You will see that in life you receive exactly what you give. Your
life is the mirror of what you are. It is in your image. You are
passive, blind, demanding. You take all, you accept all, without
feeling any obligation. Your attitude toward the world and toward
life is the attitude of one who has the right to make demands and to
take, who has no need to pay or to earn. You believe that all things
are your due, simply because it is you! All your blindness is there!
None of this strikes your attention. And yet this is what keeps one
world separate from another world.
You have no measure with which to measure yourself. You live
exclusively according to "I like" or "I don´t like," you have no
appreciation except for yourself. You recognize nothing above you-
theoretically, logically, perhaps, but actually no. That is why you
are demanding and continue to believe that everything is cheap and
that you have enough in your pocket to buy everything you like. You
recognize nothing above you, either outside yourself or inside. That
is why, I repeat, you have no measure and live passively according to
your likes and dislikes.
Yes, your "appreciation of yourself" blinds you. It is the biggest
obstacle to a new life. You must be able to get over this obstacle,
this threshold, before going further. This test divides men into two
kinds: the "wheat" and the "chaff." No matter how intelligent, how
gifted, how brilliant a man may be, if he does not change his
appreciation of himself, there will be no hope for an inner
development, for a work toward self-knowledge, for a true becoming.
He will remain such as he is all his life. The first requirement, the
first condition, the first test for one who wishes to work on himself
is to change his appreciation of himself. He must not imagine, not
simply believe or think, but see things in himself which he has never
seen before, see them actually. His appreciation will never be able
to change as long as he sees nothing in himself. And in order to see,
he must learn to see; this is the first initiation of man into self-
knowledge.
First of all, he has to know what he must look at. When he knows, he
must make efforts, keep his attention, look constantly with
persistence. Only through maintaining his attention, and not
forgetting to look, one day, perhaps, he will be able to see. If he
sees one time he can see a second time, and if that continues he will
no longer be able not to see. This is the state to be looked for, it
is the aim of our observation; it is from there that the true wish
will be born, the irresistible wish to become: from cold we shall
become warm, vibrant; we shall be touched by our reality.
Today we have nothing but the illusion of what we are. We think too
highly of ourselves. We do not respect ourselves. In order to respect
myself, I have to recognize a part in myself which is above the other
parts, and my attitude toward this part should bear witness to the
respect that I have for it. In this way I shall respect myself. And
my relations with others will be governed by the same respect.
You must understand that all the other measures-talent, education,
culture, genius-are changing measures, measures of detail. The only
exact measure, the only unchanging, objective real measure is the
measure of inner vision. I see-I see myself-by this, you have
measured. With one higher real part, you have measured another lower
part, also real. And this measure, defining by itself the role of
each part, will lead you to respect for yourself.
But you will see that it is not easy. And it is not cheap. You must
pay dearly. For bad payers, lazy people, parasites, no hope. You must
pay, pay a lot, and pay immediately, pay in advance. Pay with
yourself. By sincere, conscientious, disinterested efforts. The more
you are prepared to pay without economizing, without cheating,
without any falsification, the more you will receive. And from that
time on you will become acquainted with your nature. And you will see
all the tricks, all the dishonesties that your nature resorts to in
order to avoid paying hard cash. Because you have to pay with your
ready-made theories, with your rooted convictions, with your
prejudices, your conventions, your "I like" and "I don´t like."
Without bargaining, honestly, without pretending. Trying "sincerely"
to see as you offer your counterfeit money.
Try for a moment to accept the idea that you are not what you believe
yourself to be, that you overestimate yourself, in fact that you lie
to yourself. That you always lie to yourself every moment, all day,
all your life. That this lying rules you to such an extent that you
cannot control it any more. You are the prey of lying. You lie,
everywhere. Your relations with others-lies. The upbringing you give,
the conventions-lies. Your teaching-lies. Your theories, your art
lies. Your social life, your family life-lies. And what you think of
yourself-lies also.
But you never stop yourself in what you are doing or in what you are
saying because you believe in yourself. You must stop inwardly and
observe. Observe without preconceptions, accepting for a time this
idea of lying. And if you observe in this way, paying with yourself,
without self-pity, giving up all your supposed riches for a moment of
reality, perhaps you will suddenly see something you have never
before seen in yourself until this day. You will see that you are
different from what you think you are. You will see that you are two.
One who is not, but takes the place and plays the role of the other.
And one who is, yet so weak, so insubstantial, that he no sooner
appears than he immediately disappears. He cannot endure lies. The
least lie makes him faint away. He does not struggle, he does not
resist, he is defeated in advance. Learn to look until you have seen
the difference between your two natures, until you have seen the
lies, the deception in yourself. When you have seen your two natures,
that day, in yourself, the truth will be born.