I didn't connect the dots. Sort of straightens the crooked picture hanging on the wall, yeah?

Buddy -- I came across this little snippet from one of your own posts on that thread you linked for me above -- about Self-Observation, Inner-Talking & Work Instrument. It was this reference --

You can be aware of yourself being aware of yourself. Once you can sustain that, you can add an awareness of me, awareness of others and awareness of what you are doing together with us all or some other 'them'.

I think that best describes what I was attempting to describe above in my previous reply to you. That's why I couldn't figure out exactly 'who' was in charge? Because I recognize the Observer Self -- been there done that a million times. But that Observer Self has always seemed like a 'who'. However, this other observation point of view felt less like a 'who' and more like a 'what' -- if that makes any sense at all. It seemed to go beyond the normal Observer Self -- like taking another step back beyond the Observer Self. A Self which was observing even the Observer Self. Is that possible? Does that sound sort of like what you mean? It was certainly strange -- but only because it was unfamiliar.

OK -- back to reading & finishing that thread. I definitely want to re-view The Fire Within book again. I need to get a whole lot better at this stalking approach. I can see how easily I've been duped and deceived by the flyer's installation. In a way, I'm sort of in awe at the nefarious deviousness and downright cleverness of it. And it's so apparent that something so mechanical could only be conceived of, constructed, and used for control purposes. Because it's impossible to imagine any STO forces coming up with anything even remotely so contrived.

It doesn't seem like it was 'created' as much as it was 'constructed' -- and to my way of thinking, there's an enormous gap between creation and construction. Their minds seem so foreign -- which is probably why it feels like such a foreign installation. It doesn't really fit properly. It's all mis-aligned, crooked and askew and badly adapted. Like trying to re-assemble or fix something that's broken and putting all the parts back together in the wrong order and configuration. Only in this case, they took something that was working perfectly well, and hacked in and disconnected some of the circuitry and implanted some malware, worms, viruses, program glitches and maybe even hardware alterations -- ultimately producing a DOS (Denial of Service) prompt to appear. It doesn't even seem evil. It's just so much tinkering.

OMG -- it's like a bunch of psychopaths trying to actually create something -- and all they can come up with is some pathetic mechanical gadget. Any of us would actually feel embarrassed or ashamed to present this as an offering. We can only shake our heads in disbelief. There is such a huge gap in frequency resonance that it's impossible to bridge that gap. Eeeeew. I'm done looking at that mental image picture. Think I'll go have a cig break.

Update: Lots of recapitulation going on today. As if this is part of the step I need to be doing right now. Didn't actually 'decide' to do this. It's just coming up.

OK -- off I go. Many, many thanks again to all of you for giving me so much feedback and pointers and clues and further reading and advice and suggestions. I am definitely in your debt. Hopefully, I shall be able to pay it forward in the very near future. Sooner the better. :)

 

[Buddy]

Buddy -- I came across this little snippet from one of your own posts on that thread you linked for me above -- about Self-Observation, Inner-Talking & Work Instrument. It was this reference --

You can be aware of yourself being aware of yourself. Once you can sustain that, you can add an awareness of me, awareness of others and awareness of what you are doing together with us all or some other 'them'.

I think that best describes what I was attempting to describe above in my previous reply to you.

Yes, I thought so too because before I attempted to reply to your post, I read the first two pages of your posts and noticed the reference to the "fair Witness" or "observer I" in the Éiriú-Eolas - Breathing Program thread.

That's why I couldn't figure out exactly 'who' was in charge? Because I recognize the Observer Self -- been there done that a million times. But that Observer Self has always seemed like a 'who'. However, this other observation point of view felt less like a 'who' and more like a 'what' -- if that makes any sense at all. It seemed to go beyond the normal Observer Self -- like taking another step back beyond the Observer Self. A Self which was observing even the Observer Self. Is that possible? Does that sound sort of like what you mean? It was certainly strange -- but only because it was unfamiliar.

IMO, the witness you spoke of is just awareness. Awareness is what's in back of all that and is just there and aware. Like the cat over in the corner watching you walk across the room. Its aware of you and the movement but is not telling itself anything about what its seeing, it's just aware. (my conjecture for illustration purposes).

All other I's are subjects present in relation to an object (which could be another subject) and these I's can swap in and out, depending on the object present in the material world or the idea-imagery present in the mental world. Sometimes awareness can notice these different I's and sometimes it seems the focus has narrowed too much and one is simply an I in a condition of conflict with its object or identified in some other way.

