Cassiopaea Forum Reading Workshops - Public

[Mari]

In EU, we are starting with Daylight Savings time from tomorrow - shifting clocks forward one hour.

So, for tomorrow´s workshop at 18:00 (6:00 PM) Paris time will be i.e. 12:00 PM (noon) in Toronto and in Pennsylvania, and 10:00 AM in most of Saskatchewan.

I do hope that this is right - internet says so....

 

[Turgon]

Hello everyone,

The Am-EU meeting will start in 30 minutes.

Today we'll be covering the Introduction to the Neuro-Affective Model.

Click below to enter the meeting and the host will let you in:
Join our Cloud HD Video Meeting now
Meeting ID: 953-026-3587

 

[Turgon]

Here is the Video and Audio for the Overview of Healing Developmental Trauma

Discussion of a few excerpts from this Val Brown interview (timestamps of 14:10-14:50 & 20:35-22:14)
in relation to healing from Trauma. The main takeaways is that of focusing on what you want to see happen, not on what you don't want, and letting go of using the past to predict what will happen in the present or future, and how "if you expect too much of a certain thing, you can make it very difficult to recognize the miraculous as it emerges." How trauma can stem from immediate family, but can also be intergenerational as well and may be in our genetics. A product of where we come from from forces we don't necessarily understand.

The NARM model has 5 core needs that branch off from one another. Connection --> Attunement --> Trust --> Autonomy --> Love/Sexuality, which are met by survival/adaptive strategies that dysregulate human beings when any of the 5 core needs are not met. If someone is from a narcissistic family, all 5 could potentially be dysregulated. Could it also be the case that healthy love/sexuality, i.e. Taoist Love and romance novels, cannot happen without the first 4 needs being expressed and met in a healthy way?

@Mari brought up the C's session about imprinting.

March 28, 2019

(L) Next question is: Is it really the case that "all is sealed" (our view of the Universe), so to speak, during the first weeks, months, or years of life?

A: More or less. Recall the discussion on imprinting. The infant needs to know that the universe is a place of creativity and abundance. That impression is formed in the first six months. For six months, the parent must respond instantly, or even anticipate the infant's needs; even the need for not being alone.

By tracking the physical, sensate, and energetic experience of emotion in the body, NARM emphasizes somatic mindfulness (which is not the same as meditation or mindfulness), but rather the containment, deepening, and support for the biological completion of affective states. This thread discusses what that entails in more detail. But learning to connect with one's body (developing connection) is a way to start.

@Breo brought up Ehlers Danlos Syndrome and bodily diseases and infections as roadblocks towards reaching greater healing and health. Distortions to life force can be seen through a myriad of sympathetic and parasympathetic responses and adaptations to trauma. Shame-based and pride-based identifications that manifest as a result are much like the Many I's that Mouravieff and Gurdjieff discussed in great detail.

NARM argues that bottom's up, top down approach is necessary. Seeing as more signals go from the gut and heart to the brain that vice-versa, it would be difficult to change and alter one's thinking patterns without learning to heal and repair the body/nervous system. Creating island's of safety within the nervous system - a sense of safety - allows for change to happen. Somatic therapies from the 1970's like primal rage therapy, are not encouraged, and could push someone further into dysregulation, rather than containment and self-expression.

 

[Arwenn]

Hi everyone,

Here’s the meeting ID for the Au-Asia-Am meeting. We will start in 60 minutes.

Join our Cloud HD Video Meeting
Meeting ID: 835 8687 7275
Passcode: 4nuFri

See you soon!

 

[Arwenn]

Hi everyone,

Here are the links for the recent Aus-Asia-Am group discussions on Laura's Substack article:
Aliens Are the Demons We've Always Feared: Unmasking the Hyperdimensional Threat Hidden in Plain Sight

Here's the video of the last meeting
The audio
And the folder

We will read this Substack article by Laura for our next workshop at 6pm Sydney AEST time (GMT+10).

See you all then!

___________________________________________________________________________________________
Below are the links for the workshop discussion points:

Session 22 Oct 1994 on how 4D STS plan to 'overtake' us but will fail due to their wishful thinking:

A: That is their intention. That has been their intention for quite some time. They have been traveling back and forth through time as you know it, to set things up so that they can absorb a maximum amount of negative energy with the transference from third level to fourth level that this planet is going to experience, in the hopes that they can overtake you on the fourth level and thereby accomplish several things. 1: retaining their race as a viable species; 2: increasing their numbers; 3: increasing their power; 4: expanding their race throughout the realm of fourth density. To do all of this they have been interfering with events for what you would measure on your calendar as approximately 74 thousand years. And they have been doing so in a completely still state of space time traveling backward and forward at will during this work. Interestingly enough, though, all of this will fail.

Q: (L) How can you be so sure it will fail?

A: Because we see it. We are able to see all, not just what we want to see. Their failing is that they see only what they want to see. In other words, it's the highest manifestation possible of that which you would refer to as wishful thinking. And, wishful thinking represented on the fourth level of density becomes reality for that level. You know how you wishfully think? Well, it isn't quite reality for you because you are on the third level, but if you are on the fourth level and you were to perform the same function, it would indeed be your awareness of reality. Therefore they cannot see what we can see since we serve others as opposed to self, and since we are on sixth level, we can see all that is at all points as is, not as we would want it to be.

