Fear Of The Abyss - Aleta Edwards

[A Jay]

Excellent! Things are starting to flow now. It was wrong imo, for your parents to put such a burden on you when you were so young. They defined your role for you before you ever had a chance to find out who you are and what you want for your life. That's not to say that you shouldn't be of help to your parents, but as you've realized, at an unconscious level it consumed a lot of your energy, without you even knowing why.

I agree, I think it was wrong of them to burden me with such an expectation at that age. But at least now I know that I don't have to live with that burden anymore.

Hopefully you can begin to strike a better, more realistic balance in your life. There's times for work, which can be Work, and times to relax; gently dissociate with materials that can also contribute to your growth. Laura has often recommended BBC productions of different Charles Dickens' novels. They're well done, entertaining, and contain a lot of truth. The recent Bleak House (with Gillian Anderson ) is a good one to start with.

That's the goal. Finding the balance of taking care of myself and life stuff and working towards my AIM in the healthiest ways possible.

Oh no, you're normal! ;) There's nothing wrong with wanting to watch something "every now and then". The problem is when that becomes EVERY now and then (e.g. binge-watching that uses up time probably better spent on something more productive). Maybe you can use your inner 'banker' to your advantage by making a deal with yourself when and what is appropriate. There will be times when you need to give yourself a break, and others where you have to be strict with yourself. But either should be YOUR decision, not your 'inner parents'.

I agree, either should be MY decision. It's been easier the past couple of days without the unconscious pressure to live up to an unrealistic expectation to see when I ACTUALLY need a break as opposed to just a 'craving', when I need to buckle down, and to enjoy doing both without guilt.

This is a pretty common problem I think. The cycle of beating oneself up over some thought or deed, but which can only be endured for so long before a reaction to the unjust self-treatment causes us to engage in the same thought or deed to a bit of an extreme. Far better to catch the self-berating thought, and talk some sense to yourself and even make a bargain that you will do some activity that serves your aim and then you will reward yourself for good behavior by engaging in some dissociative activity. This brings the whole process into the light of conscious awareness and can have some pretty interesting results.

Onwards and upwards A Jay.

I wonder if it was doing this very thing, catching the self-berating thought in the moment and talking some sense to myself about it, that led me to having the realization and release in therapy. An interesting thought. Will continue to apply this to other areas and see what other changes and realizations come forward.

Thanks everyone! Onward and upward!

 

[Approaching Infinity]

Hey everyone, I just want to announce that RPP's edition of Fear of the Abyss is now available on Red Pill Press, CreateSpace, and Amazon! (Kindle is coming soon.) Here are the links:

http://www.redpillpress.com/shop/fear-of-the-abyss/
https://www.createspace.com/6276767
https://www.amazon.com/Fear-Abyss-Healing-Wounds-Perfectionism/dp/0692717056/

 

[Navigator]

Hey everyone, I just want to announce that RPP's edition of Fear of the Abyss is now available on Red Pill Press, CreateSpace, and Amazon! (Kindle is coming soon.) Here are the links:

http://www.redpillpress.com/shop/fear-of-the-abyss/
https://www.createspace.com/6276767
https://www.amazon.com/Fear-Abyss-Healing-Wounds-Perfectionism/dp/0692717056/

This is superb, great work guys!

 

[Alejo]

Hey everyone, I just want to announce that RPP's edition of Fear of the Abyss is now available on Red Pill Press, CreateSpace, and Amazon! (Kindle is coming soon.) Here are the links:

http://www.redpillpress.com/shop/fear-of-the-abyss/
https://www.createspace.com/6276767
https://www.amazon.com/Fear-Abyss-Healing-Wounds-Perfectionism/dp/0692717056/

This is superb, great work guys!

Second that! Great work everyone! :)

 

[3DStudent]

Hey everyone, I just want to announce that RPP's edition of Fear of the Abyss is now available on Red Pill Press, CreateSpace, and Amazon! (Kindle is coming soon.) Here are the links:

http://www.redpillpress.com/shop/fear-of-the-abyss/
https://www.createspace.com/6276767
https://www.amazon.com/Fear-Abyss-Healing-Wounds-Perfectionism/dp/0692717056/

This is superb, great work guys!

