Feeling very emotionally sensitised recently

[FrankM4326754]

Hi Matthew,

I can relate and in addition to the great advice offered by many already, the outlets that work for me is gardening/yard work, breathing exercises, physical activity, and writing and sharing poetry on this forum. When emotions start bubbling up as they do

Reading and watching various sources to keep up to date on everything that’s going on in the world takes its toll. I try not to be discouraged given the current state of our world by reminding myself it’s always darkest before dawn.

No matter what happens I try to keep the chin up and eyes wide open, have faith and hope for a better tomorrow and pray that we’re able to ground ourselves in reason and fairness with each other.

FWIW you’re not alone my friend. Wishing you a healthy path to find what best works for you.

 

[Gwenllian]

Thank you for starting this thread, Matthew! I think it is really good of you to network about this and I am pretty sure it will help others who are also struggling with their emotions in these challenging times.

What has helped me considerably these past few months is just ordinary house work and garden work (as Frank said), the more ordinary the better.

I have even tackled my attic and garage, sorting and clearing out stuff and so on, so now I know exactly what I have got lying around which I could use for barter if need be. I have also been making other preparations for the future, like canning meat and doing some shopping, bit by bit, step by step. I have found that when I am involved in such activities it calms the mind as I am focused on the future in a positive way.

These times also give me the opportunity to process all kinds of things, or a chance to train my mental muscles if you will, e.g. how to deal with frustration, uncertainty, the unknown, hysterical people etc.

The SOTT MIndMatters shows also help me not to lose sight of the bigger picture, which is crucial IMO. Having aims and developing our PaleoChristian/Pauline values keeps us sane.

Although books like Sebastian Haffner's Defying Hitler and Daniel Defoe's A Journal of the Plague Year are not an easy read, emotionally speaking I mean, these books also help me understand and connect some of the dots and develop more compassion for our forebears and what they had to go through. Take care, Matthew.

 

[Matthew]

Bless you all for your wonderful replies. I apologise for not replying before but I have been preoccupied this week with a personal relationship matter that has resulted in me working through some issues rather nicely. The emotional ultra sensitivity has passed and I am feeling stronger and more settled than I have in weeks, if not months.

In hindsight, I realise that I have had periods of this emotional ultra sensitivity before. I have been reading some of Laura’s books recently. She talks about viewing the events of life symbolically and using that perspective to work through issues. This is something that I have intuitively done throughout my life and it was during such intense inner work that I have had the emotional ultra sensitivity before. This time though it wasn’t just a narrow focus on my issues but was more of a feeling of pain for the whole world. Everyone on the planet is being affected by cosmic forces now so I don’t think that it’s implausible that one might tune into that.

Before when I worked through issues I was on my own. Now I have a group of like-minded people to share with who are unfailingly kind and generous with their support and input. I consider myself most fortunate to be amongst you . Much love and gratitude to you all.

 

[liam1310]

For me taking time away from the madness has helped a lot and writing playing guitar. Spend time in the woods light a fire cook some food and just listen to nature. If possible Before breakfast do some excercise. One excercise I'd recommend doing is get yourself a 16kg kettlebell look up on YouTube Turkish get ups really good full body workout 10 Get ups total 5 each side. Only takes 10-20 min when starting off a lot less time when you master the technique. Set a goal start with 16kg for a few weeks until your used to the weight then move up to 20kg and repeat the goal is to reach 32kg. As others mentioned watch the carbs eat some bacon and eggs after excercise try fasting if your not already. As the Cs said roller coaster, our emotions will be all over the place. It's important to manage ourselves things are only gonna get more intense as the show goes on. Keep in mind Cs said it will pass when that is, who knows, the important thing is to keep moving forward try new things, look after ourselves physically emotionally and spiritually. Another thing I've done in the past is get a pencil sheet of paper and draw something anything it doesn't matter the idea is to get out of the mind. Someone mentioned singing, that's something I do stick on some music sing and dance in the apartment, laugh at yourself it's fun. From all the great advise hopefuly you find something that works for you. Your not alone in how your feeling. Your here for a reason so get on and keep getting on. Best of luck.

 

[Mari]

Dear Matthew,

The emotional ultra sensitivity has passed and I am feeling stronger and more settled than I have in weeks, if not months.