Session 23 July 1995 on why rituals constrict the flow:

A: Perhaps one can solve the crises by focusing on other issues? You see, when you constrict the flow, you constrict the channel. And when you constrict the channel, you close down possibilities. And, you make it difficult, if not impossible for you to see that which is there. In other words, the obvious becomes oblivious because of constriction of the flow. This is why we have recommended against all rituals, because ritual restricts the flow, thereby restricting the possibilities. And, what you are describing is a situation of "dire straits," as you call it, and financial pressures of great magnitude which is restricting you. But actually, it is your concentration on same that is restricting, not the situation itself. And we realize that it is difficult for you to focus your attentions, or, more importantly to open up the flow of the channel. But, it is certainly not impossible. Especially for an individual as strong as yourself. It is what you choose to do, not what you MUST do. It is what you CHOOSE to do.

And how they constrict the flow (Session 12 Aug 1995):

Q: (L) We would like to know a bit more on the subject of rituals, which you have warned us are restricting on many levels. Why is this?

A: If one believes in one's activities sincerely, to the greatest extent, they certainly will produce SOME benefit, at SOME level. But, merely following patterns for the sake of following patterns, does not produce sincerity and faith necessary for ultimate benefits to result. So, therefore, as always, one must search from within, rather than from without, to answer that question. Do you understand? To give you an example, to be certain, you meet this all the time. If you read material in the pages of a book that advises one form of ritual or another, and you follow that form of ritual because you have read words printed on the pages, does that really give you the true sense of satisfaction and accomplishment within yourself to the greatest extent possible? Whereas, if you, yourself, were to develop an activity which one or another could interpret or define as a ritual, but it comes from within you, it feels RIGHT to you, and you have a sincere and complete faith in it, whatever it may be, does that feel right to you?

Session about how rituals are self-defeating, and knowledge is protection:

Q: (L) Are there any rituals that can be performed to provide protection for one against intrusion by the Lizzies.

A: Rituals are self-defeating.

Q: (L) Are there any technological means we can use?

A: The only defense needed is knowledge. Knowledge defends you against every possible form of harm in existence. The more knowledge you have, the less fear you have, the less pain you have, the less stress you feel, the less anguish you feel, and the less danger you experience of any form or sort. Think of this very carefully now for this is very important: Where is there any limitation in the concept behind the word "knowledge"? Being that there is no limitation, what is the value of that word? Infinite. Can you conceive of how that one concept, that one meaning frees you from all limitation? Use your sixth sense to conceive of how the word, the term, the meaning of knowledge can provide with all that you could possibly ever need. If you think carefully you will begin to see glimpses of how this is true in its greatest possible form.

Q: (L) Does this include knowledge learned from books?

A: This includes all possible meanings of the concept of the word. Can you think of how it would be that simply with one term, this one word can carry so much meaning? We sense that you are not completely aware. You can have glimpses of illumination and illumination comes from knowledge. If you strive perpetually to gain and gather knowledge, you provide yourself with protection from every possible negative occurrence that could ever happen. Do you know why this is? The more knowledge you have, the more awareness you have as to how to protect yourself. Eventually this awareness becomes so powerful and so all encompassing that you do not even have to perform tasks or rituals, if you prefer, to protect yourself. The protection simply comes naturally with the awareness.

Q: (L) Does knowledge have a substance or an existence apart from its possession or its acceptance?

A: Knowledge has all substance. It goes to the core of all existence.

Q: (L) So acquiring knowledge includes adding substance to one's being?

A: Indeed. It includes adding everything to one's being that is desirable. And also, when you keep invoking the light, as you do, truly understand that the light is knowledge. That is the knowledge which is at the core of all existence. And being at the core of all existence it provides protection from every form of negativity in existence. Light is everything and everything is knowledge and knowledge is everything. You are doing extremely well in acquiring of knowledge. Now all you need is the faith and realization that acquiring of knowledge is all you need.

Q: (L) I just want to be sure that the source that I am acquiring the knowledge from is not a deceptive source.

A: If you simply have faith, no knowledge that you could possibly acquire could possibly be false because there is no such thing. Anyone or anything that tries to give you false knowledge, false information, will fail. The very material substance that the knowledge takes on, since it is at the root of all existence, will protect you from absorption of false information which is not knowledge. There is no need to fear the absorption of false information when you are simply openly seeking to acquire knowledge. And knowledge forms the protection -- all the protection you could ever need.

Q: (L) There are an awful lot of people who are being open and trusting and having faith who are getting zapped and knocked on their rears.

A: No. That is simply your perception. What you are failing to perceive is that these people are not really gathering knowledge. These people are stuck at some point in their pathway to progress and they are undergoing a hidden manifestation of what is referred to in your terms as obsession. Obsession is not knowledge, obsession is stagnation. So, when one becomes obsessed, one actually closes off the absorption and the growth and the progress of soul development which comes with the gaining of true knowledge. For when one becomes obsessed one deteriorates the protection therefore one is open to problems, to tragedies, to all sorts of difficulties. Therefore one experiences same.

But it is okay to pray (Session 28 Oct 1994) and other actions to take for hyperdimensional protection:

A: Ritual drains directly to Lizard beings.

Q: (L) Even our saying of the Lord's prayer?

A: It is okay to pray. Why do you think organized religion is obsessed with rituals?

Tucker on how the supernatural forces act on us constantly and his recounting of a demonic attack while sleeping:

Session 16 Aug 2014 with the Cs telling us to work daily on being more aware on three levels:

Q: (L) Okay, is there any final bit of advice, or any last thing to say before we shut down for the night?

A: Just work daily at becoming more aware on three levels
1. Body and immediate environment,
2. Wider world affairs,
3. Cosmos and spirit.

Q: (L) Shouldn't "spirit" go with "Body and immediate environment"?

A: No, it is via the first steps that one achieves cosmic consciousness.

Q: (L) I don't understand.

(Chu) You have to work on the body and environment, and then understand the wider world at first. And then you can develop cosmic consciousness and spirit.

(L) Oooh. So in other words, to achieve cosmic consciousness, i.e. true spiritual advancement, you have to expand your field of vision to be very wide?

