Feeling very emotionally sensitised recently

[Cordillera]

Se me olvidó dejar el texto original de mi entrada en español:

Spoiler: Español

Cuando comenzó todo esto del coronavirus y los lockdown, me encontraba varios meses sin trabajo y en proceso de separación con mi novia y mi hijo (que no se ha podido concretado por esas mismas razones). Entonces decidí volver a hacer Eiriu Eolas (EE) y tomé una terapia gratuita de Somatic Experiencing (SE). También bajaba al jardín del edificio a hacer ejercicios en la noche (qigong y Taichi)

EE me ayudó muchísimo a estabilizar mis emociones y SE me dio algunas herramientas para encontrar mis recursos positivos. Hacer ejercicios en el jardín también me regulaba emocionalmente.

Sin embargo, estos últimos 30 días no he podido avanzar en un trabajo que me encargaron. Me siento bloqueado, procastinando excesivamente. El trabajo es muy exigente, así que me he sentido estresado. Mientras más se acerca el plazo de entrega mi sensación es peor.

Estas dos últimas semanas me he sentido muy sensible: me entristezco y enojo con facilidad.

Ahora hace más frío en mi ciudad y está lloviendo, así que no he podido salir a caminar o hacer ejercicio al jardín del edificio. Digo que no he podido, porque en el día estoy solo con mi hijo y no he querido dejarlo solo. En el verano me acompañaba a hacer ejercicios juntos, pero ahora no le gusta bajar al jardín por el frío.

Adicionalmente, durante mi procastinación comencé a leer las sesiones e hilos publicados en el foro. Estuve mucho tiempo fuera de las canchas. Descubrí el fascinante programa de cristales que tienen en FCM. Como encontré toda la información dispersa, empecé a reunir las citas más importantes y pensé en publicarlas en el foro. Pero tengo que terminar el trabajo que me encargaron. El punto es que hice mi solicitud de cristales, pero mientras espero que me lleguen empecé a probar con unos cristales que estaban olvidados en la casa (amatista y cuarzo). Muy amateur los cargue con luz solar y hago EE con ellos. También los he puesto en mi almohada, mientras duermo. Relato esto porque el mayor efecto lo he sentido en la noche: estoy recordando más mis sueños (o estoy teniendo más sueños) (buenos sueños, no pesadillas), pero al mismo tiempo despierto varias veces en la noche intranquilo (con una sensación de electricidad en alguna parte del cuerpo). A veces, he apoyado la cabeza en los cristales y siento electricidad en mi entrecejo (así que aparto la cabeza).

No creo que los cristales estén produciendo un efecto negativo en mis emociones, sino que tal vez están produciendo mayor Hyperkinetic Sensate. No me siento cansado al despertar. También creo que los cristales están ayudando a canalizar información a través de los sueños.

Por ejemplo, soné que entraba en un edificio y trataba de subir al piso 39, pero los ascensores no funcionaban. Había un ascensor del tamaño de una habitación en el que el mecanismo para hacerlo funcionar era un equipo de sonido muy grande. A pesar de que trataba de entender cómo funcionaba, no podía. Le pregunté a una mujer que estaba ahí y me daba explicaciones para demostrar su inteligencia, pero nada útil. Entonces salí de ese lugar y me di cuenta que había una escalera que sólo permitía bajar, delante de esa escalera había una recepcionista en cada piso. Yo envidiaba su trabajo: no tenía que hacer un trabajo intelectual intenso y tenía cerca una escalera para bajar. En resumen, interpreté ese sueño como la necesidad de bajar a lo profundo de mis emociones, para conectarme con ellas, acogerlas y expresarlas.

Para ir al punto, creo que sus consejos son muy adecuados, quizás es necesario -en mi caso- hacer más EE y retomar mi práctica de ejercicios al aire libre, en contacto con el suelo. También voy a dejar de usar los cristales para dormir, hasta que logre una mayor constancia en EE y ejercicios, a fin de poder estar más estable para regular una mayor intensidad de mis emociones.

Creo que la dieta también es muy importante. Por ahora, dependo de la dieta que tienen en esta casa, así que solo puedo bajar los carbohidratos y comer sin gluten.

