Dear Laura, whats going on?

Keit

Ambassador
Ambassador
FOTCM Member
Menna said:
I will be more careful with my posts and take more time and energy to explain myself when I post. Which will probably cause me to post less as i have learned it's better for people to progress organically without my influence as life knows what it's doing better than me. I find it better not to get too involved.

Well, it is always good to be careful when posting and take more time to explain something, and it doesn't mean that you have to post less. But as you said, it depends on the personal choice and the level of involvement.

Considering that, I think that it is important for all of us to keep in mind that there are different people on the forum, and with a different level of commitment. Doesn't matter why some are less committed than others. But it does become relevant when trying to assign motivations to their actions.

For example, what happened in your case, Menna, that many forum members, who could be considered as more "involved" on the forum, reacted the way they reacted to your post because they considered you to be on the same level of involvement. And then, when you didn't reply for such a long time, they again tried to assign various motivations to your "silence", when in fact you didn't even know about the whole "tempest"! Talking about a ridiculous situation.

Surely, you probably feel a bit frustrated while reading about all the motivations that were assigned to your "silence". But hopefully you can also see the other side of the coin, and that it only indicates that people care about this place and what goes on here. They also care about you, and were able to see that your post and then "not replying" were rather uncharacteristic in comparison to your past behavior.

Bottom line is, it is a good lesson to all of us, and for many reasons. But it is also a good example, that when you are participating on the forum that has so many dedicated members, it would be indeed a good idea to invest a bit more energy into the content of the message, if only out of respect, and in order to avoid such misunderstandings in the future. It certainly doesn't mean that you have to be on the same level of involvement, or that you have to post less either.

Who knows, perhaps at some point you'll make a choice to be active again. As you can see from the replies, there are people here who do appreciate your feedback. Or at least on the level that it was before. :flowers:
 

ScioAgapeOmnis

The Living Force
Sometimes you gotta just try to be an obyvatel. And at the end of the day, our life is a reflection of ourselves and what we give to life. I think saying that you will post less because you're asked to be externally considerate is a bit odd. I mean, it sounded to me like "well since you won't accept brief thought fragments as posts, I guess I'll post less since this is all I am prepared to offer right now". So an ounce of extra effort it takes to complete a sentence or two is a burden? It takes no time, no one is asking for a treatise here, and it just sounds a bit like blaming the "lofty requirements" for your personal decision to step back.

I agree people come and go. You can only be and do what is in you to do. Seems like you are simply dissatisfied with maybe what this network has to offer you, and perhaps what you think you have to offer the network. It kinda sounds like you're saying no one really truly cares about why you or others choose to pull back. And simultaneously, you don't seem to care enough to elaborate or explain and instead blame it on an excuse like "words can't describe it". Is it possible that you are simply projecting your own feelings onto the rest of the group? Is it possible that people here truly do care, very much? Is it possible that the life changing benefits of being part of this team are real, meaningful, and experienced by many in a way that you personally don't share? In other words, is it possible that your feelings are not universally shared?

If so, do you think it would be of service to try to put into words the experiences you allude to and possibly benefit from a discussion that could get to the root here - what the real issue is? It's possible this is simply not your bar. But it's also possible that you're going through some stuff internally, and maybe mixing up your 'A' and 'B' influences, and if you still believe in the existence of 'B' influences then a part of you may benefit from being honest and descriptive of what you're experiencing and feeling.
 

Muxel

Dagobah Resident
Keit said:
Surely, you probably feel a bit frustrated while reading about all the motivations that were assigned to your "silence".

I don't know about Menna, but I definitely feel frustrated at the reactions, because
1. People are making a mountain out of a molehill
2. It strikes me as tone policing; and if we really are a community, why are we so quick to assume the worst of each other?
 

Ysus

Jedi
FOTCM Member
I have been reading this thread and went through many different internal stages over the course of the many responses and you people trying to figure out what's going on. Not sure if I have anything of value to add but I can certainly say that I felt I was experiencing a personal mini roller coaster, despite not being directly involved. I think it brought home to me how stirring and emotionally challenging silence can be. The mind starts guessing, interpreting, imagining, worrying, getting annoyed, angry, feel cheated, left in the lurch, powerless, perhaps even taken for a fool.

The latest posts clarified that Menna wasn’t even aware of all the goings on, so his silence wasn’t deliberate.

Now I have a bit of a history of letting people guess. Not as much as I used to but I still do it. I drop hints, don’t talk much, don’t communicate (only up to a point), don’t clarify or clarify and then disappear, become cryptic, withdraw, whet others’ appetite (so to speak) and vanish into thin air again. I have know about my silence treatments for a long time and have scrutinized the reasons behind this tendency extensively and written and creatively dealt with it, too, but this thread gave me an opportunity to feel what it’s like to be at the “receiving end”. Now that was rather sobering. So for me this thread has been helpful and educational.