A: Exactly. Those who suggest that you must look only within live in a singular bubble.

Sessions 18 July 2015 and 9 August 1997 on Trans Marginal Inhibition and parasitic infestations preventing quantum leaps in awareness

Pressure and blackmail against Australian politicians as explicated by Gough Whitlam. in the 1970s

Some beauty to appreciate in the old and the pole.

 

[Mari]

Hello everyone,

The Am-EU meeting will start in 40 minutes.

Today we'll be covering Chapters 1, 2 and 3 of the book Healing Developmental Trauma by Laurence Heller and Aline LaPierre.

Click below to enter the meeting and the host will let you in:
Join our Cloud HD Video Meeting now
Meeting ID: 953-026-3587

See you soon!

 

[Mari]

Thank you all for today´s great discussion and for your participation!

Today we´ve covered chapters 1, 2 and 3 of the book Healing Developmental Trauma by Laurence Heller and Aline LaPierre.

We´ll continue next Sunday, 19th Apr 2026, with chapters 4, 5 and probably 6 ( all together 32 pages in the book which would conclude part A of the book).

Have a nice week and see you next Sunday!

---

Summary:

1. Overview

Survival styles are adaptive strategies children use to protect the attachment relationships with their parents. Children sense the parts of themselves that their parents accept and value, as well as the parts of themselves their parents reject. They adapt to their parents’ acceptance or rejection in order to maintain and maximize the attachment and love relationship.

Those survival strategies were life-saving responses and they represent successful adaptations, not pathology. However, those same adaptations we make, although protective in childhood, limit us as adults, because what initially helped us survive now becomes a rigid set of beliefs about ourselves and the world. This is what we come to view as our identity.

In NARM we have five basic physiological and identity patterns, or survival styles:

• Connection: A survival style develops around the need for contact - and the fear of it.
• Attunement: A survival style develops around the conflict between having personal needs and the rejection of them.
• Trust: as a survival style develops around both the longing for and the fear of healthy trust and interdependence.
• Autonomy: is a survival style that develops around both the desire for and the fear of setting limits and expressing independence.
• And Love-Sexuality: A survival style that develops around wanting to love and be loved and the fear of vulnerability. It also develops around the splitting of love and sexuality.

2. Connection

As a result of the earliest trauma, individuals with the Connection Survival Style have disconnected from their bodies, from themselves, and from relationships.

Core Fear
• “I will die or fall apart if I feel.”

Compromised Core Expression
• “I am … I have a right to be.”

Shame-Based Identifications
• Terrified and inadequate
• Shame at existing
• Feeling like they never fit in
• Feeling like they are always on the outside looking in
• Burden on others

Pride-Based Counter-Identifications
• Based on roles: “I am a mother … a doctor … a husband …”
• Thinking type: Pride in rationality and non-emotionality; contemptuous and disdainful ofothers they see as driven by emotion
• Spiritualizing type: Pride in otherworldly orientation

Reality
• “I survived.”

Behavioral Characteristics
• Lack of affect
• Feel shame about needing anything from anyone
• Communicate intellectual or spiritual superiority: “I know and you don’t.”
• Relate to other Connection types who don’t challenge their need for personal space
• Use interpersonal distancing as a substitute for adequate boundaries
• Withdraw in emotionally disturbing situations
• Tend to relate in an intellectual rather than a feeling manner
• Seldom aware that they are out of touch with their bodies
• Fear both being alone and overwhelmed by others
• Feel like a frightened child in an adult world; do not know how to deal with or appropriately manipulate their environment
• Exaggerated fear of death and disease
• Fear their own impulses, particularly anger
• Fear groups and crowds
• Intense ambivalence: deepest desire for contact is also the deepest fear
• Yearn to fill emptiness and fear fulfillment at the same time
• Strong need to control self, environment, and other people
• Difficulty tolerating intimacy
• Want to know reason why; transcendentally or intellectually oriented
• Because of their failure to embody, often have access to esoteric spiritual states
• Drawn to therapies, meditation, and spiritual movements that reinforce dissociation

Energy
• Global high-intensity nervous system activation
• Appearance of low energy; sensation and coherency are compromised
• Dorsal vagal dominance binding high-sympathetic arousal

Breathing Pattern
• Shallow: frozen thorax, particularly diaphragm and abdomen

Symptoms and Disease Tendencies
• Because of the early and profound systemic dysregulation, Connection types experience many different syndromes. The following is a partial list of their many health issues:

Migraines	Irritable bowel syndrome	Chronic fatigue
ADD/ADHD	Environmental sensitivities	Scoliosis
Colic	Asthma	Allergies
Dissociation	Depression	Anxiety
Digestive problems Fibromyalgia	Panic attacks

Overall negative traits of people with Connection survival style that affect themselves and people around them are:

• Partners or friends feel unseen, unheard, or emotionally starved; individuals with Connection survival style may dismiss others' feelings as "overly dramatic" or irrelevant. This can lead to passive neglect—being physically present but relationally absent—fostering resentment in loved ones.
• Strong push-pull leads to ghosting, emotional unavailability, or sabotaging budding intimacy; hot-and-cold behaviour, leaving others confused, anxious, or rejected.
• Unreliable presence in relationships—zoning out during conversations, forgetting commitments, or appearing aloof/unengaged. This can be experienced by others as dismissiveness or lack of care.
• Pride in independence, intellect, or transcendence ("I'm not emotional like others"; "I see through superficial human drama"). Bitterness toward a "hostile" or "inhospitable" world, labeling others as "needy," "weak," or "illusory." This can manifest as quiet arrogance, passive-aggressive distancing, or intellectual/spiritual bypassing that invalidates relational pain.
• Deep shame at existing or needing connection, leading to hiding, minimal self-expression, or resignation to emptiness/meaninglessness, leading to withdrawing support from others (or self) under the guise of "independence." This can result in self-neglect (ignoring health, emotions, or opportunities) that burdens relationships indirectly (e.g., expecting others to "fix" the void without vulnerability). In rigid forms, it contributes to depressive shutdown, chronic emptiness, or existential cynicism that drains shared energy in close bonds.

