herondancer said:Excellent! Things are starting to flow now. It was wrong imo, for your parents to put such a burden on you when you were so young. They defined your role for you before you ever had a chance to find out who you are and what you want for your life. That's not to say that you shouldn't be of help to your parents, but as you've realized, at an unconscious level it consumed a lot of your energy, without you even knowing why.
I agree, I think it was wrong of them to burden me with such an expectation at that age. But at least now I know that I don't have to live with that burden anymore.
herondancer said:Hopefully you can begin to strike a better, more realistic balance in your life. There's times for work, which can be Work, and times to relax; gently dissociate with materials that can also contribute to your growth. Laura has often recommended BBC productions of different Charles Dickens' novels. They're well done, entertaining, and contain a lot of truth. The recent Bleak House (with Gillian Anderson ) is a good one to start with.
That's the goal. Finding the balance of taking care of myself and life stuff and working towards my AIM in the healthiest ways possible.
Approaching Infinity said:Oh no, you're normal! ;) There's nothing wrong with wanting to watch something "every now and then". The problem is when that becomes EVERY now and then (e.g. binge-watching that uses up time probably better spent on something more productive). Maybe you can use your inner 'banker' to your advantage by making a deal with yourself when and what is appropriate. There will be times when you need to give yourself a break, and others where you have to be strict with yourself. But either should be YOUR decision, not your 'inner parents'.
I agree, either should be MY decision. It's been easier the past couple of days without the unconscious pressure to live up to an unrealistic expectation to see when I ACTUALLY need a break as opposed to just a 'craving', when I need to buckle down, and to enjoy doing both without guilt.
Joe said:This is a pretty common problem I think. The cycle of beating oneself up over some thought or deed, but which can only be endured for so long before a reaction to the unjust self-treatment causes us to engage in the same thought or deed to a bit of an extreme. Far better to catch the self-berating thought, and talk some sense to yourself and even make a bargain that you will do some activity that serves your aim and then you will reward yourself for good behavior by engaging in some dissociative activity. This brings the whole process into the light of conscious awareness and can have some pretty interesting results.
Onwards and upwards A Jay.
I wonder if it was doing this very thing, catching the self-berating thought in the moment and talking some sense to myself about it, that led me to having the realization and release in therapy. An interesting thought. Will continue to apply this to other areas and see what other changes and realizations come forward.
Thanks everyone! Onward and upward!