Good to know that Menna is well and I would like to say that I was quite impressed with the level of care people showed. Care often doesn’t sound particularly positive.

Well. thanks once again. I will have to see how to give this this lesson its due in my own dealings with life.

I am adding a link to a song I think fits, kind of - at least the gist of it.

_https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-YLdSYvKDDA
 

goyacobol

The Living Force
FOTCM Member
Muxel said:
Keit said:
Surely, you probably feel a bit frustrated while reading about all the motivations that were assigned to your "silence".

I don't know about Menna, but I definitely feel frustrated at the reactions, because
1. People are making a mountain out of a molehill
2. It strikes me as tone policing; and if we really are a community, why are we so quick to assume the worst of each other?

Maybe it's the sound of cacophony that makes you feel frustrated. To me it was more about not being in control rather than policing that is the problem. We have a lot of freedom to express our thoughts and opinions here I think within the rules and guidelines of the forum.

Being a moderator on this forum deserves a purple heart medal sometimes I think.

Why do you think "why are we so quick to assume the worst of each other?" ? And is that really true all the time?
 

Séamas

Ambassador
Ambassador
FOTCM Member
Laura said:
Ant22 said:
Oh gosh, I'm really sorry to hear that Laura. The unpleasant surgery was probably preceded by pain and discomfort, especially that the issue was serious enough to require the surgery!

Get well very soon!!!!! :hug2:

Exactly. A couple weeks of a terrible abcess, antibiotics that made me totally sick, etc. The whole thing had my entire auto-immune system up in arms and general misery ensued. But hopefully, this will begin the end of that nasty mess. I was able to persuade the dentist to use iodine when he packed the space with stuff that is supposed to harden into bone mass. So we'll see. Rinsing with colloidal silver and iodine solution periodically. I never want to go through that again. Poor Pierre and Chu went with me and Pierre nearly fainted. He said I was giving off super strong distress waves. Well, yeah!!!

Just catching up on the forum after a few weeks away. I hope you're feeling better Laura!
 

shellycheval

The Living Force
FOTCM Member
Ysus
Now I have a bit of a history of letting people guess. Not as much as I used to but I still do it. I drop hints, don’t talk much, don’t communicate (only up to a point), don’t clarify or clarify and then disappear, become cryptic, withdraw, whet others’ appetite (so to speak) and vanish into thin air again. I have know about my silence treatments for a long time and have scrutinized the reasons behind this tendency extensively and written and creatively dealt with it, too, but this thread gave me an opportunity to feel what it’s like to be at the “receiving end”. Now that was rather sobering. So for me this thread has been helpful and educational.

Good--so by now you should be aware that this type of behavior is passive-aggressive manipulation and not at all externally considerate. So what are your findings on your motivations for such behavior?
Some research on passive-aggressive behaviors may help, along with your new found awareness on what it feels like to be on the receiving end of such manipulation.
Good luck
 

Ysus

Jedi
FOTCM Member
shellycheval said:
Ysus
Now I have a bit of a history of letting people guess. Not as much as I used to but I still do it. I drop hints, don’t talk much, don’t communicate (only up to a point), don’t clarify or clarify and then disappear, become cryptic, withdraw, whet others’ appetite (so to speak) and vanish into thin air again. I have know about my silence treatments for a long time and have scrutinized the reasons behind this tendency extensively and written and creatively dealt with it, too, but this thread gave me an opportunity to feel what it’s like to be at the “receiving end”. Now that was rather sobering. So for me this thread has been helpful and educational.

Good--so by now you should be aware that this type of behavior is passive-aggressive manipulation and not at all externally considerate. So what are your findings on your motivations for such behavior?
Some research on passive-aggressive behaviors may help, along with your new found awareness on what it feels like to be on the receiving end of such manipulation.
Good luck

Yes, passive aggressive, I know.
But I think my post here wasn’t passive aggressive. I merely expressed my gratitude for the opportunity to experience a sample of what others must have experienced with me.

I researched extensively:

The narcissistic family - boundary issues - busy bodies - learnt helplessness - “hyper-hiding” and much more and I chose to work through many issues by putting various processes into creative form (fragments, stories, cartoons, fairytales) in order to finally be able to constructively share and shed light to many wrong turnings and goings on and I am “snail pacily" inching towards sharing more. A life of hiding cannot turn into open sharing overnight.