3. Attunement

Individuals with the Attunement Survival Style have difficulty attuning to their own needs; that is - knowing, allowing, and expressing their needs is associated with humiliation, loss, and fear of rejection.

Core Fear
• “If I express my needs, I will be rejected and abandoned.”

Compromised Core Expression
• “I need.”

Shame-Based Identifications
• Needy
• Unfulfilled and empty
• Longing: “When I get [the relationship, the recognition, the money, the fame, etc.] I need, then I will be happy.”

Pride-Based Counter-Identifications
• “I don’t have needs. I am the giver. Others need me … I don’t need them.”

Reality
• The rejection, abandonment, and deprivation they fear have already happened

Behavioral Characteristics
• Difficulty in sustaining energetic charge; they get excited about new projects but have difficulty finishing them
• Longing for their needs to be met without expressing them
• Clinging in a covert way
• Like to talk; getting attention is equated with getting love
• Often describe an emptiness in the belly
• Periods of elation at the beginning of a relationship or new, exciting project without the ability to follow through
• Do not reach out for what they want because of low energy and fear of disappointment
• Expression of anger is weak; tendency to be more irritable than angry
• Resignation
• Relationship to love object is self-oriented: “I love you … I take care of you … You have to love me.”
• Encourage others to depend on them
• Pick up strays: animals or people

Energy
• Generally low; they can sustain short-term charge when there is hope of fulfillment

Breathing Pattern
• Depression in the chest
• Shallow
• Difficulty taking breath in

Negative traits of people with an Attunement survival style :

• Chronic Self-Neglect and Disconnection from Own Needs can lead to burnout, resentment buildup, or health issues from ignored signals (e.g., exhaustion, somatic complaints).
• Hyper-Attunement to Others with One-Sided Caretaking/Codependency can lead to Relationships to become imbalanced and transactional. Partners or friends may feel pressured, guilty, or drained, as the dynamic subtly demands emotional labor in return without direct communication.
• Needs feel linked to humiliation, rejection, or being "too much," so they are suppressed or expressed indirectly. This can lead to Passive-aggressive behaviors—irritability, guilt-tripping, sulking, dragging feet, or subtle complaints ("After all I've done for you..."). This can then escalate to covert bitterness or making others "miserable enough to leave" without direct confrontation. In rigid forms, it mirrors covert narcissism: a quiet sense of superiority ("I'm more selfless/giving than others"), combined with hypersensitivity to not being perfectly attuned to, leading to devaluation or withdrawal.
• Unrealistic Expectations and Scarcity Mindset in Relationships projects unmet needs onto others with the hope they will intuitively "just know" and fulfill them, followed by disappointment, resentment, or devaluation when others inevitably fall short. This creates emotional volatility, unspoken entitlement, or a pervasive sense that "nothing is ever enough,"
• Pride-based identity as the "strong caretaker" or "indispensable one," using self-sacrifice to feel worthy can lead to Subtle moral grandiosity ("I'm the giver; others are selfish/takers") paired with underlying bitterness when reciprocation isn't automatic. This can lead to manipulative indirect bids for validation, emotional blackmail through martyrdom, or authoritarian "helping" that controls others under the guise of care. In deeper entrenchment, it contributes to features of vulnerable narcissism or chronic resentment that poisons intimacy.
• Suppressed needs create internal pressure, alternating between emotional umbness/resignation and overwhelming floods when they surface. This can lead to unpredictable irritability, depressive withdrawal, or sudden "boiling over" that surprises others and damages trust. This reinforces cycles of self-blame ("I'm too much") or other-blame, eroding relational safety and contributing to broader patterns like anxiety, depression, or addictive behaviors

---

Chat:
RedFox : Esther Perel

RedFox : This was a good discussion

Turgon : From Gaby in Ehlers Danlos Thread: I think when people with hEDS develop healthy boundaries and a sense of self, they can be immune from service to self energies from higher realms or from parallel dimensions. Mitigating incapacitating symptoms in hEDS will help a long way with this process. Hyperbaric oxygen therapy, a diet that doesn't trigger inflammatory reactions and adapted exercise can go a long way. By consciously aligning yourself with creative STO forces, the STS influences lose their power.

RedFox :

 

[Mari]

Additional notes to the latest Am-EU HDT Workshop (thank you @Turgon! ) and recordings:

Overview

To the degree that the core needs of attunement, care, autonomy, etc. are reasonably satisfied, children feel safe, trusting of the world, and connected to their bodily and emotional selves. If they aren't met, the adaptive style is created as a counter. They keep us safe as children, but limit us in adulthood, creating rigid beliefs about self and the world. Shame based and Pride based identifications that form the 'persona' or personality.

A discussion about a video of how mundane interactions between couples could stem from and be influenced by trauma's during childhood. How some of the 5 adaptive styles reflect previous psychology books like the Narcissistic Family. These adaptive styles are reflected in our bodies, behaviour, patterns, and even the illnesses that we bare. There could be genetic susceptibilities, and if parents are not properly attuned to their children during the first 3 years, this could also lead to auto-immune disorders and other issues/ailments that flare up.