I´m very happy to hear you are better.
You´ve received a lot of excellent advices already and I can only share what gives me push in these crazy days.

My feelings are similar to yours nowadays.

I´ve got pretty "loosely" trough the "corona crisis" - I was occupied with my job and teaching my kids at home.
And since I like being at home and since I´m not religiously reading/watching MSM, I wasn´t scared or depressed, more pi*** off because of all that scam.

But just as these riots began, we had a death case in my family, which I will write about when my emotions settle down (I still don´t know from where to begin).
And then these riots and BLM really took a swing - and I feel like I´ve fallen in a pit.
Still feeling a big hole and I´m kinda also scared of the whole situation I´m in right now and on top of that seeing what is going around me in the world just gets to me.

First what I´ve figured out (ever since corona-scam) is how good decision was to quit FB over a year ago.
As I don´t watch TV much, that really got me "off the grid" and away from toxic influences.
Now days especially. It is really easy to get swallowed with all these MSM and people on social networks...

The second thing that is keeping me alive these days, are forum reading workshops who pushed me to read The Wave again.
I´ve read it over 10 years ago, but now re-reading it and learning from the people on the forum gave me another dimension.
Plus, The Wave is HIGHLY contagious - once you start, you cannot stop reading.
I found so many things there that reflect my current state of mind and so many answers that help me cope with things.

I also had a thought that this all stuff that happened to me lately is another control mechanism that is trying to push me out of balance since neither corona-business didn´t and neither I´m falling for this BLM lie.
Maybe you also had some recent event in your life, it might be subtle, but it tried to push you out of balance as well....

And lastly; I´ve noticed that as I´ve moved and don´t have so many contacts with people - I actually like that now. I miss my brother and parents but I also see it as I moved away from toxic persons, physically and digitally. I´ve always thought of myself as people-person, but now I see that most of my life I was hanging with "wrong" people.


So, just a few thoughts from me
Keep doing well and stay strong!

 

[Matthew]

I have just re-read this thread and there are so many posts I would reply to but will restrict myself to only a few for the sake of brevity. Please be assured, however, that everyone's contribution has been very much appreciated and helpful.

{...}I've had moments of panic lately given all that's going on around us. I've had the sinking sense that "all is lost." It's very ungrounding. For that reason, I think it's good to take some time away from the internet sometimes, and the news, and if possible, it's helpful to be around nature as well.{....}

(Emphasis mine)

That is precisely how I felt at the start of the C-19 Lockdown. I felt overwhelming anxiety that the end times were coming too soon and that I still had too much work to do before the end and would not be able to get it all done in time. For a start, I wouldn't be able to get through all the books in the recommended reading list! Fortunately, I managed to work through that and am now at peace that the end is coming. What is happening is a natural process and I have no idea where life will choose to place me when the end comes, whether 3D, 4D or 5D. The C's advocate that we rejoice at what is coming because it will mean a fresh start. Bring it on! These 300,000 odd years of 3D STS has been so hard for all of us so I welcome a change. I know we chose that but even so, a new paradigm shall be most welcome. Fingers crossed I get to enjoy the 4D STO version!

{....}I was speaking with a friend and we both recounted feelings that point to something huge coming on the horizon, but can't pinpoint what exactly. It could be emanations of the Wave, almost like a precursor as you've pointed out Matthew. There's turbulence in the air!

Yes, it's like feeling that the mother of all storms is coming.

{....}I had an emotional release in the beginning of June when the riots were happening. Sort of like fear for my and my family's life, but also despair for humanity.{....}

(emphasis mine)

Yes, this was what I had been feeling more than anything when I posted this thread. I have worked through that now and come to accept that the Great Sorting Hat of Life™ shall place all of us appropriately.

{....}Scorpio is the 'sorcerer' type which transform all unwanted sexual energies into beautiful thing, it might be quite hard for you to feel that way but Laura said the roses is growing better on manure, in the chapter 12 of the wave vol 2 ;). Scorpio is also engaged in relationship with others at a deep emotional level, so maybe you can find the healthiest friend you have and take a break with him/her.

Thank you for that. I did not know or had forgotten that about 'Scorpio'. I studied astrology for a bit when I was younger but don't remember too much now. More on your last comment at the end of this post!