Again, IMO, mind can play tricks and if one thinks one is observing its own observer or witness that is probably a mistake because awareness is not some 'thing' that can be captured. Rather, more like the medium in which images are recognized as coming and going. If someone is creating one observer I after another, it's likely just a game of infinite regress going on and awareness is still in back of all that observing and recording everything exactly like its happening.

It would seem appropriate here to mention that one way I view the Work is as a process of reviewing all the different "objects of attention" in your life, whether these objects are people or subjects or ideologies or hobbies or whatever. Then, develop your knowledge of each to be as wide and deep as you can so that when different objects swap into your awareness, the I that is there in relation to the object is mature and fully developed so that you sense no change in yourself.

To give a bit of a 'feel' for this, compare something you know very well with something you know hardly at all. Think about someone you know very well - so well that you both get along great and have no conflicts of any importance. Now think of the idiot down the street who comes around acting like a retard just to annoy you and make you steam. Notice the difference in how you feel as a 'self' or 'I' in relationship to these two different people. In such a case, you could try to play along with the annoying person, maybe even practice "suffering his manifestations" a la Gurdjieff, until you know him pretty well and y'all start getting along well even though he continues to act like a clown. At this point, you could probably go from spending part of the day with your best friend and then the other part of the day with "the mischievous one" without losing any sense of yourself as a mature, developed I.

The above example can be taken as an analogy and not necessarily literally, it's given just to illustrate an idea. This is just one way to Work and these are only my thoughts, so just consider them for what they may be worth and throw out anything you already know or don't need.

 

[13 Twirling Triskeles]

IMO, the witness you spoke of is just awareness. Awareness is what's in back of all that and is just there and aware. Like the cat over in the corner watching you walk across the room. Its aware of you and the movement but is not telling itself anything about what its seeing, it's just aware. (my conjecture for illustration purposes).

Right! Got it! That's exactly WHAT it was -- Awareness! That's why I couldn't call it a WHO. Because it felt more like a WHAT. I said it all wrong when I said -- A Self which was observing even the Observer Self. Because it wasn't another Self at all. But I couldn't quite figure out how to describe what I was experiencing. It was just awareness. Being aware of myself being aware of myself -- as you stated. I knew my description wasn't quite accurate because it sounded too much like a hall of mirrors facing another hall of mirrors.

Thanks for that clue. That resolves my question.

To give a bit of a 'feel' for this, compare something you know very well with something you know hardly at all. Think about someone you know very well - so well that you both get along great and have no conflicts of any importance. Now think of the idiot down the street who comes around acting like a retard just to annoy you and make you steam. Notice the difference in how you feel as a 'self' or 'I' in relationship to these two different people. In such a case, you could try to play along with the annoying person, maybe even practice "suffering his manifestations" a la Gurdjieff, until you know him pretty well and y'all start getting along well even though he continues to act like a clown. At this point, you could probably go from spending part of the day with your best friend and then the other part of the day with "the mischievous one" without losing any sense of yourself as a mature, developed I.

Funny you should mention this. I've found that if I just listen to someone and pay attention to what s/he's saying rather than judging or resisting -- whether that person is a 'retard' or not :) -- something does happen and we can get along just fine and even have a good time together and I enjoy that person's company -- regardless of any gaps in our frequency vibrations.

For the record, I usually get along with most everyone -- even people who are difficult for most other people to deal with. I can't tell you the number of bosses for whom I've worked and for whom no one else will work because that boss's personality or perfectionism or demandingness or whatever drives most normal people crazy. They will even warn me off -- others in their peer group, office managers, other co-workers. But for me it's easy peasy. Even a few psychos. But when the psychos cross the line, I'm done. I can't be intimidated or scared or bullied or brow-beaten. Well, actually they can and sometimes TRY to do all that -- & more -- but my usual response is to try to refrain from laughing because I'm always amazed that they think they actually believe they're capable of scaring me. And they always do themselves in eventually. I just watch them fall into the holes they dig themselves -- holes they intend for me to fall into. Oh well.

The above example can be taken as an analogy and not necessarily literally, it's given just to illustrate an idea. This is just one way to Work and these are only my thoughts, so just consider them for what they may be worth and throw out anything you already know or don't need.