Otro factor que puede tener influencia son las ondas electromagnéticas. Yo vivo en el centro de la ciudad, así que estoy lleno de ellas. Además, con el homeworking y la distance learning, hay más wifi funcionando.

Espero que mi experiencia les sea útil.

When this whole coronavirus and lockdown thing started, I found myself several months out of work and in the process of separating from my girlfriend and my son (which hasn't happened for those same reasons). Then I decided to do Eiriu Eolas (EE) again and took a free therapy from Somatic Experiencing (SE). I also went down to the garden of the building to exercise at night (qigong and tai chi)

EE helped me a lot to stabilize my emotions and SE gave me some tools to find my positive resources. Exercising in the garden also regulated me emotionally.

However, these last 30 days I have not been able to make any progress on a job I was given. I feel blocked, procastinating excessively. The job is very demanding, so I've been feeling stressed. The closer the deadline gets, the worse my feeling is.

These last two weeks I have felt very sensitive: I get sad and angry easily.

Now it's colder in my city and it's raining, so I haven't been able to go out for a walk or exercise in the garden of the building. I say I couldn't, because I'm alone with my son during the day and I didn't want to leave him alone. In the summer he used to come with me to exercise together, but now he doesn't like to go down to the garden because of the cold.

Additionally, during my procrastination I started reading the sessions and threads posted on the forum. I've been off the courts a long time. I discovered the fascinating crystal program they have at FCM. As I found all the information scattered, I started to gather the most important quotes and thought about posting them on the forum. But I have to finish the job I was given. The point is that I made my request for crystals, but while waiting for them to arrive I started to try some crystals that were forgotten in the house (amethyst and quartz). Very amateur charged them with sunlight and I do EE with them. I've also put them on my pillow, while I'm sleeping. I relate this because the greatest effect I have felt at night: I am remembering my dreams more (or I am having more dreams) (good dreams, not nightmares), but at the same time I wake up several times in the night uneasy (with a feeling of electricity somewhere in the body). Sometimes, I've leaned my head against the glass and I feel electricity between my eyebrows (so I turn my head away).

I don't think the crystals are having a negative effect on my emotions, but perhaps they are producing greater Hyperkinetic Sensate. I don't feel tired when I wake up. I also believe the crystals are helping to channel information through dreams.

For example, I sounded like I was entering a building and trying to get up to the 39th floor, but the elevators didn't work. There was an elevator the size of a room where the mechanism to make it work was a very large sound system. Even though I was trying to understand how it worked, I couldn't. I asked a woman who was there and she gave me explanations to prove her intelligence, but nothing useful. Then I left that place and I realized that there was a staircase that only allowed to go down, in front of that staircase there was a receptionist on each floor. I envied his work: he didn't have to do intense intellectual work and he had a ladder nearby to go down. In short, I interpreted that dream as the need to go down into the depths of my emotions, to connect with them, to welcome them and to express them.

To get to the point, I think your advice is very appropriate, perhaps it is necessary - in my case - to do more EE and resume my practice of exercises outdoors, in contact with the ground. I will also stop using the crystals for sleeping, until I achieve a greater constancy in EE and exercises, in order to be more stable to regulate a greater intensity of my emotions.

I think diet is also very important. For now, I depend on the diet they have in this house, so I can only cut down on carbs and eat gluten-free.

Another factor that can have an influence is electromagnetic waves. I live downtown, so I'm full of them. Also, with homeworking and distance learning, there is more wifi working.

I hope my experience is useful to you.

 

[Pecha]

For the past few weeks, I've had feelings of unease, the kind where awareness feels "floaty" and not real. Today in particular was very emotional and felt like working through deeply lodged sadness and anger.

I was speaking with a friend and we both recounted feelings that point to something huge coming on the horizon, but can't pinpoint what exactly. It could be emanations of the Wave, almost like a precursor as you've pointed out Matthew. There's turbulence in the air!

 

[Yas]

Hello Matthew,

As you can see, you're not alone in feeling a bit more emotionally sensitive during these times. Things have been moving a lot out in the world and with lockdowns, uncertainty and unrest, it's normal to be feeling that way.