The Connection subtypes disconnect from bodily experiences, personal relationships and often retreat to the mind and thinking. They often turn to technical professions that don't require a lot of human interaction. They can be brilliant thinkers but maintain emotional distance. Some spiritualize their experiences and very often don't feel welcomed in the world. They can feel invaded by other peoples emotions and have difficulty filtering the environment around them. Many members in the call share their experiences with connection style adaptive strategies and what some go through in terms of working with the adaptive survival strategies.

Imagining a different outcome, or using the imaginal realm could help heal some of these wounds.
Going back to Ehlers Danlos and what Gaby said here. People 'suffering' from this style or issues with connection can also mean more empathetic to others. Are these uncompleted issues that are seeking completion yet stuck in a continuous loop. What needs to be completed is a recognition of being in pain or distress. The parents are supposed to be there to accept and help regulate them, but are not.

Why do Connection types need to be in defined roles, and have difficulty without that? Part of this could be acceptance of certain identities, whereas bringing your true self may not be accepted. Some of the behavioural indications of Connection Types are spiritual bypassing, avoiding others, and when they try to connect to life and others, experience anxiety. So, it's important for those working with Connection types, to go slow and it's an important step for them to come to terms with the story they tell themselves to avoid contact and connection, while simultaneously acknowledging their need for it.

Attunement is the 2nd organizing principle. Often found as social workers, nurses, they can be very giving, but because of their inability to tune to their own needs, can become bitter and burnt out. There is a sense of resignation to attunement types. One example is of a child crying and not having his/her mother there to soothe them, which can lead to an eventual parasympathetic shutdown.

Individuals with this survival style do not learn to attune to their own needs, emotions and body, and become so adapted to scarcity that later in life, they are unable to recognize and express their own needs or allow fulfillment. The inhibited subtype has a tendency to foreclose awareness of their own needs and doing without. The unsatisfied subtype is the opposite and feels like they can never get enough.

They give to others what they want for themselves. Since they believe they cannot express their own needs, they eventually become frustrated and angry that others do not attune to their needs in the way that they attune to the needs of others “I need...” But they don't know what they need.
Having needs can seem humiliating and can lead to complaints of 'After all I've done for you...' It mirrors covert narcissism, seeing themselves as more selfless and giving than others. An important point is learning how to express one's own needs and not collapsing in the midst of stronger or more intense emotions.

 

[Arwenn]

Hi everyone,

Here’s the meeting ID for the Au-Asia-Am meeting. We will start in 50 minutes.

Join our Cloud HD Video Meeting
Meeting ID: 835 8687 7275
Passcode: 4nuFri

See you soon!

 

[Keit]

Just a note that today I won't be able to join.

Have a great meeting everyone!

 

[Arwenn]

Hi everyone,

Here are the links for the recent Aus-Asia-Am group discussions on Laura's Substack & SoTT articles:
Echoes of the Hyperdimensional Matrix: Demons, Disclosures, and the Theology Trap and
Transmarginal Inhibition

Here's the video of the last meeting
The audio
And the folder

We will read this Substack article by Laura for our next workshop at 6pm Sydney AEST time (GMT+10). It is another long weekend here, will keep you all posted if we have to postpone till the following weekend.

See you all then!

___________________________________________________________________________________________
Below are the links for the workshop discussion points:

Voltaire's quote: "Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities"
Tucker's monologue on Israel from last year and referenced in Laura's Substack

Jefferey Sachs on why Congress is so cowed by Israel:

https://twitter.com/x/status/1973556364048998807

Joe Rogan and Tucker interview, where Tucker talks about how supernatural forces are acting on us all the time, UFOs etc:

US Pentagon has a budget/involvement in Hollywood movies (to control the narrative):

https://twitter.com/x/status/2037623733603410211

To learn who rules over you, simply find out who you are not allowed to criticize, as explicated by Tucker:

https://twitter.com/x/status/2044959604300284106

 

[Laurs]

Hi guys, we will start the AM-EU reading workshop in 40 minutes. Just click the link below:

Click below to enter the meeting and the host will let you in:
Join our Cloud HD Video Meeting now
Meeting ID: 953-026-3587

 

[Laurs]

Thank you all for a good workshop, here is the recording, as well as the notes. We covered Chapter 4, the Trust Survival Style, Chapter 5, the Autonomy Survival Style and a large part of Chapter 6, the Love-Sexuality Survival Style (we will cover the Moving Towards Healing part in the next workshop) of the Healing Developmental Trauma book. The various survival styles were illustrated by slides from the video presentations by Dr. Jennifer May, Ph.D., who sticks closely to the book. Here are the links to her video’s:

Summary Chapter 4, the Trust Survival Style

The Trust Survival Style, the third of five adaptive survival styles in the NeuroAffective Relational Model (NARM), emphasizes that this style is an intelligent, protective response to early relational and developmental trauma rather than a fixed personality disorder or inherent flaw.

Developmental Origins: The Trust Survival Style typically develops in early childhood (ages ~1.5–4 years), when the core needs for basic trust, dependency, and authentic attachment should be met. It arises when caregivers have fragile egos and require the child to fulfill their own needs, boost their self-image, or prove their parenting success. Love becomes profoundly conditional: the child is rewarded for adopting a false self that supports the parent’s ambitions or emotional needs (classic examples include the “stage mom” or “football dad”) and faces withdrawal, criticism, or punishment for being authentic.Key family dynamics include:

• Manipulation or exploitation of the child’s natural dependency.
• Parentification — the child becomes the parent’s confidante, best friend, or emotional caretaker.
• Triangulation in parental conflicts, forcing the child to “choose sides.”
• Pressure toward premature adult responsibilities, competitiveness, and one-upmanship (especially in dysfunctional or alcoholic families).
• Making the child feel unrealistically “special” or the center of the universe to prop up the parent’s ego.
• In extreme cases: exposure to violence, chaos, abuse, or horror, intensifying feelings of helplessness and powerlessness.

