ETA?

[RedFox]

I have little love or attachment to this world as it is. I'm ready for a change of scenery. Whether it takes comets, a wave or just a general awakening, I'll welcome it. Just being imprisoned in a body is getting old.

I have felt like this many times in the past, felt like I was old and falling apart from my 20's onwards....

I'm still stuck in a worldly mindset in many regards. I realize life is meant to be a struggle, and I'm doing my best. It takes a while to change a mindset, and I'm slowly chipping away at it. Nevertheless, the common paradigm is a powerful current which tends to sweep me up when I least expect it. Supporting a home and family demands a certain commitment of time and attention which makes it difficult to maintain a constant perspective.

Figuring out the rules is the tricky part...but once you do, and you apply yourself life becomes easier to navigate and no longer trips you up so much.
For one, it is worth considering that some aspects of this existence (not all) are like being inside a lunatic asylum. The population is controlled and monitored by 'beings' we hardly ever see ('outside' of the asylum walls), middle managed by the craziest of the crazy inmates (psychopaths who have no conscience or empathy), where we are all drugged, beaten and broken since birth.
You can turn to a fellow inmate and say 'do you realise we are trapped in a prison and the food you are eating is slowly killing you?' and they'll look back and say 'are you crazy?' - the irony of the situation. If you are unlucky, word will spread that you are 'crazy' (because you are not behaving as everyone else who are the 'normal' population of the asylum) and you'll get put in solitary.
Not eating the drugged/poisoned food helps with the physical 'feeling old'. Understanding and processing emotional traumas through the recommended reading and EE help us gain a clearer perspective.

You start noticing that because of the poison people are easily distracted by shiny things (I know I still am sometimes), seek more drugs (gluten, sugar, alcohol, pharmaceutics, video games, tv etc) due to the physical/emotional pain, and there are plenty of 'people' around willing to provide it.
They even thought of drawing some 'exits' on the walls where people congregate and chant things in the belief the 'exit will open' at some point, or the 'kind and benevolent' beings that run the asylum will rescue them.

I always liked the film The Great Escape, or any film for that matter where the people in the prison had to work together in secret whilst blending in to escape.

It can be a great shock and terribly depressing/lonely to start to see such things, but remember that still being half drugged/poisoned and still being broken/wounded means that you actions tend to be predictable at this stage, the asylum will try and provide you something (another 'drug') to 'ease the pain'....either way a trap to keep you where you are.

You need tools and support to deal with the situation you find yourself in, hence the recommendation of EE (for stress relief and healing/coping with the terror), diet for clearing up the 'drugs' and physical damage, and recommended reading as a road map for understanding what has happened to you/where you are. Life gets easier at this point.
You may not be able to see that life can become easier and that you will stop feeling 'old' yet, but having been through that I can say that it does come with time and practical application of the knowledge here.

 

[Nienna]

This cannot be stressed enough. Any such mention will set off the alarms of the 'prison' and actions will be taken against you not only by the 'overseers' but also by the fellow 'inmates'.

Yep, people will love you if you disturb them up to share some new form poison they can put into their bodies, or to show them some new kind of titillation they can fill their heads with, they will even thank you for it, tell you how wonderful you are. But try waking them up only to tell them that they were asleep! Best conserve your energy. ;)

I, too, wholeheartedly agree with Alada on the strategic enclosure. It is so very important. I also think that it is important for you to read about external and internal considering. Have the people you have shared the info with ever asked to know it? If not, then you are actually pushing something on them that they never asked for. Pushing aside their free will.

This is something that we all do when we first find the information that Laura has given us. But Laura never went to all the people she knew and pushed it on them. They either came to her, or found her on the internet. It was their choice. Do you see the difference?

It is actually for your own good, as others have pointed out, to not share this, or push it, with others, unless you know that they are truly asking, which is another tricky one.

