For the past few nights before sleep, I have been experimenting with the POTS without Laura's audio. I do approximately twelve pipe breaths and then coordinate the phrases of the POTS with my breathing. In the mornings I've been doing three stage breathing followed by POTS coordinated with my breathing. On every occasion, when mentally reciting the POTS, I notice the automatism of my mind, which I think is the mechanical part of my intellectual centre, or formatory apparatus.
Unless I am really vigilant, within two phrases of the POTS, I find myself lost in dreaming thoughts. This type of automatic thinking is very 'comfortable', but I'm off in dreamland. I have to say to myself: 'Focus! Remember!'. Sometimes I have to start the POTS from the beginning again because I can't even remember where I was up to. It requires effort to remain focused on the POTS all the time, and so far I haven't been able to contemplate the meaning of the POTS along with maintaining that focus. When I do manage to remain focused it leads to deep physical relaxation.
Physical comfort is really important, though. I sit on a chair, feet on the floor, back straight, palms on thighs, but if I start to lean back or forwards even slightly it can lead to almost subliminal tension in the body, and a stiff neck, caused by leaning away from my centre of gravity. So much to be aware of!
Before sleep last night, I began the POTS, and within two phrases I think I had zoned out. I snapped back and was very aware of my automatic, dreamy thinking, and had great difficulty recalling where I had left the POTS. Sometimes, reciting the POTS in my mind wakes me up, no matter how tired I may be when I get into bed. I try to do as many repetitions as I can, but often I only manage two or three, and often I have to stop so I can fall asleep. I suspect that this is because my machine is accustomed to falling asleep from the state of dreamy, automatic thinking, and not from a state of directed thinking, as in POTS.
Reciting POTS in my mind, and making efforts to remain focused, is rather like exercising a muscle that has atrophied. It does seem to be getting easier as the 'muscle' gets stronger.
On another note, I have in my life tried many methods of meditation, from Rajneesh Dynamic Meditation through to Vipassana and Mindfulness Meditation. None of them have worked for me in the way that EE does. The other meditations have appeared to work, but in subtle ways have been a kind of brainwashing, entraining my mind into a certain direction. That meditative conditioning must, I suspect, be a reflection of the agenda, or level of being, of their originators. That is why, every time, I eventually stopped doing the meditations I've previously tried. I did not at the time realise precisely why I stopped them, only that I felt uncomfortable, or that the meditations were not working. It is only now that I can compare them with EE that I can see the difference. The EE program is really different from anything else I have tried. It is completely open and has no agenda, other than helping one to wake up, and that could hardly be called an agenda as the technique does not stipulate what one is to wake up to. My impression is that the technique leaves my mind alone to grow in my own direction at my own pace, while at the same time supporting and encouraging growth, and clearing mental and emotional blockages.
Laura said:
The EE program is the same way. I tell people if you can just do Pipe breathing whenever you get a chance through the day and try to put on the meditation as you are going to bed, starting out this way gives you very good benefits very fast without you having to do some gung-ho "I'm gonna do the whole program every single day come hell or high water" that you may not be able to stick to.
So, just say: I CAN just listen to the meditation as I'm going to sleep every night... and I CAN do Pipe breathing at odd moments during the day, as needed... and stick to that, and then add the program elements when you are able.
In other words, small acts of discipline DO add up; they are cumulative.
This is so true and describes my experience exactly.
When the EE was first made available last year I started off doing the full program every day. One of my programs is that I find something interesting, jump in headlong, and then lose interest because I haven't built things up in organic way. After a few weeks of daily EE, maybe a couple of months, I had such a strong reaction against the EE program that I had to stop and for some time after that I was consumed with thoughts of how useless it was, and how it would never work for me.
In January this year, at a period of great stress in my life, I sat down one day and did just twelve pipe breaths, and the stress was switched off, just like magic. So I started doing twelve pipe breaths every morning before work. I continued in this way until it was clear that I was ready for something more, so I added three repetitions of the POTS after the pipe breaths. I was reprogramming my machine, I guess you could say. I slowly built up my practice, adding a new step every time that I was clear that I was ready. Each new step provoked a reaction, but since each step was quite small, and built on the previous steps, my reactions were manageable. Now, several months later, I am doing three stage breathing followed by POTS every morning, pipe breaths and POTS before sleep, and the full program twice weekly. I still find myself hearing that voice in my head that says: 'What's the point? EE will never get you anywhere!' and similar thoughts, but it is now a fairly straightforward matter to ignore it because I have a laid a firm foundation for my practice. It is just as Laura says: '. . . small acts of discipline DO add up'.
;) I did not do as a "cold-turkey" because I just can not do the things mecanical every day maybe it is my mind I´ve always find different ways to do the same things, maybe a program in my mind 