{....}I, too, have been feeling like something massive is about to happen on a global scale.{....}

Yes. A large part of me originally posting this thread was the thought that others (especially here) were likely to be feeling similar things to me and it would be good for them to know that they are not alone. Your post among many others ITT just tells me that I was right to have that instinct. This Forum has given me so much over the last few years and while I may feel that my contributions here are in no way adequate recompense for that it is very heartening to get such a positive response to what I am able to offer.

Hi Matthew. One thing you might also want to try along with the excellent advice already given is to stop watching the mind numbing liberal news. I can't watch it at all now. It makes me depressed and ill. Before it made me continuously angry but as a prizefighter once said (to paraphrase) seething anger internalized (without outlet) destroys the vessel that contains it.

I am almost completely unplugged from MSM and haven't read a newspaper or watched television for many years (apart from a brief flirtation when I moved into my flat a couple of years ago. That didn't last long though as I couldn't stand the constant adverts brainwashing). I get almost all my world news from here and SOTT. Of MSM websites I look at the BBC website once a day but that's only to see what the latest propaganda is to 'know thy enemy'. I don't Facebook and only use Twitter in a minimal sense to follow a few sources who use it. Of course, it is impossible to completely avoid the propaganda as it is omnipresent but thanks to here and SOTT my 'Spider Senses' are very alive to it.

{.....}I wasn´t scared or depressed, more pi*** off because of all that scam.

But just as these riots began, we had a death case in my family, which I will write about when my emotions settle down (I still don´t know from where to begin).

That's how I felt early on with the C-19 Lockdown. I just felt overwhelming rage at the dishonesty and injustice of it all. I had to step back from following it because the more I read the more incensed I became and I genuinely thought I might have a Stroke or Aneurism. Now, thankfully, I am much calmer and pretty much sitting back and enjoying the show and getting on with my life whilst minimising the effect it is having on me.

I am sorry for your loss . I hope that things are very much better for you now.

Nico said:

Scorpio is also engaged in relationship with others at a deep emotional level, so maybe you can find the healthiest friend you have and take a break with him/her.

and I promised to comment on this.

I have been feeling bereft of physical affection during the Lockdown. I have not been able to see my parents since the Lockdown started and have not seen any of my 'gentlemen friends'. Fortunately, however, I should be able to see my parents before too long and suspect that I shall give them just the biggest hugs. Furthermore, I have been feeling a strong desire to connect with someone on a deep emotional level as Nico said. I changed the wording on my profiles on a few online dating sites I still have to reflect this. To my surprise I got an instant response from one man. It was someone who had contacted me previously a couple of years ago but it had not gone well. I had just lost my platonic partner of many years and had all his affairs to deal with together with having to move. I was in no real state for a new relationship then.

My initial instinct was to write him off because of how things had gone between us before. However, I decided that I would give it a chance to work rather than being risk-averse. I say this because after I had my Breakdown in 1999 I had pretty much shut myself off from the outside world as much as I could as a coping mechanism while I tried to put myself together again. There were many very dark years since then and I was a virtual hermit who was loathe to leave the house because I found that distressing and it was all just too much. In recent times, however, I have been trying to engage more with life and not shut it out as the C's advocate. I did not want to become a 'dream in the past'. So I took the attitude that times had changed since I was originally in contact with this man and that I had come a long way and was ready for a very close relationship. I replied on that basis and decided to see how it went.

Initially, the signs were good. He was interested in a very close relationship rather than the casual 'no strings attached' involvement favoured by many on such dating sites. I was very excited and thought that I might have the chance at love again after 30 years of effectively being single. However, the longer we corresponded online (he is in full lockdown due to an underlying health condition) more and more red flags started popping up. I noticed that we kept going over and over the same ground and never seemed to come to a resolution. He seemed to be unable of understanding what I was saying and kept misinterpreting what I was saying. I flatter myself that I am fairly competent at expressing myself through text and I began to feel like I was in a dialogue with a robot.