Well, so far, so good. Everything you & others have said here have proven very valuable to me -- in my subjective estimation of course -- but that's the only estimation I'm capable of. So thank you again very much for taking your time and making the effort to help me out and point out possible mis-understandings I might have about this stuff.

Just before I read your latest reply, I realized something I was going to post.

So, I'll just add it to this post, ok?

Update: Oh! Now I see why I didn’t consider the practice of self-observation very important. I was so magnetized and identified with all those little i’s, I couldn’t dis-identify with them or get enough distance from them to actually experience being separate from them. We were so merged, we were truly one. Ouch! Gives new meaning to that saying, we are all one, doesn’t it? And not necessarily in a good way either. :(

By continuously practicing self-observation these past 3 days, enough space was created that I could finally FEEL the separation and SEE that these little i’s were NOT the real me.

And now I know why that concept ‘trapped’ has been a running thread throughout my life — from practically conception onward. I really was trapped. It IS a trap to identify with all those little i constructs.

And it doesn’t even seem extraordinary. It seems very ordinary. Not exciting or amazing or anything grand — just normal.

Cheers! And thank you all again for all your help. It surely has helped restore some order to this being.

EDIT: Buddy -- I meant to let you know I finished reading both those links you gave me. Thank you so much. Then I found more reference links within those links to read. It's never-ending. Not complaining. I love having a long list of material to read. Why it sometimes takes me so long to read through some of the Forum material is that whenever I find information that I want to refer to later, I create word/page documents and copy & paste that info for future reference. You should see my Iodine Protocol Folder. I must have 40 or 50+ documents plus some SOTT news articles that I know I'll need for future reference. The Psychology & Esoteric & Political Folders are huge. Poor little laptop. :)

 

[Cosmos]

To give a bit of a 'feel' for this, compare something you know very well with something you know hardly at all. Think about someone you know very well - so well that you both get along great and have no conflicts of any importance. Now think of the idiot down the street who comes around acting like a retard just to annoy you and make you steam. Notice the difference in how you feel as a 'self' or 'I' in relationship to these two different people. In such a case, you could try to play along with the annoying person, maybe even practice "suffering his manifestations" a la Gurdjieff, until you know him pretty well and y'all start getting along well even though he continues to act like a clown. At this point, you could probably go from spending part of the day with your best friend and then the other part of the day with "the mischievous one" without losing any sense of yourself as a mature, developed I.

Funny you should mention this. I've found that if I just listen to someone and pay attention to what s/he's saying rather than judging or resisting -- whether that person is a 'retard' or not :) -- something does happen and we can get along just fine and even have a good time together and I enjoy that person's company -- regardless of any gaps in our frequency vibrations.

For the record, I usually get along with most everyone -- even people who are difficult for most other people to deal with. I can't tell you the number of bosses for whom I've worked and for whom no one else will work because that boss's personality or perfectionism or demandingness or whatever drives most normal people crazy. They will even warn me off -- others in their peer group, office managers, other co-workers. But for me it's easy peasy. Even a few psychos. But when the psychos cross the line, I'm done. I can't be intimidated or scared or bullied or brow-beaten. Well, actually they can and sometimes TRY to do all that -- & more -- but my usual response is to try to refrain from laughing because I'm always amazed that they think they actually believe they're capable of scaring me. And they always do themselves in eventually. I just watch them fall into the holes they dig themselves -- holes they intend for me to fall into. Oh well.

It is interesting to notice that most often when we automatically think, this or that stranger becomes a "retard" or "idiot" automatically as well. And by reflection it is often the case that our own behaviour, prejudices and judgments are what make that person look so "retarded" or "idiotic".

How often have we realized that we were actually the ones that were the real "idiots" and "retards" in situations? Sometimes we are so certain that the other side is "retarded" that we completely forget how often we in fact were retarded while thinking of others as retarded. Of course there are idiots out there, but one shouldn't forget how our own thought patterns, emotions and programs can distort a situation.

For example when I we see a stranger and automatically think "what a retard!" it normally influences the way we behave and talk toward that person as well. Even if the person doesn't get that intellectually, that person can feel it anyway, by the vibes you give off. So the stranger reacts (justifiably) not that nice and that again reinforces "your own" view of him as being a "retard". And so on and the loop continues.