I think others have given you great advice already. I was just wondering, do you like singing? Singing also activates the vagus nerve and helps you feel grounded. It also helps you express some emotions. So maybe you can also sign along with some of your favorite tunes that are motivating and inspiring.

I agree with others that doing exercise is also good for more emotional balance. Have you tried the Arky Chu Gong routine already? This has been helping me a lot. You can also find other yoga exercises on the internet which you can try. I find that doing just a bit of movement combined with breathing makes me feel more grounded and calm.

I wonder... how is your social environment at the moment? Do you have friends or family with whom you can spend a good time, maybe have dinner, some tea, or just talk a bit?

 

[Ysus]

Hello Matthew,

Trying times and not easy on the emotions, that’s for sure.

I seem to remember the term "hyperkinetic sensate" used in connection with the Wave and emotions. I imagine is as the pressure of having to “feel everything at once”. How to stand that heat? An important part is probably vigorous and painstaking work through one’s personal life story and all the related pains and joys one has suffered and enjoyed and as many of the pains and joys one has “caused” others, and, perhaps, any suffering (but also kindness) conceivable (oneself and one's dynamics with others in former incarnations? Walking in all the moccasins, giving everyone his/her due).

Solid alignment with the life affirming forces and a striving for objective, less distorted seeing, understanding and applying may be our surest bet and preparation. Depending on one’s type, expressing one’s emotions on paper (writing about them, stories, poems, mind storming etc.) or singing or other creative outlets, may also be a way of understanding them better or at least letting off some charge in a constructive way. I often resort to non-linear or perhaps "reduced linear" writing in combination with drawing (doodles/scribbles).

Wishing you well.

 

[SlipNet]

Hi Matthew, loads of good advice on this thread. I'd second the idea of going for long walks. I went for a 1hr walk on Sunday 'cos I was feeling crappy and anxious, and it sorted me out in no time. It was really humid round here, and I could just feel like I had to be outdoors for a while. Do you have access within walking distance to a park of some sort?

I can also relate to emotional shutdown issues. I did this as a kid too, about 12-13 I think it kicked in, and I didn't even realise I'd done it until I was in my early 30's. I could scarcely recognise myself for so many months as old emotions kept resurfacing. It was like being two people at once. In fact, I'd say I'm still amalgamating these new/old states even today. I was a very sensitive kid but thankfully I had robust interests like football and horror films, so I kinda toughened up quickly in my teens, but the little kid was still within me, this is what I didn't realise at the time. I think it's natural to have little i's that are different from one another in their interests and composition, Gurdjieff and Ouspensky wrote at length about this.

Without wishing to state the obvious, but I'd recommend bacon and eggs followed by a smooth smoke too to stabilise your mood. Always works for me, maybe I'm a simple machine, lol. Perhaps also you could work on a journal, noting anything down which seems pertinent is a great little habit to pick up. I still have my old journals from the 00's and they're a fascinating read sometimes, it's fun tracking how you've developed over the years.

In short, I don't see sensitivity as a negative state, but it's important how you respond to it, because it can cause negative follow-ons. My take on the work has long been to connect my thoughts with my feelings (they don't always correspond in my case), but I hesitate to advise you on this because your take on the work is likely more advanced than mine at this point. Take care mate and always pay attention to what your mind is telling you, you never know how valuable that info could be.

 

[3DStudent]

I almost want to quit my job and do nothing but read and sleep for a week or two.

I know that feeling. I feel like I at least need a week's vacation. To rest and rejuvenate, but also do some practical things and tie up loose ends.

I've had my ups and downs during lockdown, and currently feel pretty hopeful and like I've gotten over a bad phase. We are slowly returning to work, mixed with working from home, so it has my spirits up. It does feel like there's something in the air, and the hyperkinetic sensate is amplifying things.

I had an emotional release in the beginning of June when the riots were happening. Sort of like fear for my and my family's life, but also despair for humanity. It was helpful, because I hadn't cried significantly for what seems at least 9 months if not a year or more. Even lockdown was like a slow inconvenient drain, like a thousand papercuts. But it adds up and things returning to at least "functional" makes me feel a bit better.