The big issue, however, was with regard to sexual appetite. He said that he has a very strong sexual appetite and I have to be honest that I do not. I was very active when I was younger in that regard but in recent years I really don't have much, if any interest in it. A nice kiss and cuddle with lots of affection, yes, but sex? Meh. If I was in a very close relationship based on love, affection and mutual respect then I think it could work but this discrepancy made me wonder if we were at all well suited. He sent me an e-mail along those lines and while I was giving a lot of careful thought about how to reply he sent another e-mail saying that as he had not heard from me he took it that I was no longer interested. A bit hasty, I thought. I replied that I was still thinking about it but I shared his concerns. I then said that although things had been difficult between us for a couple of days I wanted him to know that I wanted the best for him but was sad that I was unsure that I was right for him. He then sent me a most unpleasant e-mail which I shall not elucidate here. Suffice it to say, he is no gentleman!

The lovely thing though is that it was a huge relief. I had become so pre-occupied with this burgeoning 'relationship' that it had pretty much dominated my thinking for more than two weeks. Once he made it abundantly clear that he was not right for me it felt like I had got my life back. I did not reply to his petulant e-mail that would have been suited more to a jilted teenager than a man in his 60s as I didn't see any point in it. He has since sent another message saying that I should change my profile picture (which is the same as my avatar here) as 'it didn't do me any favours' .

I have to think that I dodged a bullet there! If I had allowed myself to be drawn into a relationship with him I think that I would have been vectored away from the path I really wish to be on. I still would like a very close relationship but not the one he was offering, that's for sure! The nice thing is that I don't feel discouraged by my decision to engage more with life. Quite the opposite. A lot of good has come out of this experience, I think. Perhaps life will be kind and bring me someone who is co-linear with me. I hope so. In any case, it's time to get back to doing what is in front of me and giving each thing its due.

Much love to all .

 

[ZIA]

I think we can all thank you Matthew for initiating this thread !
As you can see we're all feeling the same emotions at this time. We have different ways of translating or expressing them but we can say that we are connected in some way.
I don't have a lot to add to what has been said, only good advice that you should make your own according to what you feel. Sport, meditation, writing, singing, etc.... Everything is subject to calm our soul
I would like to thank everyone for opening their hearts and sharing their emotions.
I feel this beautiful connection that crosses the world from side to side.
It is by helping each other that we move towards our common quest: PEACE OF SOUL.

Take care of yourself

 

[Heather]

I have just re-read this thread and there are so many posts I would reply to but will restrict myself to only a few for the sake of brevity. Please be assured, however, that everyone's contribution has been very much appreciated and helpful.



(Emphasis mine)

That is precisely how I felt at the start of the C-19 Lockdown. I felt overwhelming anxiety that the end times were coming too soon and that I still had too much work to do before the end and would not be able to get it all done in time. For a start, I wouldn't be able to get through all the books in the recommended reading list! Fortunately, I managed to work through that and am now at peace that the end is coming. What is happening is a natural process and I have no idea where life will choose to place me when the end comes, whether 3D, 4D or 5D. The C's advocate that we rejoice at what is coming because it will mean a fresh start. Bring it on! These 300,000 odd years of 3D STS has been so hard for all of us so I welcome a change. I know we chose that but even so, a new paradigm shall be most welcome. Fingers crossed I get to enjoy the 4D STO version!



Yes, it's like feeling that the mother of all storms is coming.



(emphasis mine)

Yes, this was what I had been feeling more than anything when I posted this thread. I have worked through that now and come to accept that the Great Sorting Hat of Life™ shall place all of us appropriately.



Thank you for that. I did not know or had forgotten that about 'Scorpio'. I studied astrology for a bit when I was younger but don't remember too much now. More on your last comment at the end of this post!



Yes. A large part of me originally posting this thread was the thought that others (especially here) were likely to be feeling similar things to me and it would be good for them to know that they are not alone. Your post among many others ITT just tells me that I was right to have that instinct. This Forum has given me so much over the last few years and while I may feel that my contributions here are in no way adequate recompense for that it is very heartening to get such a positive response to what I am able to offer.



I am almost completely unplugged from MSM and haven't read a newspaper or watched television for many years (apart from a brief flirtation when I moved into my flat a couple of years ago. That didn't last long though as I couldn't stand the constant adverts brainwashing). I get almost all my world news from here and SOTT. Of MSM websites I look at the BBC website once a day but that's only to see what the latest propaganda is to 'know thy enemy'. I don't Facebook and only use Twitter in a minimal sense to follow a few sources who use it. Of course, it is impossible to completely avoid the propaganda as it is omnipresent but thanks to here and SOTT my 'Spider Senses' are very alive to it.