As a survival strategy, the child learns to “sell out” their true self, hide vulnerable aspects, and master reading what others want in order to deliver it. They carry the “as if” pretense into adulthood — acting as if they are loved and loving, while knowing deep down it is a lie. Dependency becomes equated with danger, and trust with betrayal or being used. Vulnerability and helplessness turn intolerable, so the child shifts toward control, dominance, power, and image as compensations.

Core Characteristics in Adulthood: Adults with a strong Trust Survival Style are driven by a need for power and control to avoid re-experiencing early powerlessness. They often appear as competitive “empire builders.” Healthier expressions can manifest as visionary or dynamic leaders; more pathological ones involve manipulation, ruthlessness, or domination.NARM identifies two main subtypes that frequently overlap with narcissistic presentations:

• Seductive subtype (“as if” strategy): Chameleon-like, charismatic, and highly attuned to others’ vulnerabilities. They act as if they care, love, or are committed, using charm, seduction, and false promises to influence or manipulate (seen in some politicians, religious leaders, or relationships).
• Overpowering subtype: Develops from more extreme childhood horror or abuse. These individuals “turn the tables” on helplessness by becoming the controller or abuser. They compensate through physical strength, wealth, empire-building, intimidation, or making others afraid (“I don’t get ulcers, I give ulcers”).

Shared traits include:

• Intense focus on image and maintaining a “larger-than-life” or “good front” — feeling safe only when no one sees their inner reality.
• Grandiose self-image masking deep emptiness, impotence, loneliness, and fear of failure (“inside I feel like a loser”).
• Default emotion of anger/rage used to intimidate and maintain dominance.
• Primary fear of loss of control; constant need to be “one up” or win.
• Difficulty with genuine emotional closeness — relationships become arenas for control, conquest, or power struggles. They often pair with Attunement-style (caretaker) partners whom they can dominate, and may become sadistic, impotent, or end the relationship with truly loving partners.
• Mastery of projective identification: projecting unwanted states (smallness, powerlessness, stupidity) onto others so the other person feels them.
• Use of denial, rationalization, and disconnection from the body (energy displaced upward into the mind; inflated or armored chest to protect the heart and hide vulnerability).
• When control is threatened: escalation to substances, aggression, violence, or self-destructive collapse rather than facing internal despair.

Shame-based identifications (small, used, betrayed, powerless, weak) are counteracted by pride-based counter-identifications (strong, successful, in control, the betrayer/user). Life is often seen through a paranoid lens: “it’s a jungle — survival of the fittest.”

Link to Narcissism and Trauma Bonds:In NARM, narcissism (covert, malignant, or relational forms) is not a separate diagnosis but is deeply intertwined with the Trust Survival Style. Narcissistic traits arise as distortions of self-regulation, self-image, and relational capacity stemming from early betrayal of trust. This style often underlies “both sides” of narcissistic relationships and trauma bonds — the intense, painful pull that keeps people trapped. One partner may show strong Trust adaptations (control, manipulation, objectification), while the other carries complementary wounds (e.g., self-abandonment or difficulty trusting).

Healing and Resolution: NARM’s approach is non-pathologizing and heart-centered. People with this style rarely seek therapy at first, as it triggers core fears of vulnerability, dependency, and betrayal. When they do, they may test the therapist or try to stay “one up.” Effective work requires clear boundaries, directness, and empathy for the underlying suffering. The path to resolution includes:

• Acknowledging the early betrayal and the pain of abandoning one’s authentic self.
• Developing compassion for the underlying hurt, powerlessness, and shame.
• Reconnecting with the body through somatic mindfulness to counter disconnection and denial.
• Learning healthy dependency and interdependence without losing oneself.
• Dropping the false/idealized self-image and embracing vulnerability as true strength (“real power is the courage to be vulnerable”).
• Opening the heart and restoring the capacity for genuine trust and connection.

Ultimately, healing means coming “home” to the body and authentic self, turning the lack of early support into self-support. What began as a necessary childhood protection against manipulation and powerlessness can evolve into rigid patterns of control and narcissism — yet NARM offers realistic hope: these are survival adaptations, not the core self. With support, they can soften, allowing greater authenticity, relational capacity, and aliveness.This text synthesizes the original book material with NARM principles, providing a clear, empathetic, and hopeful framework for understanding and working with the Trust Survival Style and its overlap with narcissistic dynamics. Yet, realistically, we discuss that it's rare that a narcissist seeks therapy himself or that people in his environment encourage him to do so.

We also discussed this survival style and the predator’s mind with respect to internal considering as per casswiki.

Summary Chapter 5, the Autonomy Survival Style

The Autonomy Survival Style is the fourth of five adaptive organizing principles that emerge from early developmental trauma. This style forms when a child’s emerging capacity for autonomy—the innate drive toward independence, self-assertion, and uncoerced decision-making—is systematically undermined between approximately 18 months and 2 years of age, during the classic “terrible twos” phase of mobility, exploration, and willful assertions like “No!” or “Me do it!” Autonomy is “the capacity to be one’s own person,” with independence in thoughts, actions, and choices. When caregivers fail to support this natural progression, the child adapts in ways that persist into adulthood, creating a lifelong pattern of internal conflict, people-pleasing facades, and hidden resentment.