If you're too stressed or emotional skip beatha when doing EE. I'll look to the past few days before my last EE session and if there are emotions I know I would not like amplified, I just skip beatha. That way they are processed in a more gentle way. Something I do is I forget to listen to music. When I go to work I will have podcasts and the radio to listen to, along with my own music. Maybe check out the new thread FRV Songs or What are you listening to?

I second Yas's post on singing. I will just hum these days if I'm in a good mood. If you're a percussive person you can also beatbox. Just start out simple and your mouth will start doing interesting and more complex things when muscle memory sets in.

I was sensitive as a kid too, and I didn't like horror and violent movies or games. But then I became numb as a teenager and I lost that emotional connection. So maybe this is a way that we're slowly recovering our lost emotional landscape. Take care and hang in there.

 

[SlipNet]

I was sensitive as a kid too, and I didn't like horror and violent movies or games. But then I became numb as a teenager and I lost that emotional connection. So maybe this is a way that we're slowly recovering our lost emotional landscape.

This pretty well resonates with me. Numb is a very illustrative word. I just noticed so many teenagers trying oh so hard to pass themselves off as young adults. Just because they'd discovered sex. Ridiculous! I thought they were sad at the time, late 80's and early 90's, a pre-internet age, so we observed each other more succintly. I noticed that I had to hide myself in some unusual way, or people would find me childish.

I loved football and Sega games at this point, while my peers and friends in school were discovering adult pursuits. I felt like a different species of being at this time. Then my emotional centre kicked in at age 17 and finally I understood, lol. I remember going to a bar in Stratford-Upon_Avon in 1993. My mates were super confident ordering beers at the bar, lager tops all round! I was 17, and didn't feel confident in ordering, so I went without. But I marvelled at how cocksure my contemporaries were! By 1994 I was living in London and ordering beers as a matter of course! It's amazing how quickly you grow up between 16-19. Then adult life dawns around you and you begin to learn of responsibility.

It still fascinates me how the emotional centre gets shut out during these formative years. Just what do we lose in this period? And what extra work do we have to do in later years once we realise this mistake? So much to think about....

 

[Heather]

Oh, just to add, Matthew: the reason I brought up the feeling of "ungroundedness" is that when you're ungrounded, it's a little like being a leaf blowing this way and that; you feel delicate and emotional, and not solid in yourself, which seems to relate to what you're saying. So, anything that can get you grounded again, and feeling solid, is what I'm recommending.

I see you're around, Matthew. I just wanted to add, I've been going on long walks recently with my husband due to the lock down situation and have been finding that to be very grounding as well. By many accounts, walking really is the best exercise, both physically and emotionally speaking.

 

[Cordillera]

As I told you before, I practice Taichi and Qigong. I recommend these practices if you want to do exercises that harmonize body, mind and spirit.

I don't want to bore you by explaining their benefits as a home seller, because there are many alternatives (like the many types of yoga). Everyone should look for the alternative that serves them best or that resonates with them the most.

I just want to mention that most Qigong exercises are done standing up and the most important thing is not the static posture, but the movement. It emphasizes rooting, balance and centering. It mainly works the circulation of energy in the body, but it is not magic: it is the effect of having worked before on the regulation of the body, the breath and the mind. I have been working on this for 10 years and I am still working on the material part. Maybe in 4D or in 50 years more practicing, I can feel that I am really working the energy at will.

This whole introduction was because I remembered that a beloved teacher of Qigong and Traditional Chinese Medicine is offering a free class this Sunday. I must say that she is an extraordinary person, an outstanding martial artist and an exceptional teacher.

If you are interested, I leave the information here, as I am sure it can serve people who need to do some physical exercise and have not found the discipline that suits their needs.

Spoiler: Español

Como les he dicho anteriormente, practico Taichi y Qigong. Recomiendo estas prácticas si quieres hacer ejercicios que armonicen cuerpo, mente y espíritu.

No los quiero aburrir explicando sus beneficios como un vendedor a domicilio, porque hay muchas alternativas (como los muchos tipos de yoga). Cada uno debe buscar la alternativa que más le sirva o con la que más resuene.