That's how I felt early on with the C-19 Lockdown. I just felt overwhelming rage at the dishonesty and injustice of it all. I had to step back from following it because the more I read the more incensed I became and I genuinely thought I might have a Stroke or Aneurism. Now, thankfully, I am much calmer and pretty much sitting back and enjoying the show and getting on with my life whilst minimising the effect it is having on me.

I am sorry for your loss . I hope that things are very much better for you now.

Nico said:
and I promised to comment on this.

I have been feeling bereft of physical affection during the Lockdown. I have not been able to see my parents since the Lockdown started and have not seen any of my 'gentlemen friends'. Fortunately, however, I should be able to see my parents before too long and suspect that I shall give them just the biggest hugs. Furthermore, I have been feeling a strong desire to connect with someone on a deep emotional level as Nico said. I changed the wording on my profiles on a few online dating sites I still have to reflect this. To my surprise I got an instant response from one man. It was someone who had contacted me previously a couple of years ago but it had not gone well. I had just lost my platonic partner of many years and had all his affairs to deal with together with having to move. I was in no real state for a new relationship then.

My initial instinct was to write him off because of how things had gone between us before. However, I decided that I would give it a chance to work rather than being risk-averse. I say this because after I had my Breakdown in 1999 I had pretty much shut myself off from the outside world as much as I could as a coping mechanism while I tried to put myself together again. There were many very dark years since then and I was a virtual hermit who was loathe to leave the house because I found that distressing and it was all just too much. In recent times, however, I have been trying to engage more with life and not shut it out as the C's advocate. I did not want to become a 'dream in the past'. So I took the attitude that times had changed since I was originally in contact with this man and that I had come a long way and was ready for a very close relationship. I replied on that basis and decided to see how it went.

Initially, the signs were good. He was interested in a very close relationship rather than the casual 'no strings attached' involvement favoured by many on such dating sites. I was very excited and thought that I might have the chance at love again after 30 years of effectively being single. However, the longer we corresponded online (he is in full lockdown due to an underlying health condition) more and more red flags started popping up. I noticed that we kept going over and over the same ground and never seemed to come to a resolution. He seemed to be unable of understanding what I was saying and kept misinterpreting what I was saying. I flatter myself that I am fairly competent at expressing myself through text and I began to feel like I was in a dialogue with a robot.

The big issue, however, was with regard to sexual appetite. He said that he has a very strong sexual appetite and I have to be honest that I do not. I was very active when I was younger in that regard but in recent years I really don't have much, if any interest in it. A nice kiss and cuddle with lots of affection, yes, but sex? Meh. If I was in a very close relationship based on love, affection and mutual respect then I think it could work but this discrepancy made me wonder if we were at all well suited. He sent me an e-mail along those lines and while I was giving a lot of careful thought about how to reply he sent another e-mail saying that as he had not heard from me he took it that I was no longer interested. A bit hasty, I thought. I replied that I was still thinking about it but I shared his concerns. I then said that although things had been difficult between us for a couple of days I wanted him to know that I wanted the best for him but was sad that I was unsure that I was right for him. He then sent me a most unpleasant e-mail which I shall not elucidate here. Suffice it to say, he is no gentleman!

The lovely thing though is that it was a huge relief. I had become so pre-occupied with this burgeoning 'relationship' that it had pretty much dominated my thinking for more than two weeks. Once he made it abundantly clear that he was not right for me it felt like I had got my life back. I did not reply to his petulant e-mail that would have been suited more to a jilted teenager than a man in his 60s as I didn't see any point in it. He has since sent another message saying that I should change my profile picture (which is the same as my avatar here) as 'it didn't do me any favours' .

I have to think that I dodged a bullet there! If I had allowed myself to be drawn into a relationship with him I think that I would have been vectored away from the path I really wish to be on. I still would like a very close relationship but not the one he was offering, that's for sure! The nice thing is that I don't feel discouraged by my decision to engage more with life. Quite the opposite. A lot of good has come out of this experience, I think. Perhaps life will be kind and bring me someone who is co-linear with me. I hope so. In any case, it's time to get back to doing what is in front of me and giving each thing its due.

Much love to all .