Second that! Great work everyone! :)

Ditto. Nice work guys!

 

[Bastian]

Hey everyone, I just want to announce that RPP's edition of Fear of the Abyss is now available on Red Pill Press, CreateSpace, and Amazon! (Kindle is coming soon.) Here are the links:

http://www.redpillpress.com/shop/fear-of-the-abyss/
https://www.createspace.com/6276767
https://www.amazon.com/Fear-Abyss-Healing-Wounds-Perfectionism/dp/0692717056/

BTW, for French speaking people, a French translation has been recently published by Pilule Rouge editions : la Peur de l'Abîme

You can buy it either from the editor PR (the best probably), Amazon (France) or FNAC, etc.

 

[Approaching Infinity]

And the French edition is available now on Amazon.com too: https://www.amazon.com/peur-lAbime-Guerir-blessures-perfectionnisme/dp/B079JCLZ57/

 

[Jacques]

Hey everyone, I just want to announce that RPP's edition of Fear of the Abyss is now available on Red Pill Press, CreateSpace, and Amazon! (Kindle is coming soon.) Here are the links:

http://www.redpillpress.com/shop/fear-of-the-abyss/
https://www.createspace.com/6276767
https://www.amazon.com/Fear-Abyss-Healing-Wounds-Perfectionism/dp/0692717056/

BTW, for French speaking people, a French translation has been recently published by Pilule Rouge editions : la Peur de l'Abîme

You can buy it either from the editor PR (the best probably), Amazon (France) or FNAC, etc.

Indeed and it was annonced in December 2017 in that thread:

https://cassiopaea.org/forum/index.php/topic,45212.0.html

 

[Bastian]

Indeed and it was annonced in December 2017 in that thread:

https://cassiopaea.org/forum/index.php/topic,45212.0.html

Indeed, I put the link on the book title in my previous message. ;)

 

[mommycat]

I am so thankful for this book. Thank you Obyvatel.

I just recently finished reading Fear of the Abyss and it was what made me aware that I was ready to join the forum. I did some journaling but I haven't done any of the exercises, yet. I plan to take my time and really focus on each chapter and it's exercises. I also saw the links for the SOTT interview with the author. I'll be checking that out too. Some comments that were made by Obyvatel, SMM, and RedFox had me thinking about some aspects of my childhood that I had not deeply considered before.

Fantasizing, which I gather is similar to that of daydreaming? Something that you can control since your life feels out of your control. I did so much of that as a child. I was constantly told by adults to snap out of it. I had good reason to fantasize/daydream. I had a difficult and cruel childhood. It was my escape or way of making things better in my mind since I couldn't control anything else around me.

Then there is the good/bad dynamic. My mother saw herself as the good and my dad as the bad. My mom projected that sentiment at all times. They both were bad! We are talking narcissistic family here, all the way. She would talk cruelly about my dad to me. It was very inappropriate. The things that came out of her mouth! She poured all her negative emotions on me. I would be emotionally drained afterwards. This is one example of how she made herself look good about how she wouldn't do this or say that like my dad did. I saw how mean she was to him too, such as starting arguments just because she can. The crazy thing is that as I got older, I idolized my mom. That is what she wanted and I gave it. I placed her on a pedestal and at one point for Mother's Day I wrote her a card saying I hope to be the mom she is to me to my kids! Fast forward to about seven to eight years ago and the blinders finally came off. I want to be nothing like my mom. I'm starting to think that my abyss may be the fear of being my mom. I have tendencies to say or do something that she would say or do. My husband catches them and helps correct me. When I do it, I know exactly where it's coming from. I'm trying to become more aware to catch these tendencies before I say or do. I do not want to be my mom.

Something else that came to mind from RedFox is social rejection. Oh, that is a struggle. I become an emotional mess with that one. I need to gain more knowledge and really work on my emotions. I'm wondering if this emotional mess has do with the above emotional drainage from my mom. Maybe I'm compensating?