Solo quiero mencionar que la mayoría de los ejercicios de Qigong se hacen de pie y lo más importante no es la postura estática, sino que el movimiento. Pone énfasis en el enraizamiento, el equilibrio y el centramiento. Principalmente, trabaja la circulación de la energía en el cuerpo, pero no es magia: es el efecto de haber trabajado antes la regulación del cuerpo, la respiración y la mente. Llevo 10 años en esto y sigo trabajando la parte material. Quizás en 4D o en 50 años más practicando, pueda sentir que realmente estoy trabajando la energía a voluntad.

Toda esta introducción era porque recordé que una querida maestra de Qigong y Medicina Tradicional China está ofreciendo una clase gratuita este domingo. Debo decir que es una persona extraordinaria, una destacada artista marcial y una profesora excepcional.

Si te interesa, dejo acá la información, ya que estoy seguro que puede servir a las personas que necesitan hacer algún ejercicio físico y no han encontrado la disciplina que se adecue a sus necesidades.

 

[Nico]

Hello Matthew
All the advices I think about were given. I too feel strong negatives emotions in these times, and it does make it really hard to seek a job (in feeling motivated and sure of myself), but I think having responsibility is really a must in nowadays as it ground yourself on reality in a powerful practical way.

Scorpio is the 'sorcerer' type which transform all unwanted sexual energies into beautiful thing, it might be quite hard for you to feel that way but Laura said the roses is growing better on manure, in the chapter 12 of the wave vol 2 ;). Scorpio is also engaged in relationship with others at a deep emotional level, so maybe you can find the healthiest friend you have and take a break with him/her.

Fwiw

 

[Ketone Cop]

Over the last few weeks, I have been feeling very emotionally sensitive and delicate. At first, I thought that it might be due to the E.E. I have been doing. Then I wondered if it was due to the current world situation i.e. Covid-19 and the widespread unrest of the George Floyd/BLM situation. I have been very saddened by the state of the world but I was also wondering if I was 'tuning into' the collective consciousness of the world's population which is likely feeling the effects of the Wave and the cosmic influences happening now even if most are not consciously aware of that. However, a few days ago I read the E.E. Guide/FAQ thread and noted the C's comment about hyperkinetic sensate:



I am not sure if it is possible to pin why I am feeling this way down exactly but thought I would share anyway. Perhaps some of you have been feeling like this too and/or have your own thoughts on this.

I should say that in astrological terms my Sun is in Scorpio so as a water sign I tend to relate to reality through emotions rather than the mind (air), material reality (earth) or action (fire). As a child I would feel emotions so deeply and intensely that it was overwhelming and as a coping mechanism I disengaged from them so I didn't feel anything at all. Years later I realised that I was emotionless, had forgotten this disengagement and wondered what was wrong with me. In time I allowed myself to feel again and although I could still feel very deeply and intensely it was nothing like I am experiencing now. I am feeling very emotionally sensitive and vulnerable like a terribly delicate flower and it's pretty much constant. I'm really not sure what to make of it so shall be interested to see the insight some of you may have.

Hi Matthew,

I totally relate to what you are going through. I, too, have been feeling like something massive is about to happen on a global scale. In fact, as events started escalating early this year I have often had visions just before going to sleep, like movies, showing scenes that haven't happened yet in real life but that seem as if they happened before and I'm here again to watch them occur in real time. I don't know how else to describe it, but I feel like I've been through this rodeo before...or, something nefarious is "beaming" their preferred reality into my head to try to make it real for them by believing it will happen. Or, maybe I simply didn't soak my beans long enough and I'm not getting enough exercise.

When this stuff happens I mentally clear it, and do some breathing exercises. But you have already been given a lot of good advice here, and some of it I will take on as well. Thanks everyone for your input here, it is valuable.

(BTW Matthew: I went through a lot of the same stuff as a kid. I have shared some of that in the swamp. Take care, and thanks for sharing, and for your support.)

 

[duyunne]

Hi Matthew,

I totally relate to what you are going through. I, too, have been feeling like something massive is about to happen on a global scale. In fact, as events started escalating early this year I have often had visions just before going to sleep, like movies, showing scenes that haven't happened yet in real life but that seem as if they happened before and I'm here again to watch them occur in real time. I don't know how else to describe it, but I feel like I've been through this rodeo before...or, something nefarious is "beaming" their preferred reality into my head to try to make it real for them by believing it will happen. Or, maybe I simply didn't soak my beans long enough and I'm not getting enough exercise.