Hi Matthew. It's so nice to see how centered you are now. I hope you remain on that course, just as I hope I can do the same. It's sometimes a day to day struggle for me. I know the sorts of behaviors -- too much internet, for example -- that can have me feeling negative and unbalanced, but we don't always do what we "should" --especially with so much going on, and with the desire to "get to the bottom of it all."

Also, it sounds like you were able to push aside your doubts about the past, what you haven't yet accomplished, etc. As for me, I can feel so overwhelmed sometimes concerning all that I haven't yet accomplished, or concerning all the self criticism I have regarding some of the choices I've made, etc., that I feel I can understand what a remarkable achievement it is to arrive at a place where you can just take things as they come -- even if it seems like we're heading up the highest peak on a treacherous roller coaster just now (as @JEEP suggested a while back).

So, here's to keeping calm, centered, and at peace with things. And maybe the right "Mr. Right" will come along when you least expect it. Sometimes not trying to make something happen leads to something wonderfully unexpected.

My best to you,

Heather

 

[Gwenllian]

I have to think that I dodged a bullet there! If I had allowed myself to be drawn into a relationship with him I think that I would have been vectored away from the path I really wish to be on.

It certainly looks that way and I am glad that you recognised these red flags in time. As Laura said there is a programme for everyone and this could have been yours?

Although I understand your wish to be in a very close relationship ,more and more people around us are losing it. A dating site is still pretty anonymous and could spell trouble ahead. Why not focus on yourself and 'get back to doing what is in front of you and giving each thing its due' as you said?

Back in the day when I wanted a partner just for the sake of having a partner (it really didn't have anything to do with the person in question) I threw all caution to the wind and allowed certain people in my life, which made me very vulnerable to a few predators out there.

Perhaps you could focus on friendships for the time being, see if you can become a better friend to others (I am not saying you are not a good friend now) while remaining vigilant. Sometimes when we really want something certain blocks appear on our path, warning us of imminent problems. I am relieved that you kept your wits about you,

Thanks for sharing, Matthew and keep networking!

 

[Learner]

Thank you for starting this thread and for sharing your input, Matthew! And that goes for the input of others here as well! This thread is like a toolbox that can help us staying grounded while we are experiencing (and feeling) these rollercoaster times. I cannot add much, as everything I could say has been suggested already. What helped me of these (and still does) is EE, walks in nature, a good smoke, the forum, a good talk here and there, a cold shower, journaling, singing, and possibly a few more - everything with a centering effect and which helps calming the vagus nerve.

These times are certainly challenging us to deal with our deepest, undesired stuff - all that has been supressed and from what we've numbed ourselves or lost touch which. It seems to be a feature of the Wave to open up things inside to us in order to be able to work on them - while the earth is opening up in the context of earth changes, another feature of the Wave. And besides the rollercoaster effect, this process may also show us ways and means for solving things we've been gnawing at for ages. If we take according steps, the way will open up eventually (osit).

As to this guy, you can be lucky that you recognized the signs at the right time and were able to bypass an unhappy relationship. But good to read that you are letting the world in to you and "dancing" with it, so to say. And as Laura said, if you come to love the universe as it is, it will send you its representation of that love (if I remember correctly, that is).

Also, an aunt of mine once said rightly after I had graduated from Highschool: If you are true to yourself (without anticipation), then the "right person" (or complementary partner) will show up. Or like Caesar used to say, being true to your own nature and fear nothing. I think, if you just keep going your way, with growth in Knowledge and Being while clearing out all the old stuff and coming in touch with yourself in a true and authentic way (including emotions and all that), it could well happen that you will meet the representation of that love of the universe - however it may manifest.

So, all the best on your way and hope that you will be able to see and hug your parents soon.

 

[Cleo]

Hi, thanks for sharing and starting this thread Matthew. I remember feeling more sensitive emotionally as well around the same time that I believe you wrote your original post. Things seemed to have evened out this past week or 10 days or so.. I've also wondered how it might be related to the effects of the wave and hyperkinetic sensate..

I use to take singing lessons which really seemed to help, and lately I've been thinking about finding a voice teacher again. It helped ground me and I could sense where I was carrying tension. There were other health benefits as well such as improved mood.

EE is another great idea, as others here have mentioned as well as going on walks. Went on a short walk with a couple family members today and that also seemed to help.