Two steps forward, feel overwhelmed, take a step back. Stop. Digest. Wait a while and take half a step instead and stop and wait and digest and, perhaps don’t step back. Pluck up some more courage and do some more. That’s the only way I seem to be able to do it but I’m doing it.
 

goyacobol

The Living Force
FOTCM Member
Ysus said:
shellycheval said:
Ysus
Now I have a bit of a history of letting people guess. Not as much as I used to but I still do it. I drop hints, don’t talk much, don’t communicate (only up to a point), don’t clarify or clarify and then disappear, become cryptic, withdraw, whet others’ appetite (so to speak) and vanish into thin air again. I have know about my silence treatments for a long time and have scrutinized the reasons behind this tendency extensively and written and creatively dealt with it, too, but this thread gave me an opportunity to feel what it’s like to be at the “receiving end”. Now that was rather sobering. So for me this thread has been helpful and educational.

Good--so by now you should be aware that this type of behavior is passive-aggressive manipulation and not at all externally considerate. So what are your findings on your motivations for such behavior?
Some research on passive-aggressive behaviors may help, along with your new found awareness on what it feels like to be on the receiving end of such manipulation.
Good luck

Yes, passive aggressive, I know.
But I think my post here wasn’t passive aggressive. I merely expressed my gratitude for the opportunity to experience a sample of what others must have experienced with me.

I researched extensively:

The narcissistic family - boundary issues - busy bodies - learnt helplessness - “hyper-hiding” and much more and I chose to work through many issues by putting various processes into creative form (fragments, stories, cartoons, fairytales) in order to finally be able to constructively share and shed light to many wrong turnings and goings on and I am “snail pacily" inching towards sharing more. A life of hiding cannot turn into open sharing overnight.

Two steps forward, feel overwhelmed, take a step back. Stop. Digest. Wait a while and take half a step instead and stop and wait and digest and, perhaps don’t step back. Pluck up some more courage and do some more. That’s the only way I seem to be able to do it but I’m doing it.

Ysus,

Thanks for sharing your progress and explaining how this thread has helped. I think myself and others have at least some experience being passive-aggressive even if it may not be our most "outstanding feature" so to speak.

As they say "slow and steady wins the race".

I also like your footnote which I have thought about before “If he has had a cup of coffee, he loves; if not, he does not love…" (G.I. Gurdjieff)

I'm still thinking about that one "snail pacily"...while I get another cup of coffee.
 

shellycheval

The Living Force
FOTCM Member
Yes, passive aggressive, I know.
But I think my post here wasn’t passive aggressive. I merely expressed my gratitude for the opportunity to experience a sample of what others must have experienced with me.

I agree--your post does not have a passive aggressive tone, and being able to express gratitude for lessons that make us uncomfortable, as you did in your post, shows you are well on your way to recognizing and avoiding such behaviors in the future. Learning is indeed a "two step forward and one step back" process that we all experience. Keep up the good work. :flowers:
 

Menna

The Living Force
FOTCM Member
For example, what happened in your case, Menna, that many forum members, who could be considered as more "involved" on the forum, reacted the way they reacted to your post because they considered you to be on the same level of involvement. And then, when you didn't reply for such a long time, they again tried to assign various motivations to your "silence", when in fact you didn't even know about the whole "tempest"! Talking about a ridiculous situation.

In my response to this post I think it's important to take myself out of this thread and respond like I am someone else but still post using my knowledge of the work and life thus far in 3D. This is the best way for me to be objective.

I agree with what you have said above and it's important to note that the "assignment" of what happened serves as a individual mirror the individuals level and if one assigns and sticks with that narrative and level of thinking/assignment of the situation then one will not progress or will stay at their level longer. The C's even say a lot of things are "open" so if you believe in the C's experiment and what they say then how can we expect to know everything or every reason why. If things are open to them a lot more things are open to us IMO However if you take time (system 2) to think go off facts, reach out or ask (just like the person did who messaged me) you then can gain more impute and then mentate with more facts and maybe you will "assign" at another level or in a different way.

On a different note the "caring" to assign in and of itself is telling. Why force and assign so quick? Giving yourself "Time" is very important. Why the rush? .

One of my recent (Last 4months) posts where quoted throughout this thread where I said I want less extreme of experience at this time in life more peace, slower tempo, different experiences. I said this a few months ago I believe. Then I Did what I said I was going to do took action and lowered my level of involvement to allow time to bring me new situations so I can decide if my free will is worth the situation/experience. We have more control then we think if we give ourself time. If the world ends tomorrow then it ends but I believe we do ourselves a disservice if we rush time/experiences while we are here. Correct me if I am wrong but one of the most important differences between old and young is wisdom. No? We can control the amount of wisdom we acquire. I read in the work we have our senses to acquire knowledge and time is here to allow wisdom. Is this statement true? I don't know all I do know is that it has stuck with me and I choose to post it here. A 40yr old can have the wisdom of a 70 yr old and with that level of knowledge will know themselves, life and what direction to go into next at a younger age. This is Very powerful and the reason why I am on the forum and spend the last 6+ yrs involved in the work however I am happy with my level of wisdom knowledge of the work and life I am comfortable with my current balance for now. I will chose to gain more and I will never leave the work but I chose to go at a slower pace stress is not good for my organism.
 