 

[Buddy]

It is interesting to notice that most often when we automatically think, this or that stranger becomes a "retard" or "idiot" automatically as well. And by reflection it is often the case that our own behaviour, prejudices and judgments are what make that person look so "retarded" or "idiotic".

How often have we realized that we were actually the ones that were the real "idiots" and "retards" in situations? Sometimes we are so certain that the other side is "retarded" that we completely forget how often we in fact were retarded while thinking of others as retarded. Of course there are idiots out there, but one shouldn't forget how our own thought patterns, emotions and programs can distort a situation.

You are sooo right, Pashalis! IMO, anyone who goes through the process of learning about others this way can discover that the condition of their knowledge of the other person is what is in a state of 'retard' or 'idiot' and they are being that state and projecting that state on the other until they do something about it, like take the time to educate themselves about the person.

 

[13 Twirling Triskeles]

It is interesting to notice that most often when we automatically think, this or that stranger becomes a "retard" or "idiot" automatically as well. And by reflection it is often the case that our own behaviour, prejudices and judgments are what make that person look so "retarded" or "idiotic".

How often have we realized that we were actually the ones that were the real "idiots" and "retards" in situations? Sometimes we are so certain that the other side is "retarded" that we completely forget how often we in fact were retarded while thinking of others as retarded. Of course there are idiots out there, but one shouldn't forget how our own thought patterns, emotions and programs can distort a situation.

You are sooo right, Pashalis! IMO, anyone who goes through the process of learning about others this way can discover that the condition of their knowledge of the other person is what is in a state of 'retard' or 'idiot' and they are being that state and projecting that state on the other until they do something about it, like take the time to educate themselves about the person.

Wow! Thank you both for reminding me of this. I’d totally forgotten about the projection aspect. I need to apply this knowledge to my current situation. A major key seems to be ‘automatically thinking’, judging, pigeonholing, stereotyping or profiling a stranger into some category cage and labeling them this or that or whatever. We make snap judgments — which are based on so much hidden data that we don’t ever bring up to consciousness in order to examine. We’re dupes of our own darkness. Ouch!

For example when I we see a stranger and automatically think "what a retard!" it normally influences the way we behave and talk toward that person as well. Even if the person doesn't get that intellectually, that person can feel it anyway, by the vibes you give off. So the stranger reacts (justifiably) not that nice and that again reinforces "your own" view of him as being a "retard". And so on and the loop continues.

The I-Ching states it in terms of ‘holding to the Great Man potential in others’. Meaning that if we hold a negative viewpoint or attitude towards another, we will lock that person into acting in accordance with our own biases & judgments because they feel our own attitudes in their gut — thereby, confirming our own prejudices. Confirmation bias?

On the other hand, if we hold to the Great Man potential in others, we energetically hold space for them to act in accordance with their highest potential. What I’ve noticed happening when I do this, is that that person will say or do something that I most needed to hear or learn at that moment. It’s like an unexpected gift they offer to me.

However, referring to my bosses examples above, before I knew about that I-Ching suggestion, I had made my own determination to not adopt the detractors' own attitudes about my bosses. I could listen to their point of view and file their assessments away for future reference, and I could certainly observe for myself that what they told me was accurate vis-a-vis their own interactions with my bosses, but I wouldn’t allow their experiences to influence my own attitudes, experiences, and relationships with my bosses.

And oddly enough, I didn’t experience the same issues with those bosses as others did. In these cases, most of the people who warned me did so because they were genuinely alarmed, frightened and intimidated by my bosses — which I couldn’t understand at all. I mean I could observe that they were definitely afraid. But I could never understand exactly why.

Which now makes me think it probably had less to do with my actual bosses, and more to do with the others' inner worlds. But it wasn't just one or two other people in the firm who felt this way. It was nearly unanimous. Even their superiors were circumspect and cautious and deferential. And these were very large law firms I'm talking about. One guy I worked for was referred to as The Bear. It was tongue-in-cheek, but it was serious too. When I first heard that, I started laughing. It was totally NOT my experience of him.

Maybe my experiences and relationships with those bosses was different and easy peasy because I didn’t feel frightened or intimidated myself? Just a guess. Maybe some of it was also projection on their part -- especially by their own peers -- because they acted just as intimidating, macho, tough-guy, and bear-like as my own boss. Silly little boys.

I want to make a mental note of that ‘projection’ phenomenon for future reference. Thanks for the info. :)