Anyway, a lot of great ideas here..wish all the best to you and others here on the forum!

 

[3DStudent]

Hi Matthew,

I'm pretty calm now and accepting of things at the moment. So I will hold on to it but realize that it will not last, this being a roller-coaster. Yesterday I had a very sore jaw muscle that took a long time to massage out, so I'd mention to not forget body-mind connection awareness.

I recall it said a few times to be the best you in order to attract a partner, or asking yourself what do you have to give to another. Or something like, "Would I be my own partner?"

And they say you have to love your self first. This seems hard for me. I can love life well enough it seems. But that may be closer than I think, because you cannot detach the self from what one perceives as one's life. But I suppose knowing yourself and being good to yourself also counts a lot for loving yourself.

These times are certainly challenging us to deal with our deepest, undesired stuff - all that has been supressed and from what we've numbed ourselves or lost touch which. It seems to be a feature of the Wave to open up things inside to us in order to be able to work on them - while the earth is opening up in the context of earth changes, another feature of the Wave.

Thanks Learner. That's an interesting way to look at it. I've felt this to some extent. I think we're actually fortunate. No doubt there are things we've not looked at that are holding us back.

I use to take singing lessons which really seemed to help, and lately I've been thinking about finding a voice teacher again. It helped ground me and I could sense where I was carrying tension. There were other health benefits as well such as improved mood.

Singing helps me too, even just humming. I forget to sing and to listen to music sometimes. But you have to be in the right mood to sing, so it goes back to being good to yourself in the first place, so you don't have to force it.

 

[Matthew]

Well, I have been licking my wounds today. It has come as a surprise after feeling so positive about it yesterday. However, I suppose it is to be expected after I had let him into my heart. That was the first time I had allowed myself to do that with a man since my beloved in my mid 20s so that's 30 odd years. There have been men I have been fond of and even loved since then but not like that until this man. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad it happened as it did. Far better to find out that he was wrong for me now than later but I have been feeling battered today. Oh well, as JBP says I shall just have to pull myself together and pick up my damn cross. I rang my parents for a telephonic hug which helped and had a lovely, supportive message from my best friend whom I have known since I was 18. I had a wash which helped too and have been gentle with myself today, not expecting too much of myself.

Hi Matthew. It's so nice to see how centered you are now. I hope you remain on that course, just as I hope I can do the same. It's sometimes a day to day struggle for me. I know the sorts of behaviors -- too much internet, for example -- that can have me feeling negative and unbalanced, but we don't always do what we "should" --especially with so much going on, and with the desire to "get to the bottom of it all."

Ain't that the truth!

Also, it sounds like you were able to push aside your doubts about the past, what you haven't yet accomplished, etc. As for me, I can feel so overwhelmed sometimes concerning all that I haven't yet accomplished, or concerning all the self criticism I have regarding some of the choices I've made, etc., that I feel I can understand what a remarkable achievement it is to arrive at a place where you can just take things as they come -- even if it seems like we're heading up the highest peak on a treacherous roller coaster just now (as @JEEP suggested a while back).

I know that feeling all too well. That reflection and self-reflection can be a form of self-torture, I think. It's good for the soul though so try not to be discouraged by it. Work through it as best you can until you can be at peace with your past decisions and don't feel the need to beat yourself up over them anymore. It's excruciating but well worth it .

So, here's to keeping calm, centered, and at peace with things. And maybe the right "Mr. Right" will come along when you least expect it. Sometimes not trying to make something happen leads to something wonderfully unexpected.

My best to you,

Heather

That was how it was when I met my beloved in my mid 20s. Lightning can strike twice! At least that's what I hope is the case.

Why not focus on yourself and 'get back to doing what is in front of you and giving each thing its due' as you said?

Perhaps you could focus on friendships for the time being, see if you can become a better friend to others (I am not saying you are not a good friend now) while remaining vigilant. Sometimes when we really want something certain blocks appear on our path, warning us of imminent problems. I am relieved that you kept your wits about you,

Thanks for sharing, Matthew and keep networking!

I like both of those suggestions. They certainly seem to be a sensible approach. I shall continue my work on myself and get myself out and about in the world more. I could certainly do with making more friends. Time to find some hobbies that get me involved with new people, I think.