When this stuff happens I mentally clear it, and do some breathing exercises. But you have already been given a lot of good advice here, and some of it I will take on as well. Thanks everyone for your input here, it is valuable.

(BTW Matthew: I went through a lot of the same stuff as a kid. I have shared some of that in the swamp. Take care, and thanks for sharing, and for your support.)

I get that too with the flashes of scenes and human randomness. It almost seems like a mulch of home video and movie footage. I’ve been getting it usually when I’m exhausted or worn out and it was first noticed when I lived in NB back in 2009. The phenomenon had increased lately since 2016. I have myself suspected it of being some part of beaming or HARP related pollution.

 

[duyunne]

I get that too with the flashes of scenes and human randomness. It almost seems like a mulch of home video and movie footage. I’ve been getting it usually when I’m exhausted or worn out and it was first noticed when I lived in NB back in 2009. The phenomenon had increased lately since 2016. I have myself suspected it of being some part of beaming or HARP related pollution.

Another thing it reminds me of was when I worked in forestry as a teen. Before bed in my tent, all I could see were horseflies, mosquitos and black flies flickering in and out of my minds eye much the same way (this was back in 1998/1999) so it could just be a residual stress reaction that the body does when it’s winding down into sleep.

 

[Starshine]

Hi Matthew, I totally relate to your feelings too. It sure is a roller coaster globally and has been reflected personally too at this point. EE is a lifesaver. This forum too. Great advices given that I'll keep in mind.

I am feeling very emotionally sensitive and vulnerable like a terribly delicate flower and it's pretty much constant. I'm really not sure what to make of it so shall be interested to see the insight some of you may have.

There are roots to this flower, let's not forget it.

Session Date: 10 May 2014
[...]
Q: (L) Yeah, but everybody's got wounds and issues and all that kind of thing to work on. I mean...

A: [letters come very quickly] Balance! A portion of a day can be spent on reflection, but not too much. This is the Wetiko Virus: obsession with the self and subjective personal issues. The next time you feel yourself slipping into despair, just tell others how you are feeling and think of something you can do for another to prevent them from suffering the same feelings. [letters come more slowly now:] Thus you will witness the birth of true empathy. [...]

Faced with my own sensitivity and vulnerability, I sense that the way out of this has to be physical this time, while praying to be stronger. I sense that I have to get stronger.
Weight training and cold showers to toughen the spirit seem to be the most appropriate tools for me now.
I've been to the Ocean recently too. Had a swim in a little rocky creek we love. That is pure joy to me.
I decided to give Kettlebell training a serious try, for various reasons.

Swing to Win – Kettlebell Swings Better Than Olympic Lifts? - Breaking Muscle

Olympic weightlifting derivatives have long been hailed as the apex exercises for power training in strength and conditioning. There’s now evidence that’s probably wrong. For most people, most of the time, a simple kettlebell swing is a better power movement than any Olympic lift derivative...

breakingmuscle.com

That brings awareness back in the roots of the flower.
Thank you for sharing. Let's ride this wave.

 

[kenlee]

Over the last few weeks, I have been feeling very emotionally sensitive and delicate. At first, I thought that it might be due to the E.E. I have been doing. Then I wondered if it was due to the current world situation i.e. Covid-19 and the widespread unrest of the George Floyd/BLM situation. I have been very saddened by the state of the world but I was also wondering if I was 'tuning into' the collective consciousness of the world's population which is likely feeling the effects of the Wave and the cosmic influences happening now even if most are not consciously aware of that. However, a few days ago I read the E.E. Guide/FAQ thread and noted the C's comment about hyperkinetic sensate:

Hi Matthew. One thing you might also want to try along with the excellent advice already given is to stop watching the mind numbing liberal news. I can't watch it at all now. It makes me depressed and ill. Before it made me continuously angry but as a prizefighter once said (to paraphrase) seething anger internalized (without outlet) destroys the vessel that contains it.