 

[Paragon]

Figuring out the rules is the tricky part...but once you do, and you apply yourself life becomes easier to navigate and no longer trips you up so much.
For one, it is worth considering that some aspects of this existence (not all) are like being inside a lunatic asylum. The population is controlled and monitored by 'beings' we hardly ever see ('outside' of the asylum walls), middle managed by the craziest of the crazy inmates (psychopaths who have no conscience or empathy), where we are all drugged, beaten and broken since birth.
You can turn to a fellow inmate and say 'do you realise we are trapped in a prison and the food you are eating is slowly killing you?' and they'll look back and say 'are you crazy?' - the irony of the situation. If you are unlucky, word will spread that you are 'crazy' (because you are not behaving as everyone else who are the 'normal' population of the asylum) and you'll get put in solitary.
Not eating the drugged/poisoned food helps with the physical 'feeling old'. Understanding and processing emotional traumas through the recommended reading and EE help us gain a clearer perspective.

You start noticing that because of the poison people are easily distracted by shiny things (I know I still am sometimes), seek more drugs (gluten, sugar, alcohol, pharmaceutics, video games, tv etc) due to the physical/emotional pain, and there are plenty of 'people' around willing to provide it.
They even thought of drawing some 'exits' on the walls where people congregate and chant things in the belief the 'exit will open' at some point, or the 'kind and benevolent' beings that run the asylum will rescue them.

I always liked the film The Great Escape, or any film for that matter where the people in the prison had to work together in secret whilst blending in to escape.

It can be a great shock and terribly depressing/lonely to start to see such things, but remember that still being half drugged/poisoned and still being broken/wounded means that you actions tend to be predictable at this stage, the asylum will try and provide you something (another 'drug') to 'ease the pain'....either way a trap to keep you where you are.

You need tools and support to deal with the situation you find yourself in, hence the recommendation of EE (for stress relief and healing/coping with the terror), diet for clearing up the 'drugs' and physical damage, and recommended reading as a road map for understanding what has happened to you/where you are. Life gets easier at this point.
You may not be able to see that life can become easier and that you will stop feeling 'old' yet, but having been through that I can say that it does come with time and practical application of the knowledge here.

Thank you for that wee piece RedFox, that soothed the soul there! :)

Good to look at when the world is slowly drifting further away from what we value here. So I'm not that crazy :P

 

[Average Joe]

Good advice from all and thank you for your thoughtful words. :)
I learned a long time ago to keep my thoughts to myself regarding anything outside of the normal world view. The comment about bringing up the lizzies in casual conversation was made in jest. My concern was more in reconciling my perspective internally while still functioning socially.
The strategic enclosure is an interesting concept. I guess we all have one to a certain extent. Mine is retreating into the grotto of the detached observer. When I was a kid I used to visualize crawling into a small cave where I could barricade the entrance and nothing could sneak up behind me. When I was very young I thought all grown-ups were witches who were deceiving me into thinking they were normal. I guess the pathology starts early.
"Seek and ye shall find" has been the wildest ride I've ever been on. I'm long past the point where anything shocks me, it's all just more information. All I want to do is to be able to put the pieces together and to know what I'm dealing with.
In that regard, I would like to thank the C's for providing a lot of those pieces, and Laura for having the courage to pass them along. Exposing the hidden truth is not a task for the timid. The counter assault is brutal.
It's interesting that we humans have been bred for battle. Endless wars and social competition have hardened us to conflict. In the end we can use that breeding against those who have cultured us. The battleground is the mind, and in this war there is no Geneva Convention.
With that said, I would like to raise my middle finger in a toast of solidarity against the lizzies. May the wave of awakening become the Waterloo for those who have enslaved us.

AJ

 

[Average Joe]

I just came across this as I was reading:

Q: (L) OK. One of the sensations I have experienced is that I have had it up to the eyebrows with the negative energies and experiences of third density, and I have thought lately that this feeling of having had enough, in an absolute sense, is one of the primary motivators for wanting to find one’s way out of this trap we are in. I want out of it. Is this part of this “nature” as you call it?

A: Yes. When you see the futility of the limitations of third density life, it means you are ready to graduate. Notice those who wallow in it.