I certainly shall keep networking. Doing so makes me feel centred like reading C's transcripts does. It speaks to the real inner me if that makes sense.

These times are certainly challenging us to deal with our deepest, undesired stuff - all that has been supressed and from what we've numbed ourselves or lost touch which. It seems to be a feature of the Wave to open up things inside to us in order to be able to work on them - while the earth is opening up in the context of earth changes, another feature of the Wave. And besides the rollercoaster effect, this process may also show us ways and means for solving things we've been gnawing at for ages. If we take according steps, the way will open up eventually (osit).

You expressed that beautifully, thank you.

As to this guy, you can be lucky that you recognized the signs at the right time and were able to bypass an unhappy relationship. But good to read that you are letting the world in to you and "dancing" with it, so to say. And as Laura said, if you come to love the universe as it is, it will send you its representation of that love (if I remember correctly, that is).

When I was younger I had a period where I was able to do that. I felt really in tune with life. Everything seemed to just flow and work out without any effort or struggle on my part. It really did feel like I was dancing with life. That's great as it means that I know that that is possible for me. Working to get back to that state gives me something to aim for.

Also, an aunt of mine once said rightly after I had graduated from Highschool: If you are true to yourself (without anticipation), then the "right person" (or complementary partner) will show up. Or like Caesar used to say, being true to your own nature and fear nothing. I think, if you just keep going your way, with growth in Knowledge and Being while clearing out all the old stuff and coming in touch with yourself in a true and authentic way (including emotions and all that), it could well happen that you will meet the representation of that love of the universe - however it may manifest.

More good advice . As upset as I have been today I am glad that I did not allow myself to go along with something that felt wrong to make a relationship work with this man. To thyself be true is something that I have generally fallen back on in my life and I'm relieved that I did so again on this occasion.

So, all the best on your way and hope that you will be able to see and hug your parents soon.

I was hoping to see them in a week or so but apparently my father who is 90 has had a letter (from the UK government, I presume) saying that he should maintain his social distancing until the 1st of August . Oh well.

I use to take singing lessons which really seemed to help, and lately I've been thinking about finding a voice teacher again. It helped ground me and I could sense where I was carrying tension. There were other health benefits as well such as improved mood.

I hope that you do Cleo; that sounds like a great idea for you.

Yesterday I had a very sore jaw muscle that took a long time to massage out, so I'd mention to not forget body-mind connection awareness.

I had a tight jaw yesterday too. Interesting.

I recall it said a few times to be the best you in order to attract a partner, or asking yourself what do you have to give to another. Or something like, "Would I be my own partner?"

And they say you have to love your self first. This seems hard for me. I can love life well enough it seems. But that may be closer than I think, because you cannot detach the self from what one perceives as one's life. But I suppose knowing yourself and being good to yourself also counts a lot for loving yourself.

Yet more good advice

I feel better for getting that off my chest . I know I say this a lot but God, I love this forum and all the wonderful people here . I feel so fortunate to be part of such an incredible bunch of people whom I admire and value so much.

 

[Heather]

Well, I have been licking my wounds today. It has come as a surprise after feeling so positive about it yesterday. However, I suppose it is to be expected after I had let him into my heart. That was the first time I had allowed myself to do that with a man since my beloved in my mid 20s so that's 30 odd years. There have been men I have been fond of and even loved since then but not like that until this man. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad it happened as it did. Far better to find out that he was wrong for me now than later but I have been feeling battered today. Oh well, as JBP says I shall just have to pull myself together and pick up my damn cross. I rang my parents for a telephonic hug which helped and had a lovely, supportive message from my best friend whom I have known since I was 18. I had a wash which helped too and have been gentle with myself today, not expecting too much of myself.

So sorry you're feeling battered today, Matthew. Still, it makes sense. You made up your mind to do what you felt best regarding this person, and now you are processing that decision emotionally.

"Not expecting too much of myself" is key for me when I'm feeling emotionally wounded, or even just under the weather. So, just keep as you're doing, staying strong, but going easy on yourself.

I've got to get out walking again, myself. That was really helping me.

Oh, and thank you for the emoticon hug -- very sweet!

 

[Heather]

... by the way, I'm a big proponent of chicken soup -- even in the summertime -- which I make in a pressure cooker. Very healthy, but also very soothing.