Developmental Origins: The Thwarted “Terrible Twos”
Children with this survival style are typically welcomed into the world with dependency needs met adequately. The rupture occurs precisely when autonomy should blossom. Attuned parents encourage age-appropriate independence. However, several caregiver patterns disrupt it:
* Highly anxious or overprotective parents “bubble-wrap” the child out of their own unresolved fears, preventing natural risk-taking and exploration.
* Narcissistic or enmeshed parents treat the child as an extension of themselves, becoming emotionally invasive or over-controlling (“You must behave this way to reflect well on me and keep my love”).
* Authoritarian or rigid parents impose strict rules—often starting with eating habits or toilet training—backed by conditional love, shame, guilt, or withdrawal of affection. Resistance is met with humiliation or abandonment threats.
* Clingy or dependent parents feel personally abandoned by the child’s separateness and respond with guilt, derision, disapproval, or implied threats of rejection.

The child faces an impossible no-win dilemma: submit to maintain attachment and love (which becomes inextricably linked to duty, pleasing, and bondage), or assert independence and risk criticism, rejection, or emotional abandonment. To survive, the child develops overt compliance—a superficial “yes,” niceness, and “good boy/good girl” persona—while secretly holding an internal “no.” This creates a powerful but covert will: “You have my body, but you’ll never have my soul.” The child caves outwardly but preserves integrity through hidden resistance. Love and autonomy thus become polarized, and the child learns that self-assertion is dangerous.

Characteristics in Adulthood: Paralysis, Pressure, and Hidden Rebellion
Adults with the Autonomy Survival Style often appear kind, open-hearted, loyal, and exceptionally giving—prizing relationships and avoiding conflict at all costs. Yet they struggle profoundly with boundaries, limits, and authentic self-expression. They feel easily “put upon,” secretly resentful (especially in intimate relationships where they feel trapped or smothered), and paralyzed by ambivalence. What began as an external struggle with parents becomes fully internalized: an ongoing battle between the “demanding parent” voice (“You should...”) and the “withholding child” (“I won’t...”). This produces extreme immobilization, rumination (endless post-interaction self-criticism: “Did I say the right thing? Did I disappoint them?”), and procrastination, particularly on tasks tied to perceived external expectations.

Core fears drive the pattern:
* “If people really knew me (or how I really feel), they wouldn’t like me—they’d leave me.”
* Authenticity risks rejection; intimacy risks invasion, control, or loss of self.

Pressure is a constant companion. External parental demands are internalized as relentless “shoulds” and self-judgment. Individuals project these onto others, experiencing work or relationships as burdensome obligations while remaining exquisitely sensitive to imagined expectations. They may strategize rather than communicate directly, allowing resentments to build until they escape indirectly—by withdrawing without explanation or provoking rejection so they can play the “innocent” victim and gain “freedom” without guilt.

Ambivalence toward authority is hallmark: overt deference paired with covert rebellion or passive-aggression. They often defend others forcefully but rarely themselves.

Somatic features reflect the containment: high energy held “as if in a vice,” compressed and dense; heavily armored chest; restricted breathing. This leads to psychosomatic issues such as neck/back tension, ulcers, colitis, high blood pressure, or pinched nerves.

Shame-based identifications (hidden): angry, rebellious, resentful of authority, burdened, spiteful, enjoying disappointing others’ expectations.
Pride-based counter-identifications (visible): nice, sweet, compliant “good boy/girl,” proud of how much they can “take on their shoulders” (“I can handle it”), fearful of disappointing anyone.

Coping mechanisms include indirectness (never laying cards on the table), will-based efforting, passive-aggression, guilt, rumination, projecting authority onto others, and using last-minute pressure/deadlines to break through paralysis. In relationships, they confuse flexibility with an unwillingness to stand up for themselves and may secretly hoard pleasures for fear they’ll be taken away.

Growth Strategies and Therapeutic Resolution
Healing cannot come from “efforting,” will-power, goal-oriented pushing, behavioral strategies, or taking sides in the internal conflict—these recreate the childhood dilemma and trigger sabotage (“Yes—but...” or enthusiastic “good client” compliance followed by unconscious resistance). The client’s request for “homework” or “What should I do?” is an invitation to frustration; instead, the therapist (or self-work) must remain neutral, fostering awareness of the internal dialectics without agenda.

Key therapeutic principles include:
* Mindfulness and non-goal orientation: Cultivate curiosity about internal conflicts (pleasing others vs. pleasing self; outward yes vs. inner no) rather than judging or forcing resolution. Validate all parts without externalizing the struggle.
* Unconditional acceptance: The therapist offers no personal stake in change, communicating “You are accepted exactly as you are.” This paradoxically frustrates the old pattern by removing an external “opponent” to submit to or rebel against.
* Parts work and integration (echoing IFS): Give voice to all sides so decisions emerge from wholeness rather than one polarized part winning.
* Direct communication and embodied boundaries: Practice authentic “Yes” and “No” (inside and outside aligned).
* Distinguish true autonomy from counter-dependency or rebellion: Build self-referencing, personal authority, trust, and self-confidence. Learn that intimacy and independence can coexist.
* Avoid common traps: “Good client” performance, imagining therapist agendas, or seeking advice that adds pressure.

Resolution arrives when individuals reclaim genuine self-expression, set realistic limits without guilt, and allow others to respond freely—freeing them from the control of the “good boy/good girl” role. They discover they can be honest in close relationships while remaining in touch with their independence. Love decouples from duty; pressure is recognized as largely self-generated; and the hidden “no” transforms into empowered choice.

In essence, the Autonomy Survival Style transforms a once-adaptive survival strategy—protecting integrity amid enmeshment or control—into a cage of self-imposed paralysis and indirect living. NARM can offer a clear path: from covert resistance and people-pleasing to embodied, mindful autonomy. This shift restores the capacity for authentic connection without losing the self, turning the lifelong internal tug-of-war into integrated wholeness.