I've been seeing the futility and limitations for a long time now. I am so ready to leave it all behind. There is nothing here for me, nothing I really want. This isn't my home and I'm tired of visiting.
Possessions become nothing but weights which chain us to the ground. The house needs constant cleaning and fixing, the yard needs upkeep, the cars need attention and the list never ends. Then I have to work like a slave the rest of the time just to keep my head above water. Where is the joy and fulfillment in any of this?
I'm then told I should count my blessings. Why, because I'm not as miserable as some other poor slob? Why should I settle for this crap? It could be so much better!
My job is a perfect microcosm of this planet. They tell us that the company is such a great place to work. They have an open door policy and welcome suggestions to make the place run smoother. They make internal videos of employees extolling the virtues of working there and they all look so happy. They have an employee credo plastered up on the walls, promising a great working environment. They even tell us how many people are breaking down the doors to work there.
Just like everywhere else it's all BS. They care about nothing except wringing every last penny out of their customers and employees. We all work there because we can't find anything better, and we have to feed our families. If the economy picked up they would lose half their employees.
I'm convinced the management are all lizards, sociopaths at the very least.
There, I said it and I feel better. :)

 

[Gonzo]

Perhaps you are actually wallowing in it. It might be helpful to search the forum for the term righteous suffering. When we accept our lot in life and take on our responsibilities and everything that comes with them as necessary, we can move from suffering to righteous suffering and find solace in our pain as our work. We transform improper use of energy to a more correct use of energy, OSIT.

I'm not the best at this, but it has helped me tremendously in avoiding unnecessary pain and suffering.

Gonzo

 

[shellycheval]

I've been seeing the futility and limitations for a long time now. I am so ready to leave it all behind. There is nothing here for me, nothing I really want. This isn't my home and I'm tired of visiting.
Possessions become nothing but weights which chain us to the ground. The house needs constant cleaning and fixing, the yard needs upkeep, the cars need attention and the list never ends. Then I have to work like a slave the rest of the time just to keep my head above water. Where is the joy and fulfillment in any of this?
I'm then told I should count my blessings. Why, because I'm not as miserable as some other poor slob? Why should I settle for this crap? It could be so much better!
My job is a perfect microcosm of this planet. They tell us that the company is such a great place to work. They have an open door policy and welcome suggestions to make the place run smoother. They make internal videos of employees extolling the virtues of working there and they all look so happy. They have an employee credo plastered up on the walls, promising a great working environment. They even tell us how many people are breaking down the doors to work there.
Just like everywhere else it's all BS. They care about nothing except wringing every last penny out of their customers and employees. We all work there because we can't find anything better, and we have to feed our families. If the economy picked up they would lose half their employees.
I'm convinced the management are all lizards, sociopaths at the very least.
There, I said it and I feel better. :)

Like Gonzo, I too am not the best at this but I will try to add something constructive to the discussion.
Many spiritual teachings address the concept of attachment--unhealthy passions for things that keep us spinning in a circle instead of finding the spiral up to change for the better. As counter-intuitive as it seems, one very common attachment is to our suffering. This attachment to our suffering generates a lot of negative energy and we all know who (what) benefits from that. When we are able to observe and become aware of our suffering, not as something that "happens" to us, but as something that we participate in, then we can begin to look at it from a different perspective with our objective observer-self. When we become tired of the energy drain, and when identifying as a "victim/martyr" no longer gives us that ego-stroking, self-righteous thrill it used to, then we can begin to detach from identifying with our suffering.

This is a point where we can begin to take back our personal power to stop our knee-jerk negative emotional reactions to our life situations and "petty tyrants," and choose to feel differently about where we are at and what we are doing. While this may be a fairly simple concept, it is not easy to implement by any means. It may be helpful for you to review Don Juan's struggle with his petty tyrant overseer in Castaneda's works, Gurdjieff's discussions of being willing to let go of our suffering, and, as Gonzo recommended, the threads that discuss righteous suffering. (sorry I can't provide links)

I too struggle with attachment to my "suffering" frequently. At this point in my life, I have an abundance of blessings in my life--good health, nice home, great career, friends, fun, and, most of all, an incredible opportunity to serve others through SOTT and FOTCM, and yet I will still run "I am not worthy," "I can't do it right," and "they won't like me if . . ." programs on a regular basis to torture myself, instead of giving myself a metaphorical face slap and "Snap out of it" (Cher in Moonstruck) and begin DOING more instead of thinking of doing it.