Menna

The Living Force
FOTCM Member
I think saying that you will post less because you're asked to be externally considerate is a bit odd.

In reading this thread I did not read someone asking me to be externally considerate directly what I did read was mis communication and in that I believe being externally considerate will clear up a percentage of mis communication. Maybe for others it comes easy but for me when I am trying to be externally considerate to someone I don't know to really get the job done I would have to read their post histories be sensitive to their reactions and then come up with the right words and order them in the right way. This won't allow me to post more as it takes more time and effort to do this. For example if I didn't choose to explain myself in an externally considerate way I would have posted this probably 15 min ago. So with that being said it's only natural I will post less as there is only so much time to devote to certain things. Someone can paint 3 houses in a day or you can paint one day I am going to paint less houses because I am being careful with my brush going slower.
 

clerck de bonk

Dagobah Resident
Menna said:
I think saying that you will post less because you're asked to be externally considerate is a bit odd.

In reading this thread I did not read someone asking me to be externally considerate directly what I did read was mis communication and in that I believe being externally considerate will clear up a percentage of mis communication. Maybe for others it comes easy but for me when I am trying to be externally considerate to someone I don't know to really get the job done I would have to read their post histories be sensitive to their reactions and then come up with the right words and order them in the right way. This won't allow me to post more as it takes more time and effort to do this. For example if I didn't choose to explain myself in an externally considerate way I would have posted this probably 15 min ago. So with that being said it's only natural I will post less as there is only so much time to devote to certain things. Someone can paint 3 houses in a day or you can paint one day I am going to paint less houses because I am being careful with my brush going slower.

Menna, I get the distinct feeling that You are legio.
 

Menna

The Living Force
FOTCM Member
Surely, you probably feel a bit frustrated while reading about all the motivations that were assigned to your "silence".

I don't know about Menna, but I definitely feel frustrated at the reactions, because
1. People are making a mountain out of a molehill
2. It strikes me as tone policing; and if we really are a community, why are we so quick to assume the worst of each other?

Do you want me to feel frustrated? For who myself? You? Someone at their current level? I can't stop what's going on nor do I care too. It seems people care somewhat about what I say and the work has helped me in my goal of orcastrating the life I want so I say what I have learned. I don't have time to be frustrated at people that don't know me it would be a dynamic that logically makes no sense. Are we here to progress find out facts share knowledge help each other up the ladder? Some people react so quick and I believe with such emotion as their driving force I sit back and ask myself why are they here (on this forum) are they trying to learn about truth or just doing things. Can they help it or will the A influences spin them around in circles forever? I'm not perfect I react with emotion but I 100% can see that I have improved from where I started. Do people actually want a better life? I don't know. I don't know most of the people here all I do is give my thoughts and then try to explain what I mean when I feel my thoughts or points are taken the wrong way but when I try and do this if someone doesn't care to see or try to see and is just ruled by emotion I find it best to stop. That is my boundary. This is the STO boundary IMO. I can only allow myself to get so involved I've learned. If one pushes it does no good so sometimes I stop responding. And few people asked to be pushed for help sincerely. Who has said "I notice so and so problem/program what book should I read what information should I reference." The books here on codependency and narcissism help me understand the inner and outer worlds. Who has read at least three books from the reading list start to finish and discussed them? Who does EE weekly or monthly. I am not calling anyone out just asking rhetorical questions that I feel important as we are on an objective seeking know thy self forum.

I thought about another reason why I took a break and that's because I actually realized how important real life experience having is and how when learning from experiences you can relate to the world, others and yourself better. Talking about a subject without experience of it makes ones center of gravity about the subject heavy in the intellectual center (maybe this is how we develop sacred cows) and wisdom IMO wont come as well as if you had the emotional experience and blended it with intellectual and contemplation. We don't have to go to 5D to contemplate we can do it hear with our senses. It is said in 5D you contemplate what you have learned in your lifetime well we shouldn't wait a lifetime to think you can do it every week month year and then choose how and where you want to go. But thinking might require one to take a step back put emotions to the side and try to analyze objectively...maybe asking the forum for constructive criticism.
 

Menna

The Living Force
FOTCM Member
No I can't. Perhaps you can explain why people responding differently to what you wrote is telling, because I only view it as what it is: that people are different and their reactions/responses to what they read varies.

If two people have different view points or opinions about the same person and their interaction or exposure to said person is close to the same then IMO their view point should be closer to the same. If one takes a view point as overly negative and one takes a view as overall positive why is that? I think it more has to do with the person coming up with assigning the view point what they used to think a certain way is telling. Shouldn't it be closer to the middle more of an understanding Shouldn't one want to work to understand and if they can't then let it be? "What it is" can change to a new "What it is"
 
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