Summary Chapter 6, the Love-Sexuality Survival Styl

The Love-Sexuality Survival Style represents the fifth and final organizing principle of adaptive survival strategies arising from developmental trauma. This style emerges when a child’s natural integration of loving, open-hearted feelings with vital, embodied sexuality is disrupted. Unlike the earlier four styles, which form foundations for basic relating and selfhood, the Love-Sexuality style builds upon relative success in prior stages but fractures at the point of sexual awakening.

Individuals with this style often appear as the “winners” of the world: highly energetic, attractive, successful, driven doers—sports heroes, cheerleaders, top performers, actors, and cultural icons. They radiate confidence and vitality on the surface. Yet beneath the polished exterior lies a profound conditional self-worth: they feel they are only as good as their last performance or appearance. Their self-esteem hinges on looks, achievements, and external admiration, leaving them with a deep, often unconscious sense of being fundamentally flawed or unlovable. The core developmental wound is heartbreak—unacknowledged or rejected loving feelings, especially toward the opposite-sex parent—coupled with shame around emerging sexuality. The lifelong challenge is to reintegrate an open, vulnerable heart with a free, pleasurable sexuality in the same relationship.

Developmental Origins: The Split Between Love and Sexuality

This style typically crystallizes during two key windows: ages 4–6 (the “age of innocence” with budding crushes, affectionate play, and early seductive curiosity like hugging or kissing) and puberty (roughly 12–15, though timing varies with physical maturation). At ages 4–6, a child’s whole-body loving expressions toward parents naturally carry innocent sexual undertones. If caregivers encourage heart-centered affection but recoil, shame, punish, or invalidate any hint of sexuality (e.g., through yelling, embarrassment, or withdrawal), the child learns to split off the sexual self to preserve parental love and approval. They favor “neutral” or “innocent” expressions while suppressing the erotic dimension.

During puberty, the split deepens dramatically. Physical changes, nocturnal emissions, masturbation, dating interests, and bodily development trigger caregiver discomfort—fathers withdrawing from daughters (sometimes with jealousy over boys), mothers shaming sons’ emerging sexuality, or families enforcing rigid, condemning atmospheres where emotions and tenderness are frowned upon. Love may feel conditional on performance and appearance, while sexuality is met with disdain, silence, or moral judgment.
The result: adolescents internalize shame about their bodies and desires, distorting their sense of identity as sexual beings. The child adapts by creating an outer-inner split: a high-performing, attractive persona compensates for inner feelings of rejection and flaw, while love and sexuality become polarized.

This pattern interacts with earlier styles: Connection types may remain impersonal and depersonalized in sexuality; Attunement types filter love/sex through unmet nurturing needs; Trust types dominate to avoid vulnerability; Autonomy types fear intimacy as a loss of freedom. Only when prior stages are relatively navigated does the full Love-Sexuality style emerge with its high-functioning yet split presentation.

Characteristics in Adulthood: Subtypes, Patterns, and the Doing/Feeling Split

Two main subtypes emerge from the love-sexuality fracture:
* Romantic Subtype: These individuals idealize love, romance, and marriage (candlelight dinners, emotional connection). They are open-hearted but terrified of or disconnected from sexuality, which feels anxiety-provoking or “dirty.” Early in relationships, sexuality may flow, but as heart bonds deepen, sexual desire diminishes or vanishes—turning the partner into a “sister/brother” figure. Extreme or repressed forms become moralistic crusaders or self-appointed guardians of public morality, harshly judging others’ sexuality while secretly acting out (e.g., hidden porn, affairs) to discharge repressed impulses.
* Sexual Subtype: These lean into seductiveness and performance. They use attractiveness and conquest to bolster self-esteem, measuring satisfaction by frequency, potency, and number of partners rather than depth or connection. Sexuality serves to prevent true intimacy; it feels mechanical, genitally focused, or conquest-oriented. They thrive sexually with strangers or new partners but lose interest or potency as emotional closeness grows. Common patterns include serial relationships, boredom in long-term bonds, staying in a “love” relationship while seeking sex elsewhere, or obsession with pornography and promiscuity that never fully satisfies due to bodily rigidity.

Common threads across subtypes include:
* Identity based on looks and performance: Relentless self-improvement, working out, plastic surgery, or hardening the body to create a “perfect, seamless, flawless” image. The mantra: “I’ll be so attractive and accomplished that no one will ever reject me again.”
* Doing over feeling: High-energy, sympathetically dominant “doers” who distrust emotions as signs of weakness or vulnerability. Constant activity and achievement keep them out of touch with tender feelings.
* Relationship patterns: Choosing partners who enhance their image or status (“narcissistic glow”). Fear of vulnerability leads to restraint in expressing affection (“I love you” is held back); when hurt, they reject first or wait for the partner to reconcile. Initial intense sexuality fades as heart connection emerges. They may mistake admiration for love and struggle with surrender.
* Core fear: “There is something fundamentally flawed in me” (or “I’m not sure I even know what love is”; “If I show my full self, including my sexuality, I’ll be rejected”).
* Shame-based identifications (often hidden): Hurt, rejected, flawed, unloved/unlovable, incapable of loving.
* Pride-based counter-identifications: “I’ll never let anyone hurt me again”; reject first; perfect, high-achieving, attractive; self-esteem tied to image and conquests.
* Somatic features: High contained energy discharged through motor activity; armored chest/heart area; restricted breathing that protects vulnerability; rigid, defended bodies that limit full sexual pleasure.

Behavioral hallmarks: perfectionism and harsh self-criticism; black-and-white thinking; competitiveness; self-righteousness; seductive-then-rejecting cycles; difficulty maintaining relationships; using sex as the primary way to feel the body; projecting rejection fears onto partners.

Aside from discussing the path toward healing for the Love-Sexuality Survival Style, we will cover Chapter 7: Physiology and Trauma in next week's workshop. See you then and have a good week