In the past I was a "cutter" and caused bleeding wounds on my hands and feet by ripping my toenails off and picking the skin on my fingers. Every step was painful for days on end and it was all suffering I was creating for myself in response to a tyrant that I allowed to oppress me--I did this until I became aware that I had a choice and I chose not to feel oppressed.

Now, I sometimes look at my watch (also metaphorically) and exclaim "Oh--I am running late for the Apocalypse!" and dash off blindly like the White Rabbit, and torture myself with some mental and emotional programs. Now, I am learning, albeit slowly, to stop this mental/emotional cutting too.

I have made much progress and now routinely DO many life chores, and deal with my petty tyrants with a detached humor and "all is lessons" feeling most of the time. Great change can happen in place, while we are at our same jobs, in our same relationships, same crappy situations, and weirdly, I have learned that when I finally make an effort to change my internal reactions and attachments to my world, external changes will begin to miraculously happen that change my situations for the better.
I still worry I am not doing it right . . .
Good Luck,
shellycheval

 

[Average Joe]

I guess I still have a lot of reading and thinking to do.
I just feel trapped in so many ways. We all make our own prisons and I have been an exceptional builder.
You're both right, I need a new outlook. Resentment is counterproductive.
I'm leaving today on a short vacation with my family. I've been dreading it because I always dread family vacations. I'm going to work on getting to the bottom of this neurosis and try and pull it out by the roots. I'll make it a project instead of a chore.
I have a lot of weeding to do, come to think of it. My psychological garden needs more attention than I would care to admit. Nothing else to do but put some gloves on and get to work.
Shelly, congrats on your turnaround and thanks for sharing your story. I've had authority issues which are similar to what you went through and it takes a lot of courage to turn things around. I had a very domineering and abusive father who installed programs I'm still dealing with. I think that's part of my dread around vacations.

 

[Alana]

Yes, you can always look at your vacation time as a challenging adventure, instead of dreading it. Allow your body to relax, and see how you can be part of that experience instead of being the outside onlooker, and what lessons you can learn while being in it. Same perspective could be applied for your job experience, your daily family life, etc.

Personally, whenever I find myself wallowing in my own inner swamp, I remember that if I am able to be sitting in front of my computer and complain inwardly about the suffering and injustices of this world, it is still a privilege in this 3D existence. I am thinking of everyone else on this planet who might have a whole lot to offer to humanity, but they don't have access to knowledge or the means, their lives are very much burdened with meeting the most basic needs from moment to moment. And since I have the privilege, access to knowledge, and the means, aren't I then responsible for their well being as well? Aren't we all here? It is a personal choice of course, what we do with what we have. But still a perspective worth considering, IMO.

 

[Gonzo]

From your description of your father, I imagine family vacations weren't always pleasant for you as a child. Try to let this one be something the family cherishes and let your role in it be instrumental in forging a great memory for everyone. I know, from my own experience, how hard this can be. I always became a grumpy bear whenever getting ready for a family trip or camping excursion. Heck, I even found ways to make taking the family out to go shopping hell on earth. It's quite embarrassing to look back on some of the few family portraits we had done. You can see one everyone's faces, especially in their eyes, the effects of me not handling these outings very well. Sure wish I could go back in time with what I know now and the changes I've made. I was constantly reacting to the world around me, letting my pathologies control the show, unaware of how subtle shifts in how I perceive the world around me and my role in it could allow me to act instead of react.

If you haven't had a chance to go through some of the recommended psychology books (http://cassiopaea.org/forum/index.php?topic=4718), maybe this vacation would present you an ideal opportunity for reading. Weeding the garden, as you put it, is a frustrating chore, especially when we see the weeds but have no idea how deep the roots go or how to pull them out. The narcissistic wounds you experienced from your father, and possibly others in your life, can be quite difficult to heal from and, IMO, require skills most of us are lacking, including many counselors I've had the frustrating experience to work with.

I think it might also be helpful to remember the butterfly effect - how a seemingly insignificant act can have global effect, especially when we are feeling helpless and insignificant in the face of such widespread nastiness and suffering. Small gestures on your part, perhaps as small as reminding yourself to smile as often as you can, can have all sorts of positive effects beyond your imagination.

I really hope you are able to get away from things for a while and recharge your batteries and come back to the world with fresh eyes.

 

[Average Joe]

The vacation went well. We went river rafting for two days and all had a great time. Just being aware of the old patterns, and not letting them take hold seemed to be enough.
I also practiced being aware of the moment, and just soaking it in, instead of letting all the old tapes run through my head. It was good to have a plan to work on instead of "wallowing in the inner swamp" as Alana so aptly put it.
It's interesting to note the juxtaposition of time and awareness. The more aware one becomes externally, the less one is aware of the passage of time. When I'm in the swamp, time goes by very slowly. When I'm in the moment, my awareness of time seems to fade away.
Maybe the awareness of the passage of time is a good indicator of the larger state of conscientiousness. Since time is an illusion of the linear sequence of events, being totally in the present somehow mitigates that illusion.
I can see why the C's talk about density in terms of awareness. If 4D is "timeless", then the awareness must be fairly intense.
This stuff is probably old hat for most of you, but it's good for me to write it all out because it makes me think.

 

[Deleted member 8431]

Q: (L) OK. One of the sensations I have experienced is that I have had it up to the eyebrows with the negative energies and experiences of third density, and I have thought lately that this feeling of having had enough, in an absolute sense, is one of the primary motivators for wanting to find one’s way out of this trap we are in. I want out of it. Is this part of this “nature” as you call it?

A: Yes. When you see the futility of the limitations of third density life, it means you are ready to graduate. Notice those who wallow in it.

[/quote]

Very nice quote that struck me first time I saw it. I recorgnized myself so much in it.

As much as I know I have more to learn here, as much as I am now starting to realise the futility of the 3D limitations and feel the intense 'desire' to 'graduate' to another level.

That is a very special and unique feeling. Dosen't feel like the usual materialistic desires that I have been conditionned to. It's a feeling that makes my whole soul vibrate in the most positive way I have ever felt. Better than sex, money, a new car and even a girlfriend. Completely diffrent kind of 'sensate'. Something a lot more spiritual that material.

I know it might sound crazy but that's how I feel.

Peace.

 

[Ekios]

It is actually for your own good, as others have pointed out, to not share this, or push it, with others, unless you know that they are truly asking, which is another tricky one.

Hi, I just felt on your sentence here ... and well ... i'm not going to get into any big detail here and I will just say "Thank you".
I was seeking answers for a while and I got it through what you said here.
Thanks a lot :)

@JayMark : welcome to the club, if you found the exit door, warn me, i'll help pushing it :)

 

[Average Joe]

Jay Mark,
I hear you. I'm sure it's going to be a rough ride but I don't care. Bring it.

 

[Deleted member 8431]

@JayMark : welcome to the club, if you found the exit door, warn me, i'll help pushing it :)

I think we are the exit doors but that only knowledge can unlock it.

It sure ain't no easy process. But it's what my inner-self tells me to do. More like I'm telling my 3D arse to wake up and get out of this mess. And anyhow, this world is slowly becoming 'alien matter' to me. I can contemplate it and love it but feel more and more that I don't 'belong' to it. It's all about the way we live, in other words, the political/economical system. It's strictly a dominant/dominated relation all the time, everywhere. A 'perfect world' for me would be more of a teacher/learner relation in-between all humans.

The C's have said that before the great fall of mankind (309 000 years ago) we were STO-oriented 3D humans 'working' with 4D STO beings. So perhaps some of us are now working on going back to their true nature like before (STO-oriented).